What's the point? Solitary Fat Woman.
Replies
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I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
I think you're having a bad day (week? month? life?), aren't expressing yourself clearly, and seem to be dismissing the very people who have taken their time to try and offer the kind of support you say you're not getting from the MFP community.
Your posts so far in this thread are coming off very ungrateful and borderline rude.
That was what my "nevermind" was. You pretty much said what I decided not to say.0 -
It sounds like you're not interested in hearing from people who have built themselves fit bodies.
And you're resentful of people who are unfit and not working on it.
So the people you're looking for, I guess, are successful but not too successful??
It's a little strange to me, and I think what's upsetting you is inside.0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
If you don't use MFP, how will you track your calories?
That was my thought.
So just use the calorie counting tool. And if you think people aren't responding properly to your post, then *shrug*. I've got nothing else. At least people came in here to offer you help and encouragement. Your ingratitude for that is...meh. Whatever. Good luck.0 -
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I'm sorry youre upset, OP. If I took offense or got dejected anytime someone thought my advice or feedback was crap, I'd spend most of my time feeling miserable and sorry for myself. People disagree with me often on MFP.
Sometimes people don't want advice, solicited or not. I am not responsible for other people's feelings, and they are not responsible for mine.0 -
Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.
Are you psychic? How do you know what they're thinking? There's no tone of voice on the internet, and it's very easy to read tone of voice into posts that isn't there. So there's no way you can possibly know that they're thinking that you don't know anything about anything. If someone disagrees with someone else's post, it's likely that the only thing they gave any thought to at all is the part of the post they disagree with.0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
People are just trying to reach out to you in the best way that they know how. Maybe we are not saying the words that you need to hear but IMO they were words spoken from their hearts.
Someone once said to me that they didn't know what to say when I was going through some trials...it didn't matter to me if they said the right words or not...what mattered is that they cared enough to reach out.
Sometimes you have to go past the words and see what is in another persons heart.
^^^^ this is fantastic advice0 -
I know this will sound sad, but every morning before I make my morning cup of coffee, I cruise the success boards, look at every "fat" person gone skinny, read their stories, and then go about my day. That, for some reason, is more motivating than anything I have yet to do. It makes me think about every piece of food I am about to put in my mouth. It makes me take out the fish for dinner, even if I have to make something separate for the rest of my family (hubby and three kids under 5). It also makes me work out, even when I would rather gnaw off my own hand. That just works for me. A weight loss journey is finding you, finding what works for you and what doesn't. Friends are suppose to help. If they are not, delete them. I have deleted a number of people because of in activity, or negativity. Friend me if you want, or don't. Depends on the person you want to be.
SW 288
CW 212
GW 150
Sincere question...
Why are you making separate dinners for yourself and the rest of the family? You're not a short-order cook and shouldn't be treated like one. Wouldn't it make sense that if you're making something healthy for yourself that it would be a good idea to make something healthy for the rest of the family? ...start them out right so they don't have to deal with "fixing" bad eating habits later in life? If you're worried about the ages of the kids and getting them to eat healthy foods, don't worry so much. They can be trained to like good foods. My sister did it with my 2 nephews, so I know it's possible. It just takes discipline and patience.0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
I read your post and the entire thread prior to responding.
I did not assume you were quitting being healthy I focused on MFP and the value I found outside of the calorie counting as well as how people can be supportive outside of the immediate personal equivalence. I think there is merit in the community. I hope you find it too. If not, if the place has no interconnecting value for you, then I hope you find support in the "real world"; it's hard to go forward and change without information and interactions.
What are your expectation of MFP, and the community, if you continue using it?0 -
Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.
I had a great reply for this, went to post the reply, and my computer locked up. :grumble: I'll try again...
My situation isn't exactly the same as yours, but I do understand what you're saying. I started MFP about 3 1/2 years ago. I lost about 25 pounds in about 40 days. My body's just always adjusted quickly (an unintentional 20 pound gain/loss nearly every month when I was active in sports 7 days a week). I'm fortunate in that regard. Life and untreated injuries happened, over time. The pounds came back and they brought friends with them. So, even though I've lost 12 pounds over the past 45 days or so, my tracker still says I haven't lost any weight because I'm now heavier than I was when I originally started my MFP account. I think people see that "0 pounds lost", don't know the whole story (unless we're friends outside of MFP, too), disregard any of the advice I give... even though it's the same advice I've used to lose weight twice, and go on to give me advice... even though I wasn't the one asking for it. "Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm not training to become a triathlete. I don't want to follow your insane diet plan and workout schedule. I'm rehabbing my back and knees, so I'm going to continue my workout plan of stretching, PT, housework, and caring for my dog. I don't care that you think my weight loss is just muscle loss and I need to use weights. I can barely use my body weight. What makes you think I can add anything else to it without further injuring myself?" (my most common response to unsolicited advice)
Anyway, if you want to add a straight-shooter to your friend list, go ahead and add me. I don't sugar-coat things, but I'm not mean about the advice I give, when it's wanted.0 -
I'm a super fat man who is taking his weight loss super seriously.
And I'm old enough to know I don't know much about anything. My years of absolute certainty are decades behind me now, alas!
Like you, I don't really get involved in the social side of MFP. I use it to log my food and track my progress. However, I have found that participating in some of the group challenges has engaged me.
Don't give up! Logging every day does help me, maybe it will help you too.
Frank (FTW37)0 -
Wow Frank those are a lot of pounds lost. With respect to the social side of MFP… I can't be bothered to read most of it because reading MFP and increasing my time in front of a computer decreases how much time I am out there walking, exercising or getting things done. Keep working at it.I'm a super fat man who is taking his weight loss super seriously.
And I'm old enough to know I don't know much about anything. My years of absolute certainty are decades behind me now, alas!
Like you, I don't really get involved in the social side of MFP. I use it to log my food and track my progress. However, I have found that participating in some of the group challenges has engaged me.
Don't give up! Logging every day does help me, maybe it will help you too.
Frank (FTW37)0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
I found MFP to not only be a great tool to track my intake with but have connected with and met other fellow MFP'ers in person. They have turned out to be awesome people and I am grateful for. I've done activities, like walks, races and other fun things that otherwise I would still do but it would be less fun going at it alone.0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
If you don't use MFP, how will you track your calories?
There are other sites that the OP could use. I used one before I came here. The reason why I changed was that they didn't have a recipe builder. Before I started using an online app I did it manually. So it can be done.
If I had to guess IMO the OP has just hit a low time in her journey. It gets really hard along the way and we each have different ways of getting through those times. Her opening post was confusing as to what she was upset about...I think at first we all got it wrong.
That being said...I think that most who posted here meant well by what they replied...it just wasn't what she wanted nor obviously what she needed to hear.0 -
Girl, I don't really know what kind of answers you are looking for...because if I knew, I would type them right now.
Your wondering if you should stay with MFP or not. That is totally up to you. You can still use MFP and just log your food and exercise without anyone else being aware that your on the site. I don't understand what you are truly looking for? Are you wanting everyone on MFP to beg you to stay or to tell you what to do? There is no magical answers. I have read everything on this thread and still have no idea what you are looking for. There are so many people here supporting you in this thread alone...what are you really wanting?
I must tell you that I have a cousin who lost over 250 lbs. She started a program with a physician that called himself the fat doctor. My cousin lost all of her weight entirely to fast. She ended up having some of her hair fall out, having hormonal problems, blood clots and other major medical issues. She lost the weight way too fast! She has since gained the weight back plus about 150 lbs. more on top of that. So please, take it slowly and know there will be bumps in the road. Live in the present and don't think about how much you will have lost in a year. Stay focused on the here and now...this very moment.
I told you the story about my cousin to let you know you are not alone in your struggles. Losing weight slowly is the right approach in my opinion. I just wish I new what you wanted from all of us on MFP? Only you can decide if you want to stay on MFP or not.
I have 120 lbs. to lose. I have oodles of health problems and have had two major back surgeries which almost left me in a wheelchair. I realize I don't have as much as you to lose, but I still have a long journey ahead of me. I'm trying to live in the moment and not try to jump to far into the future. You must enjoy your life at this very moment and find some sort of balance.
I really wish you success. The only person that can really answer your questions is yourself. We here on MFP can only make suggestions and encourage you. You need to dig deep inside of yourself to find the answers you are so desperately search for.
So, hold your head high and keep your chin up! Believe in yourself and make all your wishes come true by reaching for the stars. Good luck!0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
If you don't use MFP, how will you track your calories?
There are other sites that the OP could use. I used one before I came here. The reason why I changed was that they didn't have a recipe builder. Before I started using an online app I did it manually. So it can be done.
If I had to guess IMO the OP has just hit a low time in her journey. It gets really hard along the way and we each have different ways of getting through those times. Her opening post was confusing as to what she was upset about...I think at first we all got it wrong.
That being said...I think that most who posted here meant well by what they replied...it just wasn't what she wanted nor obviously what she needed to hear.
I am well aware that there are other tracking sites. The subtle message in my post is that reducing net calorie intake is the key to all successful weight loss approaches. Tracking calories is an excellent way to do this.
I used this site to lose the weight I wanted to lose for six months before I even knew there were forums here. Sometimes I wish I could go back and choose the blue pill instead of the red pill.0 -
This. Some people are snark and have to call people wrong to be right.
A few have eating disorders.
Most are normal and you can learn from them.
Merely logging food 3 times daily and exercise equipment times daily reminds me that a big cookies costs me a 3 mile run.I'm a super fat man who is taking his weight loss super seriously.
And I'm old enough to know I don't know much about anything. My years of absolute certainty are decades behind me now, alas!
Like you, I don't really get involved in the social side of MFP. I use it to log my food and track my progress. However, I have found that participating in some of the group challenges has engaged me.
Don't give up! Logging every day does help me, maybe it will help you too.
Frank (FTW37)0 -
1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.
2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.0 -
What's the point?
My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.
This is in my original post, and I feel that this is written rather clearly. Maybe I'm wrong about the clarity aspect, but I don't know how else to put it.
I'm not ungrateful. I had a terrible day yesterday. I'm a blunt person. Some take that bluntness as rude, but that's not the intention. Sometimes autism is a b!tch. I just really needed someone to give me a reason that a social site like MFP was worthwhile over other options. Ultimately, I got some reasons, in PMs mostly.
I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.
Anyway, I'm sorry for coming off rude and ungrateful, cuz it's not the case. Thank you to everyone that sent PMs and requests. I'm still struggling with a sense of loss and despair today, of unknown origin, but I'll keep it to myself.
P.S. To answer the "how do you know" people are discrediting me for being so heavy... Well, because they flat out say it. There's rarely subtlety involved. And it sucks.0 -
What's the point?
My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.
This is in my original post, and I feel that this is written rather clearly. Maybe I'm wrong about the clarity aspect, but I don't know how else to put it.
I'm not ungrateful. I had a terrible day yesterday. I'm a blunt person. Some take that bluntness as rude, but that's not the intention. Sometimes autism is a b!tch. I just really needed someone to give me a reason that a social site like MFP was worthwhile over other options. Ultimately, I got some reasons, in PMs mostly.
I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.
Anyway, I'm sorry for coming off rude and ungrateful, cuz it's not the case. Thank you to everyone that sent PMs and requests. I'm still struggling with a sense of loss and despair today, of unknown origin, but I'll keep it to myself.
P.S. To answer the "how do you know" people are discrediting me for being so heavy... Well, because they flat out say it. There's rarely subtlety involved. And it sucks.
I'm glad you're still here today.0 -
I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.
This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.
I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.
Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.
Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.
If you don't use MFP, how will you track your calories?
There are other sites that the OP could use. I used one before I came here. The reason why I changed was that they didn't have a recipe builder. Before I started using an online app I did it manually. So it can be done.
If I had to guess IMO the OP has just hit a low time in her journey. It gets really hard along the way and we each have different ways of getting through those times. Her opening post was confusing as to what she was upset about...I think at first we all got it wrong.
That being said...I think that most who posted here meant well by what they replied...it just wasn't what she wanted nor obviously what she needed to hear.
I am well aware that there are other tracking sites. The subtle message in my post is that reducing net calorie intake is the key to all successful weight loss approaches. Tracking calories is an excellent way to do this.
I used this site to lose the weight I wanted to lose for six months before I even knew there were forums here. Sometimes I wish I could go back and choose the blue pill instead of the red pill.
Just to add to this exchange, when I am doing the hardcore tracking thing (right now I'm still required to be on light duty, and focusing almost 100% of loss through diet) I utilize BodyMedia Fit Link and track my NET calories that way. It provides a lot of data and does real time TDEE caloric adjustments, which works extremely well for me.0 -
1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.
2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.
Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.0 -
I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.
I just want to address this piece. All of the following statistics are totally made up...and yet I believe they are reasonable estimates.
In any group of people setting out to lose weight/get more fit/make a change in their lives, no more than 10% of them will stick with it longer than a few months. Inertia is a b*tch when you're trying to move from where you have been for so very long. That the rest of your group has dropped out isn't surprising at all.
This is part of the same reason why I cringe when people make a "I'm new, please everyone add me post"...because they're drawing from the same untested crowd. 90%+ of those new friends will be gone in a few months. They'll feel abandoned...like they have no friends, no support, like they should just give up.
However, fortunately, this place offers a solution to this problem. If you hand-pick those friends from those who have stuck with it for a while (and who you think might have some things in common with you), you can achieve a group of "friends" here that would be logistically impossible to amass in the real world...a group of people who have been tested and found to be capable and willing to stick with it.
So my advice is to use the forums to find these people. Not necessarily people who are there to give you advice or "support" or "motivate" you (whatever that means), but people with whom you see some commonality. This might be as simple as people who make you laugh, or people who have similar interests, or whatever. It really doesn't matter what the thing is as long as there's something. Ideally these would be people who have been here for a while. (I'm not saying you shouldn't befriend new people...just that the purpose of your FR scavenger hunt is to populate it with those who have already been tested.)
Anyhow, this ends my rambling rant on the One True Way™ to build a solid FL.0 -
1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.
2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.
Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.
That's crazy talk. (What they're saying, not what you're saying.) I commend those who make progress towards their goals while eating the most amount of food possible. I truly believe it is a far superior approach than finding the *least* amount of calories without having serious side effects...the seemingly more popular approach.
And again, this is why collecting friends for the sole purpose of "support" is probably a bad idea...because the definition of "support" can mean so many different things.
(For example, according to my wife in re weight loss, I'm horrible at it...and yet there are people here who say I'm great at it...and yet it's the same kind of "support". *shrug*)0 -
I usually get involved with comments when people seem to really want help... but in the end, they write-off what they don't like reading. It can be legitimately helpful and informed, but it doesn't matter. There's always a reason why it doesn't apply when you don't like it... That's the nature of life I suppose, but if you're not open to opinions, you shouldn't ask the public.
Understandable to be frustrated... but that's what comes in life and especially with the Internet, I think it's important to take or leave what you can and want. In the end, them not taking your advice or suggestions should not affect you. Unfortunately I don't think this type of denial will ever disappear completely, there are always things people don't want to hear... sometimes it takes longer for them to accept those harsh but very real facts.
My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?
Where are the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating, who don't assume that because you're super fat, they automatically know more than you? Those that will have a legitimate conversation about health topics, instead of going into lecture mode on the assumption that you brought up the topic because you're obese and don't know anything about it?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
Yeah, I know, there are a lot of people on my list and they like my goofy updates and my photos, but rarely engage me in discussion of anything of merit...
Of course I don't know the exact situation and the whole picture, but don't discount everyone. It may be hard and a struggle to find someone, but there are definitely others out there (and on MFP) who are serious about their journey. I just want to emphasize that you should write off anyone immediately, maybe some of those people on your friends list are completely capable of "deep" conversations, but have you reached out to them? I think it might be a generalization and over-exageration that it is so extremely difficult to find anyone of the people who you classify as "super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time" and "the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating"... because I have met plenty of both here and in real life.
Honestly, try not to raise expectations and create this ideal image of who you're trying to find. Everyone has their moments of weakness and doubt. I go through them all the time. I can be very much motivational and supportive, but have my moments when I feel down about myself... It's in those times that I can rely on my support network to help kick me back in gear.
If you're looking for people by such rigid, strict, black and white definitions, then that may just be the problem with your method/outlook.What's the point?
I guess I'm sad about it all, and about to give up on MFP. Could use some motivation to keep it going.
Do this for you. There is a point to being here, that's leading a healthier lifestyle and feeling better about yourself. You will find people here, but it might not be quick and easy. Stay focused and keep on logging/tracking and making those positive changes in your life. It is important to have support and motivation from others... but equally as important to find that motivation internally, because in the end it is you that has to keep that courage and strength to change.0 -
1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.
2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.
Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.
Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.
Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.
That's crazy talk. (What they're saying, not what you're saying.) I commend those who make progress towards their goals while eating the most amount of food possible. I truly believe it is a far superior approach than finding the *least* amount of calories without having serious side effects...the seemingly more popular approach.
And again, this is why collecting friends for the sole purpose of "support" is probably a bad idea...because the definition of "support" can mean so many different things.
(For example, according to my wife in re weight loss, I'm horrible at it...and yet there are people here who say I'm great at it...and yet it's the same kind of "support". *shrug*)
I agree. They're either new and don't understand why you can eat more, or they're going with the "eat as little as possible" approach, with which I strongly disagree.0 -
Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.
Those people are ignorant if they cannot understand that a bigger person requires higher calories just to maintain proper function of bodily processes. That speaks to their cluelessness more than anything. You can try to educate them, you can explain some of this stuff in your profile so you can direct them there instead of trying to explain yourself all the time, you can un-friend them. Lots of choices. I understand just not wanting to have to deal with that. Ultimately the food diary is your tool, so use it however works best for you. If people want to judge you because of that, it's their problem not yours.0 -
Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?
Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
Great attitude OP!
Your folks in this category didn't stay in this category long, fortunately. Perhaps you'll find the best comfort in friends who have lost a whole lot already, perhaps the amount you aim to lose.
Nice hair.
Add me as a friend if you like.
I'm very active.0 -
Tried to quote, did not work so...
From the OP:
[/quote]
Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.
[/quote]
My reply:
From another perspective, try to remember there are some of us who find it EXTREMELY helpful to see that someone who eats 2200 calories is losing weight. It is really hard to break the 1980's 1200 rut and to remind myself I am no longer 165 trying to reach 130 (an asinine goal in retrospect), I was 318 and in for the long run. There are days I still cannot believe that I am losing weight and eating "so much". To be blunt, f**k 'em - it is your journey, your history and your knowledge.0 -
I was super fat at my highest. Not 400+, but trust me, 320 was "super fat" enough.
This is going to sound really harsh, but I don't deal with a lot of "super fat" people in real life. Most of my friends are thin, I don't build friendships around eating, and I don't gravitate often toward intimate relationships with people who have "fat" as part of their identity. My wife struggles with her weight (though she's not super fat), my favorite cousin is about 400 lbs, and my sister, who is one of my best friends, just had gastric sleeve. So while I have fat and super fat loved ones in my life, I don't have a lot overall. Why? Because I REFUSED to define myself by my fat. Being fat was detrimental to my self image and self esteem, so the last thing I would be attracted to is people who are either defined by their obesity, or defined by an endless list of excuses for why they are obese. I was never blessed with that particular kind of self delusion. I neither made excuses for my size nor excuses for staying at my size. Past childhood, it was all my fault. I find that so many fat, obese, and morbidly obese people are chalk full of an endless array of justifications and excuses, and when you're trying hard to beat back your own fat body you don't need to be surrounded by that. So finding a lot of "super fat" people who are done with the excuses, and ready to bust their *kitten* to get out of that boat, in and of itself is very limiting; afterall, most wouldn't be in that boat at all if they naturally had those traits.
On the flip side I didn't discuss my weight issues with the thinner, fitter, leaner people in my life. I wasn't interested in acknowledging my struggles with people who couldn't truly understanding, asking for help I did not need from them, or casting myself as the fat, whiny guy.
When it comes to other people, I learned to largely go alone on this road a long time ago. It's God and me. Even when it comes to talking to my wife and sister about weight issues, it's not about getting help or support for myself, but more supporting them. That way my successes speaks for themselves, and the failures are my business, and my responsibility, alone.
It just seems that this is often destined to be a lonely road. Even when you start out with like minded, like bodied people, it is just so very common for them to fall by the wayside as the journey goes on. We make a huge deal about weight loss because, at the end of the day, RARE is the person who makes it to the finish line, and even rarer still runs the long term race of maintenance. I think support is great if you can find it in other people, but it's best you find an inner fire and resolve to carry you through the long, lonely stretches.
Well said!!!! This ultimately is a solo journey!0
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