In desperate need of direction

DesperatelyDevestated

Hi,

I made this account for the purpose of asking many strangers, what would they do in my situation.

I'm a parent of a 21 year old ADHD son. He will be 21 the end of this month.


Today is the 3rd time i caught him selling marijuana from my house.

The first time, i sent him to a relatives house and he had to change high school and the only reason i let him return was because he earned his high school diploma

Second time, he was already half have way through his college classes and was working. He was removed from my house and allowed to stay at a friends house, which was a 2 hour commute, oneway, to his classes. He lost his job because of the distance, but he attended all of his classes and earned 12 college crdits in total. The friend could no longer allow him to stay, and he didn't have a job to get his own place. He begged me and said he had learned his lesson and that he would not betray me like that again. I let him come back.

Today it happened again. I don't know what to do anymore. He is denying it;s his, but he is a compulsive liar. He is my only son. His father was never a part of his life EVER. I've tried everything i possibly can think of. He's not a thug, he doesn't fight. He makes BAD decisions. But I just can't NOT do anything. This is our home, he is jeopardizing.

What would you do if this was your only child and no family in this state?

I'm thinking of asking a relative if he can go stay with them and get him away from this environment, but i feel so guilty asking someone to take on this type of burden. I;m so hurt and distraught right now, i wish i could just fall asleep and not wake up.

DesperatelyDevestated

bump

RunnerStephe

What is bump?

andylowry

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

goldthistime

I hope others chime in, because I want to try to help because you sound pretty down, but I'm really not sure I can be of much help. Maybe first I could point out some positives. You are currently safe and healthy, he is safe and healthy, and the police have not been involved. Is this just about money? Could you help him get a better paying job? Offer an allowance? (It may sound strange to suggest that you reward his bad behavior, but killing him with kindness may work better than you think.)

Or is this more about your anger and frustration that he has deceived and lied to you again? If this last part is the biggest part of the problem, rather than sending him away Immediately, could you try giving him "make amends" chores?

wheird

He sounds like a great kid who studies and works hard. I suggest buying a quarter and having a chill weekend.

baba_helly

I personally would be proud of this display of entrepreneurship. What exactly is the problem?

DesperatelyDevestated

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

wheird

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

Which state? I need a hookup.

baba_helly

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

DesperatelyDevestated

thank you for your kind response.

I'm more angry of the deception and the jeopardising my home.

I give him $50 of my hard earned money every week for him to have something.

He doenst have a job, we've been looking

He's in a drug program where he is drug tested 2x a week because of possession of marijuana. If he completes the program, which he is set for graduation this month, he will have no criminial record.

DesperatelyDevestated

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

because in this day and age. he can't have a future selling pot. I don't care if he does it under his OWN roof, preferably with a degree to fall back on, BUT IN HIS OWN HOME.

I've worked my butt off to have an education and own a home for him to have a better envirnoment for him,

DesperatelyDevestated

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

Which state? I need a hookup.

have less than 20 grams or parefenelia is a misdemeanor in any state i think

DesperatelyDevestated

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

Would it be ok if your only child, with no education, did this in your home?

wheird

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

because in this day and age. he can't have a future selling pot. I don't care if he does it under his OWN roof, preferably with a degree to fall back on, BUT IN HIS OWN HOME.

I've worked my butt off to have an education and own a home for him to have a better envirnoment for him,

In this day and age there is actually a legitimate future in the cultivation and selling of marijuana. Ever hear of dispensaries?

And no, sweetie, you got an education and own home for yourself.

wheird

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

Which state? I need a hookup.

have less than 20 grams or parefenelia is a misdemeanor in any state i think

Um, no it isnt.

DesperatelyDevestated

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

because in this day and age. he can't have a future selling pot. I don't care if he does it under his OWN roof, preferably with a degree to fall back on, BUT IN HIS OWN HOME.

I've worked my butt off to have an education and own a home for him to have a better envirnoment for him,

In this day and age there is actually a legitimate future in the culturation and selling of marijuana. Ever hear of dispensaries?

And no, sweetie, you got an education and own home for yourself.

That day isn't here or in this state, yet.

Who do you think inherits the house when i'm gone, I haven't loooked at your profile, but i bet you are just the type of person i imagine.


Just looked,,, no pics. However, for a person to think that a person who has children, betters themselves, ONLY for themselves, Either has no children or very selfish. You will not be further engaged.

wheird

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

because in this day and age. he can't have a future selling pot. I don't care if he does it under his OWN roof, preferably with a degree to fall back on, BUT IN HIS OWN HOME.

I've worked my butt off to have an education and own a home for him to have a better envirnoment for him,

In this day and age there is actually a legitimate future in the culturation and selling of marijuana. Ever hear of dispensaries?

And no, sweetie, you got an education and own home for yourself.

That day isn't here or in this state, yet.

Who do you think inherits the house when i'm gone, I haven't loooked at your profile, but i bet you are just the type of person i imagine.

I will play this game. Please tell me what type of person you imagine I am.

wheird

Though, I have to admit, I also have a pretty good idea of what you are as well.

baba_helly

Are you certain he's selling it and not just using it? While I'm asking questions, what's your geographic locale? Using or selling pot is a more of a problem in some places rather than others.

I saw him. As soon as he walked in the door I searched him and found $10. then i searched his room and found a small safe.

It's a misdemeanor here.

thanks for responding

You're kicking him out of you house and causing him to lose his job because of it for selling dime bags? In an area where it's a misdemeanor?

Again... what exactly is the problem?

Would it be ok if your only child, with no education, did this in your home?

Yes I would be. Your son is working (until you caused him to lose his job by kicking him out) and going to school. He is also an adult and needs to make things happen for himself. If you don't want him living in your house than that is your decision. On the other hand, you cannot control him and make choices for him.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Move to Colorado, where his services are less desirable?

I dunno, OP. I wouldn't want it being illegally sold out of my home either -- even though I personally have no issues with recreational use. It would take one bad buyer or somebody thinking he a large quantity of pot or money for *kitten* to get real.

I think it's a major plus that he's managed to stay in school. If it were me, I don't know what I would do either. It might just be time to boot him, he's 21 and it might just be time for him to fly - whether his wings are ready or not.