Dealing with Haters

The_Aly_Wei

Go get that spin class girlie:) Whether it is 15, 20, 30, or two minutes...just keep working!

Taking the frustration and transforming it to better YOU for YOUR goals to reach what YOU want is going to be the ultimate reward. Going tic for tac may be gratifying in the short term; but the mental stamina and long lasting positivity has to come from you:)

PS: They sound like real va-dragons. The sad fact is that many people like that exist, and most likely will continue to exist.

EmmieBaby

My favorite thing to say all my life is "I can always lose weight but you will always be ugly". LOL!

^^ love it!

I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.

^^ Agree

Blossomforth13

Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift

THIS! Start lifting: StrongLifts 5x5, Starting Strength, or New Rules of Lifting for Women.

I started doing Stronglifts in May 2 times a week at first due to a scheduling conflict and then upped it to 3 times a week in September. I highly recommend it! Just dead lifted 205lbs on Monday. :drinker:

I actually want to start lifting and getting stronger. I just bought New Rules yesterday, but I'll definitely look into the others, because I definitely think they might have to shut up, if I could do that, right? Maybe?

I just get so freaking angry, so I guess the trick is to store the anger and use it at the gym, instead of emotionally eating. Can I just say all the responses here helped me walk away from a piece of pie? You guys have really helped. It's nice to know I have people in my corner, even if it's on the internet.

suppakana

Smile big at them and give them a "THank you so much!" Every time they say something negative to you.

It'll confuse the living f*** out of them and eventually they'll stop.

Usually works for me.

2messy4life

Ignore them. Listen to this and think about it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-JXOnFOXQk . They have no right to judge you given that they're not in your shoes. And don't ever give up on working out, as little as you can do. I promise you'll get stronger and stronger, every day, every week you work out. And with a calorie deficit you will also lose weight and look way better than them. Good luck girl!

Chezzie84

I go to school at night, and three of the girls in my class are really skinny, and they like to complain about gaining weight. (No, going from a size 2 to a size 3 is not "getting fat.") Apparently last night they overheard me talking with a friend whom I had told about my first pathetic attempt at a spin class (I lasted 15 minutes out of an hour) and how I was going to keep going every week until I could last an entire class.

Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."

Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.

I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.

They sound to me like immature idiots who lets face it have nothing going for them other than the fact they are slim. They sound as though they are so insecure about themselves that they have to take out their frustrations on you.
I would ignore them directly and report it to whoever is in charge at the night school. What they are doing is bullying and that is not acceptable.
I would also carry on going to spinning class and get back at them by showing them you will not be intimidated by their pathetic attemps to make you feel bad. If you give up then they have beat you.

Don't let them hurt you, I know it is easier said than done but remember they are *****es and a *****es opinion is not worth anything!!

Mia_RagazzaTosta

Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift

THIS! Start lifting: StrongLifts 5x5, Starting Strength, or New Rules of Lifting for Women.

I started doing Stronglifts in May 2 times a week at first due to a scheduling conflict and then upped it to 3 times a week in September. I highly recommend it! Just dead lifted 205lbs on Monday. :drinker:

I actually want to start lifting and getting stronger. I just bought New Rules yesterday, but I'll definitely look into the others, because I definitely think they might have to shut up, if I could do that, right? Maybe?

I just get so freaking angry, so I guess the trick is to store the anger and use it at the gym, instead of emotionally eating. Can I just say all the responses here helped me walk away from a piece of pie? You guys have really helped. It's nice to know I have people in my corner, even if it's on the internet.

Deadlifting is an excellent rage workout

kuderstadt

I disagree… they don't ever move on and find another victim. I was bullied so bad as a kid… I wish anti-bullying policies were then what they are now… 20-30 years ago, I just got picked on and broken down every single day… I was the fat kid. And no one understands how impossibly hard that is unless you've been there.

I ended up changing schools. It was the only way out… and that was against what every 'adult' in my life told me… but by that point I was 16 and could make that choice myself. Believe me, I begged and begged my parents to switch me long before that.

But enough about me.

In this day and age, there should be a no bullying policy in effect and I would absolutely report those girls. Report them daily. Do not retaliate and then they can say you're picking on them too… just keep track of everything they say to you, record them on your iPod, do whatever you can to have proof and report, report, report.

Best case scenario the school recognizes the issue, separates you in your future classes and disciplines the trolls.

Wishing you all the best. My heart just aches for you right now… reading your story brings back a whole heap load of hurt.

Chezzie84

I haven't done that yet, because the night dean of students favors the worst of the girls.

if you make an official complaint, he legally has to follow it up.
If that fails, go to whoever he reports to and drop him in the ****!!

Rocbola

Those are beyond haters, those are bullies.

Haters you can ignore, but if they interfere with your life, you gotta stand up do something. Not sure what, though. When i had bullies in Junior High, i just beat one of them up. That solution might not be socially acceptable anymore; it's a different world these days. :frown:

The one thing i can say is to not let them derail you. Keep spinning. I have seen many people who act like that age, and it's not pretty. You will have the last laugh if you stay determined.

NataBost

make sure you document all interactions.

go see a counselor as well.

save the email!!! print it out! and share it with a counselor.

I'll do that, maybe it will help, because I seriously am at the point where I am dreading school and I really just want to skip so I don't have to deal with them, and it's affecting my grade. My 4.0 has gone down to a 3.8 since the bullying got bad, and I hate it, but I just feel stuck.

Ugh. Been there. In between jr high and high school was really rough for me. Definitely document everything. In the meantime, YOU CAN DO THIS.I agree with suppakana - if they come up with anything else, give them a big ole smile, and say, something to the effect of, "Has anyone ever told you how NICE you are?" How could they report that? And maybe, just maybe, they'll think to themselves, "I'm not being NIC--oh, wait."

Usually bullies are the most insecure and jealous people in the world. Kill 'em with kindness, Boo.

2messy4life

I just get so freaking angry, so I guess the trick is to store the anger and use it at the gym, instead of emotionally eating.

This is what I do to. I actually started working out 2 years ago by running to take all the anger out. I was 20% running and 80% walking and just doing it until I barely could walk back home. I didn't know anything about calorie deficit back then and the only change I made in my diet was to drink orange juice instead of Coca Cola cause it made me run more, but I did lost 3kg every 2 months... So find a workout you like (spinning, cycling, lifting, running, whatever) and do it for yourself, it will help you a lot.

greenmonstergirl

Keep exercising and get fit and then they will stop. That's the best solution.

Back when I was in school, I was the bully stopper. I fought alot, but didn't start them, I stopped alot of bullies that picked on friends. Now, in this age, you get in trouble for fighting and I think that's a shame as usually a fight is one or two punches and someone walks away but it solves alot of problems actually.

Challenge them to a boxing match at a gym or at the school. Tell them put up or shut up and call them a wimp if they won't box you. Then it's not really fighting since it's at a gym or at the shool and you can get in some good hits.

I don't have any other ideas...I know how I would handle it but I guess it's not legal anymore. LOL!

TINAHUNTER1969

Please don't let these shallow minded people deter you from your goals. I have personal experience of being bullied and its not nice!!

Makes you wonder though doesn't it that these people are all slim yet get their kicks from upsetting people - that to me just shows you how unhappy they must be with themselves that they have to constantly put other people down.

I used to be such an emotional eater, someone would say something nasty and I would stuff my face to feel better but we know that in the end that it just a few seconds of feeling better followed by feeling worse for giving in to temptation.

You are doing brilliant, I know how tough a spinning class is so just keep doing what you are doing, build up your fitness and become healthier and happier. It used to take me 1 hour to walk 3 miles now it takes me 40 minutes, took me about 5 months of regular walking to improve but its now a constant, I try to go walking after work as much as I can.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IN - don't get mad, get fitter and healthier. Are you really bothered about their opinion of you? They don't sound like the kind of people you want to be mixing with so don't let their opinions get to you. Let your beauty shine from within - it may take you a while, but what would you be doing anyway!! True friends are so much better than fair-weather friends!

Good luck to you on your journey x

N3rdyBird_

Those are beyond haters, those are bullies.

Haters you can ignore, but if they interfere with your life, you gotta stand up do something. Not sure what, though. When i had bullies in Junior High, i just beat one of them up. That solution might not be socially acceptable anymore; it's a different world these days. :frown:

The one thing i can say is to not let them derail you. Keep spinning. I have seen many people who act like that age, and it's not pretty. You will have the last laugh if you stay determined.

I hate to admit punching a fellow female square in the face my sophomore year of high school, but I did. Though I wouldn't suggest it.

Bullies, boy do I have some stories too... In all, ignore the low life females who feel as though their looks are everything. Ignore them. Hold your head high knowing YOU are trying to get health and actually have to WORK for your ideal body unlike them.

toolzz

If you don't feel the Dean will take your complaint seriously I would mention possibly taking legal action regarding the lack of action on the schools part and possibly pursuing criminal harrassment against the a__holes that are doing this to you. I would do this in a casual manner so not to appear threatening, just to make the point that you aren't going to be ignored.

It might also serve you well to calmly ask these a__holes why they feel it is acceptable to try to bolster their (obivously) low self esteem by harassing another human being.

All interactions should be conducted calmly and with the utmost confidence. There is NOTHING wrong with you. There is EVERYTHING wrong with them.

T_R_A_V

HATERS = MOTIVATORS

LVCeltGirl

Document and report it because it needs to happen. Especially fraudulent use of school email (not even their own).

That said, to deal with them, while the snarky responses would feel really great, storing up the pain/anger/frustration for the gym is your best route. Get stronger, get healthier, get more confident. A lot of it is jealousy. They are jealous of you. You obviously have a trait they wished they had, (from the bullying perhaps it's a kind heart and a zeal for life that they are incapable of possessing) and so they have to tear you apart to make themselves feel good. They are acting younger than toddlers I know and aren't worthy of your time (nor should you give them so much of it by allowing them to get to you). I know that's easier said than done.

Some things to remember: You are worth it! (worth all you are doing for you)
You can only change your attitude, you can't change anybody else's attitude! (so laugh at them internally)
You have support in this journey! (even if you don't know the people in real life).

You make a difference, so continue out in this world and keep making that difference!

BTW - fellow whovian here so love your cat's name. :-)

ChaplainHeavin

The teacher spoke to them last term about the bullying and they let up for about a week, and then came up with the chubby chasers prank. I really don't want to know what will happen if I report them again. I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful, or how to deal with it. I stress/emotionally eat and I know I do it, and they just keep pushing my buttons.

Maybe making snide comments back is the answer, but then they turn around and report me for a "bad attitude."

Personally, I don't believe imitating their behavior will accomplish anything for the good. They remind me of the "popular high school kids" who enjoyed taunting others. Trust me when I tell you that most likely they have serious issues of their own. While it is tempting to walk over and smack them upside the head, there is another way you could consider. So here is the advice I learned from my friend's 12 year old daughter who passed away in 2004. It's called: BETHANY'S CHALLENGE

What a twelve year old with leukemia taught us about God and treating people right, even the ones that are difficult to be around.

At her funeral, Bethany’s Sunday school teacher, Lesa, was able to speak a few minutes about her. Here is what we learned about a conversation between teacher and student and I think after hearing this story you will see who the real teacher and student is in this case. Bethany had lost all of her long beautiful hair because of her treatments to combat the cancer. Being an elementary student with no hair was not to be overlooked by some of the boys in her school who would make fun of her. Lesa was sharing how Bethany endured the embarrassing ridicule. “Miss Lesa,” she said, “Do you know what I do when those mean boys make fun of me because of my bald head? I decide to treat them nice on purpose.” From out of the mouth of babes came one of the most profound theological truths that Jesus taught.

"Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” (New Living Translation)

I call Matthew 7:12, “Bethany’s Challenge. This is why I read and pray Matthew 7:12 every day. I have to learn and practice how to love and forgive. I have to remind myself to be nice to people on purpose. And who among us could face God one day, with Bethany sitting by his side, or most likely in his lap and make any excuse for not being willing to learn and practice Bethany’s Challenge?

Join us…..make a decision that will change the rest of someone else’s life (and yours as well) by taking Bethany’s Challenge. It’s not about doing random acts of kindness…there is nothing random about it…..it is something you have to do on Purpose………..Every day!

However you choose to deal with these immature women, do not give up nor give in. Just focus on your goal.

tmi1339

Looking at their ages, they are teetering on legal ramifications. Have any friends who practice law? It might be worth exploring. Could a cease and desist legal notification do the trick?

As for the motivation part, I opened my own business 3 years ago after years of working my butt off for companies that treated me like crap. I am in direct competition with them. I bumped into one of my ex-bosses the first month that I opened. He patronized me and basically patted me on the head, "Oh you've started your own business? Isn't that nice."

To this day, any time I fall on hard times - any time I am overwhelmed or discouraged - I take myself back to that day, that comment. I embrace how it made me feel. And then I put my head down and work harder than I ever imagined I could. His rude reaction has been the fuel for my fire and it has caused me awesome success.

I realize starting a business isn't quite the same as weight loss and physical fitness, but in a way it is. They both take perseverance, hard work, and will power.

Every time you feel like giving in, morph yourself mentally back to the hate and use it to empower you. And turn up Katie Perry's 'Eye of the Tiger' song every chance you get!