Dealing with Haters
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Ignore, ignore, ignore. Take away their fire.0
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Just don't worry about haters...
Relevant:
As drawn by my friend Omar0 -
What they say and do says more about them then it does about you! I am so sorry you have to deal with this.0
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Elevate and rise above. Success is the best revenge. Unless you're comfortable assaulting them, which could get you in serious trouble, I'd concentrate on my journey and let them choke alive on your success.
People like this are sick inside and need to lash out at others to make themselves feel better. Don't give these chicks the satisfaction of even acknowledging their presence. They have the problem, not you.
If you allow these vapid airheads to knock you off course the fault will lie with you, and they will have won.0 -
The best revenge is living healthy. They obviously have issues that they choose to ignore by making fun of you. It makes them feel good to put others down, and in this case, it unfortunately happens to be you because you wear your weaknesses on the outside (as do I). Rise above. I know it sounds so simple to say and so hard to do but realize that after this class is over, these girls are not going to matter. Your workouts and eating habits will. Prove those girls wrong. Prove that you are more than just the "fat girl". Show them that you are worth it and that you are stronger than they could have ever imagined.0
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I'm 53 and this is my opinion.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And if you realized how little people think, you wouldn't be concerned.
I also believe that what other people think of you in none of your business.
For example: Today I noticed a man at the train station with no coat. I socially asked if he had heard the weather report (it's going from 70 to 20 with 50 mph winds) something that I probably mention weekly on my commute. He told me that I was a complete stranger and to mind my own business. I tried to explain that I was concerned ... but he would have none of it I'd never met the guy before or did anything to him and was only concerned for his comfort and safety. The man obviously had issues other than me.
I would ignore them. If you don't reward them with hurts, cries, indignation, etc. I believe that they will stop teasing. Use the negative emotion to do a THIRTY minute spin next time.
Make friends in spin class. Explain the situation to your best looking male spin class friend to come to class with you and lick your neck in front of them.0 -
It is so sad that women in their twenties are acting this way. They obviously have some uglies/past hurts in their hearts to treat you this way. Unfortunately, we can't do much to change the way others act. That being said stay true to yourself. We all have places in our lives we fall short. One of my many places is my weight, and like you I'm doing something about it. You got this!! And just by reading other peoples comments throughout MFP, there are so many on here who are supportive, encouraging and positive. Surround yourself with these types of people. One of my favorite quotes is "Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most"0
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Thanks everybody. Seriously
. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.
I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.
You're clearly going through a rough patch. However, I have to point out, since you mentioned it twice: their physical appearance should have no more bearing on how you view them than yours should on them. Don't fall into the trap of basing their negativity on their appearance. Especially because anyone can be insecure at any weight, and going up in a size can be emotionally and physically uncomfortable for anyone; if it bothers you, that's coming from a place within you. They're not "wrong" for having their own issues. Thinking negative and vengeful thoughts about others is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get poisoned.
What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.
So, clearly if they're violating policies in place, report them. If you did it before, continue to do it; having records can get others accountable for a "hostile environment." Otherwise, "dealing with haters" comes from a place within. As others have said, keep being you. Don't judge them for being "skinny" and "feeling bad about gaining weight." That's not your place. Instead, ignore them and do what you like to do even harder.
Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?
Solid advice from a mature adult. I'm pretty sure this is better than punching people.0 -
Elevate and rise above. Success is the best revenge. Unless you're comfortable assaulting them, which could get you in serious trouble, I'd concentrate on my journey and let them choke alive on your success.
People like this are sick inside and need to lash out at others to make themselves feel better. Don't give these chicks the satisfaction of even acknowledging their presence. They have the problem, not you.
If you allow these vapid airheads to knock you off course the fault will lie with you, and they will have won.
Haha apparently we were thinking the same thing at the same time :P0 -
Thanks everybody. Seriously. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.
I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.
I definitely think you should report them to the school again and this time tell them that if they aren't able to handle the issue, you'll be contacting the police to report harrasment.0 -
The teacher spoke to them last term about the bullying and they let up for about a week, and then came up with the chubby chasers prank. I really don't want to know what will happen if I report them again. I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful, or how to deal with it. I stress/emotionally eat and I know I do it, and they just keep pushing my buttons.
Maybe making snide comments back is the answer, but then they turn around and report me for a "bad attitude."
If they sent you a picture...um, hello proof of their bullying. Do NOT take that crap personally, take it right up to the professor or counselor or whomever you can. They do not deserve that kind of power over you or anyone! Don't give it to them!
On the topic of Spin class...they are not for the faint of heart! Especially if you are not in a beginner type class you really have to learn to pace yourself until you build up the endurance. Good for you for trying something new and seeing the challenge head on! You will be able to last the whole class, you will get stronger, and you will love yourself for it! Chin up, spin shoes on!0 -
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
"do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.
LMAO! love it. OP, or you could throw one of them a snickers bar and say something like, 'you know, you're a real b*tch when you're hungry"0 -
These girls are insecure and jealous. Unfortunately you have become their target, because currently you happen to perhaps be a little larger than them. They're using this to make themselves feel better. The fact that you've overheard them talking about getting fat themselves shows that weight gain is a fear for them.
Now they've heard you're making a lifestyle change, and trying to become healthier, and lose weight in the process, they are scared because they might not be the 'cute, skinny ones' for much longer (not saying you can only be cute by being skinny, but that's obviously how their mindset is).
Girls used to be nasty to me at school. I would go home and tell my dad, and he would tell me 'they're just jealous'. Sometimes it's so hard to believe that someone could be jealous of you, but I reckon in this case it's true. They probably have had to depend mainly on their looks to get by, and they see you as competition, so they are trying to stop you before you get to that point.
If they are really getting you down, and the bullying continues, make sure you report them. Cause as much trouble for them as you possibly can, without causing too much drama for yourself. Don't let them get away with it.
And although it might be hard, just keep telling yourself that you are better than them, they are just jealous, and haven't bothered to grow up since leaving high school. Seriously, they sound pathetic. I'm only 23, and I would never dream of talking to anybody like that, either to their face or behind their back. There's no need for it.
Sorry I can't come up with anything better - but please stay in school. Don't ever let anybody feel like they can force you out.0 -
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
oh please don't stoop to their level, be a bigger person OP. I can understand bullying based on size, I got teased a lot, albeit to a lesser degree of severity, for being thin and looking "skeletal" so I can sympathize. That being said, don't degrade yourself by throwing silly appearance-based insults back at them. I don't know how that helps you. Talk to the appropriate authority figure, whether that be a teacher or dean, and let the rest roll off your shoulders. Approach it as a challenge to overcome, and if you keep your dignity and let it fuel your motivation to get fit then I guarantee you'll be all the more proud of yourself at the end :flowerforyou: Best of luck!0 -
Wow! So these are actual adults doing this? They must be since you mentioned you're going to a technical school. That is insane! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this while you're trying to get an education!
It's harder to get things like this handled by faculty/staff at a technical school, since i'm assuming these bit^$es paid to go to the school. I'm the kind of person that just ignores this kind of thing, but it seems like this is way past that point.
Stay strong, and like everyone else said, know that THEY are the true ugly people and are the reason that this earth is filled with such nonsensical hatred.0 -
make sure you document all interactions.
go see a counselor as well.
save the email!!! print it out! and share it with a counselor.
I'll do that, maybe it will help, because I seriously am at the point where I am dreading school and I really just want to skip so I don't have to deal with them, and it's affecting my grade. My 4.0 has gone down to a 3.8 since the bullying got bad, and I hate it, but I just feel stuck.
Please do. Do not let them win. Save every proof, and if you have good friends, ask them to go and vouche for you. They cannot do that. I work in the HR department, and work with the VPs. This kind of behavior is not tolerated. At least, not at my school. I'm sorry but you need to report them, and if they don't take action, it is called harassment so you could even possible branch out to 'officials'.
Don't let those pathetic little twits get you down though. I am 100+ over weight, and while I am blessed enough not to look it I am still treated on occasions like a walking disease. It sucks, but that's life. Do not let people keep you from changing your life. I imagine there is a bit if jealousy and FEAR in them. This is why they are so evil, and disgusting. They're afraid that if you do lose weight you'll steal a hotty and win in the game of Life.
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i'm sorry, but i can't help but feel that those saying "ignore" have never been in this position. Or perhaps you're just stronger than I was whenever I was dealing with this kind of crap (from former "friends" who would randomly "freeze people out" and do crap like this).
Ignoring it does nothing to stop it, and I completely believe that words hurt more than anything else. OP should not have to take this kind of abuse.0 -
Your story makes me so sad. I was bullied all through high school. Not about weight, because I was better at a musical instrument than two other girls. You know what I did, I continued to practice day after day and I got chosen to play a solo at our high school graduation, it made them both cry as they tried out to play a duet. I always got higher scores than they did and played more solos, etc. That's how I showed them.
So I would keep going to spinning class, every time you make it longer tell your friend "hey guess what I made it xx minutes today! I did so much better than the first time!" And keep losing weight and working out, before you know it you will start seeing results and start looking fabulous, next semester or quarter you can walk past those witches with your head held high and say "hey, keep up your stupid *kitten* comments because they give me the energy to keep going". And "oh, are you in a size 7 now, you look like you've gained some weight?" as nicely as you can.
I also agree with recording all of the interactions that occur with these women (yes I'm controlling myself) and keep it as evidence.
And I can't believe a freaking 35 yr old eggs them on, seriously?!?! She should receive my boot in her *kitten* or better yet a swift kick from my horse.0 -
A lot of people on your forum post are recommending that you fight back, either with words or actions. DON'T. Trust me. You CANNOT WIN THAT WAY.
If you attack them verbally, someone will step up to defend them. Doesn't matter that they've been bullying you for months, it just makes YOU look bad.
It also won't make them stop.
If you report it, it will make it worse as well.
I was bullied my ENTIRE life. I was poor, I was skinny, and then in high school, I was fat. It was soul crushing. People treated me like I was less than garbage. They destroyed my things, they followed me, they wrote about me on the bathroom walls. I was so full of rage and depression I wasn't sure if I was going to hurt myself or someone else, but I was going to hurt SOMEONE.
Finally I found what worked.
Love, light, and laughter.
When someone is being complete **** to you, effing SMILE. Laugh. Tell them it was a good joke. Make one of your own. BE NICE. Not a doormat, just kind.
ALWAYS KEEP THIS IN MIND: Happy people are not mean. Ever. If those girls treat you like that it is because they are MISERABLE. They hate themselves, they hate people around them, they are afraid, and in pain and it makes them crappy human beings.
Show them that you are untouchable. So untouchable that their cruelty not only washes off, you return their **** with kindness.
They may still be jerks, but if nothing else, the people around you will be much more supportive of you than them.
Good luck!0 -
And if there is EVER an opportunity where you're alone with one of them.. any time you could get a little payback with no chance of being caught...unleash holy hell on them.
^THIS!!!!
There is probably SOMETHING that is making these girls feel so insecure they have to lash out at someone... Maybe it is they are such terrible people, the only "friends" they have are other terrible people. But I do agree with what others are saying, no matter what they do, they will never be able to change who they are on the inside, whereas you have the ability to take what they are saying as motivation to literally work your tail off! I know emotional eating is really tough to not do, but just look at this way, in this situation, if you do, you are giving them what they want... They want to get a rise out of you and make you feel like you are not as good as them! I think it is crazy that there are even people who would think that doing what they are doing is acceptable! Good Luck to you and know you have lots of support here!!0 -
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Bullying at any level of education is almost a guarantee of dismissal. I would collect all your evidence and bring it to the administration.
You can ignore it, take it out in spinning class, beat them up, cuss at them, or binge eat all you want but this is a legal matter. They have no remorse for your feelings, you should have no remorse getting them kicked out of school.
And frankly, no professional organization is going to hire a bully.0 -
lots of great advice and support here.
I find that a lot of time what people say is not about you BUT about them and their insecurities etc. They likely feel very insecure & unhappy or have issues and their misguided way of hiding it is to pick on you. Not cool.
So remember, you are working out for a better you! You can take crap that comes your way and use it as motivation if that helps.
Choose to be around positive people that support you - stay focused on your goals - YOU CAN DO IT! :flowerforyou:0 -
And sorry, but anyone saying "tell the school" probably hasn't actually been bullied.
Please don't 'assume' that. You don't speak for me, or others here. I've been bullied on and off all my life, and in school. I was physically attacked, and bullied and when I spoke up it stopped.
Honestly OP.... we're trying to give you the best advice we can... its up to you to decide on what to do. Personally, and I guess I'm an evil person, but if the girl was calling the Dean, "DADDY"... I'd have his job.0 -
Second, I teach at night school and I have overheard students do this to other students
It probably shouldn't make me feel better that other people get bullied as adults in night school, should it?
So the general consensus is I'm going to need to figure out a way to tune them out, collect what I can even if I don't turn them in , and bust my butt getting as fit as I can.0 -
Bullying at any level of education is almost a guarantee of dismissal. I would collect all your evidence and bring it to the administration.
You can ignore it, take it out in spinning class, beat them up, cuss at them, or binge eat all you want but this is a legal matter. They have no remorse for your feelings, you should have no remorse getting them kicked out of school.
And frankly, no professional organization is going to hire a bully.
that is absolutely untrue- bullies aren't bully's to people in power.
They are bullies to those they think they can dominate. They aren't going to bully someone to give them a job- they do it on their terms- and in broad day light they shine and twinkle like little stars- daddy's little pet.
I would never tell someone 'good joke' to a mean hateful comment they made about me. The only way I would say good joke is if it was as suchLove, light, and laughter.
When someone is being complete **** to you, effing SMILE. Laugh. Tell them it was a good joke. Make one of your own. BE NICE. Not a doormat, just kind.
Never admit someone insulting you is right. Yes love and laughter are good- but so is standing up to yourself.good joke- did they teach you that at anorexics AA?
To those saying "don't be at their level" and "don't lash out"
this isn't lashing out- this is defending yourself- your personage. It would be different if she started it- but defending yourself is completely different- i would never purposefully pick apart someone's insecurities- unless they threatened me first. Then it's fair game.
All is fair in love in war- and this is war baby.0 -
I heard a little boy say One Day I Will Leave Them In The Dust. He got his degree and was very successful. He chose not to let them bother him. You will run into a million mean people in the world that you cannot change. I had the meanest parents and I know I could not get them to quit. Saying how many sandwiches have you ate today, look at that big ole fat thing, laughing. They also did it to people who were not attractive like someone said if it is not your weight, they will find something else. There is nothing you can do but get with other positive people and don't take your mind off your goals.0
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I am sorry this is happening.
I agree with the others who said this should be reported. Save the emails, texts, etc from them and report them. You have proof. If you don't get the results you want from the school administration, here is your recourse:
1) Tell the administration you want to leave because of them and you just might do that.
2) Go public. Contact your town newspaper and give them this story. Give them the screen shots, texts, etc and give them documentation of dates/times you met with school officials and that they did nothing to stop it. If your school has a Facebook page, post the information there. Create a blog. Go to the web site called Topix (can't remember if it's .com or .net) and find the Topix page for your town/geographical area. Post a message about the bullying problem at your school. Give all the background information and mention the school is doing nothing to stop it. See if your town or area has a Patch web site. If so, contact them and give them all the information as well.
I would want this school to go out of business if they allow things like this to happen.
I was bullied myself sporatically and in the 10th grade I put a stop to it for good, but in a way that you can't duplicate yourself.
In college, I did have an issue in one of my classes with 2 women I had to work on a project with. I don't even know what their problem was, but in class a few times after that they would point at me and laugh and said something about me in a group with others. I did nothing wrong. Moreover, one was around my age (early 20s) and the other was a woman in her 40s, which was pathetic. I figured it reflected poorly on them and not me. The class ended soon afterwards.
Please consider taking my advice. Bullying occurs because it is allowed. That needs to end.0 -
USE THOSE HATERS AS MOTIVATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((hugs)))))) TO U!0 -
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