Goal reached. Family horrified.

looseseal

Please don't take offense at this but . . . . . your family is insane and they need to go see an eye doctor or something.

As I was reading your OP I was truly expecting your face to be 'gaunt' from too much weight loss (based on your family's reaction/comments), you know ... like really low body fat and your face is kind of 'boney' and 'pointy'.

You look absolutely terrific, not too thin AT ALL. Although your weight is the same as when you were younger (in the first pic of just your face), your face is less 'full'; you look fine. Your body looks wonderful .... you lost the belly and blub and are quite nicely toned.

Again, and I mean no offense, your family is bonkers.

:happy:

Deipneus

[Dad]... said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"

It is understandable that they are wrong. It is so common to be overweight that it starts to look normal to people and a healthy weight looks underweight to them.

What's harder to tolerate is their incredible rudeness. Truthfully, I think I would have unplugged my computer while they were talking.

Kara52217

you look awesome!! Maybe your family is used to have a "fat" girl in the family and they just have to get used to it..
I wouldn't lose anymore weight for sure you lose much more and you will start to be too thin.

What does your doctor say?? That is who I would be most concerned with not family who could potentially be jealous for one reason or another.

Congrats!!

Gilbrod

I remember people asking me if I was dying of cancer or something. Everyone has an opinion. The only opinion that mattered was my wifes'. No one else mattered. Keep doing your thing!

LuvDarkChocolate

Ok I admit it....I'm jealous:bigsmile:

StacyRenee77

Wonderful!!

EvgeniZyntx

Dissenting voice: I'm curious as to the other side of the story. Your family is obviously not a bunch of yahoos, and your opinion on the board on a few things has raised a few read flags. Is their concern truly about how you look or about your eating habits?

No, they just have the photos which you have seen. I live in Denmark and they live in Alabama. They haven't seen my eating habits since Christmas 2012. They have no idea my calorie intake or daily meals or anything.

That being said, I follow the calorie calculations based mainly on this website: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/ however I have doubled checked these values with several of my fitness books written by nurses and doctors, as well as consultations with personal trainers and doctors. My calorie intake has been carefully regulated along the way - i.e. each time I dropped 5 or 10 lbs, I recalculated to make sure I was always eating enough, and not too much.

My calorie intake now that I am maintaining and am at a higher fitness level is substantially higher than it was when I was losing at a 20% reduction. I have done it all "by the book." No fad diets, no starvation. Nice and slow, over 9 months.

Your family also is aware of your history of extreme depression and anxiety for over 10 years, I assume. This might color their perception. You look great and you did it the right way. If the loss was perceived as rapid, if you talked about it, if there are other actual or historical concerns or even the distance from them can all factor in.

Or, we can take it at face value and your family members are uncaring idiots.

Note - I'm not criticizing your method or results but why do you think your so highly educated family is wackadoodle?


Btw - scooby is just one of many calculators, no better or worse than many.

Unfortunately, my family says mean things to each other all the time, about any and all topics. This just hurt because I had worked so hard to lose the weight, and I got these big honking arm muscles and sweet abs now and I am so proud of them. Also I think it I was hurt because the last time I was at this weight, they told me how fat I was and that I needed to drop out of my ballet classes because I was an embarrassment. My dad stopped coming to my ballet recitals because he said I was an embarrassment.

Ok. Well, keep your emotional distance and don't let them damage you further than they have in the past.

pinkledoodledoo

Your family needs group therapy. You look amazing and your face is beautiful just the way it is!

rainbowunicorns720

you look great. super jealous of your rockin bikini bod!!

Serah87

I had the same issue also with my family members. They knew my goal weight and never said anything, now that I am close to goal weight they are freaking out!! I call it jealousy!! ETA: Hubby has no issues with my weight goal and has back me up 100%, including my boys.

OP, ignore them and keep doing what you are doing!! :flowerforyou:

will2lose72

It's family so you want to give them some credibility, but at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you! You look terrific! I think your family has issues to make such hurtful comments both before and now and you should likely set some boundaries with them and ask them to keep their comments to themselves. Maybe they mean well but there are definitely better ways to show they care about you!

caliv0608

First of all, congrats on your loss, you look fantastic!

Secondly, I lost some weight years back and was still about 15 lbs heavier than I had been in high school and people kept asking if I was sick (as in cancer or something like that). My best friend told me I looked like a bobble head. It's funny how the same numbers on the scale sit so differently on us that we look totally different.

While your family has probably just gotten used to you a certain way and by comparison believe you are too thin, I am shocked that they were being so blunt and harsh like that, I'm so sorry! Pay no mind. You did the work, you know that you are in a healthier place and you feel confident.

reynram

I think you look amazing! Sometimes your friends and family are the worst critics. Don't allow them to get into your happy place where you feel is the healthiest you have ever been! Keep up the great work! You are the one who will always be in control of your health, so don't allow negativity to crush what you feel is right. Justifying what they are trying to say to you would only mean that it mattered and it doesn't, so let it be! Continue your healthy lifestyle! Much success!

ThePersnicketyOtter

You look awesome! Congrats on reaching your goal. It might just be that they aren't used to seeing you like that so you look different, which some people automatically express as bad. If I were you there'd be nothing in the world that would make me gain that weight back looking as good as you do now.

girlytechphd

I agree with some of the other posters. You look very healthy and I see no "eww" factor in any of your pics. At the end of the day it comes back to how you feel. You admitted that you are healthier, eat better, work out consistently and generally feel better. I think this is the most important thing. You are a healthy weight. You have muscle definition which would be hard to achieve if you were malnourished or treating your body badly. I wish you the best and sometimes you really do have to ignore other people and do what is right and best for your body and your life.

skinnyinnotime

Your family were very rude to you.

DebbieLyn63

You look beautiful and healthy. I am blown away at how rude your family treated you. I don't care if they haven't seen you in a while, or if Skype distorted your image, or whatever. NO ONE who claims to love you, should ever say EWWW your face looks horrible.
THEY are the ones with the problem here, and it is called lack of respect.
I had to learn a lesson years ago that people treat you the way you allow them to. Do not allow this to go unchallenged, because the disrespect will only continue if you do.

I would suggest sending them an email with the pictures you posted here, explaining what you did here about your current BMI level, and pointing out the hurtful things they said to you in HS about being fat, at the EXACT same weight you are now. And tell them straight out that their comments are hurtful and rude and you will not allow anyone to disrespect you that way. Especially people who are supposed to love you.
Then stand your ground. They owe you an apology. They owe you respect. You deserve to be respected by your family. If they are so blatantly rude and hurtful about your looks, I can only imagine that they are rude and disrespectful in all areas of your life as well.
You deserve better. :flowerforyou:

VoodooAborisha

That being said, I am currently maintaining at my TDEE - since I am not trying to lose weight, I am no longer eating at a 20% reduction. And furthermore, not a single person in my family knows my daily calorie intake, or has an idea of what I eat. They live in Alabama and I live in Denmark and they have not seen nor been able to assess my eating habits since I was last there 18 months ago - at which point they would have seen me eating barbeque and chocolate pie anyway - which is certainly something to worry about! LOL

Look, I've read your stuff. You have some pretty extreme views on diet, ranging from eating 1104 calories a day to thinking animal products cause 97% of heart attacks. I find it hard to believe that you've never had these discussions with your family of Olympic athletes and medical professionals.

But okay. Maybe they really are just jerks, in which case, why do you even bother sending them pictures of yourself for them to critique?

That my opinions are extreme are... a matter of opinion. However neither my calorie intake nor my post about animal products was based on my opinion. I sought the advice of experts in both instances.

I would redirect you to read the entire post about the 1104 calories, as well as other replies in this thread, because I gave sufficient information about the calorie counters, books, doctors, and personal trainers I have talked to who have given the 100% stamp of approval to what I did.

Furthermore, I do not "think" that animal products cause 97% of heart attacks. The American Journal of Medicine, however, does. If you read that post, I give all the proper references. I don't voice opinions on health issues, but I do often quote the findings of academic studies. You'll have to argue with the AJM - it didn't come from me.

DagobaGirl

I think it's you who should be horrified at your family's lack of support. You look stunning. 30lbs weightloss is not some outrageously drastic loss. It put you in a healthy weight range and you look great. You were beautiful before too, just for the record! It sounds to me like your family is having mixed feelings towards your weightloss out of some jealousy on your sister-in-law's part and /or sense of competition. Maybe your dad (who sounds like a pretty hulking guy himself based on his past careers) likes his women plump and so wants you to conform to his sense of beauty. Regardless, this is YOUR journey, not their's. This is YOUR body and YOUR life and you need to put them in there place. Say you appreciate the concern (whether their concern is coming from a genuine source or not), but that you are in tune with the needs of your body and you are where you should be. Also tell them that it is totally inappropriate, rude, and hurtful to say you look horrible or EW (what an *kitten* to say that to anyone ever, makes me question their integrity as a person.) And any sane person would be offended to have their family tell them they looked gross so yeah, I wouldn't chuck it all up to body image issues.

cmonisthisnametakentoo

Wow, this is really shocking and I'm kind of upset for you.

You look perfect and healthy. Don't let their negative mindsets bring you down. Whatever the problem is (and I don't see one), it's theirs. Let them deal with it on their own.

DSTMT

You look awesome! Congratulations on reaching your goal. My feelings would have been hurt too, but like everyone else has said, it's just their opinion and it sounds like either they're just not used to seeing you in shape and need to acclimatize, or maybe there's a little bit of jealousy involved. Either way, you've done great and you look wonderful!

mikeschratz

Please don't put your self worth into the hands of others...
Feel good about your accomplishment and keep conquering...
You look amazing and reaching your goals is great, time to set new goals!

Jestinia

You look great, if you feel great too, what's their problem? You could shell out for a doctor visit to reassure them I suppose, blood-work, physical, etc..

Go_Mizzou99

I think they are envious of your achievement... you look beautiful and healthy! And yes, I would have been hurt by my family commenting like that... hugs!

+1

When I hit my goal about 2 years ago, I noticed my body shape gradually changed for about 8 to 12 months "after" the weight loss. The negative comments drifted to a halt several months after as well.

SnicciFit

So about a month ago I reached my goal. I am no longer "overweight" but now am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi weight range. I weigh exactly what I did when I was 17, only I am in much better shape because I am eating healthy, and exercise 3 - 5 times a week, mainly weights but also some regular cardio.

I was skyping my family the other night, and my Dad (an ex-OIympic and professional wrestler, and a former college and professional football player, who almost completed a Ph. D in Physical Education, so he knows a lot about fitness and diet), said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"

That being said, when I was this weight the last time, back in the 1990's, I was doing 4 hours of ballet a week plus cheerleading and marching band, was in great shape, and at that time these same people said, "you need to quit ballet - you are too fat. They don't take short fat girls in ballets. You need to join the football team or find a Sumo Wrestling club." AT THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW, where they are saying "your face - EW!"

Frankly I think I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been in. What should I make of what they said? I was sad, then mad, and now I realize that I obviously have some image issues, or what they say wouldn't hurt. Or would it? Would these things hurt other people's feelings too? What do y'all think - is my face so "EW"? Do I look worse than when I started? Here is a pic, me before on the left, last August, and me now on the right. And again, I am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi range, not on the low end at all.

I went through something very similar. Friends & family said the same things "your face is too thin", "you need to stop losing weight" blah, blah, blah... I have two theories about why people say stupid crap like that.

1) They are just used to seeing you overweight with chubby cheeks and a double chin and they haven't adjusted to how look you now.

2) They are overweight themselves and are reflecting some of their self-pity/hatred on to you.

No matter the reason, you know that you are healthy and happy. Don't let them ruin that for you. In time, they'll get used to the "new you" and they'll shut their yaps.

xoshannonmichelle

You look absolutely amazing.
There's nothing "EW" about the new you.
You've always been beautiful, but it's great that you're so healthy and fit now.
Your family is completely incorrect. I think they are just used to seeing you a certain way? But that doesn't give them the right to outright insult you.
Hang in there. You look awesome!

bettyjoburdett

So about a month ago I reached my goal. I am no longer "overweight" but now am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi weight range. I weigh exactly what I did when I was 17, only I am in much better shape because I am eating healthy, and exercise 3 - 5 times a week, mainly weights but also some regular cardio.

I was skyping my family the other night, and my Dad (an ex-OIympic and professional wrestler, and a former college and professional football player, who almost completed a Ph. D in Physical Education, so he knows a lot about fitness and diet), said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"

That being said, when I was this weight the last time, back in the 1990's, I was doing 4 hours of ballet a week plus cheerleading and marching band, was in great shape, and at that time these same people said, "you need to quit ballet - you are too fat. They don't take short fat girls in ballets. You need to join the football team or find a Sumo Wrestling club." AT THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW, where they are saying "your face - EW!"

Frankly I think I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been in. What should I make of what they said? I was sad, then mad, and now I realize that I obviously have some image issues, or what they say wouldn't hurt. Or would it? Would these things hurt other people's feelings too? What do y'all think - is my face so "EW"? Do I look worse than when I started? Here is a pic, me before on the left, last August, and me now on the right. And again, I am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi range, not on the low end at all.


You look like you are glowing with health! If you were 50+ or so sometimes weight loss makes you look older or even sick and I have experienced this as well as thought it with others, BUT, you are young, and look young. I will exchange my wrinkles anytime for a healthy, thinner body!

lambie14

You look amazing!! Slim and healthy, not "too skinny."
Families can be strange beasts....as others have said, perhaps their mental perception of you has not caught up to the new reality of a healthy, fit you.
Please don't take their comments to heart, and know that a whole host of us here think you look fabulous! And thanks for being such a great inspiration!

marcia724

People have said that to me too. It's ridiculous. You look amazing!

cflec1

YOU LOOK GREAT. I have family like that to, they want me to not succeed, it makes them feel better about themselves. Like I tell them we are going to eat healthy and they go out and bring in cookies and fast food (husband). If I say I am starting to walk more, my sister will tell me that she has lost weight and that she joined a gym (well goodie for her, she always has one up me on everything - now I don't tell her anything). So I finally got in the mind set this is for me not them. So hang in there.