Spanking your kids yes or no?

sallie46

I"m with the majority who say NO. It is far too easy to have spankings turn into abuse. Besides, what are you teaching your children but 'I will physically hurt you' if you don't do what I say. I was spanked/beaten with objects and hands by my mother, who should have known better, and all it did was leave lasting anger and resentment. I had bruises on my butt that took weeks to heal once. When she married my stepfather his heart to heart talkings-to (about character, life choices, peer pressure, etc.) did far more good.

Teach your children that there are rules and consequences in all forms of life. Make the consequences tied to the infraction and be firm. These days, lack of phone/allowance/social life is very effective.


My daughter is now almost 28, got lots of lectures and no spankings and is a wonderful person.

Nuff said.

beernpizza2

Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.

I agree, I had kids and my views changed a lot. Also, I think Super Nanny works, because some kids will listen to other people before they'll listen to their own parents. I always listened to my coaches and teachers and even other family members before I listened to my parents.

ETA: I don't spank my child, it doesn't work for her.

wolfsbayne

Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.

I agree, I had kids and my views changed a lot. Also, I think Super Nanny works, because some kids will listen to other people before they'll listen to their own parents. I always listened to my coaches and teachers and even other family members before I listened to my parents.

I was always better behaved when I spent the night at a friend's house, too. I'd always offer to help in the kitchen and do dishes willingly at someone else's house, but I hated it at home. :laugh:

lmmathis86

Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.

usersnamestaken

I was spanked as a child and I do not feel like my IQ or my life has suffered from it. All of you who say that "the studies show" need to stop and think. For one, is it a biased study to prove a point, what are the conditions of the study this is a cultural study and since each home has different circumstances and each person within a home is different, there are so many variables that an accurate study would be almost impossible...I have seen kids that were not spanked correctly (i.e. only then they had acted up so much that they finally pushed the last button and so out of anger and frustration their parent spanked them teaching them that they can still get by with what they want, they just need to make sure they know how far they can go. Also, this isn't teaching them ANYTHING for their benefit, it is just a reaction of your frustration.) and I have seen kids (like me!) who have been spanked and had super great relationships with their parents, have no childhood regrets or issues with authority and ummm... yeah... I am not a violent person *at all* . ( I get pretty worked up about anything violent makes me really sad!) I have also seen some non-spankers turn out well when they had a consistently defined method of discipline, and I have seen some turn out absolutely terrible! The issue here is not method. It is consistency with a method, which is the hard part! For anything to be effective you have to mean what you say, say what you mean. I was never spanked when a parent was mad. They never counted, they on rare occasion gave a "second chance." I had cause-and-effect very clearly defined for me. That is what kids need and what they really want! They have to try to push buttons because that is how they learn, by exploring. Think about it! This whole topic is really irrelevant. The real question should be- to be consistent or to be a "nice parent" by giving your kids "chances." They know good well how to listen and not listen. Do not give chances! YOU be in control of the situation...if they find out you mean what you say and they can believe you when they are young they will listen to you when they are older too.
P.S. To all of you people who are saying stuff about the negative effects of spanking- you have basically insulted those of us who have turned out just fine and smart (3.77 college graduate speaking-not genius but a "lower IQ" either) and 'non-thuggie", as well as our parents, and I resent that! ( I will assume you just weren't thinking for the sake of peace.)

lavaughan69

Both my kids were spanked at one time or another and they've turned out just fine, no violent tendencies. My husband and I were very strict about instilling good behavior, respect and manners before age 6 (before they went to school). We never had to spank beyond that age, we switched to taking things away or time outs/groundings. Before responding to this question I asked my girls if they had much of a memory of being disciplined and neither of them formed any negative memories of it, they just knew that if they misbehaved badly that there were consequences. Let me add that my kids have also thanked me for setting limitations as they watch their spoiled rotten friends turn into nasty teenagers that swear at their parents and shop lift. A little discipline early on goes a long way.

IPAkiller

Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.

I remember, "The dreaded 10 minutes" you wait as you can vaguely hear your parents discussing your fate, LOL

TheRoadDog

I was spanked. Usually with a belt. If we got aspanking, we deserved it. It was not often, but my Mother was the disciplinarian.

I had three daughters and, other than smacking their hands, because they wer reaching for something that might burn or harm them, I only had to spank my middle daughter once. They all turned out great. The thing is, though, they lived within the boundairies set for them.

I am not adverse to spanking, though, if it had been necessary. There were rules in our house and they WERE going to be followed.

19TaraLynn84

Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.

I remember, "The dreaded 10 minutes" you wait as you can vaguely hear your parents discussing your fate, LOL

Or being told when out in public that you would get it when you got home and you spend the whole drive home just praying mom or dad would forget. Mine rarely did.

chispaza

Never EVER a reason to hit a child ... it's lazy parenting and abusive. Whether they survive or not is not the point.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

I like this a LOT. :flowerforyou:

I do not agree. I love my son with all of my heart. I live by the bible it encourages to not spare the rod. I do not agree with beating a child but a spank on the butt when out of line is not abuse and it's not lazy parenting. if it was abuse, dhs would arrest people who spanked their children. in fact, dhs says as long as there are no bruises, spanking is not abuse in the state I live in. Your opinion is your opinion, but please do not consider a parent lazy for spanking. I've tried those "time outs" take a way game time and it did not work. I spanked my son's butt for something he did over 3 months ago and he hasn't had another spanking yet. I spank him b/c i love him and I dont' want to see him hurt (he ran in the street and the word "No" didn't work) i think the lazy parents are the ones who do nothing when their children are acting out and their chidren curse them out and hit them. I've never seen that with a child who was spanked!!

The bible does not encourage spanking your child. The rod was an instrument used by a shepherd to protect and guide his sheep, it was not used to hit them.

PghPensFan69

On the topic of waiting before using spanking as a form of discipline, does anyone else remember this show? I can still remeber the little song.

Wait Until Your Father Gets Home
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi702611737

Masalamommy

Here's my standard on that : if I wouldn't do it to an adult then it shouldn't be done to a child. All you are doing is teaching them to be more aggressive,solve problems by hitting and a fear of you that can last a lifetime. It puts an emotional distance between you as a parent and your child. People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. Then you go around and say oh don't hit that other kid.Come on.

wolfsbayne

Here's my standard on that : if I wouldn't do it to an adult then it shouldn't be done to a child. All you are doing is teaching them to be more aggressive,solve problems by hitting and a fear of you that can last a lifetime. It puts an emotional distance between you as a parent and your child. People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. Then you go around and say oh don't hit that other kid.Come on.

I'm not aggressive, I've never felt that hitting someone would solve a problem, but I'll talk that bugger to death. I also do not fear my parents. I fear disappointing them. I also am not emotionally distant from them.

Additionally, my son talks to me about pretty much EVERYTHING. Does that sound distant to you?

Tigg_er

I see "I never spank in anger" as a valid comment. After all, it's a measured response to the child's behaviour, rather than vindictively striking a child through frustration.

Agree

Tigg_er

People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. .

Wrong

SonicDeathMonkey80

I'll bite too!
My siblings and I got spanked. We all turned out just fine. We've all graduated college, attained our MS degree, and, <GASP>, we all spank our own children.

I will add that my spouse is a K-6 teacher. On occasion, when I visit her classroom, I can tell which children have absolutely no discipline at home vs the one's who do. Unfortunately, 90% of the time, it is a single-parent situation.

Oh, well that's because single parents are have failed at holding a marriage together and/or got knocked up and are inherently lazy with their child-rearing!

rubixcyoob

I was spanked a child and I believe, in some cases, it has it's place in raising a child.

If my son mishbehaves normally then he gets sent to the naughty step and gets a telling off, however if he continues to do something he knows is naughty/lashes out then he will get a spank on the bum. For example, if he gets very annoyed he tries to lash out at people - hits, kicks, nips etc and has done BEFORE I moved onto spanking, the spanking has had no effect on that. Since we've started spanking him it he really acts out his behaviour has improved tenfold and he knows what happens if you hit other people.
I use the palm of my hand on his bum, once only. I've never hurt him, left a mark or anything that would be classed as 'abuse'.

If someone told me I was 'abusing' my child for spanking his bum I would go ape ****. Abuse is defined as something 'cruel' and 'violent', I am being neither with my child and I would never consider being either with him.

smelius22

I saw both worlds growing in my household. My sister and I got spanked when we did something wrong or weren't listening. My little (step)brother has never been spanked, only "talked things out" with his mom or was asked why he was doing something bad so they could figure it out together and keep him from making the same mistake again..

Result?
My sister and I were still bad kids but didn't get caught lol (sneaking out, having older boyfriends, normal teenage stuff). BUT we never ruined household items or spoke rudely to our parents, never stepped out of line, never acted up in public or at a friends/neighbors house.. and we are very respecful adults now who would never imagine talking down to our father, stepmother, or elders.

My little brother has carved words and symbols into every wooden surface of my dad's house, constantly badmouths him, disrespects him, shoots arrows (yes, arrows) through his bedroom door and the garage door and the car doors, etc.. Plays my stepmom and my dad against each other, sends him rotten mean texts, demands gifts he doesnt deserve (motorcycle, new laptop because the 5-month old one isnt good enough, new phone, different car than the almost new truck my dad bought him and has spent over $1000 upgrading)..

soooooo yeah I think spanking should be allowed if the parent feels the need and has control over their temper.

Capt_Inzane

I say yes to spanking/popping. That's what's wrong with this generation. Parents are way too soft. The fact that a kid got off a DUI/Murder charge for affluenza makes me sick.

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/02/18/affluenza-and-life-circumstances-in-sentencing?hp&rref=opinion

Yes I know this is an extreme version but I do feel like parents are too soft and society is allowing it to happen. This is just an example of what I'm talking about.

I'm not advocating beating your child and I don't spank my children every single time but when they deserve it they get it. Most the time putting my 4 year old in time out is enough and it's extremely rare he deserves a spanking.

The punishment has to fit the crime for example my daughter right before spring break bullied a child on the bus. During the entire spring break she didn't say a word to either one of us, when school started back the principal called me apologizing they didn't reach me sooner and explained the entire situation.

When my daughter came home I asked her maybe half a dozen times how was school and if she had anything she wanted to talk about. She was 8 at the time and avoided all the questions. When we got home I had someone else watch my son (my mom was staying with us) and I proceeded to bully my daughter. I pushed her down, wouldn't let her talk, wouldn't let her get up, and kept asking if she liked this. When she proceeded to scream "why are you bullying me?" I then asked her if she thought that's how the young boy on the bus felt. Afterwards I made her go to her room and write an apology to the young man. The next
morning we walked on the bus together and she read the letter out loud to the entire bus.

To this day my daughter has never bullied anyone. Did I spank my daughter ..nope but I wanted to show her exactly how she made that young boy feel and I think I got my point across.

Diary_Queen

In my household, we spank. It is my choice as a parent and it is befitting to the wrong-doing. For those who were spanked as a child and said that they don't spank because their childhood experience of receiving a spanking 'didn't feel good' - SPOT ON... it's not supposed to make the child happy or reinforce good behavior. Spanking, in my opinion & when used in moderation, is a punishment and should help guide a child to learn the consequences of their actions when little else works.