Dealing with Haters
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Document and report it because it needs to happen. Especially fraudulent use of school email (not even their own).
That said, to deal with them, while the snarky responses would feel really great, storing up the pain/anger/frustration for the gym is your best route. Get stronger, get healthier, get more confident. A lot of it is jealousy. They are jealous of you. You obviously have a trait they wished they had, (from the bullying perhaps it's a kind heart and a zeal for life that they are incapable of possessing) and so they have to tear you apart to make themselves feel good. They are acting younger than toddlers I know and aren't worthy of your time (nor should you give them so much of it by allowing them to get to you). I know that's easier said than done.
Some things to remember: You are worth it! (worth all you are doing for you)
You can only change your attitude, you can't change anybody else's attitude! (so laugh at them internally)
You have support in this journey! (even if you don't know the people in real life).
You make a difference, so continue out in this world and keep making that difference!
BTW - fellow whovian here so love your cat's name. :-)0 -
The teacher spoke to them last term about the bullying and they let up for about a week, and then came up with the chubby chasers prank. I really don't want to know what will happen if I report them again. I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful, or how to deal with it. I stress/emotionally eat and I know I do it, and they just keep pushing my buttons.
Maybe making snide comments back is the answer, but then they turn around and report me for a "bad attitude."
Personally, I don't believe imitating their behavior will accomplish anything for the good. They remind me of the "popular high school kids" who enjoyed taunting others. Trust me when I tell you that most likely they have serious issues of their own. While it is tempting to walk over and smack them upside the head, there is another way you could consider. So here is the advice I learned from my friend's 12 year old daughter who passed away in 2004. It's called: BETHANY'S CHALLENGE
What a twelve year old with leukemia taught us about God and treating people right, even the ones that are difficult to be around.
At her funeral, Bethany’s Sunday school teacher, Lesa, was able to speak a few minutes about her. Here is what we learned about a conversation between teacher and student and I think after hearing this story you will see who the real teacher and student is in this case. Bethany had lost all of her long beautiful hair because of her treatments to combat the cancer. Being an elementary student with no hair was not to be overlooked by some of the boys in her school who would make fun of her. Lesa was sharing how Bethany endured the embarrassing ridicule. “Miss Lesa,” she said, “Do you know what I do when those mean boys make fun of me because of my bald head? I decide to treat them nice on purpose.” From out of the mouth of babes came one of the most profound theological truths that Jesus taught.
"Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” (New Living Translation)
I call Matthew 7:12, “Bethany’s Challenge. This is why I read and pray Matthew 7:12 every day. I have to learn and practice how to love and forgive. I have to remind myself to be nice to people on purpose. And who among us could face God one day, with Bethany sitting by his side, or most likely in his lap and make any excuse for not being willing to learn and practice Bethany’s Challenge?
Join us…..make a decision that will change the rest of someone else’s life (and yours as well) by taking Bethany’s Challenge. It’s not about doing random acts of kindness…there is nothing random about it…..it is something you have to do on Purpose………..Every day!
However you choose to deal with these immature women, do not give up nor give in. Just focus on your goal.0 -
Looking at their ages, they are teetering on legal ramifications. Have any friends who practice law? It might be worth exploring. Could a cease and desist legal notification do the trick?
As for the motivation part, I opened my own business 3 years ago after years of working my butt off for companies that treated me like crap. I am in direct competition with them. I bumped into one of my ex-bosses the first month that I opened. He patronized me and basically patted me on the head, "Oh you've started your own business? Isn't that nice."
To this day, any time I fall on hard times - any time I am overwhelmed or discouraged - I take myself back to that day, that comment. I embrace how it made me feel. And then I put my head down and work harder than I ever imagined I could. His rude reaction has been the fuel for my fire and it has caused me awesome success.
I realize starting a business isn't quite the same as weight loss and physical fitness, but in a way it is. They both take perseverance, hard work, and will power.
Every time you feel like giving in, morph yourself mentally back to the hate and use it to empower you. And turn up Katie Perry's 'Eye of the Tiger' song every chance you get!0 -
I think the posters left some great advice here. I wanted to add that I've only been going to spinning for about two months now, but there is always a girl who sits front and center, and she helped me set my bike up on my first day when I was fumbling around with it. She was so happy when I came back to my second class and gave me advice on spinning shoes (which I bought) and is generally just an awesome person. Last night in class, the instructor's bike is on a little stage and he asked that girl to join him up on the stage. He said "Lindsay gave me permission to announce that as of today, she has lost 100 lbs since she started spinning last year". I would've had NO idea. I congratulated her after class and told her she inspires more people than she could ever know, including myself.
Moral of the story, keep going to spinning if you love it and whoever disagrees can go to hell.
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Thanks everybody. Seriously
. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.
I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.0 -
"EXERCISE to be fit, NOT SKINNY. EAT to nourish your body & ALWAYS IGNORE the haters, doubters & unhealthy examples that were once feeding you. YOU are worth more than you realise."
Let what they say fuel you. Only you know what your personal goals are. It takes time. Belive in yourself. You are the only one that should matter to you. You will get there. I believe in you!0 -
This is awful and fills me with so much rage. They're obviously not content with their own lives that they have to belittle other people to give themselves a high. It shows what kind of people they are. You can loose fat, they'll always be moronic jerks.
Unfortunately, since I can't physically come through this computer and slap each one of them in the face, then the only thing you can really do is ignore them. Whatever you do, do not retaliate. Just don't do it. It will fuel the fire. They'll eventually get bored and probably move on to someone else. This is where you decide whether to put them in their place or not. You speak up for someone else and defend them, even if they didn't do it for you. Don't be afraid of them cause at the end of the day what can they actually do? I'm not speaking from experience because I've never really technically been bullied before, but I've stood up for those who were as much as I could. When someone else, anyone else steps in it seems to have more of an effect on these idiots. They'll hopefully realise that everyone around them thinks that they're pathetic and weak, and you're the strong one.0 -
My response to that sort of stuff was to be ridiculous and say so everyone can hear and with lots of arm flailing, "Oh no you huwt my wittew feewings and I'm going to go cwy now," and then walk away laughing and saying, "what a dumbass!"
They'd be so embarrassed to have been involved in such a conversation in front of other people that they wouldn't bother trying again.0 -
You should send me their personal Facebook/Twitter/Instagrams & phone numbers.
I swear they would regret ever making fun of you after a few days of phone spam & social media torture.
If it were me I would stand up, assert myself, tell them to stop...if they continue whip dat'*kitten*.0 -
Honestly, you need to go to someone about the teacher. I don't know what your school system is like but you need to go to the dean of students, like somone else mentioned. Or a school counselor. Take all of the evidence with you because it sounds like you have a lot. That is ridiculous. You are trying to better yourself and your health and they are tearing you apart for no reason. Keep doing what you are doing. And next time they say something make a snide remark of "at least I can improve my weight. How are you going to improve your personality" or something along those lines. But I would use that as a last resort. Do not let them have any evidence of retaliation from you before you go to the dean or counselor. Seriously, you need to report them.0
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I don't even know what to say because I would seriously cut a b***ch.
You've got to stand up for yourself, OP. Like all of the time. Make it clear that you're not a person who is going to accept that kind of treatment.
I understand that you are young. But you're not 11 and in the schoolyard at recess being bullied. I am just sick and sad for you about this, but you've gotta take a stand.0 -
Your school should have a student code of conduct. What those girls are doing is cyber bullying. Most school, colleges or universities would have a policy against that. You should contact your office of student affairs to talk to some one about your options for reporting these monsters.0
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Moral of the story, keep going to spinning if you love it and whoever disagrees can go to hell.
I'm definitely sticking with it. No way I am letting a bike beat me. I'm just too damn stubborn.To this day, any time I fall on hard times - any time I am overwhelmed or discouraged - I take myself back to that day, that comment. I embrace how it made me feel. And then I put my head down and work harder than I ever imagined I could. His rude reaction has been the fuel for my fire and it has caused me awesome success.
wow. I hope I can do that with weight loss. I always get so depressed about it.
Some things to remember: You are worth it! (worth all you are doing for you)
You can only change your attitude, you can't change anybody else's attitude! (so laugh at them internally)
You have support in this journey! (even if you don't know the people in real life).
You make a difference, so continue out in this world and keep making that difference!
BTW - fellow whovian here so love your cat's name. :-)
I think the support really helps. I'm amazed how many people on this site really care. I was just posting it to rant, if that makes sense?
Aw! Thank you! I love your picture! When I get to goal weight, I want to make historical costumes for myself.There is NOTHING wrong with you. There is EVERYTHING wrong with them.
I guess it's because they make me feel like there's something wrong with me. Like if there wasn't I wouldn't be over 200 lbs, like I somehow don't have control, or it's yet another way that I'm weak. So I guess part of me thinks they're right when they make those comments?0 -
Next time they say something to you, tell them, "Yes, I'm fat. I'm working on it. I can and will lose weight. However, you will always be a dumb *****."
And then punch her.0 -
Thanks everybody. Seriously. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.
I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.
You're clearly going through a rough patch. However, I have to point out, since you mentioned it twice: their physical appearance should have no more bearing on how you view them than yours should on them. Don't fall into the trap of basing their negativity on their appearance. Especially because anyone can be insecure at any weight, and going up in a size can be emotionally and physically uncomfortable for anyone; if it bothers you, that's coming from a place within you. They're not "wrong" for having their own issues. Thinking negative and vengeful thoughts about others is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get poisoned.
What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.
So, clearly if they're violating policies in place, report them. If you did it before, continue to do it; having records can get others accountable for a "hostile environment." Otherwise, "dealing with haters" comes from a place within. As others have said, keep being you. Don't judge them for being "skinny" and "feeling bad about gaining weight." That's not your place. Instead, ignore them and do what you like to do even harder.
Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?0 -
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"0 -
My response to that sort of stuff was to be ridiculous and say so everyone can hear and with lots of arm flailing, "Oh no you huwt my wittew feewings and I'm going to go cwy now," and then walk away laughing and saying, "what a dumbass!"
They'd be so embarrassed to have been involved in such a conversation in front of other people that they wouldn't bother trying again.
^ I like this. Frankly, if you DO choose to engage them, OP, sometimes repeating back to them what they just said can make a big difference.
Them: "If we pushed you down the stairs, would you bounce?"
You: "Did you seriously just ask if you pushed me down the stairs if I would bounce?"
Try applying that, or the "respond, not react" method of simply saying "okay" back to someone. Both are good at getting people to take a second; hearing their words from someone else can affect them more than saying them. Saying "okay" often just pisses off people and takes away the reaction they're getting.0 -
I'm a Whovian too - cool name for a cat!
Remember bow ties are cool - The Doc doesn't care about peoples opinions of what he wears so don't care about what these small minded bullies (who probably only have skinny going for them and zero personalities) have to say.
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I actually want to start lifting and getting stronger. I just bought New Rules yesterday, but I'll definitely look into the others, because I definitely think they might have to shut up, if I could do that, right? Maybe?
Unfortunately, this wont stop them. People who do this will pick on you for anything, not just being fat. When you stop being fat it will be for something else. I have lost a lot of weight, am in the best physical shape of my life, lifting heavy weights and working with a trainer 3 days a week. I look pretty good I think! Yesterday alone I had 3 separate comments - "too skinny" (to my face), "face looks anorexic" (to a friend who relayed it to me), and "wasting away" (behind me and didnt realize I could hear them. Its not bullying but its very insensitive and makes me feel bad about myself for no reason.
Not sure what you should do, but losing weight will not likely stop them. You should definitely continue becoming healthier for your own sake (not just to stop them), but comb through these suggestions for dealing with it as well. No amount of "fixing" yourself will "fix" them.0 -
Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university
I haven't done that yet, because the night dean of students favors the worst of the girls. She like...calls him Daddy even though they aren't related, because she made a one-of comment after he said about how he raised his girls to look for men, that she wished she had a dad like that....and he lets her. It's...really strange and kinda squicks me out.
Thanks everybody. I guess I just ahve to go up the chain of command, because endurance isn't working so well.
Listen, and this might not be the "proper" advice, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
Don't bother turning them in to anyone at any school. Nothing good will happen. Most likely any teacher or school administrator will ignore it, give them a slap on the wrist, or some other minor punishment that will only result in them coming after you harder.
There's a reason bullying is most prevalent in schools. Because that's where it's tolerated.
So keep it to yourself. Don't give them the satisfaction of "telling on them."
And if there is EVER an opportunity where you're alone with one of them.. any time you could get a little payback with no chance of being caught...unleash holy hell on them.
while normally I would fall into the same line of thinking- sending emails through the school system is hard documentation and is good enough to take to a counselor or someone.
acting super crazy and over the top works too- people like that don't like to be out of control of the "staring scene" they want to be the ones MAKING the thing happen- not being subject to the spectacle.
I am also very direct- I think going to a full frontal rebuttal is best- I was brutally mocked behind my back as a junior high student- I learned to say at some point "you have something to say about me or to me- perhaps you have the courage to say it to my face or are you so coward you only whisper behind my back?" again- extremely loudly. I have found great success in just going WAY over the top- no one likes to be the brunt of that- which is why they do it to other people.0 -
*Hugs*
I'm sorry you have to deal with morons. There's no valid excuse for anyone to treat another human being like that. In case it hasn't already been said, the best thing you can do is love yourself and work on getting to your goal.
And get hot and make sure they see you at least once a day!0 -
Use it as motivation - every time you show up to spin class, you win! Some day you will finish the spin class and you will feel on top of the world. Hold your head high - you can do it!0
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SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
"do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.
ooohhhhh
man that's a hell of an optical illusion- youre so tiny- but your head... it's just so BIG- how do you fit that giant ego of your's through the door- I'mmma start calling you houdini!!!
also- I give people ridiculous nick names- so if I need to and am feeling uncomfortable I can have my own private joke at someone else's expense- makes me feel more comfortable.
yes- it's shallow- but no- I don't like feeling taken advantage of so it works.0 -
I see you're 26. How old are they? In any case you do need to handle this. They are continuing to do this because they think they can and get away with it (which so far they have). I don't recommend doing anything physical. What type of school is this? I'm presuming you won't have to see these people ever again after you finish, so I'd take the evidence ot harrasment (because that's what this is) to the school with at least one piece of evidence that you told them to stop and they didn't.
But honestly I'd be tempted to go to the police if I were you.0 -
Personally i think responding to them puts you at their level. And they also know they are getting to you and will keep it going. I would just smile at them and say nothing. Use the anger to keep going.
Depending on their age and the school you could report the bullying. But you could also block them from contacting you. Most cell companies allow you to block numbers.
Eventually they will get tired of not getting any response. Rise above them and make your goals. You can do that.0 -
Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?
Last time I checked I was 26, haha. It's a technical school, not a university, career training basically. All our classes are things like how to take X-rays, how to assist a dentist when doing fillings and root canals and things like that. So you go through Assisting 101, Infection Control, Radiology, etc with the same people you go through all the other classes with, for two years and then you graduate together.What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.
You're probably right, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, I guess.0 -
I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.
Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.
And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.
^ This ^
If I hadn't been so angry, I would have taken the time to scroll through the responses and seen these before I posted essentially the same advice.
One of the exercises you will need to do as you get healthy is to stand up for yourself. God bless you.0 -
I love seeing new people of all sizes at the gym! We all are at different levels, so as long as you are trying to do what you can do, MORE POWER TO YOU.
Side note: my gym pet peeve is tiny girls who come to the gym and talk the whole time, always pick up the smallest weights for our interval circuits, and skip any exercise that is "too hard" without even trying. Somehow I imagine these two might fit in this category...0 -
First off, don't lower yourself to their level by making jokes about them. You are better than that.
Second, I teach at night school and I have overheard students do this to other students. A good teacher will intervene and make sure that it doesn't happen again. These girls are bullying you and you have the right to be protected by the school, especially if they are using school computers or information they obtained from the school (email address) in order to do the bullying. Demand that the school take action. A few blocks back, I told a student that she would be failed in the class if she continued bullying another student. It continued and I failed her. In reality, though, I didn't fail her. She failed herself.
A good school will address the problem. Just because you may be in an adult night school does not mean that you have to put up with this behavior. Even workplaces have standards established to protect workers from being bullied.0 -
put your energy into your spinning class.
I'd personally start making waif blowing away jokes. Or making comments about their food- I'm shallow like that- if you attack my on that level- I'll attack you right back (I'm kind of in line with Fat Amy's mental process from Pitch Perfect).. I woudl totally say- OMG THOSE 100 calorie chips are going to make your vagina fall out of your shorts!!! it got fat!!!
or something- I have no shame- they have gone above and beyond- which means all jokes are fair enough to them. You may not feel that way- and a lot of others probably won't either- but what they are doing is unacceptable- I got to stage 10.
If it goes 1-1 then 2-2 people just keep matching. But they did 1- and you probably tried 1- and they just keep pushing. Go to def con 10 stage 12- over the top. Usually puts people in their place immediately.
I't probably go with a Churchill type comment as well "I may be fat today - but I won't be fat forever: you unfortunately will be shallow vapid and ugly inside probably for the rest of your life"
"making fun of fat people at the gym is like making fun of sick people at the hospital"
no one said healthy had to be skinny. healthy is about your whole body- not what something looks like."You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."
Also- how am I supposed to get healthy if I quit?
"perhaps you should quit talking- because no one nice wants to hear your voice"
Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift
I cant' stand people like that- I would have shut that down immediately- i have no patience for such things- but zingers are kind of my thing so I tend to go their first.
Good luck to you!!! Message me if you need more moral support!!!
This all the way. More likely than not, these brats aren't used to people standing up to them. Their goal is to hurt you, defeat you and demoralize you, because it makes them feel superior. I'm like JoRocka, I fight back... personally, on top of the waif jokes and whatnot, I'd figure out what their insecurities or inadequacies are, and exploit them. But I'm mean when attacked. Maybe you're a better person. But if not, go for broke and be a bigger meanie- like all bullies, the only thing they respect is someone badder than them.
Good luck!0
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