Spanking your kids yes or no?

wolfsbayne

Here's my standard on that : if I wouldn't do it to an adult then it shouldn't be done to a child. All you are doing is teaching them to be more aggressive,solve problems by hitting and a fear of you that can last a lifetime. It puts an emotional distance between you as a parent and your child. People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. Then you go around and say oh don't hit that other kid.Come on.

I'm not aggressive, I've never felt that hitting someone would solve a problem, but I'll talk that bugger to death. I also do not fear my parents. I fear disappointing them. I also am not emotionally distant from them.

Additionally, my son talks to me about pretty much EVERYTHING. Does that sound distant to you?

Tigg_er

I see "I never spank in anger" as a valid comment. After all, it's a measured response to the child's behaviour, rather than vindictively striking a child through frustration.

Agree

Tigg_er

People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. .

Wrong

SonicDeathMonkey80

I'll bite too!
My siblings and I got spanked. We all turned out just fine. We've all graduated college, attained our MS degree, and, <GASP>, we all spank our own children.

I will add that my spouse is a K-6 teacher. On occasion, when I visit her classroom, I can tell which children have absolutely no discipline at home vs the one's who do. Unfortunately, 90% of the time, it is a single-parent situation.

Oh, well that's because single parents are have failed at holding a marriage together and/or got knocked up and are inherently lazy with their child-rearing!

rubixcyoob

I was spanked a child and I believe, in some cases, it has it's place in raising a child.

If my son mishbehaves normally then he gets sent to the naughty step and gets a telling off, however if he continues to do something he knows is naughty/lashes out then he will get a spank on the bum. For example, if he gets very annoyed he tries to lash out at people - hits, kicks, nips etc and has done BEFORE I moved onto spanking, the spanking has had no effect on that. Since we've started spanking him it he really acts out his behaviour has improved tenfold and he knows what happens if you hit other people.
I use the palm of my hand on his bum, once only. I've never hurt him, left a mark or anything that would be classed as 'abuse'.

If someone told me I was 'abusing' my child for spanking his bum I would go ape ****. Abuse is defined as something 'cruel' and 'violent', I am being neither with my child and I would never consider being either with him.

smelius22

I saw both worlds growing in my household. My sister and I got spanked when we did something wrong or weren't listening. My little (step)brother has never been spanked, only "talked things out" with his mom or was asked why he was doing something bad so they could figure it out together and keep him from making the same mistake again..

Result?
My sister and I were still bad kids but didn't get caught lol (sneaking out, having older boyfriends, normal teenage stuff). BUT we never ruined household items or spoke rudely to our parents, never stepped out of line, never acted up in public or at a friends/neighbors house.. and we are very respecful adults now who would never imagine talking down to our father, stepmother, or elders.

My little brother has carved words and symbols into every wooden surface of my dad's house, constantly badmouths him, disrespects him, shoots arrows (yes, arrows) through his bedroom door and the garage door and the car doors, etc.. Plays my stepmom and my dad against each other, sends him rotten mean texts, demands gifts he doesnt deserve (motorcycle, new laptop because the 5-month old one isnt good enough, new phone, different car than the almost new truck my dad bought him and has spent over $1000 upgrading)..

soooooo yeah I think spanking should be allowed if the parent feels the need and has control over their temper.

Capt_Inzane

I say yes to spanking/popping. That's what's wrong with this generation. Parents are way too soft. The fact that a kid got off a DUI/Murder charge for affluenza makes me sick.

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/02/18/affluenza-and-life-circumstances-in-sentencing?hp&rref=opinion

Yes I know this is an extreme version but I do feel like parents are too soft and society is allowing it to happen. This is just an example of what I'm talking about.

I'm not advocating beating your child and I don't spank my children every single time but when they deserve it they get it. Most the time putting my 4 year old in time out is enough and it's extremely rare he deserves a spanking.

The punishment has to fit the crime for example my daughter right before spring break bullied a child on the bus. During the entire spring break she didn't say a word to either one of us, when school started back the principal called me apologizing they didn't reach me sooner and explained the entire situation.

When my daughter came home I asked her maybe half a dozen times how was school and if she had anything she wanted to talk about. She was 8 at the time and avoided all the questions. When we got home I had someone else watch my son (my mom was staying with us) and I proceeded to bully my daughter. I pushed her down, wouldn't let her talk, wouldn't let her get up, and kept asking if she liked this. When she proceeded to scream "why are you bullying me?" I then asked her if she thought that's how the young boy on the bus felt. Afterwards I made her go to her room and write an apology to the young man. The next
morning we walked on the bus together and she read the letter out loud to the entire bus.

To this day my daughter has never bullied anyone. Did I spank my daughter ..nope but I wanted to show her exactly how she made that young boy feel and I think I got my point across.

Diary_Queen

In my household, we spank. It is my choice as a parent and it is befitting to the wrong-doing. For those who were spanked as a child and said that they don't spank because their childhood experience of receiving a spanking 'didn't feel good' - SPOT ON... it's not supposed to make the child happy or reinforce good behavior. Spanking, in my opinion & when used in moderation, is a punishment and should help guide a child to learn the consequences of their actions when little else works.

PunkyRachel

there is a difference between spanking and child abuse. Unless its leaves a bruise or welt its not abuse, and okay in my book. If I had children, they would get spanked if they needed it. I personally, was never spanked by my parents, but my parents emotional abused me severely. I don't ever want to be like that with a child.

coolraul07

My personal belief is that it is a valid item in a child rearing toolkit, but it should be a last resort. I'm a child of the 70s/80s, went to public school and through high school corporate punishment was allowed. My 4th/5th grade teacher had a 20 year old paddle layered with duct tape with holes drilled in it to decrease wind resistance. She rarely used it, but when she did, I feel it was deserved (including once on me). I remember every whuppin' I got as a child at home (~10 or so) and I deserved EVERY SINGLE ONE with the single exception. However, I feel the undeserved one doesn't balance the book for the couple dozen that I deserved but didn't get!

Background:
I grew up in the inner city in a house between 2 of the most violent housing projects during a time when RIchmond's murder rate was top 5 nationwide! I was a latch-key kid from age 6 to a single (divorced) mother and it was just the two of us in the house. I didn't have relatives nearby to keep an eye on me, so my Mom had to work double-triple hard to keep me on the right path. All modesty aside, I think she did a helluva job! Including the wooden spoon she cracked over my head! (didn't hurt, was a cheap spoon, and I deserved WAY worse at the time!)

Annamarie3404

Discipline is not abuse. Have you seen the way kids act these days? They are the ones whose parents don't discipline them. Sometimes you have to do more than talk to them and take away their favorite toy. I was spanked and I'm not violent. I learned respect from an early age. Parents let their kids run the show far too often and they think it's cute when that kid is 2, but they're saying something much different when that kid turns 16 and had zero respect for their own parents as well as any other authority figure. Spanking is not abuse.

SonicDeathMonkey80

I was spanked a child and I believe, in some cases, it has it's place in raising a child.

If my son mishbehaves normally then he gets sent to the naughty step and gets a telling off, however if he continues to do something he knows is naughty/lashes out then he will get a spank on the bum. For example, if he gets very annoyed he tries to lash out at people - hits, kicks, nips etc and has done BEFORE I moved onto spanking, the spanking has had no effect on that. Since we've started spanking him it he really acts out his behaviour has improved tenfold and he knows what happens if you hit other people.
I use the palm of my hand on his bum, once only. I've never hurt him, left a mark or anything that would be classed as 'abuse'.

If someone told me I was 'abusing' my child for spanking his bum I would go ape ****. Abuse is defined as something 'cruel' and 'violent', I am being neither with my child and I would never consider being either with him.

Well, violence is using force with intent to hurt/inflict pain. If you're not doing that when you're spanking, what's the point?

I'm totally digging this eye for an eye thing... he hits because he doesn't get his way (annoyed), and you hit back because you don't get your way (annoyed that he hits). Makes perfect sense lol

Losing_Sarah

I vote no. If spanking worked, you'd only have to do it once (quoting Dr. Phil here).

Ok. I'm not saying yes or no to spanking, but while he says if it worked you only have to do it once. He also says the other methods need to be done until they work, which is more than once. Dr Phil is a d-bag.

ladymiseryali

Discipline is not abuse. Have you seen the way kids act these days? They are the ones whose parents don't discipline them. Sometimes you have to do more than talk to them and take away their favorite toy. I was spanked and I'm not violent. I learned respect from an early age. Parents let their kids run the show far too often and they think it's cute when that kid is 2, but they're saying something much different when that kid turns 16 and had zero respect for their own parents as well as any other authority figure. Spanking is not abuse.

And is there proof that the reason "kids these days" misbehave is because of lack of spanking?

jlmuise25

I say yes to spanking/popping. That's what's wrong with this generation. Parents are way too soft. The fact that a kid got off a DUI/Murder charge for affluenza makes me sick.

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/02/18/affluenza-and-life-circumstances-in-sentencing?hp&rref=opinion

Yes I know this is an extreme version but I do feel like parents are too soft and society is allowing it to happen. This is just an example of what I'm talking about.

I'm not advocating beating your child and I don't spank my children every single time but when they deserve it they get it. Most the time putting my 4 year old in time out is enough and it's extremely rare he deserves a spanking.

The punishment has to fit the crime for example my daughter right before spring break bullied a child on the bus. During the entire spring break she didn't say a word to either one of us, when school started back the principal called me apologizing they didn't reach me sooner and explained the entire situation.

When my daughter came home I asked her maybe half a dozen times how was school and if she had anything she wanted to talk about. She was 8 at the time and avoided all the questions. When we got home I had someone else watch my son (my mom was staying with us) and I proceeded to bully my daughter. I pushed her down, wouldn't let her talk, wouldn't let her get up, and kept asking if she liked this. When she proceeded to scream "why are you bullying me?" I then asked her if she thought that's how the young boy on the bus felt. Afterwards I made her go to her room and write an apology to the young man. The next
morning we walked on the bus together and she read the letter out loud to the entire bus.

To this day my daughter has never bullied anyone. Did I spank my daughter ..nope but I wanted to show her exactly how she made that young boy feel and I think I got my point across.

You, sir.... I bow to you! I would've done the same thing. You taught her a very valuable lesson. I saw on the news one time a girl had bullied someone for not having name brand clothing. What did her mom do? She bought old raggedy clothing from Goodwill and made her daughter where it to school the next day. People were saying the punishment didn't fit the crime. Bull****! She got exactly what she deserved. A taste of her own medicine.

There's a certain respect we need to have for people around us and if kids can't see or understand that they need to be taught those lessons. I'm not saying beat the child, but if you exhaust all means and the child continues to do those things then maybe a swat is the answer. And if that doesn't work then I would say a little family counseling might need to happen because there could be a root cause.

victal

In UK we call this smacking.

All 3 of my kids (well one is now an adult) are well very disciplined in and out of school. My son had behavioural issues and just laughed at me when I tried this method. And no its not because he's a tyrant and is not shown any boundries.

I was smacked as a child and hit with slippers etc. I turned out very well but feel I have anger issues now due to this behaviour that I thought was acceptable. As a teenager I thought it was acceptable to fight in school etc. If someone said something to me that I didn't like I thought bit was OK to hit them. Then I got smacked at home when my parents found out!!! But I would still go back and do it again!! No disrespect to my father as I love him very much.

None of my children and my eldest is 22 have ever been like this.

I don't smack as it doesn't work :noway:

kathrinnbauer

I have been teaching pedagogy for nearly two years now and I took psychology classes in university: From a scientific perspective spanking will probably not get you what you want: In most cultural and social circumstances spanking - and an authoritarian style of education - is linked to psychological and social issues later in life. It is also linked to decreased creativity and to a lower level of internalized conscience (behavior based on values) and to higher levels of a behavior that just tries to conform and to avoid punishment. Education should consider the needs of a child and the development of a child. Early childhood bonding and teaching (explaining) values is important as well as behaving in a way that you would want your children to behave. That does not mean not to sanction children, but you should do it in a way that still expresses your affection and respect and show that you care for their well-being. It should be rational and controlled and fair. And - what many people fail to do - it has to be consistent. You cannot punish your child one day and another day not and expect the child to learn the lesson. It's even worse if you punish one child but not the other. Or if you set rules but don't obey them (e.g. forbid lying but do it)
However, I don't have children and only see how people around me treat their children and how the people around me were educated. I found that the "best" children have consequent (sometimes a little bit strict), but non-violent, caring, engaged parents. Children need orientation and structure and they need rules and breaking those rules without proper reasons has to lead to consequences. But those consequences should not be physical - unless you consider violence a valid solution and tool to solve problems. You cannot preach non-violence and not adhere to that ideal when you deal with your children. This is not consequent and it sends the signal that your children don't have the same value as every other person - because if violence against people is wrong why would you do it to your children? The best sanction are either punishments that follow directly - as a logical consequence - from the children's actions (a child destroys a toy and you make sure that he/she won't get a new one) or the serve to repair the damage caused. Everything else is worse, but sometimes necessary. In that cases however it should still express certain values you want your child to learn and it should not seem like a lack of love and respect. Most people I know nowadays that have no safe jobs or were in jail were beaten by their parents. Obviously there is beating and beating. Spanking is not the same as other forms of abuse - including non-physical forms of abuse. But you should still ask yourself why you have to use violence. And why you think you may use violence against your child. Why would you use violence against your child (which you love and is way weaker and powerless) but you consider it unacceptable as a tool to reach other goals in your life? Why would you spank? Because you lack authority? Because you can't control your anger? Because you cannot explain your rules? Why would you chose this way instead of all the other ways you have to sanction your child?
I want to repeat that consequence, clear structure and rules are important and it comes close to neglect to not react to bad behavior of your children, but spanking is not the way.

PghPensFan69

I vote no. If spanking worked, you'd only have to do it once (quoting Dr. Phil here).

Ok. I'm not saying yes or no to spanking, but while he says if it worked you only have to do it once. He also says the other methods need to be done until they work, which is more than once. Dr Phil is a d-bag.

Yeah, I thought the same when I read this. I can't take anyone that quotes Dr. Phil seriously

19TaraLynn84

I say yes to spanking/popping. That's what's wrong with this generation. Parents are way too soft. The fact that a kid got off a DUI/Murder charge for affluenza makes me sick.

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/02/18/affluenza-and-life-circumstances-in-sentencing?hp&rref=opinion

Yes I know this is an extreme version but I do feel like parents are too soft and society is allowing it to happen. This is just an example of what I'm talking about.

I'm not advocating beating your child and I don't spank my children every single time but when they deserve it they get it. Most the time putting my 4 year old in time out is enough and it's extremely rare he deserves a spanking.

The punishment has to fit the crime for example my daughter right before spring break bullied a child on the bus. During the entire spring break she didn't say a word to either one of us, when school started back the principal called me apologizing they didn't reach me sooner and explained the entire situation.

When my daughter came home I asked her maybe half a dozen times how was school and if she had anything she wanted to talk about. She was 8 at the time and avoided all the questions. When we got home I had someone else watch my son (my mom was staying with us) and I proceeded to bully my daughter. I pushed her down, wouldn't let her talk, wouldn't let her get up, and kept asking if she liked this. When she proceeded to scream "why are you bullying me?" I then asked her if she thought that's how the young boy on the bus felt. Afterwards I made her go to her room and write an apology to the young man. The next
morning we walked on the bus together and she read the letter out loud to the entire bus.

To this day my daughter has never bullied anyone. Did I spank my daughter ..nope but I wanted to show her exactly how she made that young boy feel and I think I got my point across.

You, sir.... I bow to you! I would've done the same thing. You taught her a very valuable lesson. I saw on the news one time a girl had bullied someone for not having name brand clothing. What did her mom do? She bought old raggedy clothing from Goodwill and made her daughter where it to school the next day. People were saying the punishment didn't fit the crime. Bull****! She got exactly what she deserved. A taste of her own medicine.

There's a certain respect we need to have for people around us and if kids can't see or understand that they need to be taught those lessons. I'm not saying beat the child, but if you exhaust all means and the child continues to do those things then maybe a swat is the answer. And if that doesn't work then I would say a little family counseling might need to happen because there could be a root cause.

Love both of the bullying examples. Great parenting, in my opinion.

homerjspartan

there is a difference between spanking and child abuse. Unless its leaves a bruise or welt its not abuse, and okay in my book. If I had children, they would get spanked if they needed it. I personally, was never spanked by my parents, but my parents emotional abused me severely. I don't ever want to be like that with a child.

First, parenting is extremely difficult to have an informed opinion on.....without having kids.

The larger issue is that parents do not carry out the punishments they give. You can successfully parent without hitting your kids, but it ain't easy. You need to be consistent and not give in on your punishments.

To many parents want to be their kid's friend. Their buddy. They want their kids to "like" them. You kids love you, and letting them have their way does not make them "like" you. You need to stick with the punishments you give them, even if they have tantrums and run off crying and slam doors, in the end you need to be consistent.