Business dinner- inappropriate or not?
Replies
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Dang, I've gone out to late dinners alone with TWO female colleagues several times in the past few weeks. One of em is even single. Should my girlfriend be angry?0
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if it was late and they where hungry where they supposed to eat each at a different restaurant?
No, they were just supposed to hit up McD's. Except they would have to avoid the dessert menu.0 -
Also.....Business meals are expensed.......You don't buy fast food when you aren't paying for it.
Depends on how your organization runs its travel. I work for the state and we get a per diem allowance - we get that money whether we spend it on dinner or not. So left to my own devices I usually get dinner at Subway or Moe's or whatever while traveling. I only actually go to restaurants and spend the per diem when I'm there with colleagues I either want or need to hang out with.0 -
I don't see the big deal.0
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I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.0
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I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.
QFT
I will also add that you mention that he has gone out alone with female coworkers in the past and you didn't have an issue with that, yet you felt the need to be defensive off the bat by saying you aren't jealous. It sounds to me that you are very insecure about this. Not knowing your husbands side of the story, it sounds like you are creating issues where there isn't any. This isn't fair to your husband or the woman he had dinner with. You also aren't going to find many people validating that fact that you are pretty much calling your husband a cheater without talking to him about all of this first. It sounds like your issue, not his. If you are insecure and an uncomfortable, then you need to be honest with him and tell him what you are feeling. MFP land may disagree with you, but you still can't help the way you are feeling. It's important to communicate that to get past it.0 -
I think you're overreacting and this is absurd. When I travel with someone from the office, we do things together on the downtime. They are usually the only connection that is there without local ties and family around. So, we do go shop, eat, etc together to help eliminate the boredom. I think it would be worse from a coworkers standpoint if he left her to have to go out alone and fend for herself. Seems kind of.... douchey.
Yep.0 -
My 2 cents. I travel for work all the time. And I often go with a male coworker who is 14 years older than me. And we ALWAYS have dinner together and drinks even. Heck, we've been drunk together sitting at the bar talking about sports and what not. No big deal at all. His wife couldn't care less, but for me, my hubby was always furious. This is literally what was the final nail on the coffin of what was our marriage and is now a separation. It was jealousy and anger because I was having dinner with a coworker. Would you rather me sit alone my room bored out my mind staring at wallpaper? You have to trust your spouse. Dinner is no big deal. The company pays for a nice sit down dinner, might as well have one. Hang in there and give him the benefit of the doubt. If you start nagging, things might turn ugly. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:0
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Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.
So, the line is drawn at "bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts" now? I guess that rules out going with coworkers to Texas Roadhouse. Applebees would have been safe? I don't recall them having bread baskets (though I haven't been to one in a while).
Applebees has appetizers, silly. McDonalds should be a safe choice. (Unless you count their applepie in a cardboard wrapper...) :laugh:
What about a Mexican place with free chips and salsa? I wonder what the rules are in that situation. :laugh:0 -
Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.
Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.
Thank you! At least I am not alone in my feelings.0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.0
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Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Oh please- give me a break! I'm just saying no more candle lit dinners!0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Oh please- give me a break! I'm just saying no more candle lit dinners!
Candle lit dinner?
Where did they go?0 -
Didn't see any mention of a candle lit dinner before now? Is that how you imagined their work related dinner to be or was it actual fact?0
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Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Oh please- give me a break! I'm just saying no more candle lit dinners!
Either you have a right to be upset or he does. Time for a divorce attorney either way.0 -
Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.
Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.
Thank you! At least I am not alone in my feelings.
Yep. There is more than one insanely jealous woman in the world. I remember how my wife's old boss had to put up with this when they'd travel together. All I could think was yea, not happening. I loved the PGA tickets he'd give her though. lol0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Oh please- give me a break! I'm just saying no more candle lit dinners!
I've got to be honest...I hadn't seen anything earlier about a candlelight dinner (do guys even NOTICE candlelight at dinners?!)... Having been married close to 30 years, gonna give a little advice (you did ask!)...take this conversation off MFP (and away from people who don't know you/situation) and sit down and converse with your hubby. It is starting to sound a bit like the game of telephone...things are getting added, and no one but you and hubby knows what was really said.
Lastly, if my hubby had clung to me so tightly as to make me account for every second of my life and didn't trust me to respect my vows, we'd never have made it this long... Just saying.0 -
It's all about trust, either you do or you don't. If you don't then maybe you need to think about finding someone else in this world you can trust. Otherwise the relationship is already doomed to fail. If he's innocent and you're always harping on him about the things he has to do for work, he'll leave because you don't respect him enough to trust him. If he's guilty, then there's your answer, he can't be faithful, he's not worth your time.
90% of the people in this world in relationships are already doomed, simply because people are stupid and get with others as well as stay with others not because they make them happy but because of other dumb reasons. "I don't like having sex with my husband/wife so we have an open marriage and swing with other couples just as unhappy as we are" STUPID. "Oooh well my SO keeps me in the lifestyle I've grown accustomed too" STUPID. "He knocked me up." STUPID. "I knocked her up" STUPID. "They treat me like crap but I can't do any better" STUPID. "He goes on dinner dates with work colleagues and I don't like it because I don't trust that he wont stick it to her the first chance he gets." STUPID.0 -
Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.
Bread basket?!?!?
*kitten*!!
I award you twelve internets. Seriously best comment on this whole thread.
Also candlelight =/= affair.0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Oh please- give me a break! I'm just saying no more candle lit dinners!
Candle lit dinner?
Where did they go?
It was a battery operated candle in a mason jar at the Texas Roadouse. They even had bread. Just break up.0 -
OP, when I first started my current relationship I told him that I am not a jealous woman until he gives me a reason to be, and if he gives me a reason to be, then we shouldn't be together.
If your husband having dinner with a co-worker makes you jealous... well....0 -
Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.
Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.
Thank you! At least I am not alone in my feelings.
So the real issue is you resent that he travels for work, which is totally understandable. It's also understandable that you "accidentally" directed your anger at the circumstances of the dinner. This happens often, but I think it's important to recognize and realize where the true issue lies. Talk to your husband about it. See if you can work in a girls night out, or a pedicure or something away from the kids when he is home in order to relieve some of your resentment.0 -
As a professional who travels from time to time. I can tell you dinner is often late. Sometimes even 10 or 11pm at night. Also, you don't get to pick the age and gender of your co-workers. Especially to please a jealous spouse.
Get over it or just break up. :noway:0 -
I am sure your husband would much rather be with his family than having to travel for work.
It can't be fun to eat dinner alone, missing you. He decided to have dinner with a colleague, it's hardly a red flag unless there have been others that signal something
In either case talk to him and communicate with him how it makes you feel. Maybe you can Skype after his day so you can feel more connected0 -
I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?
He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.
Why do opinions matter? He said he won't do it anymore, because it bothered you. That's all that matters; he respects your input. It only becomes an issue if he breaches that trust.0 -
I really don't understand why you are bothered now and never were before. Has your husband given you reason to be concerned about this particular woman? Does she act inappropriately towards him? If not, from my own experience, you really shouldn't be concerned/annoyed/worried about that dinner.
Yes. If you're suddenly worried about a particular person when you have never been concerned before, perhaps you should trust your instincts and figure out why you're concerned.0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Winner0 -
I guess I don't know the entire circumstances of what went on OP, but I do travel regularly for work to work trade shows. I am married and my coworker that I travel with is male and he's married. The only time we eat alone together is when we are on the same flight and have a layover. Sometimes he has to eat with clients, but I don't, so I use that time to eat in my room and have some time to myself. Sometimes he doesn't have to eat with clients and when that happens, he tends to eat in his room and have time to himself.
Maybe it's because we are both introverts, so we are exhausted by having to be "on" during the trade shows, but the last thing we want to have to do is make small talk while we are eating dinner after a long day.
I will say, we don't need to talk about business after the show is over for the day. We also don't have to entertain clients the way some companies do, so there's really no reason for us to eat together at night. Now, if my husband travels with me on some of these trips, we may get together with my coworker and other coworkers for dinner, but again, that's more because my husband thrives on interacting with others. If I had my way, we'd just stay in our hotel room and chill. LOL
So I think it really depends on the type of business trip it is and whether or not they had unfinished business to discuss while they were eating dinner. Or if they ran extra late on their meeting and they were starving so they decided to grab a bite.0 -
" She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about."
The quote above explains the problem the best. The OP is insecure, and a little petty (the looks comment), which makes her jealous. She really needs to work on herself and not project her insecurities to her husband, it is her problem not his.0 -
Honestly, you also need to think about what you're doing to the young woman's career in throwing a fit about your husband having dinner with her. Depending on the profession, those moments away from the office to make personal connections can be critical to career development. Congratulations on adding a pane to the glass ceiling, OP.
Winner
Yes, yes, yes....a thousand times yes. Dinners and drinks with colleagues are where the business conversations happen and it's the best way for young employees to learn. You are being incredibly selfish by taking your insecurities out on this young woman. I remember my first dinners out in business. It was so exciting - and NOT because I was trying to get with my boss. Since then I've been on countless trips, at countless dinners (yes, sometimes that steak place has candles...the horror!), in countless towns and, sometimes, with countless drinks. Never once have I ever even considered hitting on a colleague because, believe it or not, I value my professional career too much to do anything stupid.
I feel sorry for your husband. How awkward for him. All you've done is put him in a lose-lose situation. He either bails on work colleagues because of your issues or he lies to you. I imagine he'll choose the latter.0
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