men

24

Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    My fiance has never accused me of cheating simply for wanting to get i shape. He's always been very supportive and sometimes goes with me.
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  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    I don't think that, and thanks for grouping all men into one category.

    Why is it ALL women are $hitty drivers?
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Devil's advocate - I've had two partners during my lifetime. I was engaged to both of them (no, not at the same time!) and both of them put the weight on big time as soon as we moved in together.

    Both of them eventually decided to lose weight. I supported both of them through the weight loss in the form of advice, cooking meals, speaking about fat/calories etc. (I've been going to the gym since my early 20s - injuries permitting of course!)

    Both of them had new boyfriends within 6 months of losing the weight. I never saw it coming either time. A friend's wife divorced him late last year after enjoying newfound male attention after losing weight. It does happen.

    But yeah, I can understand both your partner's insecurity and your annoyance at that insecurity.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    As others have said, it just sounds like he is an insecure person and he needs to work on himself and not worry about you.
  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
    Devil's advocate - I've had two partners during my lifetime. I was engaged to both of them (no, not at the same time!) and both of them put the weight on big time as soon as we moved in together.

    Both of them eventually decided to lose weight. I supported both of them through the weight loss in the form of advice, cooking meals, speaking about fat/calories etc. (I've been going to the gym since my early 20s - injuries permitting of course!)

    Both of them had new boyfriends within 6 months of losing the weight. I never saw it coming either time. A friend's wife divorced him late last year after enjoying newfound male attention after losing weight. It does happen.

    But yeah, I can undrestand both your partner's insecurity and your annoyance at that insecurity.

    Good thing they showed you their true colors before you tied the knot.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Where is my minority report?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Devil's advocate - I've had two partners during my lifetime. I was engaged to both of them (no, not at the same time!) and both of them put the weight on big time as soon as we moved in together.

    Both of them eventually decided to lose weight. I supported both of them through the weight loss in the form of advice, cooking meals, speaking about fat/calories etc. (I've been going to the gym since my early 20s - injuries permitting of course!)

    Both of them had new boyfriends within 6 months of losing the weight. I never saw it coming either time. A friend's wife divorced him late last year after enjoying newfound male attention after losing weight. It does happen.

    But yeah, I can undrestand both your partner's insecurity and your annoyance at that insecurity.
    Been with one man for the last nine years (and was single for two years before that). I gained weight with him and I lost it. I have become far more active and improved my diet.

    Still with him. Haven't cheated.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Devil's advocate - I've had two partners during my lifetime. I was engaged to both of them (no, not at the same time!) and both of them put the weight on big time as soon as we moved in together.

    Both of them eventually decided to lose weight. I supported both of them through the weight loss in the form of advice, cooking meals, speaking about fat/calories etc. (I've been going to the gym since my early 20s - injuries permitting of course!)

    Both of them had new boyfriends within 6 months of losing the weight. I never saw it coming either time. A friend's wife divorced him late last year after enjoying newfound male attention after losing weight. It does happen.

    But yeah, I can undrestand both your partner's insecurity and your annoyance at that insecurity.
    Been with one man for the last nine years (and was single for two years before that). I gained weight with him and I lost it. I have become far more active and improved my diet.

    Still with him. Haven't cheated.

    I wasn't tarring all women as cheaters, I was just saying that on occasions it DOES happen, in conjuction with the overgeneralising nature of the OP.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Devil's advocate - I've had two partners during my lifetime. I was engaged to both of them (no, not at the same time!) and both of them put the weight on big time as soon as we moved in together.

    Both of them eventually decided to lose weight. I supported both of them through the weight loss in the form of advice, cooking meals, speaking about fat/calories etc. (I've been going to the gym since my early 20s - injuries permitting of course!)

    Both of them had new boyfriends within 6 months of losing the weight. I never saw it coming either time. A friend's wife divorced him late last year after enjoying newfound male attention after losing weight. It does happen.

    But yeah, I can undrestand both your partner's insecurity and your annoyance at that insecurity.
    Been with one man for the last nine years (and was single for two years before that). I gained weight with him and I lost it. I have become far more active and improved my diet.

    Still with him. Haven't cheated.

    I wasn't tarring all women as cheaters, I was just saying that on occasions it DOES happen, in conjuction with the overgeneralising nature of the OP.
    Of course it does. But the weight loss is not the reason. It is a symptom of something much bigger, possibly even that the woman (or man) is just simply shallow and selfish.
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    Your man lacks self esteem, he believes if you get thin, fit, other men will notice, you will realize he is less than ideal and he already is thinking you were out of his league most likely when he got you to say hi to him, if he cant change how he feels, its him not you and seriously don't stop. I had someone in my life who was forever trying to keep me fat because of this, any time I began a diet it was truly deliberate he would bring home candy, pizza, make fries, anything tempting in my first few days/weeks, constantly complain if I went to workout that he wouldn't give up the living room for the one hour for me to run a dvd or say I would take up too much time of his at the gym when all he was going to do was sit home anyway. I finally had to fight my own fight through all that and decide to ignore that as hard as it is. I don't get some men, they hate us fat and are rude or mean about it, yet they berate us for having sneaky movies if we are fit. I cant be bothered to care any more. There are good guys out there who will be supportive and not irrationally insecure by your bettering yourself.
  • MBrothers22
    MBrothers22 Posts: 323 Member
    ahhh...it's stuff like this that makes me glad I'm single. Sorry OP.

    +1
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Usually there are already underlying trust issues already if that's what he thinks when you hit the gym...

    +1
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    why do u guys think if ur woman wants to lose weight and start going to the gym again ur mind goes straight to cheating? not only was my husbands mind thinking that but his friends think that too? cant i do something for myself? i am looking forward to wearing a bathing suit in public and not hide under a t shirt... sorry a little vent

    You say this because you obviously have met ALL men right? Wrong. Don't give a blanket statement like that, because it's simply not true. Just because your husband and his friends think that way, does not mean the entire male race thinks that way.

    To answer your question, though... It sounds like he's just insecure about where your relationship stands. He may think that if you get yourself in better shape that you may not "want" him anymore. If he truly loved you and trusted you, he would not have a problem with you working out and getting in better health. I know I wouldn't have a problem if my girlfriend/wife wanted to get in shape.
  • Amanda_Gx6
    Amanda_Gx6 Posts: 320 Member
    why don't you ask him to join you if he is so curious? maybe he will get bit by the health bug and work on his own health/appearance.

    but seriously, talk this out with your guy not with the mfp population. you're just going to see a bunch of people bash the one sided topic you have introduced. it's going to do more harm than good otherwise.
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    Here's my two cents: I've been with a guy like that. He also used to love to tell me how fat I was and how I was lucky that he stayed with me, because most guys wouldn't, with me looking the way I did. And as soon as I started to lose weight, he wanted to know who I was doing it for. If a man can't be supportive of you losing weight and be happy for you, well, then I don't think he's much of a partner. Assuming that you losing weight automatically equates to you cheating is not a nice assumption about the person he's supposed to love.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Just say, "so you want me to die from obesity related problems. Thanks a lot". and go off and sulk.

    Maybe he will get the hint that weight loss isn't just about appearance.

    Yeah, just act like a 5-year-old. That fixes everything.

    He suspects you've lost interest in him and in your marriage, correct? You're not going dispel that notion if you throw a temper tantrum and refuse to even consider why he has such a problem with this. If you want to show him that you love him, that you care about his feelings, that you are deeply invested in making your marriage work, then I suggest you not drop hints and instead show your husband the respect of actually having an adult conversation with him. The things he's saying to his friends and the things you're posting on the Internet are all things you should be saying to each other.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    just break up \m/
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
    Let's act like mature adults and ask the internet in lieu of actually having a conversation about it...




    Check.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    Just say, "so you want me to die from obesity related problems. Thanks a lot". and go off and sulk.

    Maybe he will get the hint that weight loss isn't just about appearance.

    Yeah, just act like a 5-year-old. That fixes everything.

    He suspects you've lost interest in him and in your marriage, correct? You're not going dispel that notion if you throw a temper tantrum and refuse to even consider why he has such a problem with this. If you want to show him that you love him, that you care about his feelings, that you are deeply invested in making your marriage work, then I suggest you not drop hints and instead show your husband the respect of actually having an adult conversation with him. The things he's saying to his friends and the things you're posting on the Internet are all things you should be saying to each other.

    ^^ this! Also, seldom does a person "get the hint" or at least not the one you intend. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. No games.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    It's not logical to think that you are doing it with the intent to cheat. But it's not illogical to think that as you become more fit, more men will notice you and give you attention. So there is a level of insecurity there where he thinks that as more men give you attention, you will find one you like better. It's also shows a level of distrust in that he thinks that you would be susceptible to that attention.

    Not knowing the dynamic of you or your relationship, i don't know how justified those feelings are. But it appears that is the root of those feelings/comments.

    The important step is taking time and care to work on them.
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member
    Well my husband got tired of me complaining about how I feel about my body and said... Quit complaining and do something about and take your a** to the gym :)
  • shelbysp8
    shelbysp8 Posts: 131 Member
    I agree whole heartedly with texstorm - He hit it on the head!
    Talk to him.

    Hang in there and don't let him keep you doing what is best for you.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    just break up \m/

    2n7oaw0.jpg
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    My dude immediately thought I would fail (because I had so many times before), but I was successful this time and he's no longer around to reap the benefits.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    I don't how people date and marry others with such insecurities. It would take so much of my energy just to pretend to care about such nonsense.

    Also...Just break up! :laugh:
  • luckypony71
    luckypony71 Posts: 399 Member
    why do u guys think if ur woman wants to lose weight and start going to the gym again ur mind goes straight to cheating? not only was my husbands mind thinking that but his friends think that too? cant i do something for myself? i am looking forward to wearing a bathing suit in public and not hide under a t shirt... sorry a little vent

    Ask him to go with you. Hubby and I go to the gym together even if we don't do the same routines
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't how people date and marry others with such insecurities. It would take so much of my energy just to pretend to care about such nonsense.

    Also...Just break up! :laugh:
    They make excuses for them.

    An old friend of mine started dating some chick who would grill him every time another woman posted anything on his Facebook page. He took the page down to avoid the drama.

    They got engaged two months ago ...
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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't how people date and marry others with such insecurities. It would take so much of my energy just to pretend to care about such nonsense.

    Also...Just break up! :laugh:
    They make excuses for them.

    An old friend of mine started dating some chick who would grill him every time another woman posted anything on his Facebook page. He took the page down to avoid the drama.

    They got engaged two months ago ...

    that won't end well
    That's what I'm thinking. But it's none of my business.

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