Do you agree with this statement?

lindsey1979

"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."

I do and I don't.

I do think a person needs some kind of desire to lose weight otherwise they won't begin (obviously.) Having said that given the huge stigma, bias and prejudice attached to obesity I suspect most overweight people do want to lose weight on some level, and in many cases quite desperately.

The question then becomes why don't they consistently stick to a plan. Many begin but most do not last the distance or maintain their loss. Why is that? Are they lazy? Weak willed? Gluttonous? Unmotivated? Have no self control? I think in most cases none of that is true.

Losing weight (and more importantly keeping it off) is a skill based on good habits. It requires information, confidence, self belief and mental coping strategies. The problem is that many overweight people simply do not have access to those skills, especially if they have tried dieting more and have failed (repeatedly). Saying to them "if you really want to you will" is about as useful as saying to a person living in crushing poverty that "if you really want to get wealthy you will". Well, duh! In many cases, in my believe, it simply plays into prejudices about obese people which makes it harder, not easier, for them to succeed.

I sadly agree that this is certainly part of the problem. Weight loss in this country can be far more complicated for some than for others -- usually due to psychological factors or unknown physical factors (i.e. undiagnosed thyroid issues, insulin resistance, adrenal imbalance, etc.). And often times, too many are told that they simply don't *want* it enough.

I'd say get a reality check -- are you eating well, both the content of your food as well as your macros? If you're not sure, start a diary so you can be honest with yourself and look at what you're *actually* doing. So much of weightloss is diet. Then, throw in some exercise, even if just good walks. If you're confident that you're doing that, then really push for other reasons -- whether psychological or physical. Best of luck to you!

IIIIISerenityNowIIIII

I agree with it, unless there is a medical condition of course.

psmd

What is personally motivating you to want to lose weight? Your looks? Your health? Is it holding you back from something?

Decide WHY you want it and focus on that. If you want to change things bad enough, you will feel like you'll do WHATEVER it take, including the unpleasantries of eating healthy and exercising.

Good luck!

lamps1303

My most recent fitness kick just came to me. One day I woke up and decided I wanted to join the gym and log what I was eating. I was never overweight, I just have some BF I want to shift. The fact my brother and boyfriend go to the gym regularly probably had something to do with it. Whilst we don't attend the same gym, we now all have that mutual ground and common interest and we support each other and give each other tips and advice.

You're never going to shift any weight, and more importantly keep it off, unless you really want to and you're serious about it. Too many people lose a load of weight by sticking to a strict diet and exercise regime, then pile it all on again once they reach their goal weight. It's about a lifestyle change - if you're not willing to change your lifestyle, i.e. exercising more (whether that just be walking to work/school rather than drive) and eating less (create calorie deficit - you can still incorporate treats IIFYM), then no advice or guidance will work. You have to WANT to change.

There will be a time when this desire will no doubt come, just try not to leave it too late. I seriously wish you all the luck

pinksmama

It's much easier to stay the path if you're committed, which would imply you want to achieve your goal, whatever it may be..

misschoppo

I have no doubt at all that you want to lose weight otherwise you wouldn't be here. But there is a difference between wanting it and working for it. If you are prepared to put in the work outs and adjust your food intake and apply those changes consistently month in month out, not just for short periods before reverting to old habits, that is when you will see positive progress both visually and on the scale. Wanting and wishing for it and implementing changes to actually make it happen are 2 different things so in that sense your mum is right, if you can't motivate yourself to make those changes (consistently) that will put you on the path to weight loss success, then you don't want it enough.

LB30

"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."

My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.

Follow up question:

When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?

I agree with your mom. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten". I know that is incredibly cliche but also quite honest. If I'm reading your statement correctly, you don't WANT to eat healthy and you don't WANT to exercise. Some people just don't. And that is fine. You are the one who lives in your body, and if you are happy and comfortable in it, then that is where you'll be. What made her make that statement? Was it just a random comment? It reads as if you may have been upset or complaining about not losing weight. If that is so, it doesn't sound to me like she is unsupportive, rather she is putting the ball in your court. Only YOU can do this. Figure out where you stand, with regard to calories in/out, emotions, overall health/happiness, etc., and go from there. Try something different. It doesn't have to be everything all at once. Just a step out of the norm. See what happens.

On the question of epiphany, I think you'll know it when you see it/feel it. I've had many 'epiphanies' regarding my weight. Most of them came from vanity. My motivation now is my risk for T2 diabetes. I've been told by my doctor that I run a higher risk due to family history and having had 2 bouts of gestational diabetes (insulin shots 4x's/ day for 3-4 months) and I'd rather never go back. I don't know if that would ever happen, but I'd rather take any precautions that I can to avoid it. It will take time to get these last few lbs off, but I'm patient (usually) and making several small changes I can live with. I don't really love exercise. I do it happily some days, grudgingly on others. Either way, I make myself do something, hit the gym, walk a little more, move more at home, just something that is above what my normal day would consist of.

I wish you the best of luck & happiness on whatever you decide. :flowerforyou:

SezxyStef

it's in my profile...you either want it or you don't...pretty simple.

If you want money you find a way to get it.
If you want supper you find something to eat
If you want a child you do what you need to do to get pregnant or adopt

You want to lose weight...you start with a calorie deficet and maybe exercise...

If you aren't really sure you give it a half assed attempt and give up when you find an excuse...even a little one.

FGWBSG82

If you are like me, its not that you don't want to lose weight. You just don't want to put in the work it takes to lose weight. That is how I am. When I think about how hard it is going to be and how long it will take, I quit before I actually even start. I am new to MFP and I have only lost three pounds but I am more motivated now more than I have been in the past. My defining moment I guess you could say is when I stepped on the scale and realized I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with both of my children. TERRIBLE! I don't know how I let it happen. Anyway, don't give up. You CAN do it. You just have to start somewhere

mpls_heather

It is different for everyone. I had put so much on hold for everyone else and the weight kept creeping up. I hit my moment when I stepped on the scale and it said 236. How did this happen? I said that is enough and I am back in the gym and eating healthy. After 44 days, I am down to 220 and down about 9 inches. I am lifting weights again and running faster than ever. My biggest hurdle was getting over the guilt of going to the gym on weekends instead of just staying home with my husband (kids are all out of the house now). I no longer feel guilty about improving my health. My husband and I eat a little different at mealtime, mine is meat-free and lower in calories. I workout over my lunch breaks and log everything in MFP. I’m even doing two-a-days once a week. I also had to accept the fact that I’m in this alone and don’t have the support I want/need at home and I am okay with that.

Good luck to you. No one can force you; you have to be ready to want it 100 percent. There is no 75 percent in this game.

emilysfatsuit

I agree, your mother knows best. Losing weight is mental warfare. Every single day. Once you decide that you want to live your life in a healthy, happy, fit body, you'll be willing to wake up earlier, exercise, eat healthy food, go to bed with deliciously sore muscles, and a smile on your face.

kl498

I was 150lbs senior year in high school once summer hit i wanted to lose weight to look better when I go to college. So I started eating healthy and workout. Once I started seeing results, I just wanted to keep going and now its a life style and hobby of mine. I don't think of working out as actually working anymore but something I actually like to do.

lavendy17

When I think about how hard it is going to be and how long it will take, I quit before I actually even start.

I saw something in a fortune cookie and totally made me look at this sentiment differently-
It doesn't matter how long it takes to make your dream come true- time passes anyway!

For me that meant, if it took me 3 years to get to my goal, would I rather be at my goal in 3 years, or with a 20lbs gain? Or the even the same?

Lesa_Sass

Yep, I agree with the statement.

I used to drink to much when I drank. I had no desire to stop drinking, I loved it. UNTIL, something bad happened to me in my own home that made me realize that I had a problem with alcohol, so I stopped because I wanted it bad enough.

I loved smoking, love love loved it. Until I got a call from my doctor one day that I was in the beginning stages of emphyzema and I stopped smoking because I wanted to bad enough.

I was a vegetarian touting how wonderful I thought Quorn products were. Someone on here made the statement they could not believe anyone would eat a fake meat product when there were real meat products in the world, I rolled my eyes and thought they were crazy and would never give up my veggie burgers and my 90 calorie fiber one brownies....then I came down with an auto immune disease and had to cut the processed and refined foods out of my diet because they cause inflammation and a great deal of pain.

So with me, something bad has to happen before I will stop doing something I love or start doing something I did not want to do. I have always been rather athletic and enjoyed exercise, so that was never an issue.

I hope it does not take something bad to happen to you before you wake up one day and realize that you really need to lose weight. Or even worse, come on 48 days before a wedding and ask how to lose 100 pounds in that 48 days.

You do not have to do this all at once. You can start by cutting out one bad food choice at a time and replace it with something better for you.

Good luck.

didislim

I LOVE THIS!!!!!

Thank you!

didislim

Just my opinion...

Being fat is hard.
Dieting is hard.
Maintaining is hard.

Choose your hard.

Sorry forgot the quote. .. LOL But I love this quote

CattOfTheGarage

There's wanting to do it, then there's wanting to want to do it.

I wanted to want to lose weight for a few years, but it's only recently that that turned into really wanting to get down and do it.

The difference? Logging. My brother said, "do myfitnesspal". I was like, "OK, why not?" For a couple of weeks I just logged my food and activity, made no effort to change it. But those red numbers did it for me. I started wanting to see green numbers.

Then when my diet and exercise patterns changed, my body started to want more veg, more water, more balanced food. As the weight started to come off (and you'll see from my ticker, I'm not talking big weight, but it made a surprising difference) my body started to want to move more.

Start where you are. You don't want to do it, but you want to want to. That's enough to get you started. So start logging. Don't try to change what you're doing right now, just log. Religiously. And see where the journey takes you.

rhileyschubbygranny

When I first started here, I asked a similar question regarding working out and exercise. One answer that stuck with me because it was blunt, to the point and honest : You don't want it bad enough.....YET!!!! Some people think that sounds harsh but for me, it was truth. I wanted the body and the benefits that come from working out, I just didn't want to do the work, which really meant, I didn't want it bad enough. I still hate working out but I force myself because I now want it THAT bad.

I wish you luck in your weight loss journey. I hope that you find your way to weight happiness.

This is me also all the way! I just didn't want to bad enough...YET, but now I do. And I actually now feel bad and guilty if I don't exercise at least 5 days a week.

jenna808

I've struggled with my weight and body image my whole life, and I would "try" diets and exercise but never stuck to anything. I really do think it's because I wasn't ready in a way, not that I wasn't ready to lose weight, but I wasn't ready to put in the work, take control, or potentially fail. It was more of a confidence thing, which is silly because getting healthier has made me more confident than anything ever has. I would look at fit, healthy people and think "why not me?!" and then realized "no really, why not me? There's no reason I can't do it too". It's hard and took a long time for me to find what worked for me, but now I can't imagine going back to where I was before.

If I had spent a fraction as much time being active and eating better as I did wishing I would have in my life, I'd be in freakishly amazing shape by now haha.

an0nemus

"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."

My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.

Follow up question:

When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?

To a degree I agree with this, but only to a degree.

I've dieted when I didn't want to lose weight (but felt like I should) and failed miserably. I also dieted when I wanted to and I lost weight.

for the most part, I find losing weight a self enforcing habit. When I see myself looking better, and I feel better, I want to keep losing. When I stop (or worse, start gaining) nothing can make me want to keep on dieting.

Forever4me

My initial reaction upon reading the statement was that your mother is an idiot. When I read your explanation I realize that your mother is exactly correct.

Look, for anything in life there are a million reasons to do it and a million reasons not to do it. All of them are valid. You've been choosing from the "Not to" side. That's your right and no one should judge you for it. However, making that choice and then complaining about the consequences is just annoying. If you want to make that choice, and again it is a valid choice, then don't complain about being heavy or out of shape. Accept both sides of your choice.

As for when you will choose differently, that's entirely up to you. Every day is a new opportunity to choose. Maybe tomorrow you will choose differently, Maybe you never will. Just know that when you do there will be a lot of folks here willing to help.

^^This, combined with "Pick your Hard" is when it finally clicked for me. I always thought every day was about being "perfect" with diet and exercise. I beat myself up when I wasn't. I always felt either deprived (but perfect) or guilty (but a failure). But then it clicked: the beauty of this world is that we get to make choices. So perhaps tonight you choose the burger and fries (and log it) but then tomorrow you need to choose to eat less (theoretically) or choose to exercise more. This is real life, and no one is perfect, so don't put that burden on yourself right away. If you make the "big" choice to take care of yourself, then if it's too overwhelming to go big, then go small, because the small changes will add up as well.

Best of luck!

MissKim78

I am the same way! When I think about how hard the weight is to lose, and all the work involved, it can be very discouraging. I have tried "half-a**ed" a few times to lose weight without success. Now I am just sick of how I look and feel. But I know if I try to jump into anything big or make tons of changes, I won't stick with it.

I only joined MFP about 2 weeks ago. I have set my goal to be 1lb a week. All I have done is started to log everything I put in my mouth & tracking my calories. I also started making little changes to get some excercise....like taking the stairs, cleaning more at home (extra bonus: my house is clean!), parking further away from a store etc. I am starting with baby steps since for me, it will be easier to stick with and it isn't as intimidating as a whole new diet or exercise plan.

I will admit I have been lazy all my life....its how I grew up. And with bad eating habits. Those are all very difficult to change. You do have to want it....but also have to understand that what works for others, might not work for you. Find what works for you. Just start with logging all you eat. This gives you a visual of what you are eating. Sometimes you don't realize what and how much you are taking in! Then go from there, change some eating habits, add some light exercise etc. As you progess, set bigger goals and make a little bigger changes.

Good luck and friend me if you want! :flowerforyou: