Dealing with Haters
Blossomforth13
Posts: 41
I go to school at night, and three of the girls in my class are really skinny, and they like to complain about gaining weight. (No, going from a size 2 to a size 3 is not "getting fat.") Apparently last night they overheard me talking with a friend whom I had told about my first pathetic attempt at a spin class (I lasted 15 minutes out of an hour) and how I was going to keep going every week until I could last an entire class.
Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."
Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.
I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.
Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."
Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.
I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.
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put your energy into your spinning class.
I'd personally start making waif blowing away jokes. Or making comments about their food- I'm shallow like that- if you attack my on that level- I'll attack you right back (I'm kind of in line with Fat Amy's mental process from Pitch Perfect).. I woudl totally say- OMG THOSE 100 calorie chips are going to make your vagina fall out of your shorts!!! it got fat!!!
or something- I have no shame- they have gone above and beyond- which means all jokes are fair enough to them. You may not feel that way- and a lot of others probably won't either- but what they are doing is unacceptable- I got to stage 10.
If it goes 1-1 then 2-2 people just keep matching. But they did 1- and you probably tried 1- and they just keep pushing. Go to def con 10 stage 12- over the top. Usually puts people in their place immediately.
I't probably go with a Churchill type comment as well "I may be fat today - but I won't be fat forever: you unfortunately will be shallow vapid and ugly inside probably for the rest of your life"
"making fun of fat people at the gym is like making fun of sick people at the hospital"
no one said healthy had to be skinny. healthy is about your whole body- not what something looks like."You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."
Also- how am I supposed to get healthy if I quit?
"perhaps you should quit talking- because no one nice wants to hear your voice"
Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift
I cant' stand people like that- I would have shut that down immediately- i have no patience for such things- but zingers are kind of my thing so I tend to go their first.
Good luck to you!!! Message me if you need more moral support!!!0 -
That just makes me sick to my stomach. I am so sorry you have to deal with those biatches.
I would tell you to just ignore them, but dang, that's so hard to do. I agree with UnrepentantTh, please don't let them throw you off. You CAN DO THIS!0 -
That is totally out of order! Honestly some people have no idea.
Personally I spin twice a week and I have for about 4 years now. I was a whale on a spinning bike when I started and I'm pretty sure I nearly died on several occasions. Out of everyone exercising in the gym (classes or not) I have the most respect for those who are just starting out, because that is when it's the hardest.
Keep with it and use the anger to keep you going an extra 5 mins next class :-)
Good luck, keep going and you'll make it to the end of a class very soon (at which point you can stick your tongue out at the haters because being thin doesn't necessarily mean they are fit).
P.s. Love the cat :-)0 -
The teacher spoke to them last term about the bullying and they let up for about a week, and then came up with the chubby chasers prank. I really don't want to know what will happen if I report them again. I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful, or how to deal with it. I stress/emotionally eat and I know I do it, and they just keep pushing my buttons.
Maybe making snide comments back is the answer, but then they turn around and report me for a "bad attitude."0 -
It sounds to me like your life is WAY more interesting than theirs are. I can't think of any other reason that they would focus so much of their attention on you otherwise. They must be seriously dull if one spin class put them all in such a, well spin!
Weight and the amount of fat you carry is something which can be easily (comparatively anyway) changed, where as being interesting (or not as in their case) is much harder to change.
Sadly people like this often feed off of negative attention from others. There isn't anything you can do to 'fix' them or their behavior, but you can prevent them from 'breaking' you to make themselves look less broken than they are. Do whatever it takes for you to remain true to who you are.0 -
make sure you document all interactions.
go see a counselor as well.
save the email!!! print it out! and share it with a counselor.0 -
I'd probably respond: "I can lose weight, but you'll always be ugly."
Does your school have a policy on harassment/bullying? If so, I'd also report them.
And don't let the haters get you down. Use them for motivation to succeed at your weight loss.0 -
make sure you document all interactions.
go see a counselor as well.
save the email!!! print it out! and share it with a counselor.
I'll do that, maybe it will help, because I seriously am at the point where I am dreading school and I really just want to skip so I don't have to deal with them, and it's affecting my grade. My 4.0 has gone down to a 3.8 since the bullying got bad, and I hate it, but I just feel stuck.0 -
I'm going to play the "mom" card here
My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.
Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.
And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.
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You have their bullying on your phone, or something since they messaged you.
Its tracked, report it. If the teacher won't do anything, complain higher up that staff is allowing bullying to happen.
What grade are you in that people are doing this??0 -
I know it's hard, but ignore these women/girls - they are not worth your time or trouble.
Sad that - at their age (I'm assuming they are out of High School - yes)?! - they pull this crap.
Hold your head high - remember you are doing this for YOU; you are better than they are - alone, these girls wouldn't say anything - takes the two of them to be nasty - which is sad/pathetic.
At some point, if you give them no reaction - they will move on to another victim.0 -
Wow! How old are these girls? My 4 year old knows better than this! You are bullied, and I doubt it has anything to do with your weight. They are looking for a victim and it could be your teeth, hair, accent, clothes or whatever. Do not let them get to you, the thing making you a good victim is that they know they are upsetting you. I would suggest laughing at them, or asking them to grow up, or just rolling your eyes, but if they feel you are upset, they will not stop. You say this is school, so couldn't you report this behaviour, so at least they give you a break during school hours? Something like going to whomever is responsible and writing something like this: "I am really sorry to bother you and it seems so silly to have to report classmates as if we were in Kindergarten, but a couple of ladies appear to think they still are in Kindergarten and they can harass me. I am getting really distracted from my work. I have as much right as them to be here, and I wonder what the school policy is for this, because it is becoming very disturbing"0
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Embrace the hate. Use it as fuel.0
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They aren't haters, they're *kitten*. Tell them laughing at an overweight person going to the gym is like laughing at a person with cancer going to the doctor. Should shut them up. If not then block their texts/emails.0
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Wow. First off, ignore them, block them, report them. What an abhorrent way to treat someone. Forget them, focus on you. You can't fix an ugly inside and when it comes to being human and worthwhile, I think that's all that matters. Be you. I'm so sorry there are disgusting human beings in this world that feel the need to cut people down. ♡0
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God don't you just wish you could hit some people? In my perfect world you would be legally allowed to throat punch everyone of those B's.
But you can't, so what you're going to do is keep at it. You're going to work your *kitten* off and prove them wrong. Their hurtful words will become your motivation.
You will rise above, and know that they will always be ugly people on the inside. There's no gym that fixes that. No matter how good they look their lives will always be miserable, because they're miserable people inside where it matters.
Hold your head high and keep right on being awesome. You've got some *kitten* to (metaphorically) kick. So get to work.
I love this!0 -
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Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift
THIS! Start lifting: StrongLifts 5x5, Starting Strength, or New Rules of Lifting for Women.
I started doing Stronglifts in May 2 times a week at first due to a scheduling conflict and then upped it to 3 times a week in September. I highly recommend it! Just dead lifted 205lbs on Monday. :drinker:0 -
You should report the misuse of your school email address. Seriously. Do NOT report them specifically (unless they have admitted to you they are the culprits) but let the school know that someone is using your address to sign you up for offensive news lists. The school may or may not investigate and track it back to them, but at least it will be reported. Let the little so-and-so's over hear you tell a friend that it is so strange that you have been subscribed to these funny lists and that you have reported it to the school. Then shrug your shoulders and move on to another topic. Like how your super hot boyfriend has just gotten his black belt.
I hate bullies. I really really do. It is easy and unfair to tell you to try to ignore them. Bullies sometimes amp up the ammunition if they don't get the response they want. Sad but true. What sort of personal support do you have at the school? Friends in the same class who will stick up for you? If my friend was getting bullied I would hope that I would march up to the little snots and give them an earful. Personal safety is always something to consider, but these girls don't sound like they want to get into a fist fight.0 -
its easy enough for everyone to give you their input and i am no different. Ive always had the attitude that unless your opinion matters to me then i do not care about it. can say whatever you want. my standard feelings on people is that everyones an *kitten* until you prove otherwise. that way im not let down when its true and am pleasantly surprised when its false.
what you DO have to do is find a way to not let this get you down and feel like giving up. you are doing this for you and not them. just keep repeating it until it no longer matters what they say0 -
I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.
Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.
And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.
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Ew, what a bunch of *kitten*. Don't let that deter you from keeping true to your fitness goals! They're obviously insecure if the feel they need to put down others. Just ignore and move on!0
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I remember dealing with people like that in high school - not to the same extent, but I have to disagree with anyone giving you advice to engage them. Verbally sparring with these people is fruitless. You can't win and all it does is exhaust you and make you feel worse, not to mention bringing you down to their level. Who would want that?
Reporting it is better, and then just try to ignore them and stay strong. Change your email address. Block their numbers (or change yours if that's an option.) Remember how strong you are, and how much better than them you are because you don't have to tear down other people. Eventually you'll be done with school and you'll never have to see them again.0 -
That is totally out of order! Honestly some people have no idea.
Personally I spin twice a week and I have for about 4 years now. I was a whale on a spinning bike when I started and I'm pretty sure I nearly died on several occasions. Out of everyone exercising in the gym (classes or not) I have the most respect for those who are just starting out, because that is when it's the hardest.
Keep with it and use the anger to keep you going an extra 5 mins next class :-)
Good luck, keep going and you'll make it to the end of a class very soon (at which point you can stick your tongue out at the haters because being thin doesn't necessarily mean they are fit).
P.s. Love the cat :-)
Yeah. I just...can't let Spinning beat me, if that makes sense? I feel like I have to somehow "defeat" it. So I'll bust my butt until I do.
And thank you, I'll tell my kitty. She's my baby, her name is River Song.What grade are you in that people are doing this??Sad that - at their age (I'm assuming they are out of High School - yes)?! - they pull this crap.
It's an adult technical school, and the girls in question are 20 (almost 21), 25, and 29. I'm 26. Their best buddy who giggles at everything is 35.Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university
I haven't done that yet, because the night dean of students favors the worst of the girls. She like...calls him Daddy even though they aren't related, because she made a one-of comment after he said about how he raised his girls to look for men, that she wished she had a dad like that....and he lets her. It's...really strange and kinda squicks me out.
Thanks everybody. I guess I just ahve to go up the chain of command, because endurance isn't working so well.0 -
This post transported me back to middle school. I feel for you, OP.
Don't let them see your sadness or your anger. They'll know they've won. Ignore them (unless their torment becomes excessive) and work on yourself. It's all you can do.0 -
Oh man, F those little beezies! I know what its like to be self conscious, and its harder when you are young, but push them out of your mind. You workout for You, not them. And you go to school for you not them. They obvoiusly have insecurities of their own.
Carry on!0 -
I don't always advocate violence....
but some people make me want to put my foot in their *kitten*,
fall backwards and make them drag me around for awhile!!0 -
Many people would not agree but I am a 'fight back' kind of person. If you start something, you better be able to finish it. In my opinion, bullies need put in their place when Ignoring them doesn't help. Going to the school, etc often makes things worse. I'd straight up knock one of them out. Then say, "see what lifting weights has done for me?" Don't give up on your exercise, use it to make yourself stronger and more confident!
I've had several family members who took bullying for a long time and all eventually had a 'fight back' moment that ended things. The best was my nephew who was teased by his football teammates in middle school. He came back from summer break for his freshman year and was twice the size of the other kids. First time they hesitantly picked on him, it took little effort for him to take one of them to the ground and they are terrified of him now.0
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