What's the point? Solitary Fat Woman.

Quasita

I just want to reiterate for people who aren't bothering to read this thread in its entirety. I'm not quitting my weightloss. I didn't say that, I haven't said that in any of my comments. I'm not looking for "weight loss inspiration." There is no struggle in that department.

This is solely about the point in using MFP itself.

I have in no way, shape, or form indicated that I was quitting the attempt to get healthy. I made one comment about how it can be hard to know that 100 pounds down is still 150 from the goal, but I didn't say that it was stopping me. So I don't understand why people keep trying to motivate me to keep losing weight on this thread like I'm about to go give it all up.

Frankly, after the weightloss nearly killing me twice now, and all the stuff I have dealt with, it would be pretty stupid to give up on it. I have literally sacrificed organs for this sometimes-seeming-pipe-dream. If I give up, I lost them for absolutely nothing.

Read my blog if you want to know those details. This was just me wondering about the merit of continuing on MFP vs. going it alone.

If you don't use MFP, how will you track your calories?

There are other sites that the OP could use. I used one before I came here. The reason why I changed was that they didn't have a recipe builder. Before I started using an online app I did it manually. So it can be done.

If I had to guess IMO the OP has just hit a low time in her journey. It gets really hard along the way and we each have different ways of getting through those times. Her opening post was confusing as to what she was upset about...I think at first we all got it wrong.

That being said...I think that most who posted here meant well by what they replied...it just wasn't what she wanted nor obviously what she needed to hear.

I am well aware that there are other tracking sites. The subtle message in my post is that reducing net calorie intake is the key to all successful weight loss approaches. Tracking calories is an excellent way to do this.

I used this site to lose the weight I wanted to lose for six months before I even knew there were forums here. Sometimes I wish I could go back and choose the blue pill instead of the red pill.

Just to add to this exchange, when I am doing the hardcore tracking thing (right now I'm still required to be on light duty, and focusing almost 100% of loss through diet) I utilize BodyMedia Fit Link and track my NET calories that way. It provides a lot of data and does real time TDEE caloric adjustments, which works extremely well for me.

Quasita

1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.

2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..

Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.

Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.

Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.

Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.

jofjltncb6

I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.

I just want to address this piece. All of the following statistics are totally made up...and yet I believe they are reasonable estimates.

In any group of people setting out to lose weight/get more fit/make a change in their lives, no more than 10% of them will stick with it longer than a few months. Inertia is a b*tch when you're trying to move from where you have been for so very long. That the rest of your group has dropped out isn't surprising at all.

This is part of the same reason why I cringe when people make a "I'm new, please everyone add me post"...because they're drawing from the same untested crowd. 90%+ of those new friends will be gone in a few months. They'll feel abandoned...like they have no friends, no support, like they should just give up.

However, fortunately, this place offers a solution to this problem. If you hand-pick those friends from those who have stuck with it for a while (and who you think might have some things in common with you), you can achieve a group of "friends" here that would be logistically impossible to amass in the real world...a group of people who have been tested and found to be capable and willing to stick with it.

So my advice is to use the forums to find these people. Not necessarily people who are there to give you advice or "support" or "motivate" you (whatever that means), but people with whom you see some commonality. This might be as simple as people who make you laugh, or people who have similar interests, or whatever. It really doesn't matter what the thing is as long as there's something. Ideally these would be people who have been here for a while. (I'm not saying you shouldn't befriend new people...just that the purpose of your FR scavenger hunt is to populate it with those who have already been tested.)

Anyhow, this ends my rambling rant on the One True Way™ to build a solid FL.

jofjltncb6

1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.

2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..

Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.

Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.

Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.

Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.

That's crazy talk. (What they're saying, not what you're saying.) I commend those who make progress towards their goals while eating the most amount of food possible. I truly believe it is a far superior approach than finding the *least* amount of calories without having serious side effects...the seemingly more popular approach.

And again, this is why collecting friends for the sole purpose of "support" is probably a bad idea...because the definition of "support" can mean so many different things.

(For example, according to my wife in re weight loss, I'm horrible at it...and yet there are people here who say I'm great at it...and yet it's the same kind of "support". *shrug*)

berriboobear

I usually get involved with comments when people seem to really want help... but in the end, they write-off what they don't like reading. It can be legitimately helpful and informed, but it doesn't matter. There's always a reason why it doesn't apply when you don't like it... That's the nature of life I suppose, but if you're not open to opinions, you shouldn't ask the public.

Understandable to be frustrated... but that's what comes in life and especially with the Internet, I think it's important to take or leave what you can and want. In the end, them not taking your advice or suggestions should not affect you. Unfortunately I don't think this type of denial will ever disappear completely, there are always things people don't want to hear... sometimes it takes longer for them to accept those harsh but very real facts.

My heart is heavy, I guess. I'm struggling to see the point in being social while working the fat off. I can't seem to find anyone else of my comparable efforts and plan that has any interest in doing anything other than commiserating and being validated in their excuses for not doing what they admit they know they should be doing.

Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?

Where are the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating, who don't assume that because you're super fat, they automatically know more than you? Those that will have a legitimate conversation about health topics, instead of going into lecture mode on the assumption that you brought up the topic because you're obese and don't know anything about it?

Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?
Yeah, I know, there are a lot of people on my list and they like my goofy updates and my photos, but rarely engage me in discussion of anything of merit...

Of course I don't know the exact situation and the whole picture, but don't discount everyone. It may be hard and a struggle to find someone, but there are definitely others out there (and on MFP) who are serious about their journey. I just want to emphasize that you should write off anyone immediately, maybe some of those people on your friends list are completely capable of "deep" conversations, but have you reached out to them? I think it might be a generalization and over-exageration that it is so extremely difficult to find anyone of the people who you classify as "super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time" and "the thinner people who are genuinely interested in partnering and motivating"... because I have met plenty of both here and in real life.

Honestly, try not to raise expectations and create this ideal image of who you're trying to find. Everyone has their moments of weakness and doubt. I go through them all the time. I can be very much motivational and supportive, but have my moments when I feel down about myself... It's in those times that I can rely on my support network to help kick me back in gear.

If you're looking for people by such rigid, strict, black and white definitions, then that may just be the problem with your method/outlook.

What's the point?

I guess I'm sad about it all, and about to give up on MFP. Could use some motivation to keep it going.

Do this for you. There is a point to being here, that's leading a healthier lifestyle and feeling better about yourself. You will find people here, but it might not be quick and easy. Stay focused and keep on logging/tracking and making those positive changes in your life. It is important to have support and motivation from others... but equally as important to find that motivation internally, because in the end it is you that has to keep that courage and strength to change.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

1. Are you projecting or are they really doing this? The only time I ever look at someone's photo or weight is if the are trying to go under a reasonable weight.

2. Why do you care? This week I took a scary moral stand n social media and people said I was stupid. Made lots of nonsensical comments. Said they wouldn't associate w someone that thought like that. Had done no original research and dismissed mine. I was saddened and shocked enough that my hands trembled a little. In the end i was pround of my compassion and courage. I also forgot to eat lunch and burned 750 calories. Win. Win. Win..

Don't forget that a lot of the thin people here who talk like they know it all used to be super fat people who got lean and are just sharing their experiences about what works and what doesn't work, and really do know a lot and just want to share what they've learned over the years.

Don't assume that what you see in their avatar pic is what they've always been like. Some people here have successfully lost a huge amount of weight.......... even many who've not lost such impressive amounts have still succeeded and have a lot of useful information to share.

Yes, I know... What I was saying is that people take my stats or my goal and go, there's no way she knows anything about anything and they lecture me about my goals and my calories and everything without prompt. I can accept that anyone on here can bring good info to the table... I just wish more people did too.

Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.

That's crazy talk. (What they're saying, not what you're saying.) I commend those who make progress towards their goals while eating the most amount of food possible. I truly believe it is a far superior approach than finding the *least* amount of calories without having serious side effects...the seemingly more popular approach.

And again, this is why collecting friends for the sole purpose of "support" is probably a bad idea...because the definition of "support" can mean so many different things.

(For example, according to my wife in re weight loss, I'm horrible at it...and yet there are people here who say I'm great at it...and yet it's the same kind of "support". *shrug*)

I agree. They're either new and don't understand why you can eat more, or they're going with the "eat as little as possible" approach, with which I strongly disagree.

deksgrl

Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.

Those people are ignorant if they cannot understand that a bigger person requires higher calories just to maintain proper function of bodily processes. That speaks to their cluelessness more than anything. You can try to educate them, you can explain some of this stuff in your profile so you can direct them there instead of trying to explain yourself all the time, you can un-friend them. Lots of choices. I understand just not wanting to have to deal with that. Ultimately the food diary is your tool, so use it however works best for you. If people want to judge you because of that, it's their problem not yours.

AsaThorsWoman

Where are all the super fat people that have stopped feeling sorry for themselves all the time, and are actually taking this seriously? Who have moved past letting their heavy body be an excuse for why they don't exercise? Who will help me feel like I'm not so alone in fighting an almost impossible beast?


Do these people even exist? Or am I just doomed to feel alone?

Great attitude OP!

Your folks in this category didn't stay in this category long, fortunately. Perhaps you'll find the best comfort in friends who have lost a whole lot already, perhaps the amount you aim to lose.

Nice hair.

Add me as a friend if you like.

I'm very active.

CarolinkaCjj

Tried to quote, did not work so...
From the OP:
[/quote]

Yeah... People do do this directly. I receive PMs if my diary is open... because people will see me post in forums and then go snooping, and then are "appalled" that I would give nutritional advice or anything of the sort when my daily calorie intake goal is over 2200 before exercise.
I don't really care for ME so much as, people who are that way are going to potentially destroy the shaky newbie resolve of people like me. Plus, it really stinks to have someone FR you saying they want to support your journey or whatever, and then have them reveal that by support they mean attempt to push their way into being my dietary mentor.
[/quote]

My reply:

From another perspective, try to remember there are some of us who find it EXTREMELY helpful to see that someone who eats 2200 calories is losing weight. It is really hard to break the 1980's 1200 rut and to remind myself I am no longer 165 trying to reach 130 (an asinine goal in retrospect), I was 318 and in for the long run. There are days I still cannot believe that I am losing weight and eating "so much". To be blunt, f**k 'em - it is your journey, your history and your knowledge.

MsDillieBar

I was super fat at my highest. Not 400+, but trust me, 320 was "super fat" enough.

This is going to sound really harsh, but I don't deal with a lot of "super fat" people in real life. Most of my friends are thin, I don't build friendships around eating, and I don't gravitate often toward intimate relationships with people who have "fat" as part of their identity. My wife struggles with her weight (though she's not super fat), my favorite cousin is about 400 lbs, and my sister, who is one of my best friends, just had gastric sleeve. So while I have fat and super fat loved ones in my life, I don't have a lot overall. Why? Because I REFUSED to define myself by my fat. Being fat was detrimental to my self image and self esteem, so the last thing I would be attracted to is people who are either defined by their obesity, or defined by an endless list of excuses for why they are obese. I was never blessed with that particular kind of self delusion. I neither made excuses for my size nor excuses for staying at my size. Past childhood, it was all my fault. I find that so many fat, obese, and morbidly obese people are chalk full of an endless array of justifications and excuses, and when you're trying hard to beat back your own fat body you don't need to be surrounded by that. So finding a lot of "super fat" people who are done with the excuses, and ready to bust their *kitten* to get out of that boat, in and of itself is very limiting; afterall, most wouldn't be in that boat at all if they naturally had those traits.

On the flip side I didn't discuss my weight issues with the thinner, fitter, leaner people in my life. I wasn't interested in acknowledging my struggles with people who couldn't truly understanding, asking for help I did not need from them, or casting myself as the fat, whiny guy.

When it comes to other people, I learned to largely go alone on this road a long time ago. It's God and me. Even when it comes to talking to my wife and sister about weight issues, it's not about getting help or support for myself, but more supporting them. That way my successes speaks for themselves, and the failures are my business, and my responsibility, alone.

It just seems that this is often destined to be a lonely road. Even when you start out with like minded, like bodied people, it is just so very common for them to fall by the wayside as the journey goes on. We make a huge deal about weight loss because, at the end of the day, RARE is the person who makes it to the finish line, and even rarer still runs the long term race of maintenance. I think support is great if you can find it in other people, but it's best you find an inner fire and resolve to carry you through the long, lonely stretches.

Well said!!!! This ultimately is a solo journey!

ihad

I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.

I just want to address this piece. All of the following statistics are totally made up...and yet I believe they are reasonable estimates.

In any group of people setting out to lose weight/get more fit/make a change in their lives, no more than 10% of them will stick with it longer than a few months. Inertia is a b*tch when you're trying to move from where you have been for so very long. That the rest of your group has dropped out isn't surprising at all.

This is part of the same reason why I cringe when people make a "I'm new, please everyone add me post"...because they're drawing from the same untested crowd. 90%+ of those new friends will be gone in a few months. They'll feel abandoned...like they have no friends, no support, like they should just give up.

However, fortunately, this place offers a solution to this problem. If you hand-pick those friends from those who have stuck with it for a while (and who you think might have some things in common with you), you can achieve a group of "friends" here that would be logistically impossible to amass in the real world...a group of people who have been tested and found to be capable and willing to stick with it.

So my advice is to use the forums to find these people. Not necessarily people who are there to give you advice or "support" or "motivate" you (whatever that means), but people with whom you see some commonality. This might be as simple as people who make you laugh, or people who have similar interests, or whatever. It really doesn't matter what the thing is as long as there's something. Ideally these would be people who have been here for a while. (I'm not saying you shouldn't befriend new people...just that the purpose of your FR scavenger hunt is to populate it with those who have already been tested.)

Anyhow, this ends my rambling rant on the One True Way™ to build a solid FL.

I agree with this. You have a unique opportunity to build an awesome, supportive friend list here, whatever definition of supportive works for you. How you approach this really defines the type of social experience you will have.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/ihad/view/mfp-101-making-friends-608665

Quasita

I was super fat at my highest. Not 400+, but trust me, 320 was "super fat" enough.

This is going to sound really harsh, but I don't deal with a lot of "super fat" people in real life. Most of my friends are thin, I don't build friendships around eating, and I don't gravitate often toward intimate relationships with people who have "fat" as part of their identity. My wife struggles with her weight (though she's not super fat), my favorite cousin is about 400 lbs, and my sister, who is one of my best friends, just had gastric sleeve. So while I have fat and super fat loved ones in my life, I don't have a lot overall. Why? Because I REFUSED to define myself by my fat. Being fat was detrimental to my self image and self esteem, so the last thing I would be attracted to is people who are either defined by their obesity, or defined by an endless list of excuses for why they are obese. I was never blessed with that particular kind of self delusion. I neither made excuses for my size nor excuses for staying at my size. Past childhood, it was all my fault. I find that so many fat, obese, and morbidly obese people are chalk full of an endless array of justifications and excuses, and when you're trying hard to beat back your own fat body you don't need to be surrounded by that. So finding a lot of "super fat" people who are done with the excuses, and ready to bust their *kitten* to get out of that boat, in and of itself is very limiting; afterall, most wouldn't be in that boat at all if they naturally had those traits.

On the flip side I didn't discuss my weight issues with the thinner, fitter, leaner people in my life. I wasn't interested in acknowledging my struggles with people who couldn't truly understanding, asking for help I did not need from them, or casting myself as the fat, whiny guy.

When it comes to other people, I learned to largely go alone on this road a long time ago. It's God and me. Even when it comes to talking to my wife and sister about weight issues, it's not about getting help or support for myself, but more supporting them. That way my successes speaks for themselves, and the failures are my business, and my responsibility, alone.

It just seems that this is often destined to be a lonely road. Even when you start out with like minded, like bodied people, it is just so very common for them to fall by the wayside as the journey goes on. We make a huge deal about weight loss because, at the end of the day, RARE is the person who makes it to the finish line, and even rarer still runs the long term race of maintenance. I think support is great if you can find it in other people, but it's best you find an inner fire and resolve to carry you through the long, lonely stretches.

Well said!!!! This ultimately is a solo journey!

I definitely agree overall. What I'm meaning when I say I'm looking for other super fat people is not so much people who are sucked into an identity as fat... I definitely don't define myself by my body, but rather by my character. I also don't limit my list of support and interaction to the super active or anything like that... It's more about personality. My goal has always been, build a FL that compels me to come back, check in, and enjoy being on MFP.

That being said, there are definitely unique issues that certain subsets are going to understand moreso than others... Whether that is "I realized I have been eating too little, but my weight is so high I can't figure out how to convince myself that I actually do need to eat more" or the logistics of supporting loosening skin or whatever.

I know that in a lot of respects, I have the potential to be one of those stories that blows minds. Frankly, knowing that I lost at my most 66lbs without any "extra" help, just myself and my determination, is almost unbelievable to me. Even with my weightloss related illnesses, I've been able to keep myself going in a better direction. For me, the path may be a solo one, but I definitely feel boosted when there's cheers from the sidelines. Outside support is honestly one of the only reasons why I keep trying to touch the flame, so to speak... The two years I've been on MFP have been by far the worst years of my life, and part of why I keep trying is because others remind me hope when I have lost it.

I do think we all tend to appreciate seeing people on a comparable path, in a comparable place. Someone that is able to walk more beside us than say I was there, you can catch up. There's a reason why "find your weightloss twin" threads exist. It is a lonely road, this I know...

The funny thing is, I think if I admitted here the central thought that has been haunting me as of late, you'd all think I was being dumb... even moreso than you think now HAHA It hasn't caused me to stray so much... but it has created a certain darkness.

EvgeniZyntx

I really like this thread and the open conversation it has entailed. There is a lot of thought and reflection here.

krennie8

I know this will sound sad, but every morning before I make my morning cup of coffee, I cruise the success boards, look at every "fat" person gone skinny, read their stories, and then go about my day. That, for some reason, is more motivating than anything I have yet to do. It makes me think about every piece of food I am about to put in my mouth. It makes me take out the fish for dinner, even if I have to make something separate for the rest of my family (hubby and three kids under 5). It also makes me work out, even when I would rather gnaw off my own hand. That just works for me. A weight loss journey is finding you, finding what works for you and what doesn't. Friends are suppose to help. If they are not, delete them. I have deleted a number of people because of in activity, or negativity. Friend me if you want, or don't. Depends on the person you want to be.

SW 288
CW 212
GW 150

I do that too (though usually between lunch & dinner). I admit I use MFP for me. And although I like message boards, I'm not an overly social person. I did not post until I had been regularly logging for over a month and I still have yet to accept any friend requests. Seeing others success is really the best motivation for me

MzOnree

I tried to quote but had to use the copy and paste method. Your words:

The two years I've been on MFP have been by far the worst years of my life, and part of why I keep trying is because others remind me hope when I have lost it.

I do think we all tend to appreciate seeing people on a comparable path, in a comparable place. Someone that is able to walk more beside us than say I was there, you can catch up. There's a reason why "find your weightloss twin" threads exist. It is a lonely road, this I know...

The funny thing is, I think if I admitted here the central thought that has been haunting me as of late, you'd all think I was being dumb... even moreso than you think now HAHA It hasn't caused me to stray so much... but it has created a certain darkness.

My response:

Are you associating MFP as being the reason your past two years of your life have been so bad? Also, I personally don't think there is such a thing as a "weight loss twin". We are all completely different with different goals. We may have similarities with others but that is it. Each one of us that are incorporating a new life style must travel the road alone...and yes it can get lonely. It is up to the individual to make the experience what they want it to be. The road doesn't have to be lonely. It's all about attitude and knowing only you can make yourself happy, only you can take that one mile walk, only you can decide what to eat...only you.

If MFP is creating a certain DARKNESS for you then maybe you should reconsider being on this site. I sense that there is some major depression and loneliness going on here. Have you ever tried therapy? With the right counselor and someone to talk to...it can really change your prescriptive on things and life. There is no shame in seeking out therapy.

It breaks my heart because I'm hearing in your words hopelessness, loneliness, depression, sadness and despair. The title of your post is "What's the point? Solitary Fat Woman." It sounds as though you've given up on everything. I know that you keep reiterating that you are still on your weight loss journey; however, I feel like your telling me you just want to crawl into a hole and give up.

You know, you need to find what makes you HAPPY. What will put a smile on your face and a spring in your step. Once again, this all comes from within you. You have come a long way and been through and conquered major obstacles. You should be commended and proud of yourself.

We all go through our ups and downs, good days and bad days...just remember that tomorrow is a new day. Things always get better if you just wait for another day and hold on!

Keep sharing with us on this thread and maybe we can help you find the sunshine you are missing in your life.

P.S. I just wanted to say that I think you write beautifully. I wish I had that gift.

BinaryPulsar

There is no way for me to presume to know what it is like to be in your position or to give advice on weight loss. So, I don't do that.

But, on the other side of all of this. We have all faced trauma, tragedy, pain, loss, injury, struggles of many kinds. I've shared some of mine, sometimes, but not all of it.

At times I have received support from people that have faced what I have faced in life, and that is valuable to share and relate together like that. But, also some of my greatest support has been from people that have not faced what I have faced, but they are intelligent, empathic, and insightful, able to listen. And then there is the type of support of just relating to people for reasons beyond the struggles. Because the struggles don't define me. They are things I had no choice, but to face. But, they aren't me, yet still a part of my development into the person that I was and am. And most of all I have learned that I have to walk through this life on my own, and that is the only way to successfully continue moving forward in healthy and productive ways. I'm not always going to find people that are like me. Instead we each inspire each other with the challenges we have individually faced and overcome or learned to live with. And continue to read, and listen and learn about others and ourselves. And in the end, the rewards are for you and you alone. It's wonderful if you can inspire others, and most of the time you won't even know who or how much. But, what really makes it worth it, is the benefits that you gain in your life. There will always be ups and downs. And times when you feel alone. You will get through that as well.

MaggieGiamalvo

I came to this site with a group of friends, all of us looking to lose. I'm the only one left. Sometimes I don't know why I stay here. It's interesting to me that several people seemed to really understand what I was trying to say, while others were missing it. I guess that's the ambiguity of written communication.

I just want to address this piece. All of the following statistics are totally made up...and yet I believe they are reasonable estimates.

In any group of people setting out to lose weight/get more fit/make a change in their lives, no more than 10% of them will stick with it longer than a few months. Inertia is a b*tch when you're trying to move from where you have been for so very long. That the rest of your group has dropped out isn't surprising at all.

This is part of the same reason why I cringe when people make a "I'm new, please everyone add me post"...because they're drawing from the same untested crowd. 90%+ of those new friends will be gone in a few months. They'll feel abandoned...like they have no friends, no support, like they should just give up.

However, fortunately, this place offers a solution to this problem. If you hand-pick those friends from those who have stuck with it for a while (and who you think might have some things in common with you), you can achieve a group of "friends" here that would be logistically impossible to amass in the real world...a group of people who have been tested and found to be capable and willing to stick with it.

So my advice is to use the forums to find these people. Not necessarily people who are there to give you advice or "support" or "motivate" you (whatever that means), but people with whom you see some commonality. This might be as simple as people who make you laugh, or people who have similar interests, or whatever. It really doesn't matter what the thing is as long as there's something. Ideally these would be people who have been here for a while. (I'm not saying you shouldn't befriend new people...just that the purpose of your FR scavenger hunt is to populate it with those who have already been tested.)

Anyhow, this ends my rambling rant on the One True Way™ to build a solid FL.

Good stuff, here! I've been around a while. I give support... and advice, mostly just when it's wanted... if you want to add me.

Quasita

I tried to quote but had to use the copy and paste method. Your words:

The two years I've been on MFP have been by far the worst years of my life, and part of why I keep trying is because others remind me hope when I have lost it.

I do think we all tend to appreciate seeing people on a comparable path, in a comparable place. Someone that is able to walk more beside us than say I was there, you can catch up. There's a reason why "find your weightloss twin" threads exist. It is a lonely road, this I know...

The funny thing is, I think if I admitted here the central thought that has been haunting me as of late, you'd all think I was being dumb... even moreso than you think now HAHA It hasn't caused me to stray so much... but it has created a certain darkness.

My response:

Are you associating MFP as being the reason your past two years of your life have been so bad? Also, I personally don't think there is such a thing as a "weight loss twin". We are all completely different with different goals. We may have similarities with others but that is it. Each one of us that are incorporating a new life style must travel the road alone...and yes it can get lonely. It is up to the individual to make the experience what they want it to be. The road doesn't have to be lonely. It's all about attitude and knowing only you can make yourself happy, only you can take that one mile walk, only you can decide what to eat...only you.

If MFP is creating a certain DARKNESS for you then maybe you should reconsider being on this site. I sense that there is some major depression and loneliness going on here. Have you ever tried therapy? With the right counselor and someone to talk to...it can really change your prescriptive on things and life. There is no shame in seeking out therapy.

It breaks my heart because I'm hearing in your words hopelessness, loneliness, depression, sadness and despair. The title of your post is "What's the point? Solitary Fat Woman." It sounds as though you've given up on everything. I know that you keep reiterating that you are still on your weight loss journey; however, I feel like your telling me you just want to crawl into a hole and give up.

You know, you need to find what makes you HAPPY. What will put a smile on your face and a spring in your step. Once again, this all comes from within you. You have come a long way and been through and conquered major obstacles. You should be commended and proud of yourself.

We all go through our ups and downs, good days and bad days...just remember that tomorrow is a new day. Things always get better if you just wait for another day and hold on!

Keep sharing with us on this thread and maybe we can help you find the sunshine you are missing in your life.

P.S. I just wanted to say that I think you write beautifully. I wish I had that gift.

Clarifying: No, I'm not saying MFP has caused the problem. It truly is the weightloss that inspired my most serious health problems. Those members that have been friends with me through this time have watched things get very scary for me. Losing weight has made me so sick at times, nearly dying... which ripple-effect took out a job, 2 relationships, was nearly homeless for a while last year... I'm not saying others don't face things. I'm just saying, weightloss has not been very rewarding for me so far. I keep going even in those times when I don't want to anymore because like I said, losing everything that I've lost in the process would have been for nothing if I stop now... But most days, I'm doing it because I want to and I want smaller boobs HAHA However, I'm not suffering from the not wanting to do this plague right now.

I didn't say MFP was inspiring darkness. It's the thought that has been bugging me that has inspired some darkness. The interesting thing about yesterday was that my emotion must have been cosmic, because several people from my personal life had randomly felt compelled to talk to me (they had not seen this at all). Some saying I'd weighed heavily in their thoughts and hearts. It was surreal. I'm not depressed though.

I see a psychologist weekly. Therapy is great, but often is a tool to teach us to reach out and ask for help when we need it. I'm a qualified counselor myself, there's no issue in my eyes with seeking help.

All this being said, I still would love to see someone that I can relate to that is either working this or has conquered it. I keep reminding myself, though, that if that person really doesn't exist, I'll be the first, and as the first, perhaps I can fill that need for countless others... and that's okay by me.

P.S. Thanks for the compliment about my writing. I wish that the examples here on this thread were better, but it is what it is. I do write in my MFP journal on occasion, but keep a daily blog going independently. Not to brag or anything, but I did receive an offer on my memoir recently, as well as have a book coming out in 2015 (if all goes on schedule!)

MzOnree

Now you have me curious about your book, lol! Can you give details as to what it is about?

Also, I hope you don't mind but I am going to PM you again with some people from my FL I think you may want to add. Some of them have lost over 200 lbs and are still going strong. They are wonderful individuals and I think you would enjoy conversing with them.

I think counseling is fantastic! With the right therapist it can be magical. There has to be a connection though between the therapist and patient or it doesn't work. It's almost like talking to your best friend but paying them for their time, lol!

jamesisaac108

What's the point? The point is to get healthy. That's the whole point! Its great to see how others succeeded in their journey and get inspiration from it but honestly, in the end you really are kind of doing this alone. No one else can walk that mile for you. But when you finish that mile, and the next, and the next, you will find that a lot of your insecurities will be pushed to the shoulder. Cheer up. The road wont seem so long when you're at the end.