Business dinner- inappropriate or not?

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  • patrickblo13
    patrickblo13 Posts: 831 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees. I suspect your husband and his colleague think the same. really, I think a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant is completely normal and totally professional.

    I agree, when I travel for work it is a steak/seafood restaurant EVERY night. I think you are over reacting. It is part of business travel. I am sure this isn't the first business dinner he had with a female
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    So no Italian places, then?

    Every extremely casual pizza joint I've ever gone to has bread baskets, appetizers and desserts. Applebees and TGIFridays have appetizers and desserts. Ruby Tuesday and Red Lobster have all those things.

    It sounds like they wanted to have a nice dinner and they were the only people each of them knew in town (since they were traveling) so they went together.
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
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    Sending out a BIG thank you to all non-jealous and understanding wives of husbands who have to travel for work.
    Without you I probably would have eaten several thousand work related dinners alone.
    Because of my job I have travelled for the last 38 years all over the globe. I started to travel when I was 29 and now I am 66. Since during those 38 years I was single for 31 I am doubly thankful for having most of the time someone at my table with whom I could talk about the work we do, the hobbies we had, the interests we had in common or just plain about my dinner partner's kids and my dogs and cats.
    I don't even understand the initial post.......and would like to treat it as serious, but.....

    PS: Thinking about it for a minute, I also need to thank all the men who's wives travel and get to eat with others, no matter the time, because maybe half the time my dinner partners were women.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    If I'm on travel for work, I get a per diem for meals and incidental expenses. You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm not going to some dive or fast food when I have like $65 allotted for meals/day. What's wrong with a place that has bread baskets, appetizers and desserts? That makes it fancy? That sounds like a lot of restaurants. I don't consider a place fancy because it has appetizers and desserts.

    You need to figure out why after 15 years this is now bothering you.

    I travel for work sometimes. I've done it for 10 years. My husband isn't bothered by it and my very first trip was with my then supervisor. We flew cross-country and stayed at the same hotel.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    ...No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about.

    A girl doesn't have to be hot or sexy in order for a man to cheat. Two words--Arnold Schwarzeneger.

    But FWIW, I don't think the dinner was inappropriate.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    As someone who always traveled for work, eating alone sucks. And you, my dear, are being ridiculous.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    He was hungry, she was hungry, why not go to a meal together instead of alone and separate? I hate eating out alone.
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    Overreacting in my opinion, but it is your marriage. If he has done it before and you had not issue, why have one now?
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
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    As a consultant, most of my work dinners are "late dinners" and unless it's a special event, usually only with one colleague.

    You should probably address your distrust with your husband, it sounds systemic.
  • SexKittenlovesitrough
    SexKittenlovesitrough Posts: 486
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    you've been married how many years?

    you either trust him or you don't....none of this halfsies business...

    you've said you have nothing to worry about, and you've no where in your post implied that he's given you any reason to doubt him...

    sometimes when I'm at dinner with a colleague...male or female....doesn't really matter...

    when I'm sitting back after a great meal with a glass of red in my hand, I have some of the BEST ideas...

    I have some of my best off the shoulder business "meetings" and come up with some really stellar work projects, ideas, what have you...

    a dinner doesn't have to be anything more than being relaxed and yet still in a "working state"

    so

    you either trust him or you don't.

    this isn't him...this is you....
  • dwh77tx
    dwh77tx Posts: 513 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    Refusing to eat with a colleague with whom you're traveling would be a tad awkward
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
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    If you weren't threatened by this woman, then you wouldn't be so concerned about this. It was a business dinner. Chill.

    Even if he was/is cheating, you telling him having dinner with her is "inappropriate" isn't going to stop him from cheating.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees. I suspect your husband and his colleague think the same. really, I think a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant is completely normal and totally professional.

    Agreed. I've come to despise business travel and if I have sleep in a damn hotel room then I'm not eating out of a bread basket at Applebee's. It will be The Palm or some trendy sushi place and there will be cigars and Scotch afterwards. Otherwise, I'm happy to schedule a conference call.
  • deviant_illusion
    deviant_illusion Posts: 32 Member
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    It seems like your husband would not be much of a gentleman if he let a younger lady have a late dinner alone in a strange town. I would much rather my wife have a late dinner in a strange town with a male coworker than alone if for no other reason than her safety.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Option 1: husband goes out of town and has dinner with a female coworker. They are still subject to all those fancy sexual harassment laws, and he risks getting fired if he says the wrong thing over dinner. Besides, you don't think she's attractive.

    Option 2: husband avoids having dinner with his female coworker because his wife gets jealous. He goes to the hotel bar. He's bored, he's alone, and there's a gorgeous hooker sitting not 2 seats away.

    Do you want to rethink your position on this?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.
    \
    ding ding ding we have a winner!!

    No wonder the bread basket and linen napkins got to you!
  • klyn7788
    klyn7788 Posts: 52 Member
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    Refusing to eat with a colleague with whom you're traveling would be a tad awkward

    I agree with this. I am a much younger woman in a male dominated field. I can't imagine how offended and disrespected I would feel if my colleague chose to eat alone, rather than with me, when common practice for our company is for people to eat together when travelling. It's a lot of work to locate an Applebees when hotels have such nice restaurants. It sounds like your husband is treating her like a colleague and someone worthy of his professional respect. I am immensely grateful to receive that from my older male colleagues and I'm sure she is too. It can be hard to come by.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    I used to travel for work quite a bit and depending on the nature of the business, it could be a relatively large group of us from the firm or just a couple of us...and sometimes when it was just a couple of us, that other person was female. I pretty regularly went out to eat with my female colleagues and we generally ate at relatively nice establishments as the meal was comped by the firm. I'd much rather enjoy a steak at a nice restaurant while having to be on the road and away from home than a stop through the McDonalds drive through.

    ETA: To boot, most of the meals I had when I traveled for business were late. Being that we were out of town and had a limited time to work and get the job done meant long hours at the client's office...be generally didn't wrap things up work wise until 7:30 - 8:00 and went for a late dinner, usually only to return to our rooms for more work.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't really see anything inappropriate about it if all we're talking about is dinner here. I guess it did take my wife awhile to acclimate to this and ultimately she just had to trust me because the work dynamic wasn't changing, it is what it is.

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