Business dinner- inappropriate or not?

jstout365

Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

I think you found a better motivation for your frustration. It can be hard to be the one at home, dealing with the normal things while the spouse is out at a nice restaurant eating a meal that isn't leftovers. My husband and I often switch roles with travel. He has sent me pictures of oysters on the half shell overlooking the bay before while I was at home taking care of the family and I've sent pictures of my meals out to him. Still hard not to be jealous when it has been a tough day.

Maybe you can make a deal with him that you plan a nice night out for the two of you when he returns from travel. That way you can both enjoy a night out. I get per diem for meals when I travel and I get to keep what I don't spend....if it is similar for him, maybe he can keep some of it to the side and it could be a treat for both of you.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

You sound like I did 9 years ago. I thought the same thing about a girl my (now ex) husband was hanging out with. When he went out of his way to take her to one of his gigs while I was at my high school reunion, that sounded off alarms in my head, because to me that was something a boyfriend would do, and it turned out my instincts were right. If your husband was spending more than just business time with this woman, then I'd (personally) be concerned. The type of restaurant won't matter. If they're gonna do it, they're gonna do it, whether they ate at Sheetz or The Palm. If you get an itch, see a doctor, and then have a discussion with your husband about where he'll be living.

seltzermint555

Two additional thoughts....

1) is this thread sponsored by Applebees or what!?

2) if the husband was actually cheating with the female coworker, he would have never mentioned that she was even on the trip or would weave some kind of story about how they were joined by other coworkers.

Myhaloslipped

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Bread basket?!?!?


*kitten*!!

I almost choked on my drink laughing at this! But I kind of understand what the OP is saying. Why the romantic setting? Of course, I don't know the circumstances. If it was late, maybe there weren't many other restaurant options or maybe they just really liked the food at that place. If you trust your husband, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

if he said he's sorry and won't do it again, because you don't like it, what is the problem? Genuine question.

blgerig

Refusing to eat with a colleague with whom you're traveling would be a tad awkward

I agree with this. I am a much younger woman in a male dominated field. I can't imagine how offended and disrespected I would feel if my colleague chose to eat alone, rather than with me, when common practice for our company is for people to eat together when travelling. It's a lot of work to locate an Applebees when hotels have such nice restaurants. It sounds like your husband is treating her like a colleague and someone worthy of his professional respect. I am immensely grateful to receive that from my older male colleagues and I'm sure she is too. It can be hard to come by.

Yep I worked for four years out of college at a job where I traveled extensively. One year I had dinner on Valentine's Day with just my (much older, male) boss and everyone thought we were together. My BF and his wife didn't care. Dinners and even sometimes drinks out are just part of the job when traveling.

Jacwhite22

I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?

He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.

Would it be better that he eat alone? I think you are overreacting. He told you about it....He's not hiding it.

blgerig

And for what it is worth, I have eaten many more "fancy" dinners with coworkers than on my own or with a significant other. Hello expense account....

Myhaloslipped

And for what it is worth, I have eaten many more "fancy" dinners with coworkers than on my own or with a significant other. Hello expense account....

The expense account is an excellent point!

elainecroft

I'm on the other side of the fence quite often - traveling for business with male co-workers, most of us are married, and we often go out for dinner/drinks as part of business talk, or just to relax. And I've had to hear (luckily not often) the awkward one-sided telephone conversation of 'you are out with WHO?" when there is absolutely nothing going on except working on boring spreadsheets.

So, on one side, it's probably fine, and its certainly possible to talk about boring spreadsheets with someone 15 years younger than you. But, if it is bothering you in this specific instance when it didn't' before, its important to figure out why that is.

SPeffer1

Ok I only read the first post, but I don't see anything wrong with it just at face value. When I travel for work conferences with a coworker and we want dinner after the training/conference whatever, I won't say no just b/c they are of the opposite sex. And I work in Investments - it's 90% guys, so I'm usually the minority.

I know for me it's usually, go to the training or conference, go to dinner, and then go back to the (separate) hotel rooms. That's it - end of story.

Chieflrg

Does your relationship consist of many trust issues?

moosegt35

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Every restaurant on earth has bread baskets, appetizers and desserts unless it's fast food. I mean, that pretty much counts out a Mexican restaurant, substituting chips for bread. If you can't trust him to have dinner with a coworker it sounds like it's time to just break up. I would laugh in my fiance's face if she started something over a silly dinner. She was gone to training not long ago and a female friend came and spent the weekend at the house with me while she was gone to attend a football game and we had no issues.

Some_Watery_Tart

My husband and I both have business dinners with members of the opposite sex. It doesn't bother me as long as he tells me about it. If he were having dinners with single female business associates and not saying anything about it, I would think that's weird. And vice versa. But that's our relationship.

elainecroft

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Bread basket?!?!?


*kitten*!!

I almost choked on my drink laughing at this! But I kind of understand what the OP is saying. Why the romantic setting? Of course, I don't know the circumstances. If it was late, maybe there weren't many other restaurant options or maybe they just really liked the food at that place. If you trust your husband, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about.

It depends on your type of business - a lot of times there is an 'expectation' of a certain caliber of meal for a business dinner. I've eaten more fancy dinners with my boss than my husband, just because its more of his business style than our personal preference. I wouldn't read anything into it.

SapiensPisces

Please someone tell me this is another troll thread.

moosegt35

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees.

^^ Exactly. Business meals are one of the benefits of being on the road. Either you trust him or you don't. Eating at Chili's over a place with cloth napkins shouldn't have a thing to do with it.

Chilis is out of the question, they have bread and dessert.

acarmelo1

if it was late and they where hungry where they supposed to eat each at a different restaurant?

Jacwhite22

Also.....Business meals are expensed.......You don't buy fast food when you aren't paying for it.

UsedToBeHusky

If you aren't worried about her, then why should it bother you?

Coincidentally, very nasty to say you have seen a picture of her and are not worried. You should not be worried because you trust your husband, not because of what the girl looks like.

You need to get real with yourself. You have a lot of insecurities. You need to deal with them before you ruin your marriage with fear and jealousy.

summertime_girl

Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.

moosegt35

Two additional thoughts....

1) is this thread sponsored by Applebees or what!?

2) if the husband was actually cheating with the female coworker, he would have never mentioned that she was even on the trip or would weave some kind of story about how they were joined by other coworkers.

Nope, Applebee's is too classy, they have appetizers (half price a lot of times) and desert.

SPeffer1

I think it's harmless. Unless "dinner" is code for ordering room service.

Ha Yes THIS would be taking it too far for me...

JenGranzow

This is definitely not about the dinner.

FWIW, as many others have said, when I travel for work, we aren't eating at places with pictures on the menu but there is absolutely nothing romantic or datelike about it.

Ilikelamps

10 bucks they did it afterwards.

moosegt35

How is this place magically a "nice" restaurant because they have bread, appetizers and desert? Fazoli's has that.

katmix

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

So, the line is drawn at "bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts" now? I guess that rules out going with coworkers to Texas Roadhouse. Applebees would have been safe? I don't recall them having bread baskets (though I haven't been to one in a while).

Applebees has appetizers, silly. McDonalds should be a safe choice. (Unless you count their applepie in a cardboard wrapper...) :laugh:

Jacwhite22

Post a picture of yourself and his subordinate and I will tell you honestly if you have anything to worry about.

SPeffer1

I really think that the vomit could have done it for me! I'm not really the jealous type but I can almost guarantee that if my husband was out having a nice dinner and relaxing and I'm cleaning up puke - I'd be snippy. Completely not his fault and my own issue, but I'm just being honest - I'd be annoyed.

Then the vomit would be clean and the night would move on and I'd be over it. So if it's STILL bothering you and you still don't want him eating alone with her, then I would think it is something else bothering you.

And for what it's worth, I've been on hundreds of work dinners and the topics pretty much always are 1. What we learned that day 2. What we need to do for work when we get back 3. Everyone's families.

calibriintx

I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?

He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.

Why does her appearance have anything to do with whether or not you're worried? Do you trust that your husband would not cheat on you or do you think he would only cheat with someone hotter than you?:huh: You either trust him, or you don't. As far as what is or isn't appropriate, that's something that's between you and your husband. I guess he either agrees with you since he apologized, or he just wanted to pacify you. But your comment about seeing her pic and not having anything to worry about makes me think this is a trust thing. Good luck.