my fiance keeps junk in the house

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  • establishingaplace
    establishingaplace Posts: 301 Member
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    Compromise is the key in all relationship conflicts. He should support your desire to maintain your weight, and you should support his desire for junk food.

    My boyfriend and I very rarely buy junk food when we grocery shop, and when we do, we buy one thing we know will be gone the same day. I don't like to keep junk around because I will eat it. For the most part, he gets his junk food fixes when he's not home, but when he does bring it home, I just figure it's his food and it would be rude of me to eat it.

    Maybe your fiance can have his own cabinet in the kitchen, or a place somewhere else in the house to stash his goodies? If he buys his own junk food on his own time, maybe you can just adopt the thinking that he bought it and it's his. Or maybe he can not keep junk food in the house but buy it when he wants it (which may not work for you depending where you live).

    Bottom line is, find a way to make this work for both of you. When he says you're the one with the problem, say "yes, I do have a problem, and I'm asking you to support me." If he doesn't at all, then it's time to have a conversation about why he's being a bag of d*cks about it.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    When you love someone you're willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING, including your life for them. Therefore, I don't believe a small inconvenience like a lock box would be asking too much. If it is, he shouldn't be your fiance'. Period.

    Hmm, I'm willing to give my dear husband a kidney, but I don't think I will sacrifice my chocolate. BTW, is that sacrifice EVERYTHING a 2-way street, or does it just apply to men? Are females exempt from sacrificing EVERYTHING in the name of love, including bad eating habits and the blame game?
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I'm sure it will all work out. I am surprised by the ugly and hurtful reactions on the board labeled "motivation and support" I wasn't looking for someone to bash my guy or to bash me...but for people who have found solutions and compromises in similar situations.
    For those of you who offered realistic and workable suggestions...thanks so much, that's honestly what I was looking for.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    ...........
  • Kita328
    Kita328 Posts: 370 Member
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    I cant believe more people didnt say this:

    It isnt even about the food at this point. I can see there is a power struggle in your home...that is what you should focus on
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I don't know that a power struggle is necessarily the case, just two people trying to figure out how to combine lives and lifestyles. He's not an *kitten*...just a man. (lol) and I'm not a *****...just a woman. We're actually starting couples counseling, and maybe that will be more productive than this forum.
  • desireecl
    desireecl Posts: 73 Member
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    I think it may be helpful, as others have said, to have his/hers cupboards so his unhealthy snacks are not constantly in your face and so you can have something at hand to snack on while he indulges in whatever. Can't really go so far as to have a separate fridge/freezer, but it might help to label things as "his" (either just mentally or with a Sharpie) I have had roommates in one form or another my entire life and I basically look at it as "It is not mine, I didn't buy it, so I don't touch it." It is like anything else that is exclusively his...toothbrush, socks, email....
    Life is always going to present you with temptation and it is up to you to decide what goes into your own body. Your partner should be more supportive and respectful of your goals and your feelings, but at he same time, he shouldn't be forced to give up the things he enjoys either. I work in a grocery so I am constantly bombarded with tempting foods and people who come in to buy and enjoy them (many of whom are grossly overweight and should put down the Cheetos and pick up a carrot) but we will both have to deal with the consequences of our choices later. Do I want to be slim, healthy and active or do I want to be obese with heart disease and diabetes?
    On a side note, I hope that you and your fiance have planned a long engagement. Your courtship period and the time btwn starting dating and moving in together seem very short and you are obviously still getting to know one another. Your arguments now may be about junkfood and booze in the house, but you do not want to make a lifelong commitment to a man who is unsupportive, disrespectful and unwilling to compromise. Those characteristics will only become more ugly a time goes on.
    Not saying you should $%&*can your relationship over one disagreement, but keep your eyes open for patterns of behavior. You are in a honeymoon stage now and it is easy to be blinded by new love and not see evidence of being truly incompatible on a deeper level.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
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    that's a really good idea. it's difficult trying to mesh lifestyles, especially so quickly. I hope it works out for you.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    I don't know that a power struggle is necessarily the case, just two people trying to figure out how to combine lives and lifestyles. He's not an *kitten*...just a man. (lol) and I'm not a *****...just a woman. We're actually starting couples counseling, and maybe that will be more productive than this forum.

    Going to be blunt here....
    You two have been together for 5 months and you already need couples counseling? You are right, that will be more productive than this forum.

    edit spelling
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    no, my employer provides free family counseling, and we decided to take advantage of it in order to make our relationship better and stronger. more of a preemptive strike than a "need" These forums are difficult as communication is somewhat limited.
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
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    I don't know that a power struggle is necessarily the case, just two people trying to figure out how to combine lives and lifestyles. He's not an *kitten*...just a man. (lol) and I'm not a *****...just a woman. We're actually starting couples counseling, and maybe that will be more productive than this forum.

    It is likely the counselor will have more informed guidance to offer than an internet forum. Premarital counseling is a good thing.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I don't know that a power struggle is necessarily the case, just two people trying to figure out how to combine lives and lifestyles. He's not an *kitten*...just a man. (lol) and I'm not a *****...just a woman. We're actually starting couples counseling, and maybe that will be more productive than this forum.

    Going to be blunt here....
    You two have been together for 5 months and you already need couples counseling?

    My thoughts exactly... Good luck, you need it!
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    lol...right? Although many here think they can read very limited information, and diagnose with complete accuracy.
  • Rehobobound
    Rehobobound Posts: 143 Member
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    I have a teenage son and a junk fiend husband, so junk is in our house pretty much regularly. the junk has it's own cabinet and I try never to look in there. Perhaps this might help? Fairly new living arrangements can be stressful as we learn about our partners habits, desires etc. and how we come to compromises. All the Best.
  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
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    Obviously he has no respect for you or what you're trying to accomplish. So the answer is simple, pack him and his junk food up and kick them out.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I honestly think most couples could benefit from some sort of couples counseling. I also think it speaks volumes of my fella and me that we recognize this, and are willing to stick our necks out a bit and put ourselves in a situation that isn't always comfortable.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I have a teenage son and a junk fiend husband, so junk is in our house pretty much regularly. the junk has it's own cabinet and I try never to look in there. Perhaps this might help? Fairly new living arrangements can be stressful as we learn about our partners habits, desires etc. and how we come to compromises. All the Best.

    thank you for productive, uplifting, and reasonable suggestions.
  • panda4153
    panda4153 Posts: 417 Member
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    and a small part of me is very selfish. (or maybe a large part of me) I own my house, and was used to having my own way until he moved in a month ago. It's been a huge adjustment (as should be expected) and the whole situation stresses me out. not just the food.

    I think this might be more of the issue between you two. Have you made him feel like it is his home too. It may be that he does not feel like there is anything that is his, he moved into your house, this could be his way of claiming that he lives there too, and he wants equal consideration. No matter what you two should talk, living with someone else is a big adjustment, you both should be able to compromise, but if he feels like it not his place too, he could just be digging in his heels to make point, it might not be about the junk food at all.

    Thank you!
  • Fatflump1975
    Fatflump1975 Posts: 16
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    It's the same in my house, nice slim fella who eats junk!! But I'd never ask him to keep it out the house! You just need will power girl!! Lol
  • KristinaB83
    KristinaB83 Posts: 440 Member
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    Together for 5 months... He's not willing to help you... And you're going to be going to counseling... AND it's your house??? Kick him to the curb!

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