being undermined

michellekicks

She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.

Just_Bella

You can not control the actions of others. You are a grown woman, nobody is going to make accommodations for you. I have ice cream, chips, pastries, cookies, all that good stuff in my house and I choose not to eat it, or if I do choose to I make sure it fits within my goals. You need to make a conscious effort regardless of what is around you. If it was easy the whole world would be fit.

Llamapants86

She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.

This^^ She isn't undermining you, she's treating you like the child you are acting like. You choose what goes in your mouth, no one else. Take responsibility for your actions; including the fork to mouth action.

brianpperkins

She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.

If you go to her house, you live by her house rules ... pretty simple.

MB_Positif

This is not undermining. You are an adult. Don't eat it.

DustyMarie506

That doesn't sound like "undermining". It just sounds to me like she makes unhealthy choices for herself and genuinely doesn't see what she's doing as being harmful to herself, so how can she possibly understand the effect it has on *you*?

Model healthy behaviour. Make good choices and stick to them, even in the face of ice cream and mini doughnuts. She might catch on. Or not. But either way, you are responsible for yourself, and accountable to yourself. Her choices are hers.

I agree with this 100 percent. I am currently in a temporary living situation with my parents, both of whom have a variety of medical conditions (diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, etc.). Their health is not a priority to them. The diet choices that they make are adding to the issues which they already have.

Because of their Southern upbringing, many of the meals my parents make are high in calories, sodium, sugar, and fat. If I am being honest, sometimes they do make me feel guilty for turning down the food they prepare. However, I know that I am an adult, and regardless of my living situation, I have to make the choices that are important for my health. I always assure them that I appreciate the offer, but they know that I am going to make the decisions that are best for me.

As for your mom, it appears that she is bringing you food which she believes will comfort you. She is more than likely not thinking of the "healthiness" of her choices. Like others have said, in the end, the choice is yours.

craftywitch_63

My Dad is a "food pusher" too, even when he asks me if I've gained weight 5 mins before. You just have to say no. I know its hard if you have no will power, but you have to.

To the others that seem so sure of themselves, I'm glad you have have it all together and have no weaknesses. Wish I was you.

I've never heard the term "food pusher" before but I love it. I spent 20 years married to a closet food pusher. He would tell me how "heavy" I was becoming, then go out and buy gallons of my favorite ice cream and eat it in front of me. It's taken me 11 years to recover from the ED that I allowed him to refine in me. Now when someone tells me "a little [trigger food] won't hurt" I'll mentally label them a food pusher, smile, say no AGAIN and walk away. At least, that's my plan! :drinker:

knra_grl

Mothers feed their kids - especially when they are sick - but whether you eat something or not is up to you - turn down the sweets - if you tell her you would love some homemade chicken soup I bet she would make it

SimplyMicheleR

We went to the Zoo on a hot day, and treated ourselves to Gelato from a stand there. At first the servings looked SO tiny (maybe 1/2 cup), but they gave us mini spoons to eat them with - smaller surface than an Iced Tea spoon. I could barely finish mine, and my 6'4" 330 lb husband and monster child also thought it was a lot by the time they were done. Lesson learned!

Since then even when my son's friends come over I give them ice cream in a fancy Sunday tall glass, with an iced tea spoon - they have the same reaction - looking like "that's all!?" but when I ask them after they are done if they want more, they always tell me they've had enough.

Portion yourself. eat off small plates and use small utensils, and you can "cheat" and still feel satisfied.

JoanneC1216

so, due to illness, and not wanting/feeling up to cooking, i am just slightly over my calories today. not a big deal here and there, given the circumstances, right?

so what does my mom do? stick ice cream in my face. thanks mom. oh yeah, she bought 2 boxes of mini doughnuts, and we still have chips in the house from my son's birthday party.

and SHE'S the diabetic.

Apparently, your mom doesn't want to cook either ;-)

I don't think she's undermining you. She's a mom. Mom's will be moms. My mother was a diabetic and lived on pasta and bread. Couldn't get her to change her diet for nothing.

All her delicious Italian dishes were drenched in olive oil. Did I eat it? Sure, sometimes. Of course I was thin back then. When I wanted to watch what I was eating, she would be so distraught that I wasn't eating her pasta. God I would give anything for her to be alive right now to give me a hard time. :-)

Amandawith3kids

Mothers feed their kids - especially when they are sick - but whether you eat something or not is up to you - turn down the sweets - if you tell her you would love some homemade chicken soup I bet she would make it

yeah, she would. shes a good person really, and she wasnt offering it to be mean, she was getting one for herself (it was a klondike bar) and asked me and my hubby what flavor we wanted. i just said no thank you, and she didnt try to force it on me.

it's REALLY hard to see her making poor choices when i know how much better she used to eat. she lost 50lbs when she was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago. her a1c is as good as my non-diabetic self, at right around a 5.5 (7.0 makes a diagnoses of diabetes fyi) and then to add another layer i know i;m the one thats going to take care of her when shes really old and can no longer take care of herself. which, really is fine, and how it's supposed to be, but it sucks knowing i'm going to lose her early when i dont have to. it's also REALLY hard to make her eat better when her a1c IS so good, she seems to think that as long as that number is ok, everything else is moot, but then beats herself up when she goes to the dr and shes gained weight. so she buckles down again to lose the 5 pounds or whatever, and then never makes any real progress.

i never asked her to change her diet or told her she HAD to. i did offer to do it together with her, but she refused. i'll be sitting there with an egg and something or other healthy for breakfast, and shes eating two slices of breakfast cake.

Amandawith3kids

Apparently, your mom doesn't want to cook either ;-)

nope. she got my cold. so far the only one who HASNT gotten is it, is my 2 year old. (knock on wood)

hararayne

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

Amandawith3kids

thank you.

Therealobi1

i always have to tell my mum no thank u. no thank you until she gives in. some days i will give in

Therealobi1

She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.

This^^ She isn't undermining you, she's treating you like the child you are acting like. You choose what goes in your mouth, no one else. Take responsibility for your actions; including the fork to mouth action.

bit over the top response
i guess it would stop the obesity rate though

morehealthymatt

So, she's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to eat junk food? Think you should call the police first.

Is this about food or control issues with your mom?

Do you live with mom?

brianpperkins

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

Feeling undermined and being undermined are not necessarily the same thing.

Rose6300

We went to the Zoo on a hot day, and treated ourselves to Gelato from a stand there. At first the servings looked SO tiny (maybe 1/2 cup), but they gave us mini spoons to eat them with - smaller surface than an Iced Tea spoon. I could barely finish mine, and my 6'4" 330 lb husband and monster child also thought it was a lot by the time they were done. Lesson learned!

Since then even when my son's friends come over I give them ice cream in a fancy Sunday tall glass, with an iced tea spoon - they have the same reaction - looking like "that's all!?" but when I ask them after they are done if they want more, they always tell me they've had enough.

Portion yourself. eat off small plates and use small utensils, and you can "cheat" and still feel satisfied.

I've experienced the same thing myself with gelato and those tiny spoons. It's so true!

skinnyinnotime

I guess this thread didn't go as expected OP.

Seriously though, just be grateful you have a mum who cares about you.

I would give anything for my mum to be on this earth again, to spoil and comfort me like she did if I needed it or not, cakes n all!!