Super skinny boyfriend comments on my weight ALL THE TIME
digidream
Posts: 27 Member
This is long and kind of a personal rant- sorry in advance! But I'd appreciate some advice!!
I am 130-135 and 5'4. My lowest weight was 115 (and I was chubby then) before freshman year of college and I guess my highest is right now. I have a small body frame so I have like 30 extra pounds of fat!
The other day my boyfriend, who is not more than 120 pounds when he's got a heavy winter coat on, tried to get me to give him my new(ish) shorts that I was wearing by saying "You should let me wear those. They look too tight on you." They're baggy/sporty shorts and when I SHOWED him there was like a good 5 inches of elastic left he said "Oh wow." As in oh, wow, I thought there was no way you could fit into those but hey, what a surprise. like "wow, those must be some really magically stretchy pants to accommodate your enormous butt." I know I'm not misconstruing it because we've been together for YEARS and know what his tones mean by now. He often says stuff like "I can't believe you managed to squeeze into those jeans" or "how do you DO it?" <- when referring to how I managed to get a big butt b/c he has no butt at all.
He's like skeletal skinny because he has diabetes and I don't think the calories get absorbed and he is also active. He eats loads of foods and never gains a pound. He spent last week at my place and literally- over the course of the week he was at my place (I pay for my own food and rent, etc) he ate 6 entire boxes of the cereal I had (1 box was the family grande size). When there was no food left, he left. lol...
Also this weekend there was hardly any food in my place (because he ate it all) so I searched around and finally found some pasta and cooked it while he watched TV. He then said we should share it and while I was cleaning up the kitchen he ate almost all of it. I said "y'know I really want some spaghetti." He let me have most of what was left but in a sort of favor kind of way.
Then the next day while we were out he said "What's up with you these days? You used to just eat an apple a day. Now you're eating all the time." this stuff is really triggering- it either makes me want to fast all day, or sometimes it makes me binge for some reason- because it sounds like he's saying I should go back to eating nothing at all and I guess a part of me rebels and yells internally "HEY I buy my OWN food I should be able to eat if I want to!!"
So here's thing: before I met him I was a pretty healthy eater (after a childhood of candy bars and doritos I'd made a lifestyle change) and weighed 115 after a summer of exercising and eating right. Then we met and we would eat junk food together. he gave me my first piece of candy after a 5 month sugar hiatus.... lol. I gained maybe 10 pounds quickly (this was also freshman year of college so lots of changes and whatnot). To lose it I started copied his eating patterns. He used to not eat all day until 6pm or so and then he'd just eat 1000's of calories at once - mainly by going to relatives houses and eating everything in their cupboards b/c he never has a job or money. So I would fast all day and then try to eat only an apple when I got home. Which actually worked, weight wise, but I felt weak and loopy all the time! I used my college meal plan to feed HIM because he had no money, and I would eat junk food because it was cheap when I couldn't fast any longer. Then a year later we lived together and again he never wanted to buy the food yet wanted to eat it. Whenever I bought food he ate it all (this didn't happen just once, like on a regular basis) so I at first I didn't eat all day and made up for it by having a bag of candy at night to get my calories in, and tried not to buy food to save money. but then I got into the habit of binge eating whatever I could buy on the way to school. So that I wouldn't be hungry yet wouldn't be spending loads of money on food that he ended up eating! The food I bought tended to be high calorie sugary junk food, and I became an emotional eater on days when I didn't want to go back to the house, we were have relationship problems that year I think. Next year of college, I recently got my own place and started cooking healthy food, then he sort of moved in after a bad situation with his old place. Then he moved out sort of, but he shows up randomly for days/nights/weeks sometimes and the kitchen is always completely bare when he's gone. So I've gotten into the bad habit of -whenever he says he might come over- eating all the food I can eat just so he doesn't eat it! It's a really messed up situation! I mean- I know he needs the calories and I'm trying to lose weight so I don't WANT to binge and take out a few days worth of food at once- but if I don't eat it before he comes over it's always gone. And I'm on a budget so I can't afford to buy stuff that's supposed to last for a week and have it gone. I'm now in the bad habit of binging (never really purging tho because I feel like food=money and it'd be throwing it away even if I don't need the excess calories) I am a VERY money-conscious person, or I try to be.... And I'm just all messed up mentally right now b/c I know if I just ate wayyy less (like a 300 cal meal a day) I would both save money and lose weight- but I want to lose weight in a healthy way and count my calories right. But whenever i eat healthy food around him I feel self conscious because I can eat SO much of certain things and still have low calories, but he'll comment on how it looks like I'm eating alot. Or he'll just look at me all hungry-ish and i'll feel bad.
Does anyone out there have a super skinny boyfriend who seems like he can eat whatever he wants? And how do you deal with it if he makes comments about your weight? Or comments about your eating habits if you try to eat healthy? ORR if he eats all your food and never pays for anything?!
I am 130-135 and 5'4. My lowest weight was 115 (and I was chubby then) before freshman year of college and I guess my highest is right now. I have a small body frame so I have like 30 extra pounds of fat!
The other day my boyfriend, who is not more than 120 pounds when he's got a heavy winter coat on, tried to get me to give him my new(ish) shorts that I was wearing by saying "You should let me wear those. They look too tight on you." They're baggy/sporty shorts and when I SHOWED him there was like a good 5 inches of elastic left he said "Oh wow." As in oh, wow, I thought there was no way you could fit into those but hey, what a surprise. like "wow, those must be some really magically stretchy pants to accommodate your enormous butt." I know I'm not misconstruing it because we've been together for YEARS and know what his tones mean by now. He often says stuff like "I can't believe you managed to squeeze into those jeans" or "how do you DO it?" <- when referring to how I managed to get a big butt b/c he has no butt at all.
He's like skeletal skinny because he has diabetes and I don't think the calories get absorbed and he is also active. He eats loads of foods and never gains a pound. He spent last week at my place and literally- over the course of the week he was at my place (I pay for my own food and rent, etc) he ate 6 entire boxes of the cereal I had (1 box was the family grande size). When there was no food left, he left. lol...
Also this weekend there was hardly any food in my place (because he ate it all) so I searched around and finally found some pasta and cooked it while he watched TV. He then said we should share it and while I was cleaning up the kitchen he ate almost all of it. I said "y'know I really want some spaghetti." He let me have most of what was left but in a sort of favor kind of way.
Then the next day while we were out he said "What's up with you these days? You used to just eat an apple a day. Now you're eating all the time." this stuff is really triggering- it either makes me want to fast all day, or sometimes it makes me binge for some reason- because it sounds like he's saying I should go back to eating nothing at all and I guess a part of me rebels and yells internally "HEY I buy my OWN food I should be able to eat if I want to!!"
So here's thing: before I met him I was a pretty healthy eater (after a childhood of candy bars and doritos I'd made a lifestyle change) and weighed 115 after a summer of exercising and eating right. Then we met and we would eat junk food together. he gave me my first piece of candy after a 5 month sugar hiatus.... lol. I gained maybe 10 pounds quickly (this was also freshman year of college so lots of changes and whatnot). To lose it I started copied his eating patterns. He used to not eat all day until 6pm or so and then he'd just eat 1000's of calories at once - mainly by going to relatives houses and eating everything in their cupboards b/c he never has a job or money. So I would fast all day and then try to eat only an apple when I got home. Which actually worked, weight wise, but I felt weak and loopy all the time! I used my college meal plan to feed HIM because he had no money, and I would eat junk food because it was cheap when I couldn't fast any longer. Then a year later we lived together and again he never wanted to buy the food yet wanted to eat it. Whenever I bought food he ate it all (this didn't happen just once, like on a regular basis) so I at first I didn't eat all day and made up for it by having a bag of candy at night to get my calories in, and tried not to buy food to save money. but then I got into the habit of binge eating whatever I could buy on the way to school. So that I wouldn't be hungry yet wouldn't be spending loads of money on food that he ended up eating! The food I bought tended to be high calorie sugary junk food, and I became an emotional eater on days when I didn't want to go back to the house, we were have relationship problems that year I think. Next year of college, I recently got my own place and started cooking healthy food, then he sort of moved in after a bad situation with his old place. Then he moved out sort of, but he shows up randomly for days/nights/weeks sometimes and the kitchen is always completely bare when he's gone. So I've gotten into the bad habit of -whenever he says he might come over- eating all the food I can eat just so he doesn't eat it! It's a really messed up situation! I mean- I know he needs the calories and I'm trying to lose weight so I don't WANT to binge and take out a few days worth of food at once- but if I don't eat it before he comes over it's always gone. And I'm on a budget so I can't afford to buy stuff that's supposed to last for a week and have it gone. I'm now in the bad habit of binging (never really purging tho because I feel like food=money and it'd be throwing it away even if I don't need the excess calories) I am a VERY money-conscious person, or I try to be.... And I'm just all messed up mentally right now b/c I know if I just ate wayyy less (like a 300 cal meal a day) I would both save money and lose weight- but I want to lose weight in a healthy way and count my calories right. But whenever i eat healthy food around him I feel self conscious because I can eat SO much of certain things and still have low calories, but he'll comment on how it looks like I'm eating alot. Or he'll just look at me all hungry-ish and i'll feel bad.
Does anyone out there have a super skinny boyfriend who seems like he can eat whatever he wants? And how do you deal with it if he makes comments about your weight? Or comments about your eating habits if you try to eat healthy? ORR if he eats all your food and never pays for anything?!
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Replies
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Sounds like you should focus on losing more than just weight.0
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So, what are his redeeming qualities?0
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TL; DR
Dump him. He's an *kitten*.
and this
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Just break up.0
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It sounds like you need to take a serious look at your relationship.
Why are you with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?
Why are you supporting someone who doesn't want to support themselves?0 -
I'm not sure why you have selected this man/boy to be your boyfriend. He is disrespectful and doesn't pay his way. What could you possibly see in him? Those traits generally don't go away.0
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just break up.0
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Lose the boyfriend as soon as possible. Put yourself first.
Easy to say of course but if you can put it in practice, many of your issues disappear.0 -
there's no way you were "chubby" at 115 either. he sounds like a jerk.0
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You're going to hate what I have to say, but this guy is NOT for you. He criticizes how you look and he eats all your food. Listen to what you're saying. He's not loving you the way you'd like, he doesn't accept you as you are, and he is exploitive in taking advantage of your food situation.
I'm assuming you are young. I was the same way when I was your age. Don't settle for less than your worth. If you are choosing to be with this guy, then look at why your expectations are so low. Work on yourself. Love yourself. I only wish I'd done that when I was your age. This kind of relationship can be devastating to your self-esteem and if you don't work to end it, it will only get worse.0 -
A dude who doesn't understand why your butt is bigger than his is probably someone you should stop talking to.
Just tossing that out there.0 -
Sounds like you should focus on losing more than just weight.
TL; DR......but ^^^ this.0 -
I only read the first paragraph and I'm wondering why you're still with him???0
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I think you should set him straight. If he's being that unsupportive, he needs a kick in the A.0
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You definitely 100% need to not have someone in your life who will make you feel uncomfortable about something as simple as eating! It seems pretty clear that you should not have this man in your life. A man who makes you feel less than beautiful, AND also eats all your cereal!? NOPE! You're better than that.0
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He seriously sounds like a weight around your neck.
I don't have much to say other than YOU control what you eat, how much and how, and you need to learn that his comments come from a moocher who doesn't understand what it costs to feed yourself, let alone any sponge who walks in and eats all your stuff at irregular intervals.
Good luck with whatever you do, it sounds like a crappy situation that needs to change. You should have a serious talk with this guy about what you need, because he sure doesn't sound like he gives a cr*p about you.0 -
Sounds like you should focus on losing more than just weight.
So this.0 -
You are 5 foot 4 and weigh 130 to 135 pounds? I am 5 foot 3 and weigh 126 to around 130 or so. It just changes all of the time with the time of the month and all of that. I would say we are about the same size but I have a medium frame (I have super broad shoulders for a women, it runs in the family!) and you claim to have a small frame... Still not much of a difference. You sound healthy, in my opinion. If you want to, just start taking walks and cut out junk food and sodas.
By the way, my boyfriend is 5 foot 6 and weighs maybe 130 pounds. He is extremely skinny, and has narrower shoulders than me. And he says he loves how much a weigh and he does not think skinny girls are attractive. He makes me feel good about myself... Your boyfriend sounds mean. I would not want to be with someone who made comments like that.0 -
Time to change your facebook status to single.0
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He spent last week at my place and literally- over the course of the week he was at my place (I pay for my own food and rent, etc) he ate 6 entire boxes of the cereal I had (1 box was the family grande size). When there was no food left, he left. lol...
And it all comes together.0 -
Wow, this is a lot of information to take in! It sounds like this has been on your mind a lot. Good for you for getting it all out there. Firstly, I am sorry you have to take verbal abuse from your boyfriend. The things he says or insinuates is very insulting. It sounds like he is insecure with himself, so feels the need to take you down in order to make you feel less than what you are. Those comments are NOT supportive of you and is definitely not helping you lose weight. It's a very negative and toxic relationship to be in.
Second, if he keeps eating all of your food I would be like, hey.. you can't come over because you keep eating my food, or, Hey...next time you come over, bring your own food with you. I think it's so disrespectful for him to just keep staying at your place and then leaving you with nothing. Have you ever told him that it isn't respectful? That's something I would expect a child visiting home from university to do, not a boyfriend!
Why are you with him? Do you love him? Does he make you happy? Are you are a better person for being with him? I surround myself with people I enjoy being around. Do you enjoy being around him/look forward to hanging out with him? I would think really hard about all of these questions. If you have been with him for awhile, you may just be staying with him out of habit and are scared of the change. But don't be! It sounds like he is greatly holding you back from reaching your full potential and is sabotaging all of your efforts to be more healthy, AND draining your pockets!0 -
:noway: Your BF sounds like an *kitten*. I hope he has some redeeming features? If you don't want to dump this clown.. you need to set him straight because he might not be hitting you but this IS abuse.0
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I think you need to look at your relationship with your boyfriend. From what you say he appears to be a lazy, broke, scrounger who doesn't treat you very well do you think this is a loving caring relationship?
Starving and binging is not good for you, please try and find a healthy way to eat, don't allow your boyfriends remarks to influence the way you see food. You know what is healthy and what isn't so be consistent in your eating for the sake of your health.
Good luck.0 -
Sweetie, run away as fast as you can. What a self absorbed jerk. You are worth much more than anything he has to offer, which is absolutely nothing. Your youth and perhaps, dare I say it, lack of self confidence, doesn't mean you have to settle. Break away from this toxic relationship and be free. It is better to be alone for awhile than with a lazy no-good like that.0
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You definitely 100% need to not have someone in your life who will make you feel uncomfortable about something as simple as eating! It seems pretty clear that you should not have this man in your life. A man who makes you feel less than beautiful, AND also eats all your cereal!? NOPE! You're better than that.
He eats your cereal! Seriously, he needs to go. And I am not being a smart *kitten*, though I play one in real life. Cereal is my sacred food. He or she who touches it, unless blood related to me, would just need to go.0 -
So, what are his redeeming qualities?
^This.
All I saw was that this guy rags on you for what you eat or wear, mooches off of everybody and doesn't seem to stay in one place very long.0 -
The fact he is super skinny and can eat what he wants is only relevant because it is like salt in the wounds his verbal abuse is causing. He is a bully. You deserve better. Why stay with someone who makes your life miserable? I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour. Ever.0
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He is criticizing your habits and weight to make you feel fat so that he can eat all your food.
Dump. Him. Now. You're young and soon to be a college grad with a bright future. He holds you back.0 -
You write that you are making yourself sick by trying to eat like a sick person does, by trying to eat your food before he gets to it, by bingeing on junk food after he eats all your stuff, and by trying to please this person who is verbally and emotionally abusive.
you say that he gets thrown out of where he lives, doesn't work, doesn't help out with the bills, and insults you. This is not a boyfriend. It's time to be kind to yourself. Try just being nice to yourself one meal at a time, if you have to walk to the grocery store and eat an apple there in the parking lot. Trying to please an abusive person is self-abuse, not to mention a waste of time.0 -
Sounds like you should focus on losing more than just weight.
So this.
I couldn't disagree more.0
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