Dealing with Haters

xHelloQuincyx

I can't believe these are 'women' in their twenties! Wow. They are acting like 14 year olds (although that is an insult to most 14 year olds). I had to put up with some behaviour like that when I was at school but certainly never at college or uni.

Maybe it would help to look at them with the pity they deserve. I mean well adjusted women in their twenties should not be acting like that. They must have some sort of issue in their own lives. If you have proof then tell them you will be reporting it, the threat might be enough, but if not go and report it. As an adult you shouldn't have to put up with that.

These are sad different times.... Mommy and daddy are paying for their college, why would there be any reason to actually try.... ?
can you believe that they poster is paying (probably) hundreds to go to a class where she is basically harassed the entire time... the school should be jumping to fix this issue.

hajenkatt

You're clearly going through a rough patch. However, I have to point out, since you mentioned it twice: their physical appearance should have no more bearing on how you view them than yours should on them. Don't fall into the trap of basing their negativity on their appearance. Especially because anyone can be insecure at any weight, and going up in a size can be emotionally and physically uncomfortable for anyone; if it bothers you, that's coming from a place within you. They're not "wrong" for having their own issues. Thinking negative and vengeful thoughts about others is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get poisoned.

What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.

So, clearly if they're violating policies in place, report them. If you did it before, continue to do it; having records can get others accountable for a "hostile environment." Otherwise, "dealing with haters" comes from a place within. As others have said, keep being you. Don't judge them for being "skinny" and "feeling bad about gaining weight." That's not your place. Instead, ignore them and do what you like to do even harder.

Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?

QFT

Natmarie73

I go to school at night, and three of the girls in my class are really skinny, and they like to complain about gaining weight. (No, going from a size 2 to a size 3 is not "getting fat.") Apparently last night they overheard me talking with a friend whom I had told about my first pathetic attempt at a spin class (I lasted 15 minutes out of an hour) and how I was going to keep going every week until I could last an entire class.

Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."

Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.

I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.

Ugh I hate betches! I would seriously be looking for ways to embarass them, like "accidentally" tripping them over on the stairs or something ha ha. But no, they are not worth your energy. Betches like this bully others because they feel inferior and have self esteem issues so just remind yourself that everything mean and nasty they say to you is only because they feel that exact way about themselves.

A woman in my office was bullied once by another woman and she had the best defence - she just pretended that she did not realise this other woman was being a nasty, sarcastic betch and responded as if she (the betch) was being nice. She soon gave up because she wasn't getting the response she craved.

So, maybe try responding nice and friendly to these "ladies" whenever they say anything to you even if it is the meanest nastiest comment ever. And seek out the nice people in your class to hang out with. Alternatively, if they keep commenting about your weight, or pointing and giggling call them out over it in class or when there are other people around by loudly saying something like "Really? Do you not have anything more interesting to talk about besides my weight?" or something that challenges them to respond and lets everyone know what they were doing. You need to be assertive and even at times agressive with people like this as they are cowards and will back down when challenged.

And I don't be scared that they will report you if you challenge their behaviour - this is the last thing they want because they know they in the wrong and can only get away with it by making you scared of retaliating. They also know that they would not be able to defend themselves should you all get called up to the dean or whoever is in charge as you have evidence of the bullying.

ChaplainHeavin

It is hard to believe that these are grown women in their 20s particularly since most 2 year olds have a better grasp of what it means to be kind and decent.

Keep your chin up and rise above their antics while getting support from others (friends, college officials, etc). You are on this site as part of your quest to become happy and healthy - the best you. Stand up for yourself but don't take actions or say things that put you in the same league as them. Posting tasty stuff on facebook etc. may give you short-term satisfaction but in the long-term this type of behaviour can result in "losing yourself". You seem like an intelligent, thoughtful women who cares about others. Hopefully, these girls will some day develop these wonderful traits themselves.

Again, needed to bump this post up because this is true wisdom.

ndj1979

ignore it ..

when you acknowledge it, it gives them power over you and is already affecting you as you are dreading going into class..

I guess you could pull the fight club method on them…next time they something look at them and in a very calm voice say something like "you know, obese people have been known to go kind of crazy on skinny girls like yourself. If you keep pushing me then this obese psychopath might just go crazy and come in here and start pumping round after round of bullets into every little skinny thing in here that has ever opened up there fat little mouth ….or, maybe you should just not really talk to me any more…." and laugh and go right back to acting normal ..

I guarantee they will shut the F up …

LauraCarlson86

Where do you live? I will come beat those b*tches up for you.

This makes me so angry. Keep your chin up, babe. So sorry this is happening.

Galatea_Stone

If you report this, you need to do it the right way. Don't just report it to the teacher, report it to the Daytime Dean, the Night Dean, the Teacher, the SGA, the President of the school (if there is one), the Counselor, and make sure that you state that you have reported it in the past, that the teacher admonished them but the night dean did nothing.

Make it clear that it is affecting your grade, causing "severe emotional distress." Make sure that the letter reads with just a smidge of legalese. Look up the code of conduct and quote it.

If you report it to numerous people, then the night dean can't simply sweep it under the rug. If you're going to be bullied, then use a heavy hand in dealing with them.

Calling them names does nothing but make you look bad. It only hurts any case you may have. Hitting them is even worse because then you've broken the law.

Then if nothing happens, contact a lawyer because you very well could have a cause of action.

firstsip

If you report this, you need to do it the right way. Don't just report it to the teacher, report it to the Daytime Dean, the Night Dean, the Teacher, the SGA, the President of the school (if there is one), the Counselor, and make sure that you state that you have reported it in the past, that the teacher admonished them but the night dean did nothing.

Make it clear that it is affecting your grade, causing "severe emotional distress." Make sure that the letter reads with just a smidge of legalese. Look up the code of conduct and quote it.

If you report it to numerous people, then the night dean can't simply sweep it under the rug. If you're going to be bullied, then use a heavy hand in dealing with them.

Calling them names does nothing but make you look bad. It only hurts any case you may have. Hitting them is even worse because then you've broken the law.

Then if nothing happens, contact a lawyer because you very well could have a cause of action.

^ This in particular.

I agree with most others; most schools and administration won't actively help you. However, most schools still have policies in place for this kind of thing, detailing chains of command to go through, student "courts," etc.

Again, get it on record. Save everything. I and classmates in school had to go down this path after reports of harassment and stalking from a few key students, despite being reported multiple times, was ignored. It got really messy, and in the end (because we were all pretty jarred), we didn't pursue legal action, but I wish we had. However, none of the professors (though one was tenured) have positions at that school job anymore.

MityMax96

I go to school at night, and three of the girls in my class are really skinny, and they like to complain about gaining weight. (No, going from a size 2 to a size 3 is not "getting fat.") Apparently last night they overheard me talking with a friend whom I had told about my first pathetic attempt at a spin class (I lasted 15 minutes out of an hour) and how I was going to keep going every week until I could last an entire class.

Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."

Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.

I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.

Things like that hurt to hear....

But ultimately u you have to ignore them and do what is right for you.....

Even at my size I get a lot of crap from people....and these people I actually know and are close to me.

So it never ends....some people are just jerks plain and simple

AbsolutelyAnnie

SEND HER A FRIEND REQUEST!!!

It occurred to me that you might benefit from the encouragement of few more friends here. I have just sent you a friend request. Hang in there. I hope today is better.

EarthboundAtlas

Honestly, I've spent much of my life around poisoned people like this. They were in my schools, my home...growing up like that sucked, and I've tried a lot of ways to deal with them. It hurts to hear stuff like that...it's not easy to just ignore it, and if you really stop to consider what it is inside of them that makes them that way, it's a great case for not lowering yourself to their level to respond in kind.

In the end, that was what finally worked for me. Ultimately, I wouldn't respond with more than a head shake because I came to pity those people. I took the realization that they felt they had to do that kind of thing to find some illusory sense of self-worth, and used it to remind myself never to be that way. I used it to remind me to work all the harder. It has made me quicker to be kind to others. It has sharpened my will to keep me going when my energy, and strength are low. It drives me when I find myself in those dark places of self-loathing, and pity.

When people treat you that way, consider how small they must be inside, and pity them. Then mentally mark it down as a reminder to not be like them...to not be small in any area of your life. Whatever you are, in whatever circumstance you find yourself...be the best you can be. Live life for you. Celebrate your victories and pity any person that would try to take them away from you. Keep your head up and look forward.

MsDillieBar

Ugh! My heart is just wrenching for you! When I was in middle school, there was one girl in particular that picked on me. What made things worse was that I was an introvert and a loner. Ignoring it is sound advice but near impossible to do! Especially if no one has your back. I think having supportive friends and family to help lift you back up from that crap is so important! There are things we just can't endure alone day in/ day out.

There is some great advice here!

If you don't have strong support at home or school (or even if you do) keep coming back here! We have your back!

SarahxApple

I am sad to hear that you have to put up with this (only yesterday one of my best friends was walking to the gym in leggings and a t-shirt and some girls called her fat), I don't understand why people think this behaviour is acceptable. I personally wouldn't go to their level (despite the temptation), rise above it an report this to authorities if you can, you could also send them this link:

http://jezebel.com/dont-get-too-cocky-thin-people-skinny-fat-is-comin-1540751261

No one should have to put up with this. Talk to your friends and family have a good vent after the class hopefully their support will help you too.

Good luck and keep going!

dopeysmelly

For a start, this has nothing to do with you. If they hadn't decided to use you and your determined efforts to make yourself healthy, they would have chosen someone else to bully. With this in mind, if you don't stop them from bullying you, they will probably just keep doing it to others as well as yourself.

So, report them. This is your opportunity to do something positive for yourself and for your fellow human beings.

yumbinkbugonrox

People who are not strong bully others. I'm sorry you have to deal with people like this, but they are everywhere. You will eventually lose the weight you want to lose, but they will always be ugly on the inside. If I was there, I'd just beat their *kitten*. They are pathetic and you should not have to up up with people like that. Stand your ground and know for sure that they are the pitiful, weak ones. You keep on trying. You will succeed

werk!!!!!

BinaryPulsar

I just want to say that I'm sorry people treated you that way. You got some good advice in this thread.

pseudomuffin

Embrace the hate. Use it as fuel.

Sound advice, honestly. My best workouts are angry ones.

giggitygoo

My guess:

They feel inferior on some level (possibly grades) and are grasping at straws trying to tear you down to their level. It's a horrific thing to do, and I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you take some solace in knowing that they are doing this because they feel you have an advantage over them.

And really - YOU DO. You sound like an intelligent and self-aware young woman. That is something precious, and sadly rare. It's also a quality that these dumb tw@ts will never have.

abbyoncloud9

I hate to play this card....but.....I agree with everyone else here for the most part. 1) ignore 2) report BUT, when you report, whether it is via email or in person, make sure you say, "I expect results or you will be hearing from my lawyer"

I've been to community college, trust me, they will take care of it.