Business dinner- inappropriate or not?

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  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

    Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Two additional thoughts....

    1) is this thread sponsored by Applebees or what!?

    2) if the husband was actually cheating with the female coworker, he would have never mentioned that she was even on the trip or would weave some kind of story about how they were joined by other coworkers.

    Nope, Applebee's is too classy, they have appetizers (half price a lot of times) and desert.
  • SPeffer1
    SPeffer1 Posts: 74 Member
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    I think it's harmless. Unless "dinner" is code for ordering room service.

    Ha Yes THIS would be taking it too far for me...
  • JenGranzow
    JenGranzow Posts: 116 Member
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    This is definitely not about the dinner.

    FWIW, as many others have said, when I travel for work, we aren't eating at places with pictures on the menu but there is absolutely nothing romantic or datelike about it.
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
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    10 bucks they did it afterwards.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    How is this place magically a "nice" restaurant because they have bread, appetizers and desert? Fazoli's has that.
  • katmix
    katmix Posts: 296 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    So, the line is drawn at "bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts" now? I guess that rules out going with coworkers to Texas Roadhouse. Applebees would have been safe? I don't recall them having bread baskets (though I haven't been to one in a while).

    Applebees has appetizers, silly. McDonalds should be a safe choice. (Unless you count their applepie in a cardboard wrapper...) :laugh:
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Post a picture of yourself and his subordinate and I will tell you honestly if you have anything to worry about.
  • SPeffer1
    SPeffer1 Posts: 74 Member
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    I really think that the vomit could have done it for me! I'm not really the jealous type but I can almost guarantee that if my husband was out having a nice dinner and relaxing and I'm cleaning up puke - I'd be snippy. Completely not his fault and my own issue, but I'm just being honest - I'd be annoyed.

    Then the vomit would be clean and the night would move on and I'd be over it. So if it's STILL bothering you and you still don't want him eating alone with her, then I would think it is something else bothering you.

    And for what it's worth, I've been on hundreds of work dinners and the topics pretty much always are 1. What we learned that day 2. What we need to do for work when we get back 3. Everyone's families.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?

    He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.

    Why does her appearance have anything to do with whether or not you're worried? Do you trust that your husband would not cheat on you or do you think he would only cheat with someone hotter than you?:huh: You either trust him, or you don't. As far as what is or isn't appropriate, that's something that's between you and your husband. I guess he either agrees with you since he apologized, or he just wanted to pacify you. But your comment about seeing her pic and not having anything to worry about makes me think this is a trust thing. Good luck.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Dang, I've gone out to late dinners alone with TWO female colleagues several times in the past few weeks. One of em is even single. Should my girlfriend be angry?
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    if it was late and they where hungry where they supposed to eat each at a different restaurant?

    No, they were just supposed to hit up McD's. Except they would have to avoid the dessert menu.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Also.....Business meals are expensed.......You don't buy fast food when you aren't paying for it.

    Depends on how your organization runs its travel. I work for the state and we get a per diem allowance - we get that money whether we spend it on dinner or not. So left to my own devices I usually get dinner at Subway or Moe's or whatever while traveling. I only actually go to restaurants and spend the per diem when I'm there with colleagues I either want or need to hang out with.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    I don't see the big deal.
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.

    QFT

    I will also add that you mention that he has gone out alone with female coworkers in the past and you didn't have an issue with that, yet you felt the need to be defensive off the bat by saying you aren't jealous. It sounds to me that you are very insecure about this. Not knowing your husbands side of the story, it sounds like you are creating issues where there isn't any. This isn't fair to your husband or the woman he had dinner with. You also aren't going to find many people validating that fact that you are pretty much calling your husband a cheater without talking to him about all of this first. It sounds like your issue, not his. If you are insecure and an uncomfortable, then you need to be honest with him and tell him what you are feeling. MFP land may disagree with you, but you still can't help the way you are feeling. It's important to communicate that to get past it.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.

    Yep.
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
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    My 2 cents. I travel for work all the time. And I often go with a male coworker who is 14 years older than me. And we ALWAYS have dinner together and drinks even. Heck, we've been drunk together sitting at the bar talking about sports and what not. No big deal at all. His wife couldn't care less, but for me, my hubby was always furious. This is literally what was the final nail on the coffin of what was our marriage and is now a separation. It was jealousy and anger because I was having dinner with a coworker. Would you rather me sit alone my room bored out my mind staring at wallpaper? You have to trust your spouse. Dinner is no big deal. The company pays for a nice sit down dinner, might as well have one. Hang in there and give him the benefit of the doubt. If you start nagging, things might turn ugly. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

    So, the line is drawn at "bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts" now? I guess that rules out going with coworkers to Texas Roadhouse. Applebees would have been safe? I don't recall them having bread baskets (though I haven't been to one in a while).

    Applebees has appetizers, silly. McDonalds should be a safe choice. (Unless you count their applepie in a cardboard wrapper...) :laugh:

    What about a Mexican place with free chips and salsa? I wonder what the rules are in that situation. :laugh:
  • dwh77tx
    dwh77tx Posts: 513 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

    Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.

    Thank you! At least I am not alone in my feelings.

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