Ugly fat pig! Skinny pathetic skeleton! Fat butt slut!

Dig_Deeper

The title says it all; these hateful words do far more damage than the people saying it seem to think. I want to share something with you all if you don't mind.(I wanted to tell my wife...but these kind of things really get to her and make her cry; she has a big heart and she's amazing).

NOTE: This is another long post....but this time it an important one...

I was out yesterday trying to find a dress and anniversary gift for my wife(the dress is also for my wife lol), and a woman thought it was "cute that I was in the women's section shopping for my wife. I was telling her what kind of things that she liked and her favorite color and what goes really well with her eyes, and other women came over to lend their "feminine" aid in helping me find the perfect gift. It was actually pretty fun....but the conversation took an unexpected turn.....sadly. One of the women said I have nice shoulders and said she wanted to get in shape so we all started talking about this.....and this is when things got emotional.

One of the ladies began telling us about her niece before showing us a picture of her that she keeps in her purse. She was obese, but not dangerously so, she had that light natural honey blonde(I think that's what it called) and she was actually a pretty girl.......while she was alive. She killed herself because some morons decided to lift up her shirt while she was in the lunch line. Everyone started calling her the fat ugly pig with fat breasts(I'm sure they didn't say "breasts") and other vile things and apparently she had to endure the same treatment from her parents (which is why she spent so much time with her aunt).....*sigh* the poor, poor dear just couldn't take it anymore....and she left her aunt a note...a very loving note...but a substantially heart breaking one. She said this happened about thirteen years ago.

Her story struck a nerve in one of the other women and she told her her own tragic experience; the death of her sister in 1976. Her sister was apparently a very thin young lady (she was nineteen years old), and she was okay with that until she went to college. She was talked about from the moment she walked into her first class by the girls sitting behind her....and it never stopped; It bothered her, but she was able to ignore it for awhile, a long while in fact.......but everyone can't tune people out and it gets too hard. It wasn't long before people were constantly making fun of her....and her sister found her dead in the bathtub from an intentional overdoes that lead to her passing out and drowning :-((

Needless to say that her story touched another woman....expect thankfully...the person of subject was herself. I only say thankfully because by God's(I do not mean to offend any atheist) good grace she managed to survive what should have certainly killed her. She has a nice shape, and her hips and behind are quite big, but she's not fat. She was talked about also and this was just a few years ago. Because of her shape it was always STUPIDLY assumed that she was a slut...and people had no problems letting her know this. She was teased at work, at the university she currently attends and by her father....who also happened to molest her repeatedly before FINALLY being arrested when she was able to quell her fear of him long enough to get help from her uncle (her dad's brother) and go to the police. He didn't get arrested until after she tried to kill herself......by stabbing herself three times and almost bleeding to death as well as puncturing one of her organs; as I've said, this should have definitely killed her but her uncle and his wife saw her through the window and were able to call for help JUST in time. After she start getting better that's when the truth about why she tried to take her life came about; her dad's constant molestation was one of those reasons. She looks good now though and despite a bit of pain every now and then, she said she's doing really well! :flowerforyou:

I shared this story simply to show that it is IMPERATIVE for us to be kind to people.While these may be older events, this stuff still happens everyday and people are still taking their lives because many of them have no idea who to turn to. Some of them have no help and no support at all! Just like the ladies I've talked to, I have also had people close to me commit suicide and I'm sure a lot of you have as well. I want to motivate all of us to do better and support those suffering from this kind of treatment. I don't care how they look, how they're built, WHATEVER; we should define people by who they are....not how they look! You never, EVER know if YOUR comment will be the one that really sends someone over the edge and they just can't take it anymore. Wouldn't you rather save a life with a hug, kindness, a smile or perhaps all three...than to destroy one with hateful words??? I sure as heck would rather lift someone up and get them smiling. I don't say this idly; I lead by my example. Someone very close to me has told me many times that my being there for her in a tremendously difficult time and slowly helping her out of her situation saved her life. So I KNOW for a fact this helps. Now I'm not taking credit, because it was her choice to be strong enough to break out, but I am saying that sometimes people need a push to help them....a smile, a kind word, or a hug goes a LONG way.

My apologies for such a long post(as well as any typos)...but I just couldn't keep this to myself. Love you all and wish you the best! Let's be kind, encouraging, and supportive......and hopefully save some lives.

anyd18

Very inspiring post. So sad to hear about the cruelties people have to endure, its such a shame but it definitely is true. I especially liked your "save a life with a hug, kindness than destroy one with hateful words"...everyone needs to remember this no matter how old or young we are! Thanks for posting!

1princesswarrior

Wow, how pathetic people can be. Each of those stories struck a chord with me in a personal way. I read a post on here the other day where a woman was getting bullied at her school by other grown women about her weight and I thought that behavior was disgusting but hopefully the outpouring of support she received will give her the strength to persevere.

Thanks for sharing.

Karabobarra

Honestly this is the longest post I have ever read on mfp. .. and I'm glad I did. Kindness matters at all levels of interaction with people, everyone has obstacles and challenges to face and nobody knows exactly what life another person has already lived. I love the part where you say can't we look at who people are instead of what they look like. I tell my kids that all the time. good post. ...thanks for sharing. So did your wife like the dress you got her?

addictedtosweat

Some people are so ridiculous. Gahh I could go on and on about this issue but I'll keep it simple... Ignore stupid people. -.-'

Good post

SomeNights246

Your wife is very lucky to have someone like you.

Words do far more damage than anyone could realize. Also, a simple look can do more damage to some people (specifically people like myself who suffer depression and/or social disorders). When I was overweight, I sometimes caught people giving me this 'look'. You can't really explain it, but others who are or have been overweight probably know the look. I especially got it at the beach a lot. I don't wear bathing suits as it is. I have um... natural cellulite (have since I was in middle school, doesn't matter if I'm in shape, overweight, underweight, it's always there) so am self conscious about my legs. I wear swimming trunks. Anyway. Last Spring, I was still about 100 lbs overweight. My friend and I went to Daytona, and these punk teenagers started picking at me, my friend, and my friend's mom. Me and her mom because of our weight, my friend because of her stretch marks (mind you she had had two kids and had lost about 50 lbs, too). In any case, I didn't eat at all that night. And that 'look'. I got it so often that I eventually learned to not look at people's faces. It was the only way I didn't notice if I was getting that 'look'.

But the worst part of it all, is it seems that no matter what weight you are... someone is going to be negative or treat you poorly. Being told I look like an addict because I lost so much weight hurts me just as much as being told I look like a whale did. There is a point where you should have a thick skin and remember that their opinions don't matter in the greater scheme. Nevertheless, as a psychology major, I know that is not always possible or even probable. Besides, people should be taught manners. The way I was raised... I don't say anything if I have nothing nice to say. Simple as that. Words hurt. They especially hurt when you're young, vulnerable, or already socially anxious.

jennpaulson

So true, my 15 year old has been very thin and very tall (she finally topped out at 5'8") her entire life. Kids started making comments about her weight in the FIRST GRADE! That's 6 years old, and they haven't stopped yet. My beautiful daughter does not see in the mirror what I see because of what these mean children have said to her.

elghee123

wow! you are one of those people who actually listens to what people say. You are listener and very well verse in writing them too. Thanks for sharing.

I went thru burnout and depression as well. Still in recovery.

clareyoung80

For me, this is what body positivity is about.

Some people get very funny about body positivity, thinking it means celebrating obesity and ill health. Rather, it's about not being an *kitten* to other people - don't treat people like crap because of their bodies.

David_AUS

I felt to put the quote most commonly attributed to be made popular by Edmund Bourke - The Only Thing Necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that Good Men Do Nothing.. Posts like this help those who seek to transcend the ego and search for the truth to help those to see that in love there is no judgement.

Solly123

My apologies for such a long post(as well as any typos)...but I just couldn't keep this to myself. Love you all and wish you the best! Let's be kind, encouraging, and supportive......and hopefully save some lives.

Apologies not needed. What a wonderful post. If only there were more like you in the world.

Hate only begets hate. Smile and the world will smile with you..

I live by the motto, "what goes round, comes round". So treat people in the way you wish to be treated. And for those that spout meanness and vileness - pity them - because the only reason they pick on you is to hide what they are ashamed of themselves. By bringing you down, it lifts them up (in their eyes).. My mother always said - if someone is being mean, pity them.. Cause they cannot see their own beauty only their flaws and they have to highlight someone elses flaw to hide their own.. Ignore them - because the people who love you only see your goodness. And goodness is beauty - not the body its in.

Thank you for posting this. Makes me proud that my mam instilled that into me every day.

SpencersHeart

Thank you for this post :flowerforyou:

VBnotbitter

What a good man you are - for listening to those ladies and for sharing this. Thank you.

stormyxpony

Thank You!!!!

tapirfrog

Thank you for writing this.

Myhaloslipped

Your wife is very lucky to have you (and vice versa, I am sure). You never know what can change someone's life. Even something as simple as a kind word or a smile can make someone's day. I hate to see people being picked on and always try to step in and stick up for them when I can. Everyone needs someone to have their back, even if it is a stranger in an isolated situation.

runforestrun35

Thank you for this, for pointing out how hurtful words can be, how powerful negative judgments on people can be!

If we can all take at least one opportunity per day to be positive to someone, it may just change someone's life path!

Again, thank you for these eye opening words!

msf74

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life...

Nice post OP.

GummyHuman

Every post I have read by you has been excellent. This is no exception.

:flowerforyou:

amarisstorm

Thank you for posting this. It is such an important issue.

Slinky_BraveHeartBunsOfSteel

Love this!

Sunbrooke

Thank goodness bullying is no longer as tolerated as it once was. I hope that our children will grow up to be more secure and sensitive than our generation. Thank you for posting. It's important to have these reminders sometimes.

Naijasfitbodi

Inspired will repost to fb if you dont mind. Will give credit of course!

seltzermint555

Thanks for your post and your attitude. Your wife is a lucky lady, you sound like an awesome and thoughtful man.

brynnsmom

You are very kind hearted, the world needs more people like you. Thank you for sharing.

flyingbeta

Situations like this are opportunities for us to be everyday heroes (or, in my case, a heroine). When we witness unkindness and bullying, it's our chance to step up and say "Oh, no, you don't. Not while I'm standing here." I feel like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings whenever I do that, and the bullies always back off. After all, bullies are nothing but self-hating cowards.

ecottencat

My ex boyfriend when at a 5k race would point out a heavy set person and make a horrible comment. I would look at him and say at least she is out here walking and good for her I'm proud of her. He won't like when I would day that in her defense. One of the many reasons he is my ex got sick of those comments and of course since I don't quite have that athletic body it hurt me as well. Here is my thing instead of putting people down how about go over to them at a 5k and wish them luck which is what I do. They usually smile and say that this is their first and that they are wanting to be healthy. I smile back and tell them to keep it up and they will feel excited and happy when they cross that finish line.

At the gym I helped encourage a girl that was trying hard to complete the time left on her machine. She told me after that she was about to give up and my positive comments got her going again. Today she has lost a lot of weight and she said that if it weren't for me that day she would of walked out of that gym and never came back and would not of been healthier.

So little things to someone matter too bad more can't do that instead of putting people down.

calibriintx

:flowerforyou: When I think about my hopes for my daughter and all of the things that I want her to have and to be, kind is at the top of the list.

Slaintegrl

This reminds me of a song I love.

Don't laugh at me, don' call me names.
Don't get your pleasure from my pain.
In God's eyes, we're all the same,
One day we'll all have perfect wings.

Thank you for posting!

ngood10720

There is such a need to be kind to people.

Asherah29

Thanks for the post! It hits an issue that people don't really talk about! In high school I was very thin, and constantly called a skinny b* by larger girls and often questioned if I was anorexic or bulimic. It got very irritating having to constantly defend myself that nothing was wrong with me. I came from a long line of very tall slim people, on both sides and was extremely active. Heck, my mom, who's 59 is 5'10 and 130 pounds.
Then I got pregnant and had my son, and suddenly the stick thin girl had boobs and hips. I'm still relatively slim, I'm on MFP to get back to a weight I am more comfortable with and to tone up, but now the comments are not about if I'm anorexic, they are about the proportions of my body. Granted, I could put on the exact same shirt that my sister, who is about the same size but less "blessed" (lets call it that) wears and looks adorable in and I look like I'm about to step on a burlesque stage. Now I tend to hear things associated with that which are just as detrimental in their own way.
People can be awful. Its really sad that the ideal that mean is cool has become the norm in our society. You never know other peoples struggles, and quite frankly its not the place of anyone else to judge.