if you could go back...

_Krys10_

I would just like to go back to the day I ignored my moms call because I was "too busy" and she passed away later that day

salembambi

too heavy for this forum

Sovi_

I would just like to go back to the day I ignored my moms call because I was "too busy" and she passed away later that day

Oh hon....Hugs. Just hugs.

missbp

To my dad . . . . Thank you for instilling a stong work ethic in me. And, I wish you would get control of your drinking.

To my mom . . . . Thank you for making sure I had a relationship with God. And, I wish you were strong enough to intervene when dad was acting like a drunk a-hole.

jessilyn76

Thanks.

firstsip

I just want to say that honestly evaluating the past is how we break the cycles of abuse within a family and provide a healthy childhood for our own children. My own children have a genuinely good childhood, with two loving parents. And my issues are my own and not theirs. Of course all people will have issues and "hardships" and no parent can be perfect. Realizing we aren't perfect is actually part of being a good parent. But, there is a difference between the normal hardships of life, growing up, being human, being around other humans and actual criminal abuses and traumas. Sometimes those issues do not end in childhood, they are issues that can continue to be problematic between the parent and child through out life. But, that aside, I do deal with my own issues on my own. I actually do not expect my mother to be capable of something that she is not capable of. As far as she knows we have a good relationship. I simply keep it light with her and do not go deep. But, I am honest with myself.

Quoting you again, but very much this, particularly the last part.

Learning that you can't, no matter what you did, change your parents because they are who they are, they did what they did, etc. is critical. It can be nice as an experiment to entertain the idea, and voice it here, and perhaps quite healthy to write down exactly what you'd ideally want to say... but understanding that sometimes abusive parents or neglectful parents, etc. etc., were not capable of being more or less than what they are is important for us as children of such parents.

I urge people reading to seek out "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward (which I found from a post on MFP, actually, many years ago!) if not actively in therapy, and to try and talk about some of these things with a therapist or counselor.

HawkeyeTy

Nothing.

I realize that my parents didn't do everything right, but they did their best...and I love them both for it so much

Happilynaked

WOW!!! I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON THIS TOPIC!!

The_Aly_Wei

CALM DOWN we will all live to see another day.

Also, nice try *high fives* i turned out fabulous

Sinisterly

I think I need to call my folks after reading all of this!

Hehehehe.. My mom already killed most of my minutes.
Bahahahaha.

BinaryPulsar

I just want to say that honestly evaluating the past is how we break the cycles of abuse within a family and provide a healthy childhood for our own children. My own children have a genuinely good childhood, with two loving parents. And my issues are my own and not theirs. Of course all people will have issues and "hardships" and no parent can be perfect. Realizing we aren't perfect is actually part of being a good parent. But, there is a difference between the normal hardships of life, growing up, being human, being around other humans and actual criminal abuses and traumas. Sometimes those issues do not end in childhood, they are issues that can continue to be problematic between the parent and child through out life. But, that aside, I do deal with my own issues on my own. I actually do not expect my mother to be capable of something that she is not capable of. As far as she knows we have a good relationship. I simply keep it light with her and do not go deep. But, I am honest with myself.

Quoting you again, but very much this, particularly the last part.

Learning that you can't, no matter what you did, change your parents because they are who they are, they did what they did, etc. is critical. It can be nice as an experiment to entertain the idea, and voice it here, and perhaps quite healthy to write down exactly what you'd ideally want to say... but understanding that sometimes abusive parents or neglectful parents, etc. etc., were not capable of being more or less than what they are is important for us as children of such parents.

I urge people reading to seek out "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward (which I found from a post on MFP, actually, many years ago!) if not actively in therapy, and to try and talk about some of these things with a therapist or counselor.

Thanks for your good responses again.

I haven't read that book, but have heard of it.

A book that helped me with my mother and some members from her side of the family was: "Why is it always about you? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" The title is weird, but most of the book was very helpful for learning how to continue a relationship with my mother and still be personally healthy.

And for the "father" side of the equation the book that helped me was, "The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships" by Patrick Carnes

Also, sorry to get so heavy on this topic. It's sometimes challenging to avoid on this topic. :flowerforyou:

bigbarnold

I would tell my mom she should whip my b***! I also would tell her to make us do some chores to help her out!

bookworm_847

Mom: If your kids are telling you that your new husband is abusive, look into it a little and get the heck out when you see they're telling the truth. Also, saying he was abused as a child doesn't make it okay.

Dad: Your kids should come before the whims of the new girlfriend, not the other way around.


I love my parents, and things are cool now. But both of those things took a long time to patch up and forgive.

Cranquistador

Mom you have and always will be my rock.

Dad... I dont know why you hurt so much, you must to do what you do...but your drinking will put you in an early grave and will hurt your family.

mmartinez_az

Nothing my mother is my role model on life.

Monkey_Business

I would thank them.

I would tell them how much I love them

And how much I miss them

lookinggoodkel

i'd glue my mouth up before opening it to some people

ItsMeGee3

I wouldn't change anything in my childhood. It made me the person I am today and I'm OK with me. However, I wish I culd go back to when the kids were young. I'd be a much better mom the second time. More time with them and less time cleaning and working.

iceqieen

I used to have allot to say.. now I would just thank them for making sure I knew I could be whatever I wanted and teaching me the stubborness to achieve it.