Super skinny boyfriend comments on my weight ALL THE TIME
Replies
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As a member of the male species, my advice is simple. Punch him in the balls next time and then comment about how you were trying to help him get bigger ones.
Game.
Set.
Match.0 -
:indifferent:
Ditching the moocher jerk is a great way to lose that first big chunk of weight... I'm pretty sure the resulting boost in self esteem, finances and freedom will allow you to find a lovely guy who will support you in a healthy way to make whatever changes you would like after that AND he may even pay for dinner once in a while.0 -
Doesn't sound heathly at all. It will never get better. Time to move on. You deserve better.0
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Having been in an abusive relationship myself, I can relate to this. You need to know though, that you are worth more than what he is giving you credit for. He is clearly not supportive, giving or loving by any stretch, and YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
My coping mechanism with my ex was alcohol - and regardless of your coping mechanism, be it food or alcohol, they both make you gain the kilo's. A couple of months after I'd split with *kitten*-Munch, I remember waking up one morning and realising that I was, in actual fact, a better person without him. I (and this literally happened) looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, and remembered who I was, and no amount of negativity from him would bring me down anymore.
I lost almost 5 kgs in a couple of weeks after that - because my head was in the right place - everything else followed.
You are a better person without him. You are stronger, healthier, and I have no doubt that you will be 150% happier.
You deserve the best. Go out and get it!0 -
dump him and get rid of that 120lbs of JERK!0
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Dump him. Seriously. You're in an abusive relationship.0
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What you allow is what will continue.
If you continue to date him, you can expect his continue put downs and insults.
There is no amount of weight you can lose to stop his comments.0 -
He's got an internet dating account?
Seriously? You cannot be serious!!!
I did suspect that you might be a troll... Now I absolutely think I was right.
Just in case you aren't:
You may have low self esteem, and all the things that you have written may well be true - IF they are, you STILL need to tell this guy to leave and don't let the door slam him on the *** on the way out.
Go and see the free counsellor
Get yourself in a better head space
When you are ready, you will attract a boyfriend who is honest, respectful, trustworthy, caring and encourages you with your life and goals rather than beats you down to his level.
Good luck.0 -
Remind me please why you are with this guy? :noway: :noway: :grumble: :grumble:
Seems like there is more than just weight that you need to lose!0 -
You can lose 120 lbs. instantly when you dump him. Why do you stay?0
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Stop feeding him. He might just go away.0
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There is no reason be in a relationship with a man who makes you feel lousy most of the time. NONE. It doesn't matter if it's been 4 years or 14 years or 40 years that you have been together.
He is not treating you with respect. He insults your appearance (both directly and by implication). He does not value what you do for him (cook him a meal). He gets certain things from your relationship (food, attention, affection) but does not reciprocate.
You sound unhappy in this relationship. Believe me when I say that you will be much happier alone. Learn to love yourself and put your health and happiness first. That's when you'll meet someone awesome.0 -
punch him in the nuts.....and kick his butt to the curb.0
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Don't most guys like a girl with a big butt?0
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You are 5 foot 4 and weigh 130 to 135 pounds? I am 5 foot 3 and weigh 126 to around 130 or so. It just changes all of the time with the time of the month and all of that. I would say we are about the same size but I have a medium frame (I have super broad shoulders for a women, it runs in the family!) and you claim to have a small frame... Still not much of a difference. You sound healthy, in my opinion. If you want to, just start taking walks and cut out junk food and sodas.
By the way, my boyfriend is 5 foot 6 and weighs maybe 130 pounds. He is extremely skinny, and has narrower shoulders than me. And he says he loves how much a weigh and he does not think skinny girls are attractive. He makes me feel good about myself... Your boyfriend sounds mean. I would not want to be with someone who made comments like that.
All very good points above, couldn't say it better myself.
That said, I am not going to lie, I like skinny boys. I can understand why you would want to look similar to them.
...BUT the skinniest I have EVER BEEN is 118 and I am 5'3. You should NEVER be skinnier than ~110-115 regardless of your "frame". Its unhealthy. (look up your BMI & body fat % for exact numbers)
Truthfully, based on what you have said, neither you nor your boyfriend have healthy eating habits regardless of your weight. Exercise and eat more fruits/veggies. No binging/purging. (Yes, you can purge without throwing-up or using meds.)
...AND work on your relationship or ditch it. The stress ALONE can put weight on you.
Good Luck!
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:noway: OMG! You're not keeping this guy are you? He needs to go. Imagine this fool 10 years from now. What a load.0
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Wow. I was going to say from the beginning get rid of him and I still think you may have to. I spoke to my doctor today (I'm sick) and talked about how husband and I have argued from day one. I DO NOT let him boss me around, he isn't the head of the house just because he's alpha male I won't tolerate him doing whatever and not saying a word because we are equals. The doctor said that is awesome! You stick up for yourself or get rid of him. I was going to say hide the food but that won't sort thing out long term. He has to love you and you love him for what is inside and not be how he is over the weight you don't even need to lose.
I am a bit shorter than you and was 114. If I went lower I would have looked bad but yes I'm older so that does make a difference but all I know is you were NOT FAT AT ALL. Understand? You'll end up sick because of him. Take care of YOU first.. can't love someone if you are gone. :flowerforyou:0 -
So, what are his redeeming qualities?
I was wondering the exact same thing.
I'm sorry. But he does not sound like a good person to be around. Definitely does not sound like the kind of guy I'd date.0 -
Do your parents know all of this. I would be irrate if my child was being used like this.0
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This is long and kind of a personal rant- sorry in advance! But I'd appreciate some advice!!
I am 130-135 and 5'4. My lowest weight was 115 (and I was chubby then) before freshman year of college and I guess my highest is right now. I have a small body frame so I have like 30 extra pounds of fat!
The other day my boyfriend, who is not more than 120 pounds when he's got a heavy winter coat on, tried to get me to give him my new(ish) shorts that I was wearing by saying "You should let me wear those. They look too tight on you." They're baggy/sporty shorts and when I SHOWED him there was like a good 5 inches of elastic left he said "Oh wow." As in oh, wow, I thought there was no way you could fit into those but hey, what a surprise. like "wow, those must be some really magically stretchy pants to accommodate your enormous butt." I know I'm not misconstruing it because we've been together for YEARS and know what his tones mean by now. He often says stuff like "I can't believe you managed to squeeze into those jeans" or "how do you DO it?" <- when referring to how I managed to get a big butt b/c he has no butt at all.
He's like skeletal skinny because he has diabetes and I don't think the calories get absorbed and he is also active. He eats loads of foods and never gains a pound. He spent last week at my place and literally- over the course of the week he was at my place (I pay for my own food and rent, etc) he ate 6 entire boxes of the cereal I had (1 box was the family grande size). When there was no food left, he left. lol...
Also this weekend there was hardly any food in my place (because he ate it all) so I searched around and finally found some pasta and cooked it while he watched TV. He then said we should share it and while I was cleaning up the kitchen he ate almost all of it. I said "y'know I really want some spaghetti." He let me have most of what was left but in a sort of favor kind of way.
Then the next day while we were out he said "What's up with you these days? You used to just eat an apple a day. Now you're eating all the time." this stuff is really triggering- it either makes me want to fast all day, or sometimes it makes me binge for some reason- because it sounds like he's saying I should go back to eating nothing at all and I guess a part of me rebels and yells internally "HEY I buy my OWN food I should be able to eat if I want to!!"
So here's thing: before I met him I was a pretty healthy eater (after a childhood of candy bars and doritos I'd made a lifestyle change) and weighed 115 after a summer of exercising and eating right. Then we met and we would eat junk food together. he gave me my first piece of candy after a 5 month sugar hiatus.... lol. I gained maybe 10 pounds quickly (this was also freshman year of college so lots of changes and whatnot). To lose it I started copied his eating patterns. He used to not eat all day until 6pm or so and then he'd just eat 1000's of calories at once - mainly by going to relatives houses and eating everything in their cupboards b/c he never has a job or money. So I would fast all day and then try to eat only an apple when I got home. Which actually worked, weight wise, but I felt weak and loopy all the time! I used my college meal plan to feed HIM because he had no money, and I would eat junk food because it was cheap when I couldn't fast any longer. Then a year later we lived together and again he never wanted to buy the food yet wanted to eat it. Whenever I bought food he ate it all (this didn't happen just once, like on a regular basis) so I at first I didn't eat all day and made up for it by having a bag of candy at night to get my calories in, and tried not to buy food to save money. but then I got into the habit of binge eating whatever I could buy on the way to school. So that I wouldn't be hungry yet wouldn't be spending loads of money on food that he ended up eating! The food I bought tended to be high calorie sugary junk food, and I became an emotional eater on days when I didn't want to go back to the house, we were have relationship problems that year I think. Next year of college, I recently got my own place and started cooking healthy food, then he sort of moved in after a bad situation with his old place. Then he moved out sort of, but he shows up randomly for days/nights/weeks sometimes and the kitchen is always completely bare when he's gone. So I've gotten into the bad habit of -whenever he says he might come over- eating all the food I can eat just so he doesn't eat it! It's a really messed up situation! I mean- I know he needs the calories and I'm trying to lose weight so I don't WANT to binge and take out a few days worth of food at once- but if I don't eat it before he comes over it's always gone. And I'm on a budget so I can't afford to buy stuff that's supposed to last for a week and have it gone. I'm now in the bad habit of binging (never really purging tho because I feel like food=money and it'd be throwing it away even if I don't need the excess calories) I am a VERY money-conscious person, or I try to be.... And I'm just all messed up mentally right now b/c I know if I just ate wayyy less (like a 300 cal meal a day) I would both save money and lose weight- but I want to lose weight in a healthy way and count my calories right. But whenever i eat healthy food around him I feel self conscious because I can eat SO much of certain things and still have low calories, but he'll comment on how it looks like I'm eating alot. Or he'll just look at me all hungry-ish and i'll feel bad.
Does anyone out there have a super skinny boyfriend who seems like he can eat whatever he wants? And how do you deal with it if he makes comments about your weight? Or comments about your eating habits if you try to eat healthy? ORR if he eats all your food and never pays for anything?!
Break up with him. Be with someone who sees your imperfections but loves and appreciates you more and more everyday.0 -
He's the only weight you need to lose ! Your beautiful and he should only be telling you kind words.
What a shallow Hal0 -
So let me get this right. You're so mad you vent to strangers on the net. Yet you let the bum mooch off you and let him stick around. Even though he makes you feel like total crap.
Um, I blame two people. Him and you.
Him bc he is a grown *kitten* man who is mooching off of you and he also knows he is treating you like crap.
You because you haven't done anything about it. You haven't told him to stop or helped him. You have actually enabled him to do this to you. Seek some metal health. Really. And lose the man child.0 -
Apols if this has already been said but, aside from being a complete twonk, I don't think he is in a position to comment. Many diabetics (not all) deliberately mismanage their condition to keep their wt low. If he does that then he's on a short cut to renal failure, loss of sight, amputations etc etc etc.
Now would you really take advice from someone like that? If he doesn't do that then nor can he blame being a little **** on having deranged blood sugars which affect his mood.
Either way, he needs to be a part of the sorry past and not your great future.0 -
ETA: No offense to his mom for his behavior. However it's not your job to raise a boy.0 -
Lose 120 pounds by dumping his dumb *kitten*, he sounds like an actual wanker. 135 pounds is not overweight. You are perfectly average. If he wants to be with a bag of bones he should go eat a chicken and keep the left overs.0
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Kick that **** to the curb!!!!!!!!!!0
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what a jerk! You should get away from him fast and find someone positive.0
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Hey, I used to be married to a super skinny guy like that who made those types of comments all the time too. He used to spend his paycheck on weed and not pay bills/rent or buy groceries for us. We had a young son at the time and if there was food I hid it so that my son could eat. When I heard my husband's comments I would feel horrible about myself and I kept secret stashes of junk food like krispy kreme donuts and little debbies that I would binge eat later on when he wasn't home. Now (10 yrs later after divorcing him) he admitted to me that he did that because he knew I was beautiful and any other guy would have given anything to have me. He was totally insecure and thought that by making me feel bad about myself (fat, ugly, stupid, etc...) he was ensuring that I would never leave him for fear that no one else would want me. He also cheated on me constantly with super skinny girls that were really pretty. I know everyone says "leave him" but when you love someone and the relationship is all you know it's scary and almost impossible to leave the situation because putting up with it seems easier than dealing with the whole ugly break up scenario. Trust me, I know, I've been there repeatedly. I can't tell you to leave but if you want, rather than having a week's worth of food in your kitchen, just make a trip to the store every day and only buy what you will be eating that day. That way you avoid having food around that you might binge eat and also if he comes over, there's no food for him to eat. Just an idea. Anyway, sorry for the long response, good luck honey. I feel for you, I know what it's like and it's not easy.0
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He's like skeletal skinny because he has diabetes and I don't think the calories get absorbed and he is also active. He eats loads of foods and never gains a pound. He spent last week at my place and literally- over the course of the week he was at my place (I pay for my own food and rent, etc) he ate 6 entire boxes of the cereal I had (1 box was the family grande size). When there was no food left, he left. lol...
Also this weekend there was hardly any food in my place (because he ate it all) so I searched around and finally found some pasta and cooked it while he watched TV. He then said we should share it and while I was cleaning up the kitchen he ate almost all of it. I said "y'know I really want some spaghetti." He let me have most of what was left but in a sort of favor kind of way.
Then the next day while we were out he said "What's up with you these days? You used to just eat an apple a day. Now you're eating all the time." this stuff is really triggering- it either makes me want to fast all day, or sometimes it makes me binge for some reason- because it sounds like he's saying I should go back to eating nothing at all and I guess a part of me rebels and yells internally "HEY I buy my OWN food I should be able to eat if I want to!!"
(I haven't had a chance to read all the replies, so apologies in advance if I'm repeating a point already made.)
It sounds like your boyfriend has his own food/body issues. Is he type 1 diabetic? If he is, it sounds like he possibly has an eating disorder called diabulimia. It's where diabetics omit their insulin shots to control their weight - and is highly dangerous. 6 boxes of cereal in one weekend?!? He seems to eat a lot of simple carbs (cereal = simple carbs, usually with a lot of added sugar) and not very diabetes-friendly. In order to cover that much sugary, high-carb food, he'd need to be taking a decent amount of insulin and usually that would = weight gain.
If he did have this condition, it would also explain (but not excuse) his behaviour towards you and your weight/body. He's transferring his own control/food on to you, and self-hatred can often cause us to lash out at the ones we love (the root of all EDs come from self-hatred).
I don't know your boyfriend, or his situation, so obviously I could be completely wrong. However, I used to be a HCP and treated many people with diabulimia, when I read your post, particularly the points I highlighted, it just screams diabulimia to me.
I'm not going to join in the "kick him to the curb" brigade; that's up to you, and it's been said enough times already, but you deserve better and you need to focus on yourself. Your body image is clearly distorted if you think your 'chubby' at your current weight
Wishing you all the best x0 -
Hey I found one! ;DTL;DR
Find a new boyfriend who thinks you are the greatest thing ever.
...
Oh, wait it's my cat.
The cat will always treat you better than this loser of a boyfriend will. Dump the boy, keep the cat, learn to love yourself.
I am 5'4" and anything UNDER 107 pounds is considered underweight. At 115 you may have had a couple (literally, like 2) extra pounds, but you were NOT 'chubby' by any means.0
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