Do you agree with this statement?
JessicaLSpindler
Posts: 29
"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
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Replies
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When I first started here, I asked a similar question regarding working out and exercise. One answer that stuck with me because it was blunt, to the point and honest : You don't want it bad enough.....YET!!!! Some people think that sounds harsh but for me, it was truth. I wanted the body and the benefits that come from working out, I just didn't want to do the work, which really meant, I didn't want it bad enough. I still hate working out but I force myself because I now want it THAT bad.
I wish you luck in your weight loss journey. I hope that you find your way to weight happiness.0 -
For me it was a little like an epiphany. I just decided to do it. I'd been "trying" for years and not succeeding. I wish I knew exactly what caused the change in my thinking. I know that I was getting annoyed at all the "skinny" people around me, feeling like I didn't fit in, but it's been that way all my life. This time instead of just feeling sorry for myself, I decided to actually make a change. That's when I found this site. I still have to fight the urge to eat everything every day. Exercise actually came easier. I just kept trying different things until I found something that I didn't hate. Now I miss it if I can't exercise.0
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I agree with brandi712. When I first started here - the weight MELTED off. I was logging all my intake... religiously exercising 4-5 times a week. I was doing great. I lost 30 lbs in just a few months... I wanna say, like, 4 or 5 months... BUT - then I quit working as hard and started slacking on the food. Hence, weightoss stopped and I gained a couple lbs back.
It's hard to lose weight. But for most of us; life is that much harder being heavy. And with being heavy comes other complications.
"Choose your hard"; as some would say.
Good luck.0 -
It kills me to say so... but your mom may be a bit right.
I started here a full 2 months before I REALLY STARTED here. I thought I wanted to lose weight... really I just wanted to be instantly smaller, I didn't want to put the effort in to do anything about it.
I had a couple friends starting a diet plan and was asked to join in... I didn't WANT to, I went kicking and screaming. Then I just KEPT GOING, even when others stopped because it was FINALLY something that I WANTED very badly. Been at it for 2 1/2 years now. And making sure to add... I LOVE MY LIFE NOW.
You will find your "moment" :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree wholeheartedly.
"Change Occurs When The Pain Of Staying The Same Is Worse Than The Pain Of Change". is my favorite quote,
You DONT want to lose weight (atleast not more than you want to continue to eat junky food and not work out).0 -
My initial reaction upon reading the statement was that your mother is an idiot. When I read your explanation I realize that your mother is exactly correct.
Look, for anything in life there are a million reasons to do it and a million reasons not to do it. All of them are valid. You've been choosing from the "Not to" side. That's your right and no one should judge you for it. However, making that choice and then complaining about the consequences is just annoying. If you want to make that choice, and again it is a valid choice, then don't complain about being heavy or out of shape. Accept both sides of your choice.
As for when you will choose differently, that's entirely up to you. Every day is a new opportunity to choose. Maybe tomorrow you will choose differently, Maybe you never will. Just know that when you do there will be a lot of folks here willing to help.0 -
For me it was a balancing act -- how unhappy am I with my current body/fitness level vs. my lack of desire to change my habits.
Eventually my desire to improve my fitness exceeded my fear of changing my habits/my dislike for working out, and I stuck out the hard first weeks where everything is new and terrible (haha) because I want the fitness MORE.
I always WANTED to be in better shape, but the teeter-totter took a few years to shift to the lifestyle change side -- where I wanted to be fit more than I wanted to laze around/eat what I wanted/be resistent to lifestyle change/etc.0 -
Itll click one day.
For 2 years I was like "I want to lose weight" and never did anythong about it.
Then in 2012, just woke up and did something about it.
You may want to lose the weight but your mind might not be in the place yet where you can do it.0 -
You will know that you want to do it when the emotional pain of being overweight is greater than the temporary "pains" of saying no to food, working out, going outside your calorie needs...
And you don't have to work our or eat healthy and you can still lose the weight. Just don't eat above your calorie threshold.
Once you get started, and get in a groove, results will keep you going.0 -
"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
I definitely agree, assuming you put the word "want" is a slightly different light.
I would completely un-scientifically venture that upwards of 95% significantly overweight people don't want to be overweight (you're always going to find the random few who love their extra pounds...bless their hearts). We all want to lose weight.
But.....you have to WANT it. I mean "want" in that focused, driven, motivated way. Until you've fully gotten yourself to the mindset that it's time, you're ready, you're going to do it, and - most importantly - that it's worth the work you need to put into it, it's not going to happen. (And, even if you have gotten to that mindset, you might have a couple of pauses and slip ups and false starts...it happens.) And it's ok if you're not there yet, but it's even better if you are.0 -
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"Choose your hard"; as some would say.
LOVE THIS0 -
When the desire to lose weight outweighs the desire to eat poorly and not exercise, you will do what you need to do to lose the weight.
I would imagine that the answer to your follow up question varies from person to person. My suggestion? Fake it til you make it! You may not enjoy the exercise, and adjustments to your diet at first, but once you see the benefits I'll bet you become a fan 0 -
Rationalizing our bad habits is one of the key problems a lot of people face on MFP; I have done it as well, and it really is the most difficult thing to change. To realize that we truly are making excuses.
Sure, the work is hard. So is heart disease and diabetes. Eating healthy is more complicated until you get the hang of it and then, it's as easy as any other form of eating, with the side benefit of feeling better.
I know that you stated that you didn't want to work hard or eat healthy, but subconsciously, you must want to do something, as you've joined MFP. So are you being honest with yourself or are you simply trying to find someone else to back your rationalization? The first responder was "nice" but I get a feeling that you may receive some harsh truth from other MFP members.
It really comes down to one thing: are you willing to sacrifice your future for the present? Because that's exactly what's happening right now!
Good luck0 -
She is right in a way, you will lose weight when you want that more than you don't want to work for it, then the losing weight wins.
I think it works both way, some people wake up and have a new resolve that drives them to success. Some people just kick their own butt into gear and find later that they developed a love for a certain exercise or something. Some people, like me, go through phases of both.
My suggestion is to try to figure out what you really want to lose the weight for, write a few reasons down, and put them somewhere you will see them all the time, maybe in the kitchen to remind you of why you want to eat healthy. Weight loss can also be a frustrating journey, the scale can be a tricky monster, but I get alot more satisfaction out of fitness related goals than I do a number on a scale. Find something you like to do, and decide you want to do it better!
Good luck finding your motivation 0 -
^^^TRUTHMy initial reaction upon reading the statement was that your mother is an idiot. When I read your explanation I realize that your mother is exactly correct.
Look, for anything in life there are a million reasons to do it and a million reasons not to do it. All of them are valid. You've been choosing from the "Not to" side. That's your right and no one should judge you for it. However, making that choice and then complaining about the consequences is just annoying. If you want to make that choice, and again it is a valid choice, then don't complain about being heavy or out of shape. Accept both sides of your choice.
As for when you will choose differently, that's entirely up to you. Every day is a new opportunity to choose. Maybe tomorrow you will choose differently, Maybe you never will. Just know that when you do there will be a lot of folks here willing to help.0 -
I would say both.If you really want something you will do what it takes no matter what to achieve the goal(hopefully its legal)B.A.M (by any means).and the other thing that it is hard,but if you make small little changes instead of drastic ones you will be able to adjust.We are all here to support you.If we didnt support you we wouldn't have became friends.Just take it one day at a time there's no rush because rushing becomes short term and then your back at square one.You have been doing great Jess just keep at it quitters never become winners.I know for a fact you are a winner 0
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You have to hit your bottom, something that motivates you like nothing else. That is when you'll succeed.
And, for me, it does matter what and how I eat. Certain foods cause me cravings, binges and failure and I have to avoid them.0 -
Don't over think it. Just start counting today. No need to overwhelm yourself with eating healthy and exercising and completely changing your routine. Start by simply counting your calories first. Fast food are usually high in calories so eventually you will eat less of it and more of the things that let you stay within your daily allowance. I'll eat a sandwich once in a while but I can't afford the french fries with it.0
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When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
For me it a little bit of both. I've been on MFP for YEARS and just now (today) I have logged my food and tried to eat well/exercise for 30 consecutive days. For me, I just had to stop making excuses....'I don't have anyone to do this with me' 'I work too much' ' My work is too stressful' 'I hate healthy food' 'people at the gym will laugh at me'....on and on and on.
When you are ready to stop making those excuses, (because that's what they are) you will just do it.
Good Luck! There are a lot of really sweet people here that will help you! :flowerforyou:0 -
"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
Depends what you want more. Junk food and no exercise, or being fit and healthy.0 -
lol yeah, everybody wants to lose weight but no one wants to diet or exercise (except weightlifters. those people actually enjoy working out) If it were that easy, everybody would be ripped0
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Something I discovered over many years of "dieting" when we have that mindset for many of us we hear the word diet as DEPRIVATION and some of us get very stubborn and do not want to be deprived.
The best thing I ever did for myself was stop dieting
I now do my very best to eat clean, its not easy to do and I don't manage 100% but I am completely aware of what I am eating and how much and that makes a big difference.
I have helped several friends get started with a few tricks
the first is make one small change every 2 days the changes you make are:
no more soda, no more white foods, no more takeout every day
my first small change was the size of my plate, from dinner sized to sandwich sized, im sure the first few days i loaded that plate with as much as i could have put on a dinner plate but it made me SEE what I had in front of me
the next small change was to cover 1/2 the plate with vegetables and eat them first
the next small change was to leave a bite of food on the plate, very hard to do lol but it is a good thing to learn
when you start by making small changes you dont feel so deprived you dont make a big sudden change that will leave you feeling hungry and frustrated
i also made sure that if i wanted a big mac i had a big mac and before i knew it i didnt want that big mac anymore, knowing i can have anything i want helps me make the better choices
especially once i started exercise, i sure didnt want to put out all that effort only to wast it eating crap
even if you dont want to WORK to lose the weight, you can make one small change every day, every other day or every week until you find you are eating better
choosing a healthy liefestyle will make you feel so amazing that once you start you wont want to stop and you will never DIET again0 -
"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but yes, I absolutely do believe that statement.0 -
"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
I understand what she is trying to say, but I don't think "want" is quite the right word. "Need" might be a better word - many people "want" to lose weight, but most of them fail because deep down they don't feel they *have* to lose weight. It's not about "wanting" it - it's about wanting it bad enough.
Basically, the day you put down the fork, push back from the table, and stay away from the table is the day you're ready. And no diet plan in the world - short of being physically restrained from accessing food - is going to work until you are ready.0 -
actually IMO..your mom is not wrong..getting fit is HARD WORK! losing weight (fat and muscle) can actually be easy if you have the will power to eat a lot fewer calories..getting fit means working to get better cardiovascular and lifting to strengthen those muscles that you already have.Try tricking yourself like this,it works for me on the days I really dont want to do anything,(you know,those PMS days) I make a deal with myself to do only 10 minutes of a workout,lifting or cardio whichever it may be that day,,and at the end of the 10 minutes if I REALLY dont want to continue I dont..I have always finished what I had planned that day and often times I do a little extra..plus if you are walking,biking anything that takes you away from home,keep going until you really dont want to anymore,because you still have to get home,,it is a mind game to help push yourself.I lift and do lots of cardio..I love biking and running/walking long distances,like 10-20 miles at a time,3-4 days a week when the weather is good,I hate micro managing things,therefor this works for me because if I burn 1000 cal biking,I dont care if my calorie are over by 2-300 for that day.I hate tracking things so much I very seldom weigh myself,,as long as my clothes are fitting and I can buy smaller sizes once in a while,and keep up with my black belts in TKD air wise,,I am a happy camper.0
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I think that statement will be true for some people and false for many.0
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"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."
My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.
Follow up question:
When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?
How do we lose weight? Calorie deficit!! Sooooo....(and it always pains me to say this)....NO EXERCISE REQUIRED!! In fact....(oh boy this really hurts)....healthy food is not a requirement either. I'll revisit exercise and healthy food in a bit. Basically all that is required for you to lose weight is to stay in calorie deficit. So if MFP gives you 1400 calories a day....Then consistently eat 1400 calories a day for the foods you like. LOG EVERYTHING honestly and accurately!!!!!!
Exercise - I love it! Everyone should be doing it!!! In all the ways there are to move your body I can't believe that a person can't find something they like - dance walk jog skip hop swim yoga bike zumba hike volleyball bowling weights kettlebells jumprope trampoline rollerblade move move move. BUT........you can still lose weight without exercise, so there are no excuses there.
Healthy Food - of course it's a no brainer, healthy food is healthy for you. I could preach to the choir forever here. BUT - it's not a requirement to lose weight.
Bottom line - CALORIE DEFICIT.0 -
I think that Mom is basically right..............
You DO have to WANT it -
You have to be willing to change your eating habits (if they are poor) -
Logging EVERYTHING on this site will make you realize soon enough if your eating habits are poor or not.
You also have to be willing to sweat a little (GLOW, if you don't like the word SWEAT) if you want to really reap the rewards of health and a toned body...........
After awhile, it all becomes rote - a habit like brushing your teeth or putting your seatbelt on - you start to realize the foods you need to choose, and that an hour of exercise a day won't kill you (heck, you may even come to LIKE it)!0 -
I think it has a lot to do with finding healthy things you WANT to eat and finding workouts you WANT to do. It shouldn't be so much about forcing something. You can't force yourself to eat things you don't like and do things you don't like all day every day. That's not sustainable. You need to figure out what people are eating and try new things. It's highly unlikely that you just don't like anything healthy. There are plenty of healthy things you probably like (and love) you just have to learn how to prepare them. Working out is a little trickier. Finding an activity you love to do that burns calories is not easy, but there are probably activities you can find that you don't hate quite as much as others. The more you try, try, try the more you'll find that you love. Once you find what you love, there's no more battle. GOOD LUCK and YES YOU CAN!0
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