Boyfriend hindering my progress

scubasuenc

As other posters have said you cannot force someone to change if they are not ready to. If he doesn't see his weight as a problem, then he isn't going to lose it. If you 'hint' and push him you are just going to come across as a nagging girlfriend.

Suggest some activities you can do together that will help to get him moving more. Walking, bike riding or anything else that you can do together. While you are doing those things you will be helping your own weight loss and you can do something fun together. If he doesn't want to get out and move, then do it yourself. Maybe he will be inspired by you.

Make the best food choices you can in the situations you are in. I eat out in restaurants all of the time and manage to find things that allow me to stay within my calorie goals. I don't keep junk food in my own house, but when I'm elsewhere and it is present, I tend to avoid it. I know I can mindlessly eat a lot of calories that way, so I'd rather not start. You have to take charge of the decisions you make about what goes in your body.

arganusai

It might be low self esteem on his part, that subconsciously if you lose weight, you might leave him, or become attractive to more people, but if you stay as you are then it is "safe".

Bravo for making the decision to lose weight, but if he chooses not to, then don't nag him, just do it for you and your health and he will either see the difference and join you, or not (cross that bridge if and when...)

Hope all works out for you both

ultrafishboy

My boyfriend is not very supportive of me losing weight. I have to put him in his place, correct him a lot. And, that's ok with me. Reinforces to him and me my determination and resolve. He's always saying this is a "no count" day. Bologna! They are all count days. He says I'm too skinny. I know my body and this is not currently skinny.

I have junk food in the house for him, but it doesn't bother me. He could lose some weight, but I'm not focused on HIS weight. When I know he's coming over or we're going out for dinner, I save extra calories throughout the day, am pretty selective in what I order, but sometimes do allow flexibility in ordering food. Portion control becomes the focus then. I control what food and how much goes in my mouth, not him.

He is encouraging of my exercise regim,e which is surprising, because he doesn't exercise.

etscher

As someone who quit smoking last summer, I just want to say that breaking that habit is a roller coaster of emotion that lasts for at least six months. I gained 15 pounds during that time which is what inspired the joining of MFP, but for the first several weeks of quitting I had less energy and just felt generally awful. When cutting cigarettes out, we often mistake that desire for"something" for hunger or a desire to snack which is probably what is happening to your boyfriend. Combining this with a diet is really hard. Give him another four to six months and then broach the subject. He might be more ready at that time.

Thanks for the insight - he had smoked for 13 years and I'm sure it's not easy to quit cold turkey. He had mentioned that now he can taste things like he couldn't before, which I'm sure is a completely new experience. I'll keep this in mind for sure. He quit in February (on Valentine's day, I told him he was done because I couldn't stand to kiss him with smokey mouth and his place reeked so I never wanted to stay over). So it's relatively new.

Whiskeytub

Thanks for the insight - he had smoked for 13 years and I'm sure it's not easy to quit cold turkey. He had mentioned that now he can taste things like he couldn't before, which I'm sure is a completely new experience. I'll keep this in mind for sure. He quit in February (on Valentine's day, I told him he was done because I couldn't stand to kiss him with smokey mouth and his place reeked so I never wanted to stay over). So it's relatively new.

Wow, congratulations to him for quitting and to you for getting him to quit! It's definitely a process but totally worth it.

Deedle7544

If he only quit smoking in February, he needs to stay focussed on not picking that habit up again. Give him a dew months of not being a smoker and hopefully, when he is feeling better/healthier because of that, he will decide to make other changes. My BF quit smoking oafter years of it and gained 30 pounds. He wasn't going to worry about it, he wanted to quit smokiing and deal with the weight later.

Are you and he able to have serious converssations about it, without anyone getting offended?

ekdalt

First, congrats to you for deciding to make healthy changes in your life! I agree with everyone who has said that you can't make it a goal to change your boyfriend's mind--he has to make that choice himself, when (and if) he is ready. It is a great desire to have for him, though! You care about him and want him to be healthier because you're seeing the benefits in your own life. Maybe you're right and it will rub off on him as he sees your progress and how good you feel.

All that said, I do think it is difficult to stay on track when someone close to you has a different mindset and in some cases is working against your goals (by bringing you candy and ice cream). One of Weight Watchers' principles is that we need to learn to speak up and ask for what we need from the people closest to us. You can do this without being mean or rude; for example, saying something like "Wow, that was sweet of you to bring me these treats. Thank you for thinking of me and wanting to do something nice for me. But actually, because I'm trying to make more healthy choices about what I'm eating, having sweets around makes that hard for me. So what would make me feel more loved would be if you didn't bring sweets or junk food over. Do you think you could do that for me? I'd really appreciate it." Make him understand what you need from him (I think sometimes men can be clueless and need to have this spelled out for them). If he still doesn't stop, then you might have an issue of him not respecting your choices (as others have suggested in the comments), but I'd first try giving him the benefit of the doubt and practice being more direct in communicating what you need from him.

ironrat79

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

damn Darwin and natural selection lol

sjohnny

I'm in a similar situation. Unfortunately, you can't change someone else. I'd love for my girlfriend to eat better, especially because i live with her, and we eat totally different diets, so our fridge is crowded with a variety of foods.

I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but i think you should focus on yourself. One would hope that if he sees you getting more fit/healthy/attractive, that he would want to join you of his own volition. It's not guaranteed, though. But it has to be his decision.

Why are you keeping twigs and leaves in the fridge?

myaiki

Like other have said, you are not going to make him lose weight. That's going to have to be a decision he makes himself.

All you can do is set a good example and focus on your own health and well being. You are going to have to set clear parameters. Tell him that you appreciate the thought, but to not give you gifts of food anymore. If he does not respect your wishes and continues to try to sabotage your weight-loss efforts, then maybe it's time to take a look at your relationship and decide if that type of person is who you want by your side for the long haul. A good partner should be supportive of your goals. I strongly suggest a serious heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him exactly how your feel.

SonicDeathMonkey80

He'll never change for you, so he's not worth it. Dump him 10x over.

gypsy_spirit

The only person you have the power to change is --- you.

AirborneEd

Your like 22. You'll probably have "like" 10 more "boyfriends" before you marry. Don't worry about it.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Sorry there is no way to gently push your boyfriend to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Focus on your goals.

BillyJan1992

Id say the relationship is not going anywhere between the 2 of you and think it is time you 2 went your separate ways

Liss_Bee

Your like 22. You'll probably have "like" 10 more "boyfriends" before you marry. Don't worry about it.

HA! Yep he's right. Or you will marry for looks and end up divorced in 5 years.

apgabriel915

I've been your boyfriend. My husband is skinny and healthy and I am overweight. He nagged me for YEARS about my weight. I had lost 35 lbs on WW and eventually gained it back. He was worried about me, but nothing pushed ME to want to make the change. Eventually we read the 5 Love Languages book and his language was "Acts of Service" so I had no idea what to do. I chose losing weight as a way to show my husband that I was willing to change for him. But, some of me had to want it for myself to be successful. Now I'm doing well and it's not just about losing it for him anymore and it's about losing it for me and for us.

My point is, like others have said, you can't make him change, he has to do it on his own. BUT also don't think that he won't change for you. I'm changing for my husband and it's been years. Continue on your goal, cook healthy dinners that you will both eat and maybe he will change his mind. But if not, it's still his body just like your body is yours. But definitely don't nag. H nagging me actually made me not care even more. Good luck to you!

ps: in reference to your age, who cares. We met when we were 18, got married at 24 and will be 26. Nothing but a number.

sianp3

Have a similar issue with my hubby. He's a healthy weight I'm almost obese being 5'3" and 12 stone. We ear at the same times but different foods. He eats more chocolate than me.

He used to buy me suff all of the time but I asked him to buy me a book or something else useful. You could as him to pick you up flowers instead of loads of chocolate. It's not so much being ungrateful but just let him know that this would help you in your efforts to lose weight.

Keep focusing and good luck with your weight loss

S X

chelseafxx

Yeah... A year ago I was that "guy". My ex tried to get me to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise and work less and workout more. She finally broke up with me and guess what... I fixed the those things that were wrong with me. Too late to fix us and too late for the relationship, but she and I are still good friends and I often joke with her that "heart break" is the best "diet pill".

Not saying you should break up with him, but he is actively working against your needs rather than just ignoring them. You probably need to put your foot down and ban junk food and enforce it. Throw it in the trash. He'll eventually learn to keep it in his car, at his place, or stop buying it. And if he gets angry about it, re-evaluate why you're with him.

^^This.

After my boyfriend and I broke up I focused on myself and lost 75 lbs. Something I couldn't find the will power to do when I was in a relationship. That being said, I would still give it a little more time. Be more forceful in what you need out of him as a partner. You need him to encourage your weight loss so that you can be happier and in turn, your relationship would then be happier (ideally). And as others said, maybe your weight loss will encourage him to do the same. If it doesn't and many more months have passed and nothing is changing. It may be time to cut ties. Best of luck!