Business dinner- inappropriate or not?

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  • TravelinChiGal
    TravelinChiGal Posts: 216 Member
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    As a married woman who does travel with her slightly older, married boss or other sales people for my company never once have I made a dinner or even drinks out in a strange town with a familiar face (albeit my boss or whatnot) into anything NEAR date-like. Sure, my boss and I are friends as are the other people I travel with, but I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about here.

    Maybe I have no idea what goes on with other "work dinners" but when traveling for work, a dinner out or a drink out is just that... A dinner or a drink. Part of the job.


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  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    If you don't feel threatened or jealous, why is it inappropriate?
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
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    If you're traveling together and have one rental car, what exactly is the other person supposed to do for a meal? I'm ignoring the bread basket makes it a date angle...that's just stupid.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    If you're traveling together and have one rental car, what exactly is the other person supposed to do for a meal? I'm ignoring the bread basket makes it a date angle...that's just stupid.

    If they are bread sticks, they could be phallic and lead to thoughts of sex. Just a thought.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Let's cut to the chase here.

    Why don't you trust your husband to be around a younger woman?
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Huh. As a traveling businessman, this is common practice and part of the job. Everyone gets dinner with whoever else is on the trip after the work day. Dinner and drinks with a colleague, different gender or not, is to be expected.

    This.
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    Huh. As a traveling businessman, this is common practice and part of the job. Everyone gets dinner with whoever else is on the trip after the work day. Dinner and drinks with a colleague, different gender or not, is to be expected.

    This.

    X2
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
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    Huh. As a traveling businessman, this is common practice and part of the job. Everyone gets dinner with whoever else is on the trip after the work day. Dinner and drinks with a colleague, different gender or not, is to be expected.

    This.

    Yep. I'm an assistant to a CEO and I can tell you that business travel is full of dinners with colleagues, and most of the time it's either super boring or an opportunity to decompress and speak in a more unfiltered way with someone who's on your side. There's nothing sketchy about dinner with an opposite-sex colleague in itself.

    I trust my guy completely with his co-workers, personally, because I trust him in all situations (and he's never given me the slightest bit of reason not to do so.) He's actually going skiing with a female co-worker (who skis at his same high level) this weekend because we got great snow but I don't want to drive out to the mountains this time. I just don't see it as a big deal if he hangs out with other women. He rewards me with the same courtesy, and neither of us have ever abused that trust.
  • SugarBaby71
    SugarBaby71 Posts: 3,630 Member
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    I think he's okay to have dinner with the colleague. Late or not. I travel for work and I'm the only female on my team it would be a lonely trip if I could only eat alone and not with whomever I'm travelling with. Yes it is frequently just tow of us and often quite late. I have never thought of these dinners as any sort of date, and neither have my colleagues.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    did it just happen that the presentation ran late - or did they go out well after the presentation was over?


    if it sounded like a date to you then address it.

    I live 2 hrs from my BF- we only see each other Wed and Thursday- I work all week long- but once a month I take a weekend of for me and go up to see him. (normally he comes to me).

    I'm amicable and I don't deal with jealous- he has female friends- I have male friends and life would never work if we put heavy typical restrictions on such things- but one morning- after some intimacy he made a comment about a girl at work baking him a cake for his birthday.

    That just was too much for my little brain to handle- I said- i really don't appreciate the fact I feel like you eat food this girl makes you and not what I make you- and please don't make me be a jealous girl friend- as he hands me his phone- go through my phone!!! I said I don't WANT to go through your phone- I want to just trust you- but telling me crap like this makes me suspicious- esp after we've been close- like WTF would you bring that up.

    Point is- SOMETHING happened to raise your little TO MUCH for me flag. figure out what it is- for me I felt betrayed that he was accepting food gifts and he refused to eat what I made him. But we identified the issue and handled it.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    I think it's harmless. Unless "dinner" is code for ordering room service.
  • Buff2022
    Buff2022 Posts: 373 Member
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    I am not saying you should be worried. But when you said you were not worried because of how she looks. Don't be so shallow. Men nor women have affairs always based on how someone looks. It is how they make that other person feel.

    My ex cheated on me with a woman who I thought was ugly. He saw something in her even if it was just for a piece of *kitten*.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?

    He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.
    Are you serious???
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I don't think it is inappropriate. But I do think some people might feel it was questionable, primarily because she's his subordinate and they probably weren't completely "forced" to share that meal.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about but I don't think you're being crazy for being upset by it either. It sounds like your husband was open to your opinion and won't do this again...but like others have said, it could be awkward in a totally 'above board' situation for him to excuse himself in order to avoid dining alone with the woman.

    As for her being less attractive than you are - that doesn't always mean anything. I don't say that to put ideas in your head, please understand. But I have seen guys with gorgeous wives cheat with very homely women. Same goes for younger women/older women thing...and single vs. married. Loads of married women cheat on their husbands. In my past, I was married to a man just 3 years younger than myself and the ONE time in our marriage that he had a questionable relationship with a female coworker/friend (shortly before the marriage ended), she was not younger, but almost 20 years older than he was.

    I do think this sounds like a time to examine your marriage, though. I'm not saying there's an issue, it does NOT sound like there is a serious issue..but it sounds like you may be feeling a little less than secure and content...so maybe there's room to improve that from both sides!! I wish you the best.
  • jstout365
    jstout365 Posts: 1,686 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    This sounds like just about every restaurant that I eat at while on travel and they are all relatively casual places, heck, one even has a mechanical bull. I often travel alone, but when I am with a co-worker, it is usually a male co-worker and dinner is never even close to a "date" atmosphere. I agree that there is probably something bugging you other than the dinner that you haven't allowed yourself to acknowledge yet.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me.
    For 15 years, you were not bothered. Now you are bothered. Something has changed in your relationship with your husband that is causing this change in your attitude. Is he less attentive to you? Less affectionate? Are you feeling amorous toward someone else? Figure out that change, and you will figure out the solution.

    I completely agree.
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
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    No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about.

    He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.

    /thread
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees. I suspect your husband and his colleague think the same. really, I think a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant is completely normal and totally professional.
  • 140point6
    140point6 Posts: 10 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    A more casual place, such as a room service cart in the hotel room? Watch what you ask for....
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees.

    ^^ Exactly. Business meals are one of the benefits of being on the road. Either you trust him or you don't. Eating at Chili's over a place with cloth napkins shouldn't have a thing to do with it.

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