my fiance keeps junk in the house

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  • beccamorty
    beccamorty Posts: 29 Member
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    So maybe asking for him to not eat junk for four months is a little much, but he should be willing to compromise instead of just saying "it's your problem". What's your problem IS his problem, and if you're not happy that is only going to reflect your relationship.
    Just because someone is trying to lose weight and needs to be responsible for themselves doesn't mean they aren't allowed to have a support system.
    Maybe your fiancee could think about the health advantages for him for not having junk in the house. It's not always about losing weight.
    No one can tell you what to do about your relationship, obviously, but it is nice having a support system. I know that my boyfriend would try to help me no matter what (he even went vegan with me for a month :P), and in the long run that helps.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    four weeks. Just through march.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I must have found some self control...to lose 65 lbs. and keep it off for a year.
  • Jade0529
    Jade0529 Posts: 213 Member
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    My 2 cents

    Create a list for yourself regarding what sort of partner you want in your life. It will have 3 categories "must haves' "absolutely nots" and "willing to compromise on" Determine for yourself what each category contains. If you flat out decide that you need someone who is fully supportive of your healthier lifestyle and what that means to you (willing to ban certain foods for a while, will try to exercise with you etc) put that in your "must have" section.

    Create this full list and then write another based on your fiance. See how they match up and if there is anything you are happy to move about. It's not all black and white though. Is he willing to communicate? Do you discuss how YOU feel about this? Yes, it is your issue, and the discussion should not be about what he does "Wrong" but more about how it makes you feel. If he doesn't respect that, then consider if that is acceptable to you or not.

    I will also add is this a pattern of his? Does this "it's your problem" attitude show up in other areas? Determine if that is an issue for you or not
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    I must have found some self control...to lose 65 lbs. and keep it off for a year.

    If you have self control, your fiance should be able to keep whatever he wants around the house with no problems. You are contradicting yourself.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I must have found some self control...to lose 65 lbs. and keep it off for a year.

    Then what's the problem? Find it again....

    My husband is trying to bulk while I cut... I would LOVE all the extras he eats, but it's not stuff that fits my calorie goal or macros so I don't eat it, simple as that!
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    You're engaged after 5 months and living together a month? Maybe you need to get to know each other better?

    Thanks for pointing out what I was thinking.
  • beccamorty
    beccamorty Posts: 29 Member
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    To anyone saying "get some self-control", you know, that can be a really hurtful and ignorant thing. You don't KNOW the people you are talking to here. You don't know their situation, their lives, ANYTHING except for what they tell you. Some people legitimately struggle with self-control for WAY MORE REASONS than just "being bored and hungry". Some people, (I'm guessing like the OP), don't actually have a problem with self-control, but have chosen a lifestyle, and find it easier to maintain that without any interferences.
    Telling someone to "get self-control" really just.does.not.help some people. Maybe for you. But I read that and all I read is hostility and ignorance, and I know that you're not really going to help me with my problem.


    OP: sorry I misread ; four weeks isn't that long.
  • jwaters1006
    jwaters1006 Posts: 136 Member
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    My skinny husband loves junk food too. Our compromise is he can have whatever but it has to be kept in a specific cabinet. I'm 5'4. If I want the junk bad enough, I'll eat it, but at least I'll burn calories getting a chair and climbing up above the fridge.:laugh:
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    To anyone saying "get some self-control", you know, that can be a really hurtful and ignorant thing. You don't KNOW the people you are talking to here. You don't know their situation, their lives, ANYTHING except for what they tell you. Some people legitimately struggle with self-control for WAY MORE REASONS than just "being bored and hungry". Some people, (I'm guessing like the OP), don't actually have a problem with self-control, but have chosen a lifestyle, and find it easier to maintain that without any interferences.
    Telling someone to "get self-control" really just.does.not.help some people. Maybe for you. But I read that and all I read is hostility and ignorance, and I know that you're not really going to help me with my problem.


    OP: sorry I misread ; four weeks isn't that long.

    Thank you so much. I asked for genuine suggestions, and feel like the compromise ones have been really valid and reasonable. But to suggest to "get some self control" however well intended, doesn't seem to be positive, helpful, or even realistic.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    and you are all probably right...many is the day I feel we rushed things. Especially days like today.
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
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    Maybe you shouldn't get married. Sounds like it will just end in divorce anyways. It will probably save you a lot of money. Unless he is loaded and not asking for a prenup...?
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    Yep, it's up to you to control your food issues, but it's his job to support you.

    So, he HAS to suffer..........strong logic

    I'm about to collect a lot of haters, but I'm a big (too big lol!) girl and I can handle it.

    In this one thing and ONE THING ONLY! I feel for the guys. We women expect a lot from our men. In this case, we want them to give up something they like for someone they love. I can't help but wonder what would have happened if the OP was a guy. I've never seen a guy post anything like this, but if he did, would we tell him to "nut up" or would we tell the woman to get rid of her stash?

    1zqvBv7.gif
  • janupshaw
    janupshaw Posts: 205 Member
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    While I don't think he should be deprived of things he loves, he should be willing to compromise in SOME way. Maybe buy just one ice cream, and a flavor you don't like? Early on for me, I would only buy snacks I didn't like...but I assume he's doing the buying? How about buying some stuff for you that would be YOUR yummy snacks? Fresh pineapple, Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, etc? Good luck!
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
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    When you love someone you're willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING, including your life for them. Therefore, I don't believe a small inconvenience like a lock box would be asking too much. If it is, he shouldn't be your fiance'. Period.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
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    I don't know.. if my fiancé was struggling with something and asked me for my help I would be doing whatever was necessary to help her get past it.
    In my opinion I think that you should really evaluate your relationship with this man and ask yourself if you want a man who isn't willing to support you when you need it. if it's only been 5 or so months and he is unwilling, imagine what it will be like years from now.

    that being said, you are ultimately responsible for the actions you take as well as creating an environment in which you can thrive in. if something is holding you back(especially a partner) you should take steps to rectify the situation either by compromise or elimination.

    good luck
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    Out of sight - out of mind - obviously he doesn't want to give up his treats - keep them in a cupboard and don't go there - when he decides to eat his junk leave the room and go read a book or something - if he asks why you aren't hanging out with him simply explain to him that he is free to have his junk and you are choosing to avoid the temptation.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    To anyone saying "get some self-control", you know, that can be a really hurtful and ignorant thing. You don't KNOW the people you are talking to here. You don't know their situation, their lives, ANYTHING except for what they tell you. Some people legitimately struggle with self-control for WAY MORE REASONS than just "being bored and hungry". Some people, (I'm guessing like the OP), don't actually have a problem with self-control, but have chosen a lifestyle, and find it easier to maintain that without any interferences.
    Telling someone to "get self-control" really just.does.not.help some people. Maybe for you. But I read that and all I read is hostility and ignorance, and I know that you're not really going to help me with my problem.


    OP: sorry I misread ; four weeks isn't that long.

    I would wager that many of the posters who suggest "get some self-control" have also struggled with the issue of lack of self-control and therefore know the importance of self control, discipline, personal accountability and responsibility in achieving one's goals. Myself included.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I don't know.. if my fiancé was struggling with something and asked me for my help I would be doing whatever was necessary to help her get past it.
    In my opinion I think that you should really evaluate your relationship with this man and ask yourself if you want a man who isn't willing to support you when you need it. if it's only been 5 or so months and he is unwilling, imagine what it will be like years from now.

    that being said, you are ultimately responsible for the actions you take as well as creating an environment in which you can thrive in. if something is holding you back(especially a partner) you should take steps to rectify the situation either by compromise or elimination.

    good luck

    thank you.
  • janupshaw
    janupshaw Posts: 205 Member
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    I can say with certainty (after 14 years of marriage), if I asked for 4 weeks of clean eating my husband would do it willingly & gladly.

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