Boyfriend hindering my progress

sjohnny

As someone who quit smoking last summer, I just want to say that breaking that habit is a roller coaster of emotion that lasts for at least six months. I gained 15 pounds during that time which is what inspired the joining of MFP, but for the first several weeks of quitting I had less energy and just felt generally awful. When cutting cigarettes out, we often mistake that desire for"something" for hunger or a desire to snack which is probably what is happening to your boyfriend. Combining this with a diet is really hard. Give him another four to six months and then broach the subject. He might be more ready at that time.

Thanks for the insight - he had smoked for 13 years and I'm sure it's not easy to quit cold turkey. He had mentioned that now he can taste things like he couldn't before, which I'm sure is a completely new experience. I'll keep this in mind for sure. He quit in February (on Valentine's day, I told him he was done because I couldn't stand to kiss him with smokey mouth and his place reeked so I never wanted to stay over). So it's relatively new.

Why are you with him?

No seriously. You hated the fact that he smoked, so you gave him an ultimatum that he quit or your were leaving. Now you're unhappy with his weight. How long before you threaten to leave again?

Is he someone you love or a project you're working on?

Love who he is inside or let him find someone who does. He's not a doll for you to play dress up with.

Unless she reveals on page 7 that he is an actual doll that she purchased with which to play dress up and has woven a long list of character flaws into his backstory.

ashahardt

You have to decide if this is the path you want to take. Is this a person who shares the same lifestyle or goals as you? Will you always feel resentment? You can't make him do anything, it's his own choice. Take a serious look at your relationship to see if you can deal with it? If you focus on yourself then do that. Lose weight for you. Maybe he will feel motivated, maybe not. Losing weight is more of a mental transformation than physical.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

He's not a science project. You can't turn him into what you want him to be. He has to do that for himself. Let him go be with someone who actually wants to be with him, faults and all.

jasonmh630

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

This.

jenbit

Ok your young so I'm gonna give you some insight...... You can't fix people or change who they are ....... First of all if he just quit smoking he is lucky all he gained was 10 lbs. most people gain almost 30... If you don't find him attractive, can't stand he eating habits and have already threatened to leave him you should just break up with the poor guy before you make both of you miserable. You can only work on you and can only change you.

jenbit

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

This.

Also I would just like to point out if a guy had written this he would have been burnt at the stake on here already.

sjohnny

As someone who quit smoking last summer, I just want to say that breaking that habit is a roller coaster of emotion that lasts for at least six months. I gained 15 pounds during that time which is what inspired the joining of MFP, but for the first several weeks of quitting I had less energy and just felt generally awful. When cutting cigarettes out, we often mistake that desire for"something" for hunger or a desire to snack which is probably what is happening to your boyfriend. Combining this with a diet is really hard. Give him another four to six months and then broach the subject. He might be more ready at that time.

Thanks for the insight - he had smoked for 13 years and I'm sure it's not easy to quit cold turkey. He had mentioned that now he can taste things like he couldn't before, which I'm sure is a completely new experience. I'll keep this in mind for sure. He quit in February (on Valentine's day, I told him he was done because I couldn't stand to kiss him with smokey mouth and his place reeked so I never wanted to stay over). So it's relatively new.

Why are you with him?

No seriously. You hated the fact that he smoked, so you gave him an ultimatum that he quit or your were leaving. Now you're unhappy with his weight. How long before you threaten to leave again?

Is he someone you love or a project you're working on?

Love who he is inside or let him find someone who does. He's not a doll for you to play dress up with.

Unless she reveals on page 7 that he is an actual doll that she purchased with which to play dress up and has woven a long list of character flaws into his backstory.

Everybody has their own kink. I like it when someone shoves yogurt up my *kitten* and calls me Sally. So I try not to judge.

I totally wasn't judging. Just exploring all the possible avenues here.

1PatientBear

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.

jasonmh630

I realize your boyfriend told you he likes you the way you are (kudos).... What if your boyfriend came up to you and told you "Your belly is getting a little pudgy and it isn't very attractive"? Guaranteed, you'd be a little pissed by that. My question is if he can like you for who you are and like the way you look now, why can't you do the same for him and let him start losing weight when HE is ready? He'll only be successful if he's doing it for himself.

sanzza

dump him.

^^ this

Derpes

He's not a science project. You can't turn him into what you want him to be. He has to do that for himself. Let him go be with someone who actually wants to be with him, faults and all.

^This

jasonmh630

He's not a science project. You can't turn him into what you want him to be. He has to do that for himself. Let him go be with someone who actually wants to be with him, faults and all.

^This

+1

oregonzoo

First of all it.. nobody but YOU hinders YOUR progress.

Secondly, This probably isn't love you are in.

mamaleftwich

I understand where you're coming from because my friend dosen't care about how "healthy" anything is for him in regards to food. He fries everything, soy sauce, salt, etc. I don't eat deep fried food and haven't for two years. I bake my chicken, porkchops and grill my steak. He always says that he dosen't understand why I'm concerned about my weight, that I look fine the way I am. That's all well and good, but it dosen't matter what anyone else thinks or feels, it's what I think and how I feel that matters. Around the holidays I had slacked up tremendously and let myself lose focus of my goals and in February I said no more. I'm cooking what I want to eat, if he dosen't want to eat what I cook, then he can cook for himself. I get up in the mornings and do my exercises, walk to and from the train for work, walk to the track on the week-ends. I've suggested that we ride our bikes together, he always has an excuse...fine, I'm going. You have to live your life for you and you have to take your health into your own hands. If he dosen't want to participate, then you have to let him be and maybe at some point he'll come around and see the light, if not then oh well.

SugaryLynx

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.

Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help

SonicDeathMonkey80

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.

Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help

Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?

JoRocka

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

it's not shallow- it's a reality.

I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.

I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.

It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.

That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.

My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.

he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.

fishsquishy

I have been doing MFP for 3 months and it took that long for my family to understand that it's not just a diet or fad for me. I can tell they are starting to look at their own food consumption and exercise habits. He may come around, I wouldn't pressure him at all. My kids and husband are now trying the foods I make and starting to make small changes. My 15 year old told my husband she wants to do C25k but doesn't like walking/running on the treadmill so she is talking about running outside. My 10 year old is looking for recipes that work for me and made herself a smoothie and put chia seeds and flax in it on her own. My husband just brought up that he'll probably start walking with the 15 year old and has been great about where we go when we eat out and is starting to split meals with me or my kids. And they all grab a handful of the nuts I have or the fruit I have been cutting up and in the beginning they did not because they had the attitude that "just because you are on a diet doesn't mean we all have to be". My biggest issue right now is keeping enough healthy food in the house because they are all stealing it from me, a great problem to have in my book. I would definitely recommend that you "Inspire change, don't require change". Real change comes within someone themselves. Temporary change is one you demand and they resist or revert as soon as the pressure is off. Plus, the smoking thing has to be tough for him, you can't change everything at once.