Touchy subject.......Regarding Physical Attraction

_KitKat_

Ok, How do I put this.

I saw a post in another thread and a woman mentioned, she had gained (a good chunk) of weight and her ex husband then had an issue with sex (parts not working). I am sure the guy had other issues and wasn't supportive but it made me start wondering....Is it really being a bad person if you are not physically attractive to your significant other because of body changes.

I have not dealt with this myself but even loving my husband as much as I do, I do not think I would be sexually attracted to him if he gained a lot (+50lbs). I would still love him but just not sure the physical urge would be there. If I massively changed my body mass, I am not sure his "parts" would work and it would hurt but I do not see how I could blame him. I hear all the time looks don't matter, but I would have never gotten to know how wonderful my husband is if I wasn't attracted to him in the first place and vice versa. Overall small changes the spark remains, just changing into something completely the opposite of what the other finds physically attractive I can not see blaming the other person.

Also YES if your spouse is rude, not supportive or just an *kitten*...drop him

I am not talking about insulting SO's just the physical reaction. I would love to hear from men and women and hear all sides. If you are the person who posted something like this, I mean no insult just generally curious.

Tillyecl1

My ex-partner (of 6 years) and I split up because I lost ~35kg and he didn't find me attractive anymore.

EDIT: I now have a new boyfriend (4 years) who is a much better match for me so it all ended well :-)

ChristineRoze

My mother gained a large amount of weight after having breast cancer and the after cancer pills don't really help (she gets pains etc) and in all honesty i can tell that my dad isn't as attracted to her, he sometimes makes small remarks and isn't as happy to be out with her.

They love each other but there comes a point where you need to look after yourself, physically and emotionally and as long as you're trying then the partner should be supportive and help them reach their goals. However if they are not trying and don't care then you can't blame them for leaving or being rude i guess.

blueboxgeek

I understand what you are saying, my hubby was a lot bigger when I met him (as was I) but we both wanted to lose weight and get fit. If either of us put the weight back on we would still be attracted to each other but having seen each other slimmer, possibly not as much as before.

It wouldn't be a problem and I know we could work thorough it, physical attraction is only part of the attraction in a relationship, but people cannot help what they are physcially attracted to.

120by30

For me, it hasn't mattered so far. My husband is noticeably heavier than when he first caught my eye. I am noticeably heavier, too, and can't blame it all on having 4 kids. We still have the hots for each other. ☺️

ninerbuff

Physical attraction is part of the relationship. It's hard to be intimate with a partner you're not physically attracted to, which IMO is why in lots of marriages or relationships, sex tends to wain as people gain weight over the years.

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LeahNMe

I can't say I wouldn't be attracted to my sweetie anymore, but I will tell you this, we have both put on some weight in the last couple of years, and two months ago when we hugged, I realized we were reaching over both our bellies.
I think he looks at me differently, tho he still loves and respects me and is always thoughtful and loving. But I felt the attraction part of our relationship was sorely lacking. I finally looked at him and flat out asked him, or told him basically. "Your not attracted to me anymore because I'm getting fat!?" Being the sweet man he is he said I was full of crap and I needed to shut up ;0)
I've always told him that I love it when he lies to me as long as he's doing it because he loves me. ;0)
We had a good laugh about it, then I got serious.
I joined MFP and fiddled for a week or two then drug him in with me.
He has lost almost ten pounds and I have lost five, we both look better and feel better.
As for the other part......guess I'll find out when he finally comes back home!

_KitKat_

My mother gained a large amount of weight after having breast cancer and the after cancer pills don't really help (she gets pains etc) and in all honesty i can tell that my dad isn't as attracted to her, he sometimes makes small remarks and isn't as happy to be out with her.

They love each other but there comes a point where you need to look after yourself, physically and emotionally and as long as you're trying then the partner should be supportive and help them reach their goals. However if they are not trying and don't care then you can't blame them for leaving or being rude i guess.

The small remarks an not wanting to be out in public would be my main concern. He almost lost the love of his life and to behave that way is just being an *kitten*! I would understand the physical aspect though.

SezxyStef

My husband says (and I believe him because proof is in actions) that he doesn't care what I weigh...he will still be attracted to me as long as I am as confident as I have ever been.

He met me at 175...married me @ 185...was "attracted" to me at 205 and still is at 156...

He says the attraction is about confidence not external things...

Now if the roles were reversed? I believe it would be the same scenario...

I used to think it would make a difference but I realize that I have had boyfriends bigger than him, less good looking than him and it was all about their confidence as well.

Would I choose a man who was extremely overweight...no...a little bigger than my current aka 50lbs more sure...he's 180-185 so for me to date a man who was 230 isn't a stretch...it all depends on how confident they are.

logg1e

Why are you saying "parts"? Do the words penis and erection get censored?

_KitKat_

I can't say I wouldn't be attracted to my sweetie anymore, but I will tell you this, we have both put on some weight in the last couple of years, and two months ago when we hugged, I realized we were reaching over both our bellies.
I think he looks at me differently, tho he still loves and respects me and is always thoughtful and loving. But I felt the attraction part of our relationship was sorely lacking. I finally looked at him and flat out asked him, or told him basically. "Your not attracted to me anymore because I'm getting fat!?" Being the sweet man he is he said I was full of crap and I needed to shut up ;0)
I've always told him that I love it when he lies to me as long as he's doing it because he loves me. ;0)
We had a good laugh about it, then I got serious.
I joined MFP and fiddled for a week or two then drug him in with me.
He has lost almost ten pounds and I have lost five, we both look better and feel better.
As for the other part......guess I'll find out when he finally comes back home!

When I gained my weight these last couple years, I always make fun of my hubby. He will make comments like "Your *kitten* is perfect" and I always ask "but you said that before I gained, how can it be perfect now? Were you lying in the past or now?" He just always laughs and tells me I am beautiful then and now.

kristenveganvixen

My hubby and I are both on MFP and doing this together for health... we've both yo-yoed over the years and still found each other attractive at all weights. They're still the person you fell in love with whatever weight they are and maybe a relationship is just a fling based on lust rather than a deeper love if a bit of weight gain makes that much of a difference to how someone feels?

I think we all have preferences when it comes too partners with various aspects of appearance- we both prefer each other with longer hair but I had short spiky hair and he had a shaved head when we started dating!

I think what can come along with weight gain is lower self-confidence, low moods and loss of libido which can all also put a strain on a relationship- indeed depression is often part of the cause of weight gain so it can become a vicious circle.

wolfsbayne

For me, it's not just the physical aspects that make my SO attractive to me. It's kind of like you see someone that you find insanely hot. Then they open their mouth and don't seem so hot anymore and vice versa. It's everything about him that makes me attracted to him. His personality, the way he looks at me, the way he treats me, the way he touches me. It's not just what he looks like. He gets more and more attractive to me every day just by being him.

_KitKat_

Why are you saying "parts"? Do the words penis and erection get censored?

Wasn't sure :huh:

MBrothers22

There's nothing anyone can do about physical attraction. If someone puts on or loses a lot of weight, people will lose or gain attraction to that person. This happening doesn't make them a bad person because you don't get to choose who you are physically attracted to. It just isn't a choice.

_KitKat_

For me, it's not just the physical aspects that make my SO attractive to me. It's kind of like you see someone that you find insanely hot. Then they open their mouth and don't seem so hot anymore and vice versa. It's everything about him that makes me attracted to him. His personality, the way he looks at me, the way he treats me, the way he touches me. It's not just what he looks like. He gets more and more attractive to me every day just by being him.

I like this a lot.

For me I am just not sure because I have never dealt with it, my husband in fit, muscular and 6'. Having never dealt with it, I have no way of knowing. Also just a little background, I have been married 17 yrs so it is definitely not a fling.

When I started losing weight my partner at the time told me she was no longer attracted to me. It hurt. But she's gone now.

Here's the thing with physical attraction, yes it's important. But good luck making it last. No matter how hard we try, we all will get older. So if you're of the attitude that "unless I'm physically attracted to my partner I'm out" well.. I hope you have a thing for 60 years olds. We don't stay young forever. And it's nice to have a partner you love and care about enough to stick with and grow old together. Not just find someone you think is hot and have weekly weigh-ins until you move on to the next person.

Just how I choose to look at things. What's on the inside is so much more important.

I never said anything about leaving, I am speaking about the actual physical attraction. After 17 years my husband and I have sex now more than we ever have. and if I live another 60 years he is who I plan on holding hands with and loving him more than i can even imagine.

ColeCake292012

My libido is more based on my own body and how I feel about it. My husband has been sexually attracted to me at 190 pounds, all the way down to 135, everything in between, and even 40 weeks pregnant. As long as I feel good with myself, our sex life is just fine.

mandasalem

Doesn't there come a time for most people when sexual attraction is a lot more complicated than finding someone physically attractive? If there's personality changes along with it, then okay, I can maybe get behind it, but marriage is work. Communication is work. Sexual activity and keeping it interesting is work. It's lazy to just go "Eh, you changed how you look, I can't get my rocks off anymore." There are ways to work with what you have and work on intimacy when outward appearance is a challenge.

MysteriousMerlin

My hubby weighed 140lbs when we got married over 12 years ago. He's a teacher, so with job stress and less physical activity, he now hovers around 215-220. Still as sexy as ever!

StaciMarie1974

Personally: when I wasn't taking care of myself I didn't 'feel' attractive and that hurt my sex drive. Being unhappy with one's own body doesn't make one want to spend time naked! Hubby's weight gain may have had the same impact on him, but his putting on the weight didn't change how I felt about him.