my fiance keeps junk in the house

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  • Rehobobound
    Rehobobound Posts: 143 Member
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    Congratulations on your 65lb weight lose.

    Honestly, I'm having a problem with all the "it's your problem get self control" comments myself.

    Relationships have to be based on compromise or they will not work. That means both people, people! As others have opined, there might be an underlying issue that's causing a power struggle. See if the two of you can figure that out together.

    As my Mom told me before I got married: Make sure your partner is your friend. The glow and excitement of true love wanes over time and you better like the person you married. Marriage has a lot of ups and downs, you are in a position to really suss things out before the wedding.

    My husband and I started living together after 6 months of dating 23 years ago. It can work, but seriously get things worked out before the plunge. There are days I wish I had.

    Best of Luck
  • desireecl
    desireecl Posts: 73 Member
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    I honestly think most couples could benefit from some sort of couples counseling. I also think it speaks volumes of my fella and me that we recognize this, and are willing to stick our necks out a bit and put ourselves in a situation that isn't always comfortable.

    I wholeheartedly agree. Better to go through premarital counseling, work on communication and problem solving and try to build a strong, healthy relationship than to go through the animosity, expense and trauma of divorce later on (especially if children are involved). My best to you both as you work out the kinks :)
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
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    four pages and not one "my blank keeps his junk in ..."comment? has MFP lost its touch?
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,692 Member
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    [harsh advice follows]

    I'd suggest not trying to push what is ultimately your issue into being his problem.

    The fact is it is up to YOU to deal with your food choices and maintenance, and the rest of the world won't change to make it easier for you.
    This. He's not on a weight loss plan you are.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Boogage
    Boogage Posts: 739 Member
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    Ugh I have 5 kids in the house who love to be surrounded by junk food. Just gotta learn to say no.
  • jmv7117
    jmv7117 Posts: 891 Member
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    My fiancé has never struggled with his weight in his life, and the women he's been with in the past were extremely thin as well. I've lost 60 lbs over the past three years, and struggle every day to maintain that loss. I've asked him a few times to please keep chips, candy, ice cream and all alcohol but beer and red wine (I don't care for these) out of the house. He won't, and makes me feel weak and stupid for asking for such a thing. Just this morning, I asked if maybe we could keep these things out of the house just for four weeks, so I could get a handle on my eating....and he refused, saying that I'm the one with a problem. I know I'm the one with a problem, and I suppose I'm selfish for asking for accommodations. Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what did you do? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
    Laura

    We do a lot of entertaining and currently my husband is not trying to lose weight. We have all of what you mentioned in our home. My goal is fitness which includes getting to my ideal weight BUT that does not mean I live in a vacuum or that others must change their eating habits due to my choices. You can lose weight while enjoying all of what you mentioned in moderation as long as you create a calorie deficit. That being said, we eat a rather healthy diet that is about 85% clean relying on home cooking and very little in the way of processed foods. Essentially, either don't eat the foods you mentioned (will power) or eat in moderation while keeping a calorie deficit AND let your fiance make his own food choices.
  • GSXRGIRL61
    GSXRGIRL61 Posts: 6,287 Member
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    I've been married to the light of my life, boy of my dreams for almost 22 years now. He knows I struggle with binge eating and the after effects. He also knows that I try my best to stay slim and healthy, partly for him, mostly for me. However, he really does love potato chips (thankfully, that's not a problem for me), peanut M&Ms, and brownies/cookies. When I bake him brownies, I just tell him to hide them from me. If I buy him peanut M&Ms, same thing. Putting these things out of sight is amazingly effective. I think he also knows that there might not be anything left for him if he left the brownies out:blushing:

    Have you asked him to put them where you won't see them? I mean, really, is that asking too much? If it is too much and he won't support you in wanting to stay slim and healthy, I'd seriously be rethinking some things. If the positions were reversed and he were, say, a recovering alcoholic and you drank in front of him and kept booze in the house in plain sight all of the time, I'm pretty sure we'd all be calling you some pretty caustic stuff, and selfish would be the least of it. If he ever has to go on a special diet because of diabetes or heart disease or whatever, I would bet money that you would change everything to help him become healthy and stay alive. If you wouldn't, well, hmmmm.

    Ultimately, you are in control of what goes in your mouth. I totally get that; however, the emotional issues that cause many of us to junk to an extreme are way more powerful than we know. On the flip side, all of us have passed by Girl Scouts selling cookies and just said no (or in my case, "get behind me, Satan!"). We've all been to events where our trigger foods are present and have been able to say "That doesn't work for me, but thanks for the offer."

    BTW, I was married for 5 years to one of the most selfish humans on the face of the earth. It was hell. Just sayin'
  • RushBabe_214
    RushBabe_214 Posts: 115
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    [harsh advice follows]

    I'd suggest not trying to push what is ultimately your issue into being his problem.

    The fact is it is up to YOU to deal with your food choices and maintenance, and the rest of the world won't change to make it easier for you.

    ^^ Yep.
  • xdinmammasMFPx
    xdinmammasMFPx Posts: 10
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    You think it's selfish to ask him to lay off the junk food for a month in what is your house? My fiancé stopped buying junk food when I started my weight loss trip because he could see how hard it was for me not to go binging. I didn't even have to ask him to.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,136 Member
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    OP, do you act like this when you're at other people's homes, meaning asking them to remove all the "junk" food so you can be there?

    I do agree with a PP who suggested this is turning into a power struggle. Yes, this is your home you've invite him to share, but you can't compromise and let him have "junk" foods? If even having him a cabinet or snack box for his "junk" foods isn't something you can deal with, you should probably just break up.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    again...thanks to the members who offered solutions, not judgments. It is appreciated, and I have a direction to go now.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    OP, do you act like this when you're at other people's homes, meaning asking them to remove all the "junk" food so you can be there?

    I do agree with a PP who suggested this is turning into a power struggle. Yes, this is your home you've invite him to share, but you can't compromise and let him have "junk" foods? If even having him a cabinet or snack box for his "junk" foods isn't something you can deal with, you should probably just break up.

    I actually agreed with those who suggested such compromise. and thank you for the kind and supportive words.
  • jmv7117
    jmv7117 Posts: 891 Member
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    Believe it or not...I have learned to have a few, and leave the rest. That's how I went from 195 lbs to 130 lbs and have maintained that weight loss for over a year. With the stress of adding a new person to the household, I have crept up 3 lbs. No big deal, right? lol...we all know that's where it starts. And I know it is MY choice what goes into MY body. He does not hold me down and funnel food into my body. He does bring home 3 kinds of ice cream, bottles of booze, and I think there are four varieties of chips in the pantry right now, along with peanut butter cups and m&m's. These are things that were never in the house before he moved in...I would buy a small portion when I was absolutely craving, but not have the supplies in the house. If I were an alcoholic, would the community expect me to live with booze in the house? I don't know. Maybe so.

    Believe it or not some recovering alcoholics are still living with booze in the house and still living with their enablers. Sure it is more challenging but life goes on. They have the choice of consciously deciding not to take that first drink each day whether or not there is alcohol in the house. Put in in perspective. Is a recovering alcoholic expected to give up all aspects of his or her former life? I don't think so. It takes willpower, determination and commitment much the same as it does for any lifestyle change including weight loss.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    [harsh advice follows]

    I'd suggest not trying to push what is ultimately your issue into being his problem.

    The fact is it is up to YOU to deal with your food choices and maintenance, and the rest of the world won't change to make it easier for you.
    This. He's not on a weight loss plan you are.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Yeah, but he could assist a little. Keeping it where she can see it is taunting her . . . "See what you can't have? Hahaha!" which is selfish, even if it is unconsciously selfish (not saying he's a bad guy or kick him to the curb, he may not know he's doing this.) Putting it out of sight is an awesome compromise. He gets to keep his junk food, she doesn't have to see it. Believe it or not, if each person gives up a little power, the relationship will be stronger. Good luck on the counseling. Proactive counseling is a wise decision. The fact that he's even agreed to counseling means that he's a "keeper."
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    I am an alcoholic, when I first got sober my husband, who enjoys alcohol but does not have an issue with it, did not even have a drink around me for the first 4 months of my sobriety and did not bring alcohol into the house until I told him it was okay (about a year).

    My point is, my husband loves me more than he does alcohol and did what ever he could to support me.

    I am glad I married a man like that.

    End of story.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I was asking an honest question about the alcohol analogy...that's why I said, "maybe so...I don't know" thank you for your kindness and understanding in providing your perspective on the issue.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    My man keeps his junk in his pants!
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
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    [harsh advice follows]

    I'd suggest not trying to push what is ultimately your issue into being his problem.

    The fact is it is up to YOU to deal with your food choices and maintenance, and the rest of the world won't change to make it easier for you.

    Exactly! Get a grip on your own motivation, self discipline and control.
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
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    I keep the junk my husband likes in the house and then I DO NOT TOUCH THEM!
    I feel very proud of myself for doing this.
    Remember it is far easier to resist then take that first bite and then resist.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    and for the record...I'm kind of sorry I asked the original question. This is the first time I've ever started a thread, and wow...people....I really just wanted to know how junk food and I could co exist or the best compromise solutions others out there have found. For those of you who have provided positive and workable solutions...thank you so much. For those of you who feel the need to attack, blame, name call, and degrade. For shame. It says far more about you than it does about me or my relationship.

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