my fiance keeps junk in the house

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  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
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    Put all the junk in a cupboard. Buy a lock and he gets the key :laugh: :wink:
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    Believe it or not...I have learned to have a few, and leave the rest. That's how I went from 195 lbs to 130 lbs and have maintained that weight loss for over a year. With the stress of adding a new person to the household, I have crept up 3 lbs. No big deal, right? lol...we all know that's where it starts. And I know it is MY choice what goes into MY body. He does not hold me down and funnel food into my body. He does bring home 3 kinds of ice cream, bottles of booze, and I think there are four varieties of chips in the pantry right now, along with peanut butter cups and m&m's. These are things that were never in the house before he moved in...I would buy a small portion when I was absolutely craving, but not have the supplies in the house. If I were an alcoholic, would the community expect me to live with booze in the house? I don't know. Maybe so.
  • njitaliana
    njitaliana Posts: 814 Member
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    My husband buys some junk food, but he keeps it up high in a cabinet that I can't reach so it won't tempt me. I think your fiance should be willing to at least do something like that.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    I think your fiance's eating has nothing to do with yours. :flowerforyou:
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
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    I have a big, massive problem with the term, "it isn't MY problem, it's yours."
    It's a rude, ignorant, and dismissive term. My hubs knows better than to say it around me.
    Yep, it's up to you to control your food issues, but it's his job to support you. What's he going to say to you during other life issues? Even if he doesn't have a weight problem, junk food still isn't healthy, even for him. Wait till it sneaks up on him.
  • Kita328
    Kita328 Posts: 370 Member
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    YES! It is hard. My boyfriend eats whatever he wants...I have to manage my eating like whoa. Grocery shopping was tough yesterday he got all the things he wanted that I shouldn't eat. I just have to have self control...which is tough! Ultimately I am the one who puts the food in my body and I just have to compromise- Id love to say get that junk outta here...but we share our space I cant make him his eating because I want to change mine.

    Like yesterday we were super busy we grabbed some food on the go- he was like hey lets just stop at McDonalds to get a burger. I was like ok we can go there and when we went I got a salad he was shocked- trust me I wanted that burger...but it was'nt worth it.

    Good luck. It is hard I wish you the best!
  • Luv2Smile55
    Luv2Smile55 Posts: 133 Member
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    good thoughts all. thank you. I did think I was reasonable asking for a four week clean period...just to get my feet under me. And we have only been together five months....and you're right...it's been making me rethink things.

    You're not being unreasonable at all. I have been married for nearly 39 years and my sweet hubby has always been thin. Obviously he's the blessed one. :smile: This being said. I am the one with the problem and as much as I wish I could live in a "controlled environment" it's NEVER gonna happen. I agree with some of the others posters who mentioned having things in the house that you CAN have that help you through when he pulls his naughty stash out. :noway:

    Great luck to you! And keep remembering ... YOU CAN DO THIS!! :happy: :flowerforyou:
  • lsorci919
    lsorci919 Posts: 772 Member
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    My husband loves his junk food! Knowing that, I have to keep things in the house that I can have as a substitute when his fat snacks are taunting me. Over the last 7/8 months I have learned to get a grip on my cravings and if I do have a not so healthy choices in food, I do it in moderation. I'm lucky I haven't had to ask him to not keep that stuff in the house. Not that he would stop though. Might seem harsh but I think you need to work on your self control. Just because there are cookies doesn't mean you have to eat them.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    It sounds like both of you are getting to know one another (after 5 months) and now are getting to know living habits. If you two are in it for the long haul, both of you will have to stick out this adjustment period and learn to compromise. (and that is not limited to food choices)
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    Yep, it's up to you to control your food issues, but it's his job to support you.

    So, he HAS to suffer..........strong logic
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
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    It's his place too right? Just because it's there, doesn't mean you have to eat it. My husband is the same way and I have been good about it because I control myself.
  • ebayaddict0127
    ebayaddict0127 Posts: 523 Member
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    Maybe asking him to completely remove these things from the house is a bit too much. Is there somewhere else he could keep it so you won't see or think about it as much? Try to find a compromise. Good luck!
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    Is eating in a healthy manner suffering?
  • Tabitha_Faye
    Tabitha_Faye Posts: 131
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    Sadly, I agree with your fiancé. Yes, it's hard to say "no" to those foods, but why should your fiancé suffer in the process? Speaking from experience, my husband is the same way. He is a bottomless pit and can eat whatever he wants; at one point, I tried to push my diet on him. I would ask him to keep the junk food away, but it didn't work and, well, it shouldn't have to. YOU have to learned to control YOURSELF -- whether or not the food is present.

    If it fits your calories/macros, treat yourself to those foods in moderation. Do NOT restrict yourself or your fiancé. You both will be more happy, I promise!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    You're engaged after 5 months and living together a month? Maybe you need to get to know each other better?
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    I think you are both wrong: It is in general not realistic to expect junk food or whatever other things you find tempting to disappear so you can maintain or lose weight. So, not having found some balance, it is your problem. On the other hand, him knowing this stresses you and him not making any effort, not even for a few weeks to help you feel better, not even discussing the issue, would make me wonder where exactly we stand in this relationship in your shoes. Especially if this is a relatively recent relationship and not e.g. a 15 year engagement.

    Me thinks it is up to the OP to decide what goes in her mouth. I am in the same situation, but guess what I had to learn my limitations and how much I can eat and when to say NO. We usually have peanuts, cashew nuts, chocolate, croissants (all my weaknesses), but I make 1 serving of nuts my daily intake (sometimes 2) if I exercise hard that day. I would eat a croissant once a week. The OP have to make choices and should realize that the world does not stop because she is losing weight.

    So, you think it's completely unreasonable to have the support of your partner?

    I always find these threads interesting because of the amount of variance in what is/isn't acceptable in a relationship. If my husband told me "too bad, it's your problem" and didn't support me (not just with weight loss, but with anything) it would likely end the relationship. I won't have a partner that doesn't support me. While I strongly believe in finding middle grounds, the flat "too bad, not my problem" response that the OP's partner has, wouldn't equal a very long relationship with me.

    ETA** I support him with his goals as well. It's not all about me. :laugh:

    It did end mine. Not just dealing with my ED but that whole "too bad, it's your problem" attitude. Even when it was HIS problem - like his PTSD.

    And I DID support him with his goals. I uprooted three kids, assorted pets, an entire household and started a new job approx. every 3 years or so (he was in the military).

    Now, I'm willing to meet a partner 1/2 way but he has to meet ME 1/2 way too. OP, banning the junk food from the house is extreme - you said it was your home before he moved in, so you want him to feel at home, too, but if you issue an ultimatum like this, this tells him it's still "your" home versus "your + his" home. Giving him a space of his own to keep his junk food is like clearing a space for him in your closet - it gives him the signal that it's HIS home too.

    Good luck - I wish you the best!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: (for your wedding!)
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    Maybe asking him to completely remove these things from the house is a bit too much. Is there somewhere else he could keep it so you won't see or think about it as much? Try to find a compromise. Good luck!

    This is probably the best advice. Relationships are all about compromise. He will not give up his evening drink(s) which is why I asked to just keep beer and red wine in house, the other stuff he could easily keep at work....just for four weeks. and then maybe ease things back in as many wise members have suggested. A cupboard for him and a cupboard for me. We have a beautiful Elfa pantry with lots of storage and drawers. A healthy drawer and a "decadent" drawer may be the solution.
  • Kita328
    Kita328 Posts: 370 Member
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    These are things that were never in the house before he moved in...I would buy a small portion when I was absolutely craving, but not have the supplies in the house. If I were an alcoholic, would the community expect me to live with booze in the house? I don't know. Maybe so.

    IF you were an alcoholic and you chose to allow someone who drinks frequently to be a part of your daily life- then yes I would say you should allow it in YOUR house.
    I hate to be rude but it sounds like you see this home to be YOURS- and that might be why he is'nt supporting you in your healthy lifestyle. He is asserting himself in that house- in a way that is allowable. He obviously knows it isnt HIS home really- so what can he control- the food.

    Think about these things...most conflicts have bigger issues than whats on the surface. Scratch that issue and try to fix it I bet your man will be more supportive of you- Sounds like he doesn't feel supported.

    Food for thought
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
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    You mentioned that you've been together only 5 months but he moved in a month ago and you're engaged? That's moving awfully fast.

    This needs compromise on both sides. I agree with the point that you are ultimately responsible for what you eat, but your fiancé sounds like he's unwilling to make any changes at all on his side and that's wrong. I'm married to a skinny man whose appetite is depressed by meds he's taking so he needs calorie-dense foods around. We keep things that aren't a major temptation for me- ice cream and packaged cookies, for example. If he insisted on filling the cabinets with cupcakes topped by mountains of frosting I'd be in trouble.

    I'd propose something that might work for you- having him "hide" things that are particular weaknesses of yours, or not bringing them into the house at all. If he's unwilling to make any changes at all I'd consider that a red flag.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Sorry, but YOU are the one with the problem and YOU have to deal with it. You can't expect him to not eat what he likes because you feel the need to deprive yourself. That's not fair to him. Get some self-control, OR have a little bit of the "junk" and be satisfied. There's candy in my bedroom and guess what? I have not pigged out on it, even though I love candy. I'm able to have one piece and be happy with it because I have self-control.

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