In desperate need of direction

gypsy_spirit

I wish you all the best. Being a parent is the hardest job we ever do in this life. It sounds like you have a very workable plan in place. I hope you find peace in your decision. Take care. :flowerforyou:

MyChocolateDiet

You responses have been appreciated.:flowerforyou: Hearing the truth from people who have no reason to hold back, is helpful.

I'm sick to my stomach just thinking of the decision i have to make and follow through with.

I've decided to evict him from my home for good. I've written up a 30 day notice and will give it to him, after I tell him what his options are.

I've had enough and I've given him enough opportunities to do the right thing.
I've tried the helpful, trusting, hopeful route... it's not working. Now, i must try a different method... Separate myself from him.

At the end of 30 days, he either has a place to go or I will get him a plane ticket to his Father's house in another state; who he's known for a total of 60 days his entire life. His father agreed to accept him. He can enroll in a technical school with student loans, or get a minimum wage job and live that life. Either way, it's his decision. I've done the best i can for now.

I'll always have my son's back. I just can't witness his self destruction. When he's helping himself, I will give him a helping hand.

I know him having ADHD makes it more difficult to stay focused, not be influenced by peers and all the usual obstacles a lot of young people face. However, I also learned in my research of ADHD, before giving him medication; that the right behaviors can be internalized with much repetition.
.
I've never wanted him to use ADHD as an excuse. That is why i didn't take him to a Social Security office to declare a disorder.

He came home yesterday and opened a tent in the backyard. He slept there and hasn't entered the house. He doesn't have anywhere to go, but here.


BTW, another reason why I can't just up and move, to help my son progress in a different environment, is because I have an elderly mother I care for. She is a healthy, independent 86 year old, but still needs me close to her. She loves where she lives and I would not put her through the stress of a move. So, my son is the one who will be relocating.

Thank you all once again for your advice, opinions and even sharing your own stories. I was truly touched by some of them.:flowerforyou:

Take Good Care of Yourselves. I will try to do the same for myself. :flowerforyou:

Game changer.

You can't leave someone who relies on you this heavily. TRY not to beat yourself up over this decision. Try not to look at it as a "failure" or "pushing him away" or choosing anyone over anyone else. I'm a mom, I know how guilty minds work. They are lies.

It's more of a "letting go" and also giving his father a chance to encourage and guide him. It's giving both of them a chance to get to know one another and figure things out. I really don't see that option as a negative one even though it is the secondary alternative to staying with you. I'm sorry this is so hard but I do think it's best and I do think it's the option he will choose which is why I am trying to give you alternative ways of looking at it so you can be prepared in advance mentally and emotionally for such an outcome if it transpires. Unfortunately, some people in this thread only jumped in to give high horse morality lessons and knock down any real solutions without offering any of their own.

I did feel you needed straight solutions and gave you one even though it does not work now that you have provided all the pertinent information.

I'm SO glad you've come to one that works for your personal situation and ALL those who rely on you. I believe in a short time you will feel much better about this decision and he will turn out okay. Good luck! You seem to be able to pull together resources when you need them and I have faith that you will make this workout one way or the other for the betterment of your son and yourself! :alltheflowersforyou:

MyChocolateDiet

DesperatelyDevestated has deactivated their account.