Do you feel it is important to sleep with your spouse?

sunshine4040

I think it is extremely important. It brings you closer together, especially if you don't have much time together. I love cuddling my hubby, and waking up with him in the mornings. Weekends are hard for me, because he sleeps on the sofa where his little girl has decided she wants to sleep for some reason when she is here on weekends. But I totally love hugging him, and sleeping with him beside me, even if he snores horribly.

Keeta83

I do, but sometimes I could do with a bigger bed! lol I'm half the size but need twice the room!

Calliope610

I have attempted to respond to this post on 3 separate occasions, but what I write just sounds all wrong. But here I am again, so please bear with me.

Last December, I started sleeping in our guest bedroom. After 12 years of marriage, 7 of which were spent spooning until I fell asleep in a queen size bed. About a year ago, we remodeled our master bedroom and started sleeping in a Cal-King bed. Since we had more room in the bed, we both kinda drifted apart - no more spooning. Then, as I lost more and more weight, sleeping in a soft bed became more and more uncomfortable, plus I became cold at night - losing that insulating layer of fat - and no amount of flannel nightgowns or blankets could keep me warm in the winter. DH is warm natured, so me trying to cuddle with him for warmth just made him hot and uncomfortable. Add to that his snoring and reading late into the night (he's retired, I'm still working) and it was a no-win situation for me.

After one particularly uncomfortable, long and sleepless night, I went to sleep in the guest room - temporarily, just to get a good night sleep. And it was remarkable how refreshed and energetic I felt in the morning. So I slept in the guest room again the following night.

Shortly after I starting sleeping in the separate room, we both noticed that our relationship had changed - for the better. I was no longer *****y due to lack of sleep or resentful toward DH for "causing" my lack of sleep. Our intimacy has increased, both in and out of bed.

It may not work for every couple, but it works for us.

kbmnurse

YES!

Eoghann

There's no universal rule and those on this thread who claim there is one are merely applying their personal preferences.

In my case, we might actually be better in separate rooms (if there was one) for a whole slew of reasons. She frequently wakes up in the middle of the night and starts watching tv, which can wake me up, I apparently snore (she complains frequently about that), she likes the room far warmer than I care to have it so I'm constantly having to remove the comforter (we already have separate comforters to avoid the endless tug of war).

I generally keep different hours to my wife. I wake up earlier and go to bed later. The notion of having to go to bed at the same time is odd to me and seems like a terrible waste of a very limited resource.

Also the hour or so after my wife has gone to bed is my "alone time" and I need some of that every day. It's basically the only point in the day when I don't have to be doing something for someone else or worrying about what someone else is doing or saying. And as a bonus she can in turn watch tv shows that I hate, without having to listen to me complain about them.

So it's a matter of what works for your relationship.

liesevanlingen

Absolutely crucial! Both of us are snugglers and I can't sleep well without him there. Besides, with four kids, it's one of the few places we can actually get "alone time". (Maybe this is why we have four kids)
All the comments about snoring I find a little interesting, because my husband used to snore something fierce (he was eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea) and it never bothered me or kept me up at all, which is odd, because I am a restless sleeper. Mind you, I used to share a room with a sibling who ground her teeth (shudders) and after that, snoring was nothing.
Also, we have a king-sized bed (my man is 6'5", so a double bed is too darned small) so I have the option to snuggle close to stay warm or move over so I can squirm around without disturbing him (I never stay in the same position for more than a short time, even when I'm sleeping.

sugarkissprincess

Use too... Now I wish he would just stay on his side :grumble:

PghPensFan69

I have attempted to respond to this post on 3 separate occasions, but what I write just sounds all wrong. But here I am again, so please bear with me.

Last December, I started sleeping in our guest bedroom. After 12 years of marriage, 7 of which were spent spooning until I fell asleep in a queen size bed. About a year ago, we remodeled our master bedroom and started sleeping in a Cal-King bed. Since we had more room in the bed, we both kinda drifted apart - no more spooning. Then, as I lost more and more weight, sleeping in a soft bed became more and more uncomfortable, plus I became cold at night - losing that insulating layer of fat - and no amount of flannel nightgowns or blankets could keep me warm in the winter. DH is warm natured, so me trying to cuddle with him for warmth just made him hot and uncomfortable. Add to that his snoring and reading late into the night (he's retired, I'm still working) and it was a no-win situation for me.

After one particularly uncomfortable, long and sleepless night, I went to sleep in the guest room - temporarily, just to get a good night sleep. And it was remarkable how refreshed and energetic I felt in the morning. So I slept in the guest room again the following night.

Shortly after I starting sleeping in the separate room, we both noticed that our relationship had changed - for the better. I was no longer *****y due to lack of sleep or resentful toward DH for "causing" my lack of sleep. Our intimacy has increased, both in and out of bed.

It may not work for every couple, but it works for us.

Thanks for taking the time to share this. :flowerforyou:

Psychedelicately

My husband is a very loud sleeper and I kick/move constantly in my sleep so we tried in the beginning but just didn't sleep well. We still probably sleep in the same bed 2-3 times a week at most, but lots of cuddle time in between. Works for us!

RINat612

I have attempted to respond to this post on 3 separate occasions, but what I write just sounds all wrong. But here I am again, so please bear with me.

Last December, I started sleeping in our guest bedroom. After 12 years of marriage, 7 of which were spent spooning until I fell asleep in a queen size bed. About a year ago, we remodeled our master bedroom and started sleeping in a Cal-King bed. Since we had more room in the bed, we both kinda drifted apart - no more spooning. Then, as I lost more and more weight, sleeping in a soft bed became more and more uncomfortable, plus I became cold at night - losing that insulating layer of fat - and no amount of flannel nightgowns or blankets could keep me warm in the winter. DH is warm natured, so me trying to cuddle with him for warmth just made him hot and uncomfortable. Add to that his snoring and reading late into the night (he's retired, I'm still working) and it was a no-win situation for me.

After one particularly uncomfortable, long and sleepless night, I went to sleep in the guest room - temporarily, just to get a good night sleep. And it was remarkable how refreshed and energetic I felt in the morning. So I slept in the guest room again the following night.

Shortly after I starting sleeping in the separate room, we both noticed that our relationship had changed - for the better. I was no longer *****y due to lack of sleep or resentful toward DH for "causing" my lack of sleep. Our intimacy has increased, both in and out of bed.

It may not work for every couple, but it works for us.

Thanks for writing this. It is basically a more thought out and more descriptive version of what I wrote. Sometimes a small amount of space is good for a relationship. My wife is also bipolar so a lack of sleep exacerbates things... slightly.

PhearlessPhreaks

I think so. We fall asleep cuddling (or, until *he* falls asleep) and I have a really difficult time falling asleep without him there. He travels 4-5 times a year to Switzerland, and I am sleep deprived while he's gone. Even if we're angry with each other, I'd still rather be in the same bed than one of us on the couch.

sunnyeuphoria

I think it depends on the situation. Some people benefit from going to bed with each other because of it is the only time of the day that they can really focus on each other, talk about things, snuggle and attain a general closeness that they may lack elsewhere in their day. All people are different tho, and some people may attain that intimacy in other ways. People may be married and sleep in separate rooms for all sorts of reasons, and they get along just fine, would say they have no issues in their marriage, etc. I think as long as you find a way to connect on a daily basis, and have opportunities to just be with each other that it doesn't really matter where or how it happens, as long as it happens. My hubby and I always go to bed together. If one of us is sick or hurting we may get up after the other goes to sleep, but we always spend that time together initially. Its my favorite part of the day. We both work so much we never have time to focus on each other without interruption... so this is it!

Strokingdiction

No, I don't think it has to be important but I'm sure it varies by relationship. My husband and I rarely sleep in the same bed, partly due to somewhat different sleeping schedules, lots of travel where we are away from one another and the fact that I tend to snore (thanks Dad). Our intimacy (not referring to the sexual type) isn't based around being unconscious together. My mother and father haven't slept in the same bed for over two decades (they are both now in their late 70) and they've been married for 50 years this summer. They still have a healthy sexual relationship as well... My mom loves to overshare. I think she needs more girlfriends, lol.

It isn't required but it might have a psychological component for some couples or even just one member of the relationship. For them, it would be important.

Fenrissa

Sleeping beside my partner is important to me, I need that closeness and intimacy. I usually have a hard time falling asleep but when I'm cuddled up to my boyfriend, I can fall asleep so much easier.

suziepoo1984

My hubs sleeps late because of more work + we take shifts in watching baby at night. So he is up for few hours after i am asleep, but i love being close to him. So i sleep in the hall with tiny comforter bed next to where he is sitting and i fall asleep and then he joins in whenever! I cannot for the love of life sleep alone now! He snores and makes all sorts of noises too..but i love it!

kborton1122

I personally feel that it is important. We usually cuddle and watch TV and fall asleep in each others arms before turning over to our own spaces in bed. I look forward to bedtime because sometimes it's "our time" to catch up and truly be alone. It's our place for intimacy, whether that is sex or not.

gurlygirlrcr80

Nope - having separate beds is awesome.

CoffeeNBooze

Yeah, but I'd rather sleep alone. Plus, he snores.

AMHouse85

I grew up with parents in separate rooms. Dad worked 2 jobs, 2nd and 3rd shift and his coming in the middle of the night was disruptive. He also liked to sleep in a cold room at about 58-60. My mom was a big lady who had to sleep on her back and snored like a chain saw. Seriously you could hear her through walls. In order for them to get good sleep and be happy people they had to sleep separate. They were still quite intimate. I grew up knowing how much they always loved each other. I never questioned it until I was a young adult and started having friends tell me it was weird. I didn't think it was weird, what I thought was weird was the parents who slept together and fought all the time.

sarainiowa

I feel it is important. We have some of our most silly, fun, relaxing, life dreaming conversations as we cuddle in bed. By morning we are usually on our own side of the bed with a gap of space between us. So often in daily life, it's about "life stuff" and sometimes the relationship can easily become about who needs to be where, what needs to be done or bills, that it's nice to have that time (minutes, hours) to just be together, be a couple and truly refocus on that love which brought each of you into the relationship. I just think it's an important part to a relationship. Just my opinion.