What's the point? Solitary Fat Woman.
Quasita
Posts: 1,530 Member
What's the point?
I usually get involved with comments when people seem to really want help... but in the end, they write-off what they don't like reading. It can be legitimately helpful and informed, but it doesn't matter. There's always a reason why it doesn't apply when you don't like it... That's the nature of life I suppose, but if you're not open to opinions, you shouldn't ask the public.
My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?
Where are the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating, who don't assume that because you're super fat, they automatically know more than you? Those that will have a legitimate conversation about health topics, instead of going into lecture mode on the assumption that you brought up the topic because you're obese and don't know anything about it?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
Yeah, I know, there are a lot of people on my list and they like my goofy updates and my photos, but rarely engage me in discussion of anything of merit...
I guess I'm sad about it all, and about to give up on MFP. Could use some motivation to keep it going.
I usually get involved with comments when people seem to really want help... but in the end, they write-off what they don't like reading. It can be legitimately helpful and informed, but it doesn't matter. There's always a reason why it doesn't apply when you don't like it... That's the nature of life I suppose, but if you're not open to opinions, you shouldn't ask the public.
My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?
Where are the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating, who don't assume that because you're super fat, they automatically know more than you? Those that will have a legitimate conversation about health topics, instead of going into lecture mode on the assumption that you brought up the topic because you're obese and don't know anything about it?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
Yeah, I know, there are a lot of people on my list and they like my goofy updates and my photos, but rarely engage me in discussion of anything of merit...
I guess I'm sad about it all, and about to give up on MFP. Could use some motivation to keep it going.
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Replies
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Hang in there, girl! We all hit those low points. Just keep going and be kind to yourself. You are not alone. Go for a walk outside (if it is not snowing where you are). Maybe you can find some people near you to connect with? Good luck!0
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I'm a super fat man who is taking his weight loss super seriously.
And I'm old enough to know I don't know much about anything. My years of absolute certainty are decades behind me now, alas!
Like you, I don't really get involved in the social side of MFP. I use it to log my food and track my progress. However, I have found that participating in some of the group challenges has engaged me.
Don't give up! Logging every day does help me, maybe it will help you too.
Frank (FTW37)0 -
Hi there, I'm a lurker. I've been really trying to get healthy again this year, and I'm obese.
I love checking message boards for info, recipes, etc. I don't comment all that often, but I do read the advice people give. So maybe you're not helping the original poster, but I'll bet for every grumpy OP who refuses to take the info seriously, there might be dozens of us lurkers taking note.
Before coming on these boards and reading stuff like the "sexypants" article, I only had nutritional information I got from Weight Watchers back in 2009. I had no idea I wasn't eating enough protein (I knew it was important, but I thought one tiny serving would be enough), I didn't know that fat wasn't evil, the awesomeness that is Fitness Blender, and countless other bits of info.
So for every "I'll eat 800 calories a day, if I want to, you're not the boss of me" comments you see, just remember there's people like me who had no idea what their BMR, TDEE or macros really were until they read some info on the boards. When I see informative posts, it makes me do a few Google searches, and I try to make an informed decision.
Thanks! I've lost nearly 16 pounds, I've got boatloads of energy, and my biceps are starting to show!0 -
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously?
Aren't you being hypocritical? Maybe people feel like you do. Alone and unmotivated.
I've been the fat friend and I've been the skinny friend. Both sides are lonely on the weightloss road. Sometimes you just need to do it for you and to stick it to the other people that A) Don't help you or
Don't take you serious.
If you want to add me, I'm always on this damn thing.0 -
You speak the truth woman!
I have way over 100 lbs to lose, and I'm very serious. I take comments seriously, and think about advice given.
'Friend' me if you like, or if you stay
xx 0 -
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously?
Aren't you being hypocritical? Maybe people feel like you do. Alone and unmotivated.
I've been the fat friend and I've been the skinny friend. Both sides are lonely on the weightloss road. Sometimes you just need to do it for you and to stick it to the other people that A) Don't help you or Don't take you serious.
If you want to add me, I'm always on this damn thing.
Well, I guess if you want to take my reaching out as feeling sorry for myself, that's okay.
I was intending more to reference the very obese people who, rather than suck it up and do something already, just lament on being fat, and let it be an excuse. I won't claim perfection by any means... But it's very disheartening to be active on here and working and trying and friending people to mutually motivate and most of the time, I end up with friend bloat and wondering what happened to that initial driving force.
I'm not unmotivated. I'm anything but. I am just tempted to give up on MFP. My lamenting of being alone is about feeling like the only 400+lbs person busting my booty.
Ultimately I was just trying to reach out because I felt particularly depressed. Have had some really hard thoughts going through my head today that I don't think smaller people will understand... So I was hoping maybe someone would pop up and be like *beast arms*0 -
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I don't use it as an excuse. I loathe it and work hard to change it. Every day. And I'm always on here.
ETA: Add me if you like. I'm sarcastic, b!tchy, snarky at times. I'll call you out if need be. I don't sugar coat *kitten*.0 -
girl, motivation comes from within. Never look to somebody else for that in which you can only find in yourself. You will always end up disapointed and end up writing posts like this.0
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im 5ft5 and 214lb, right now i am working my butt off to lose the extra pounds,,, feel free to add me as a friend 0
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Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
These people mostly do not exist very long in my opinion. Do you know why? Because they are no longer super fat!!! I have many friends here that at a glance look "hot" and like they are just playing around. True they are hot and playing, but many also have found the internal motivation to become that way! Many have actually lost a LOT of weight- 50, 80, 100lbs and more. They are human. They make mistakes and get emotional and sometimes deactivate. But one thing they all have in common is that they never give up or stop trying. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hey girl..I am on your friends list!!!
I started mfp at 359 lbs. And before that I was even higher...just never weighed. I have lost 102 lbs. here on mfp in 14 months. I am busting my booty right along with you. I sincerely hope that you know you are not alone. Sometimes I dont post all my busy work daily but there are days I just dont have time to...I do the work and sometimes it says I am over in my cals..and that is because I didnt wear my hrm while walking or running or dancing with my kids, or whatever else i am doing . But rest assured, I know how hard it is, and that I am pulling my weight along with you. HUGS!0 -
girl, motivation comes from within. Never look to somebody else for that in which you can only find in yourself. You will always end up disapointed and end up writing posts like this.
QFT.
And - You can if you want to. Looking forward to your success story!0 -
I think it's important to reach out when you need help ~ if you're feeling lonely, it's time to find some new friends… onwards and upwards!!! 0
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Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.0 -
I know this will sound sad, but every morning before I make my morning cup of coffee, I cruise the success boards, look at every "fat" person gone skinny, read their stories, and then go about my day. That, for some reason, is more motivating than anything I have yet to do. It makes me think about every piece of food I am about to put in my mouth. It makes me take out the fish for dinner, even if I have to make something separate for the rest of my family (hubby and three kids under 5). It also makes me work out, even when I would rather gnaw off my own hand. That just works for me. A weight loss journey is finding you, finding what works for you and what doesn't. Friends are suppose to help. If they are not, delete them. I have deleted a number of people because of in activity, or negativity. Friend me if you want, or don't. Depends on the person you want to be.
SW 288
CW 212
GW 1500 -
Don't give up on us baby, don't make the wrong seem right
The future isn't just for the night, it's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars, we can't change us.....
Don't give up on us baby, we're still worth one more try
I know we put the last one by, just for the rainy evening
When maybe stars are few, don't give up on us I know
We can still come through
I nearly lost my head last night, you've got a right to stop believing
There's still a little love left, even so
Don't give up on us baby, lord knows we've come this far
Can't we stay the way we are, the angel and the dreamer
Who sometimes plays a fool, don't give up on us I know
We can still come through
And painted on the stars, we can't change us
Don't give up on us baby, we're still worth one more try
I know we put the last one by, just for the rainy evening
When maybe stars are few, Don't give up on us baby I know
We can still come through
Don't give up on us baby, don't give up on us baby
http://youtu.be/xLLsjlKWohU 0 -
Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.0 -
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
These people mostly do not exist very long in my opinion. Do you know why? Because they are no longer super fat!!! I have many friends here that at a glance look "hot" and like they are just playing around. True they are hot and playing, but many also have found the internal motivation to become that way! Many have actually lost a LOT of weight- 50, 80, 100lbs and more. They are human. They make mistakes and get emotional and sometimes deactivate. But one thing they all have in common is that they never give up or stop trying. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
Heather, that was wonderful. :flowerforyou:
OP...I was super fat and am still losing. I still carry that fat boy mentality and I'll never feel satisfied. A certain part of me will always feel a bit insecure of my body....to the point where I'll sound a bit conceited because a lot don't know how obese I used to be.
So the super fat people...here I am, I used to be there, I'm still here..in my head, and by the way...Heather is correct, we never give up.0 -
Where are the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating, who don't assume that because you're super fat, they automatically know more than you? Those that will have a legitimate conversation about health topics, instead of going into lecture mode on the assumption that you brought up the topic because you're obese and don't know anything about it?
Have you ever heard of an askhole? I used to be one. I used to kid myself into thinking that I new all the answers. I was prior military, prior law enforcement...a jock. But there was a reason why I was fat. I was ignorant and proud.
There are so many people, once they find out that you eat healthy or are into fitness, they will council you on what type of food or exercise you should eat. I don't understand this phenomenon. They are overweight, don't exercise or eat healthy, yet they feel entitled to start coaching you on proper nutrition and workout disciplines. I just brush them off and ignore them. Perhaps you should do the same.0 -
I have a different approach. This is my own personal and private journey. It belongs only to me and to no-one else and while giving and receiving support is nice, it is not my prime motivator. Too many of us have been victims to the fashion industry, the beauty industry, the weight-loss industry and to well-meaning family and friends. Because I don't want to place blame on anyone or anything for my obesity, I also want to be answerable to only myself on my journey to health and fitness. Of course, what works for me or you, may not work for anyone else and I do love reading the comments.0
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Hi there, I'm a lurker. I've been really trying to get healthy again this year, and I'm obese.
I love checking message boards for info, recipes, etc. I don't comment all that often, but I do read the advice people give. So maybe you're not helping the original poster, but I'll bet for every grumpy OP who refuses to take the info seriously, there might be dozens of us lurkers taking note.
Before coming on these boards and reading stuff like the "sexypants" article, I only had nutritional information I got from Weight Watchers back in 2009. I had no idea I wasn't eating enough protein (I knew it was important, but I thought one tiny serving would be enough), I didn't know that fat wasn't evil, the awesomeness that is Fitness Blender, and countless other bits of info.
So for every "I'll eat 800 calories a day, if I want to, you're not the boss of me" comments you see, just remember there's people like me who had no idea what their BMR, TDEE or macros really were until they read some info on the boards. When I see informative posts, it makes me do a few Google searches, and I try to make an informed decision.
Thanks! I've lost nearly 16 pounds, I've got boatloads of energy, and my biceps are starting to show!
THIS ^^^ I also rarely post, but am on the message boards almost daily flipping through all of the info on here. I agree, just because the OP doesn't listen dosen't mean there isn't many more off us in the shadows soaking it all in.0 -
If I try to find someone "just like me", I will probably have slim pickings. But if I look for people who have something I want, or have been where I am or are where I wanna be, the field is wide open.0
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For what it's worth, I know that you're very knowledgeable and I continue to be impressed with how you show up with a consistently good attitude and work hard. Hang in there, lady.0
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what is your definition of super fat?
I have depending on what list you look at about 50 more lbs to lose to be healthy
I have busted my *kitten* for the last 4 months to get my numbers under control so I wont have to go on meds
losing weight was part of it but an entire diet overhaul was the biggest thing and getting off my fatass
except for when Im sick (which is this week nasty fever I just can't shake) I exercise every day
yes there are people that have friended me on here that have since quit
the ones that made excuses
the ones that insisted they could not do it
they are right
they are not ready for the change or commitment that comes with this
As for the thin people the only ones I have ever run into IRL and online have been extremely supportive
People can say what they want I know what works for me0 -
Well, okay, so I do understand that super fat means different things for different people but let's say...
I'm 6'1" and struggling to break a 430lbs plateau that I have beat before. I do understand that everyone has their issues and challenges, sometimes I feel like people who haven't been quite this big don't really have the ability to understand.
I do try to brush off people who immediately go into lectures, but even if you can walk away, sometimes it still bugs you. I had to privatize my diary because curious people would look at it, and without my asking for feedback, would send me PMs about how high my dailies are... for example.
For me, I have every intention of not being this by the end of this year but it's really hard because even if I lose 100 pounds this year, I'll be over 300. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It's just an exhausting concept sometimes.
But I never said I was giving up on that effort. I don't do this for anyone else but me....
Aaaaand I just broke my desk bike. Wonderful. ha Stupid tears.0 -
Well, okay, so I do understand that super fat means different things for different people but let's say...
I'm 6'1" and struggling to break a 430lbs plateau that I have beat before. I do understand that everyone has their issues and challenges, sometimes I feel like people who haven't been quite this big don't really have the ability to understand.
I do try to brush off people who immediately go into lectures, but even if you can walk away, sometimes it still bugs you. I had to privatize my diary because curious people would look at it, and without my asking for feedback, would send me PMs about how high my dailies are... for example.
For me, I have every intention of not being this by the end of this year but it's really hard because even if I lose 100 pounds this year, I'll be over 300. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It's just an exhausting concept sometimes.
But I never said I was giving up on that effort. I don't do this for anyone else but me....
Aaaaand I just broke my desk bike. Wonderful. ha Stupid tears.
Let me be clear, it's hard. It will always be at least a little hard. In 100 lbs, you will still have days you struggle. However, it's worth it. It's worth the struggle. 430 lbs is a size that can kill you. Would you rather die young or struggle for a few years to lose some weight and establish healthy habits?
I'm not trying to be mean. I sympathize with the feeling that this might take forever, but maybe it's time to stop thinking about how long it will take and start thinking about the benefits that you're getting out of it right now. How does your body feel compared to when you started? How much harder can you push yourself with exercise? If it's even a little bit better, that's progress. You. Are. Making. Progress. You're going to have to come to accept that however long this takes you, as long as you're trying, you're progressing.0 -
Don't give up on MFP . . . it's still useful as far as calorie counting and all that, just stay away from the forums. You're right, people post on here wanting to hear the answers they want to hear (like "Yes, it's perfectly safe and healthy to eat 800 calories a day," and "Yes, that supplement/pill/crazy fad diet works wonderfully and you will get thin overnight doing it!") and will not hesitate to argue when they don't get the answer they want.0
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I'm no know it all. I'm new to this myself. But I feel motivated to tell you (OP) this:
Be what you think is missing in the world.
Good luck to you in everything you do.
(edit typo)0 -
You should make friends now when you're fat because you'll never know if the ones you make when you are skinny would have liked you when you were fat and that's not a friend.0
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