Husband doesn't show support :(

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  • MrsATrotta
    MrsATrotta Posts: 278 Member
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    Your daughter sounds like a trip, looks like she got her **** attitude from her dad. Hang in there girlfriend, explain to him that you just want to be healthier and your doing it for yourself and hope he can respect that and if not you will find a younger hotter man!woot woot!
  • MtnPixie
    MtnPixie Posts: 5
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    *hugs* It's hard having to deal with negativity around you when you are trying your best to improve yourself. I know because I've been there and still working on it. But I have learned that sometimes you just have to ignore those who are negative and do your own thing. Do what makes you happy regardless of what others think or say. Overall it is your happiness that is important. Give yourself all the self-love you need.

    Exercise doesn't have to be the aerobic videos that you see online and on tv. It can be as simple as walking or doing household chores. Dance to your favorite music. Enjoy yourself and all that life has to offer. When you do things like that, you'll notice that things change around you. People won't be so negative to you or around you.

    I'm still on my own weight loss journey, but I've noticed already how good I feel, how happy I am to do the things that are improving my life. I'm doing this for me, to let my inner Goddess shine brightly. Just do what makes you happy. That's what is important.
  • amwbox
    amwbox Posts: 576 Member
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    1. Don't freak out too hard about a guy looking at hot women on the internet. We all do it. ESPECIALLY those who claim they don't. Its a problem if he's making sure you SEE him doing it.

    2. The guy (presumably the father of four?) threatens to leave you on the basis of weight? Creep alert. Control freak. Insecurity issues.

    3. The daughter is calling the mother fat? This is acceptable? My daughter wouldn't see anything but the inside of her room for about a month on the first offense. But that's me.

    I hope you find some support here and stand up to the abuse your getting from your family. Not cool.
  • DEPick
    DEPick Posts: 70 Member
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    nice rant. I would say your husband deserves you
  • becky4m
    becky4m Posts: 61 Member
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    It took a long time for my husband to get on board. I had the mindset of "I am doing this for me, I do not need him to support me" It really stemmed from insecurities he had with himself. (But this didn't come out until I was in this for three years) I ignored the why are you logging, why do you focus on your health and not mine or the kids. I am the same. I have four kids, a SAHM. I workout every day. I love it. I went from 255 pounds to 159 pounds. He now understand it. He now gets it. But when you spend so much of your time as a mom and wife and all of a sudden you are focused on anything but that it scares them to death. They think why, whats going on in her head. You need to take all that and push it back. Waaaay back. If you want this then you do it for YOU. Not because he looks at other girls online. Not because you want him to look at you more. Do it so when you look in the mirror you like what you see. Do it for you and your health.
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
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    Sounds like SUPER controlling behavior on your husband's part ... and why do you allow your 15 year old to disrespect you like that?

    Most likely the 15 year old learned it from dear old dad. Seen that horror show up close and personal before.

    OP, this is tough love--grow a backbone. Stand up for yourself to your husband and daughter. That will give you the confidence to ignore others' opinions and achieve your goals.
  • Pr1ncessWarrior
    Pr1ncessWarrior Posts: 69 Member
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    Sounds like he doesnt want other men looking at your pics like hes looking at the ladies on the internet. You need to do what is best for you and what makes YOU happy. In the end you may stay were you are and not be happy and he leaves later on anyway. Your number one and until your totally happy your kids will continue to see that. If you think you need to take off some weight go for it we can support you here it will make you healthier as well.
  • secretsofmanna
    secretsofmanna Posts: 7 Member
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    I love all these comments on here! I just wanted to say chin up and do what's best for YOU! That means having a healthy body and feeling good about yourself!

    Tune out the negativity, we're all here for you.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    From a man's standpoint, I have to tell you this and don't get offended. I see alot of people on here saying that your husband "seems" like an *kitten*... The fact of the matter is that he IS AN *kitten*. There's no "seeming" like an *kitten* with this sorry excuse for a man. A man that truly loves his wife will support her in whatever she sets her mind to, regardless. My advice to you would be to set your foot down. Tell him you don't appreciate the comments he makes and if he doesn't like it, tell him there's a nice dark place that he can stick his opinion. As far as your daughter goes, the same applies (minus the last part, of course). Set your foot down and let her know that YOU are the mother.

    You seem like you're genuinely in this for you, so send me a request if you like. I'll support you constructively. :)
  • dwalt15110
    dwalt15110 Posts: 246 Member
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    This is definitely going to sound harsh and it is. You didn't need anyone's support to become overweight. You did that on your own. Why in the world do you need their support to lose the weight?

    Why do you have to exercise in front of them? Do you want them to tell you that you're doing a good job? Put on your sneakers and head outside for a walk or a run.

    As for your daughter, I would never tolerate anything of the sort coming out of my child's mouth, but as others have said, I'm not her parent. I will tell you this, your daughter's attitude is not a reflection of her father's. It's a reflection of her peers. I taught for close to 30 years and I will tell you that parents are fair game. If your mother is fat, you are made fun of for having a fat mother. That's how it is.

    Now as far as the husband is concerned, he's going to look. That's just how it is. Don't get upset over it. Do something about it and do it without announcing it.

    You want to lose this weight, you do it for you, not to stop your husband from looking at other women or to stop your daughter from calling you fat. This is your journey. They have their own.
  • merizzel
    merizzel Posts: 14 Member
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    WOW I am just AMAZED at all the women who give men a free pass. Yes we all look at people....its one thing to be walking down the street or in a restaurant or at the beach. A married man who trolls the internet looking at pictures of other women is a cheater!! Maybe not a physical one but a cheater non the less.

    Ditto what dwalt15110 said about support. Its nice to have but don't use it as a crutch!! It see way to much of that on MFP. Just another excuse of why we have not taken control of our lives. No one owes us anything!!
    If you take care of you and believe in your self it will make you that much better at taking care of all other aspects of your life. Put yourself first. You can do this. Block out all the noise!!
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    Seriously, if I ever sassed my mom like you say your daughter does to you, my mom would have had my @ss handed to me. And then my dad would have come home and handed it back to me all over again.

    You don't get respect just for nothing. You need to earn it, and it sounds lie you aren't giving either your daughter OR your husband enough reasons to show you respect. Work on that, and other problems tend to take care of themselves.
  • CindyRiley2013
    CindyRiley2013 Posts: 1
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    I agree.:smile:
  • mrussell60
    mrussell60 Posts: 14
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    seems like you are in the wrong place ........ MFP is not set up to deal the issues you are facing. You need professional help to deal with the problems you have identified.
  • compean02
    compean02 Posts: 4 Member
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    You have my support and we well lose the weight together, with or with out them we well succeed.
  • Oi_Sunshine
    Oi_Sunshine Posts: 819 Member
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    People will treat you the way you permit them to treat you. Perhaps a few weeks away from home would be a nice reset for you. Is there family or friends you could visit by yourself, or stay with if you need to stay close for work?
  • jacques57
    jacques57 Posts: 2,129 Member
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    Bless your heart! I can only imagine how tough it is when you have no support from your family. But You are worth it!! Just hold your head high and do it for YOU.

    On not wanting to exercise in front of them, I might would just begin with breathing exercises where you contract and relax your abs- you're exercising and they don't even know!! ;)

    And your hubby threatening to leave you if you loose weight, is just trying to keep you down - call his bluff.

    Good Luck to You!

    She's right. I get little support from my thin wife who eats a lot of sweets, never exercises and looks phenomenal. Hinging my MFP work on her support is a false move. I have to do it for my health and future. I cannot force her to support me. But I can help myself and hope to see enthusiasm for my accomplishments.

    She's right.
  • princesslucylou86
    princesslucylou86 Posts: 35
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    Firstly....you are a beautiful lady anyway so your husband is probably terrified that YOU will walk out on him when you get that confidence you so deserve! Secondly...ive worked with teenagers myself and its horrible being talked to like that but im sure you do reprimand her but sometimes due to hormones etc they will carry on ( I was a little **** when i was a teen)

    Not being supported by family is awful and im sorry you are having to deal with this. Like many other people commenting...do your workouts on your own....keep your chin up lovely...remember your a pedigree!!
  • JENN1382
    JENN1382 Posts: 3
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    I just want to say thank you for sharing this and hope that the knowledge that you have made a difference to a complete stranger can give you strength when this around you leave you feeling empty and abandoned. I also just want to add that while your daughter may make you feel very sad in the end she will hurt most from the perspective she has right now. I am a mom too and my girls are still little but I know that they can see I'm overweight and I know that they will have much to process about that. Your husband is another story and I can't make any real comments in him but one piece if advice, anytime people around you clearly don't want what is what for you leave the sh#t they are making on the ground and keep walking on your path and hopefully they will decide to follow you but if not they will have to be left behind in their own sh#t. You don't have to live with it.
  • JENN1382
    JENN1382 Posts: 3
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    Just one more thing husbands with very thin wives still look at other women and it doesn't really mean they aren't attracted to their wives either.

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