Spanking your kids yes or no?

ldrosophila

So the boyfriend and I got in an argument he thinks spanking has its place in raising children and I consider it a form a corporal punishment possibly abuse if the parents aren't in control with no real value teaches aggression, violence, and one study I read said there may be some relation to lower IQ. We were both spanked as children, and my Mom used to carry a wooden spoon I her purse to make us behave. What are your thoughts?

P.S.-if this is too much of a controversial subject you can lock it mods I was just curious.

F00LofaT00K

P.S.-if this is too much of a controversial subject you can lock it mods I was just curious.

It is. I asked something similar once and people got nasty REEEAAAL quick.

RyanJK85

ETA: Ill sit this one out :explode:

adblanche

Controlled studies have shown that spanking can be correlated with increased violent behavior in children as well as lack of emotional regulation. It also shows positive correlation with mental health issues and substance abuse in adults.

Time has a good run-down, but there are many more studies in sociology and psychology that show the same thing. A lot of this is because children don't often have the emotional maturity to understand that they are being hit not out of anger, but as a punishment, and thus perpetuate the behavior to others. This is obviously a suboptimal outcome.

Also, it's not proven that spanking is a more effective form of punishment grounding or time out or deprivation of privileges.

PS: Someone saying "I was spanked as a child and am fine" is not a logically sound counter to controlled or even observational studies. These account for people on average, but cannot explain every individual case. (But if you know something is bad on average, it's pretty blatantly irresponsible to take the chance.)


References:
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/spanking-kids-linked-aggression-study-article-1.1493063
http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/06/why-spanking-doesnt-work/#ixzz2tnuZfQdX

fredgiblet

Everything in moderation. Sometimes it's necessary to go that route, usually there's probably better options. Carrying around a wooden spoon is WAY too far.

mister_universe

Nope. We abandoned that early in our child rearing, though both of us were spanked. We've been far better off without it.

navyrigger46

I'll bite. I survived, and I think I turned out better because of the way I was disciplined. My father used his foot if I got out of line. I spank my kids if they need a wake up call, but they also get talked to so they understand the purpose. My kids are incredibly well behaved, they are great with other kids.

Contrast, My little sister and her husband have different ideas about discipline, the most they do with their son when he get's out of line is put on their non-confrontational tone and say no, don't do that. It doesn't get any more stern from there, and their kid is a mean little ****, who is constantly pushing buttons to see what he can get away with. They're setting that poor kid up for failure later in life.

Spanking is perfectly healthy so long as it serves a purpose and get's the message across.

Rigger

RaggedyPond

My parents spanked us depending on how angry they were. Crime never fit the punishment. We could be spanked for having feet on the coffee table but then not get spanked for tipping over the 100 gallon fish tank. I have blocked out most of my childhood and still have ill feelings to this day.

arwacky

My parents never hit/spanked me and I turned out... Lol!!!

J/k I ended up fine but my mom has this disappointed look she gives us if we did something wrong and that's worse than any physical pain.

19TaraLynn84

Definitely gonna get locked.

But I'll go ahead and give my opinion. I believe spanking is fine as long as the parent can control their temper.

salembambi

I am not for spanking children I do not think it does anything positive

however what makes me wince is when people compare a small little spank on the butt in a misguided attempt of discipline to abuse ...It feels like a trivialization of what children/people who are horrifically abused go through to try to compare that to such trauma

not saying spanking cannot get out of hand crazy and become a level of abuse though

RaggedyPond

I would say having a plank of wood broken over your head abuse.

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ldrosophila

I could see a quick swat if your little one tried to run out in traffic or put his life in risk somehow, but for coloring on the wall or just acting like a stubborn two year old that is where we draw the line.

19TaraLynn84

I would say having a plank of wood broken over your head abuse.

But that is definitely not a spanking!

reimaka17

Definite no. I was spanked as a kid--with hands and a belt--and I hated it. I'd never inflict such a thing on my children. I think it's the epitome of hypocrisy that society claims to be anti-violence (read: claims) but where children are concerned it's A-OK as long as it's the parent doing it and they don't end up bloody and broken. Seriously, what kind of message is that? It's preposterous.

If resorting to violence is the only way you know how to discipline your child then you're just not doing it right. There are countless other things you could do that don't involve hitting an innocent child that are just as, if not more, effective.

Seriously, this just pisses me off. If I only I could hit everyone who did something I didn't like! Ugh.


ETA: I do think there is a difference between swatting and spanking. While it's not pleasant, I don't find swatting a child's bum softly abhorrent unless it's done out of anger (still, I don't see why it's exactly necessary). There's a huge difference between that and spanking, which is just a nicer way of saying 'slapping your child until their skin turns red and they cry 'cause it hurts so bad'. And don't even get me started on the mental/emotional ramifications of that.

redpaisleyrose

So, ask yourself how did you turn out?? . Spanking a child when they need correction is a tool, you don't beat them. I vote with your boyfriend.

taso42

Only in extreme circumstances where only spanking will teach them. For example, if they don't eat their exercise calories, or if they do cardio prior to strength training, or if they go on low carb diets, or juice cleanses.

bonjalandoni

I dont care what the "studies" say. Everyone knows it can be rigged one way or another depending on who is funding it. The lack of discipline in today's kids correlates with the lack of spanking. Nobody in my time will behave like the kids of today behave. Thank God my kids do not act this way. Yes, I spank if I have to, but she is 9 now and I cant even remember the last time I have to do it.

PghPensFan69

After mulling it over for a few minutes, I decided to get in on this before the lock.

icame2win60

Spanking your girlfriend or boyfriend: yes.
Spanking your children: no.

ldrosophila

So, ask yourself how did you turn out?? . Spanking a child when they need correction is a tool, you don't beat them. I vote with your boyfriend.

I like many people have issues is that from spanking who knows

tlcarolinagirl

I can't even believe I am responding to this because it's so controversial, but here goes.

So, when my son was younger (around 5-7), he was a little bit of a hellion. I admit I spanked him more than a handful of times. Did it make me feel better? No, it made me feel like *kitten* for spanking him. His daddy and I had no disagreement regarding us spanking him if he truly deserved it, but we had a LOT of problems regarding whether or not other people could spank him. He thinks that it's okay for anyone who is keeping him to spank him. I completely disagree to the point I have made it clear no one else will lay a finger on him...including grandparents. I think part of that is that I wasn't completely in agreement with spanking him. There are plenty of other methods that are effective for discipline. My spanking him was a result of me losing my temper, which is my problem.

Whether the spanking worked or not, I don't know. All I know is that after age 7, he completely turned around and is the sweetest child you could ever meet...he's 10 now. I haven't spanked him in atleast 3 years and I don't foresee it happening in the near future. Best of luck to the OP. This is a tough one.

FredSetToGetFit

I hear a lot about corporal punishment making children more violent. So, I have been very glad when it was abolished in schools in South Africa where I live. Now all of a sudden I cannot turn on the tv without seeing something horrible happening in school. Teachers are being thrown with brooms, and then posted to youtube as a brag. I see students getting stabbed at school. A friend of ours have a daughter that teaches a primary school class. She told a child to stop misbehaving in class, and when she turned around to write on the black board, the kid hit her with a cricket bat. She woke up in hospital 1 day later. He was 11 years old at the time. NOW, I cannot remember any of this kind of behaviour when I were in school, and we had corporal punishment.

cloud2011

I vote no. If spanking worked, you'd only have to do it once (quoting Dr. Phil here).

jacobhyatt91

J/k I ended up fine but my mom has this disappointed look she gives us if we did something wrong and that's worse than any physical pain.

Yup that look was waaay worse than any spanking

1911JR

My reply is first hand experience. I was spanked as a kid, by parents, grand parents, uncle and even a neighbor a few times. And yes, good old swats at school 4 or 5 times that I remember. Why, because I was a bad little kid and needed it. I am really glad the rod was not spared on me, and I thank them all for everyone I got. Not all kids can be reached with words and time-outs and other forms of non aggressive types of punishment. I turned out just fine and have been successful in life. But without the love from a paddle I could have ended up much different!

sowich25

I say yes. As a child the principals in school handed out this disipline out as well. Being the recipient of these I realized that if my behavior continued it would not be good for me. So in the end it was a positive, I no longer did the wrong thing. My parents had a bread board, again I realized right from wrong real quick. In todays society people put thier kids in time out. I have never seen this work. Kids do not fear anything so bad behavior continues. I say spank when needed but do not harm the child. A love tap as a reminder never hurt anyone.

reimaka17

I dont care what the "studies" say. Everyone knows it can be rigged one way or another depending on who is funding it. The lack of discipline in today's kids correlates with the lack of spanking. Nobody in my time will behave like the kids of today behave. Thank God my kids do not act this way. Yes, I spank if I have to, but she is 9 now and I cant even remember the last time I have to do it.

Do you have statistical proof of this?

And frankly, children are just as awful as they've always been--they're just less accomplished at hiding it and the world isn't as keen to turn a blind eye to it.

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Tigg_er

I'll bite. I survived, and I think I turned out better because of the way I was disciplined. My father used his foot if I got out of line. I spank my kids if they need a wake up call, but they also get talked to so they understand the purpose. My kids are incredibly well behaved, they are great with other kids.

Contrast, My little sister and her husband have different ideas about discipline, the most they do with their son when he get's out of line is put on their non-confrontational tone and say no, don't do that. It doesn't get any more stern from there, and their kid is a mean little ****, who is constantly pushing buttons to see what he can get away with. They're setting that poor kid up for failure later in life.

Spanking is perfectly healthy so long as it serves a purpose and get's the message across.

Rigger

I gotta go with this. I believe I was only spanked once or twice, never needed it again as I gained respect in what may happen if I crossed the line, Later I was more worried I would disapoint my parents then getting a spanking.

My own Kids I only spanked my boy once--Never had to do it again, My Daughter I never had to. She seen what happened to her brother. It also was not done right away with anger witch would be wrong if you do it because you lost your temper. It needs to be done after you have cooled off. It also gives them time to think about whats gonna happen.

There are some peoples kids I would not let into my house !