Boyfriend hindering my progress

RichRector

Well, first off, good luck on reaching your goal! It is SO SO much more difficult when you have to do it with a person in the house that not only isn't really supporting you, but actively telling you not to do it. You are probably going to have to have a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and say "Look, losing weight and being healthy is important to me. I need you to show that what I care about is important to you as well. What can I do to help motivate you to be supportive of me? I would also love it if you would join me and share this process with me."

But if he won't do that, you need to put your foot down on what is important to you. If his house is full of junk food and it's really difficult for you to avoid eating it if you are there, then DON"T put yourself in harm's way. Tell him you can't stay at his house with junk food around. It's too difficult for you to reach your personal goals.

I also think you have every right in the world to want to be attracted to your partner. And a beer belly isn't attractive. I'm sure he doesn't slap it and count his lucky stars that he's got 20 extra pounds of fat on his belly. Also, fat in your stomach is usually surrounding your organs which is pretty bad.

But ultimately you won't be able to change him if your own goals and aspirations aren't important enough for him to support. And then you will need to decide if that's who you want to spend your life with. Spend more time exercising and being active and having FUN! And invite him at every opportunity to do those things with you. But if he won't go then you MUST go by yourself anyway. If he adamantly refuses to be active with you or eath healthy with you, your relationship is going to slowly but surely deteriorate.

Anyway, that's my two cents, which is a lot more than it's worth. You have to live your own life and do what's right for you, no matter how much wacky advice you get.

mzbek24

Take healthy food over to his place when you go there/stay? and when he turns up with junk food, well let him have it but eat what you prefer to eat.

I would definitely suggest trying to hang out with people with similar goals- people who are active and eat well. You could join meetup groups, maybe try group fitness classes, ask girlfriends or family, anybody to work out with you, and that you can share your progress and health goals with.

I know it can be pretty tempting and a bad influence to be around someone eating junk food often. My partner is skinny, underweight for his height and he is always eating lol. Sometimes he eats fast food and chocolate and stuff a lot when with me to try and reach his calorie targets. He doesn't wanna go on hikes cause he will lose calories, does less exercise than me and not keen on doing physical activities on weekends as much as I personally like to.

So yeah what we do is try and go somewhere that has options for both of us if we eat out together, and for my own needs I've joined a hiking group with a friend, and been going on bike rides and kayaking with my dad on the weekends

bunnypanther

Dude!! The guy quit smoking for you...that is an incredible thing to do! Let him concentrate on not falling off that wagon!! When people give up smoking, they often put on weight...it'll even out eventually.

Also, I've been with my man for 2 years and can't keep off him...doesn't bode well that 6 months in and you want another change big from him!

If you love him just give him time and focus on his good points. If you don't, get rid.

I do agree that attraction is important however. I can't do short men. Its just not for me. I won't have sex with anyone i do no find attractive. I don't hate myself enough to screw mingers. If that makes me shallow, so be it.

stormyxpony

So where IS the OP??

sarahb2023

In my situation my boyfriend can eat whatever he wants and doesnt gain weight. He eats fast food and I eat carrots! I gained about 20 pounds over 4 years but I am down 10 yay! Once I really got serious about my diet I wanted to change the way he ate too so I wouldn't have his tempting food in the house, he got mad when I went to the store and wouldnt come home with the kind of crap he likes to eat and I realized you cannot change someone if they do not want to change..BUT

I did started swapping healthy alternative for bad crap. He still is not a fan of whole wheat bread or pasta so we eat seperate kinds, I have introduced quinoa, bulgur and lentils (so far so good). I did get him to eat greek yogurt instead of sour cream, mashed clauiflower instead of potato, almond milk instead of regular, ground turkey instead of beef, corn tortillas not flour etc. He eats veggies just fine but I started putting them in everything and making more salads. I use more hearbs and spices on healthy food and its hard not to like a lot of the things I make now.

He is a stubborn person but when I didnt try to force things on him and let him try it on his own he surprised me by actually liking a lot of the changes and now there are a lot of bad foods that never comes into my house. Make him think he made the decision on his own

skullshank

you ever plan on entering into a domestic situation with this dude?

relevance?

What do you consider fat.

I need to know for science ya know.

my ball park figures are 25 and 50 lbs.

none really. just curious.
it seems like you're kinda "meh" about him, and saying he's not what you want him to be yet (unless i misunderstood that). sounds like you're trying to change him and am just wondering how that dynamic would change if you were to share a dwelling.

hilousna08

NICE ANSWER!

valente347

When my husband quit smoking, he was lucky that he went straight to basic training afterwards. However, most people gain weight after quitting. It's only been about 2 months since he quit. Let him get a handle on that. His smoking affected you directly, so I feel like it was fair for you to ask him to change. However, unless he is force-feeding you, his eating habits only indirectly affect you. You can choose what you want to do when faced with food temptation.

If you really feel that the weight he has put on makes him less attractive to you, you should give him a heads-up that it's a problem. Don't shame him about it. Just let him know that you understand he's trying to work on his new good habit (not smoking), but you can't help your lack of attraction to his new body. If he isn't interested in addressing the issue at some point in time, you should find someone else. But let him be in control of his health. It's not your job to nag him into better eating habits.