I was married and had kids before him. Random.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

Agreed.

Agreed x2.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter how many kids you have or how many fathers they have or if you have been in relationships with 1,000s of men. It doesn't matter. As long as you are happy, they are happy, and you are productive -- anyone else's opinion is completely irrelevant.

MyChocolateDiet

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

You care WAY too much about what others think of you. Putting your life story out there for everyone is unnecessary.

Agreed.

Agreed x2.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter how many kids you have or how many fathers they have or if you have been in relationships with 1,000s of men. It doesn't matter. As long as you are happy, they are happy, and you are productive -- anyone else's opinion is completely irrelevant.

Agreed x3

May I add you seem to have lived your life up to this point caring very little what anyone would think. Why start now? Just because you're finally face to face with a couple of people you yourself determine as crazies?

Fiercely_Me

I can clarify a few things. I was in a relationship with my daughters father, it just wan't long term, only high school and he was older and went to college. It didn't last or turn into anything more serious is what I meant. I can also clarify the statement about his parents being " religious fanatics." I didn't mean it like that, what I meant is that they are extremist. In other words, they tend to think that God hates gay people, they are sinners, that you're going to hell if you engage in premarital sex, that burning in hell for your ungodly ways is real. I meant more that they are they types that believe this stuff. Not your general, faith based individuals that simply go to church and try to lead a healthy, spiritual life.

I am big on birth control. It works well. The fact that I have children doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I had my daughter young, and irresponsibly..so I wasn't doing all I could in that sense. I was however, married and my sons were planned. I was taking the pill this go round, but ended up with major surgery and I think in the midst of all of the antibiotics, pain killers, etc...the pill didn't prove as effective. I did take it every day at the same time for almost 6 years though lol...We had planned on having a child within the next couple of years ( after we were married) but had started planning our marriage right around the time I became pregnant. I had stressed before that I was a bit paranoid about having another child, that I was really concerned about people thinking I was a harlot or something worse. He told me that didn't matter and that he wanted a child and wanted us to have one together. I kind of stopped thinking about it after that. I became more comfortable with the idea. His parents do not know that my 3 have different fathers, they think they are from my marriage. Their extreme judgement, emailing him constantly, calling me names, etc...that's why I started this thread.

I AM inviting people to judge me/give their opinions because that's what I want to know. Other people giving their opinions, good OR bad helps me see it from another view point. That way, I can make an educated decision on how I can handle their judgment and not let it affect me negatively. So...I DO invite your judgement. Pointless thread or not, I'd rather post it here where no one knows me, rather than FB or somewhere else where everyone will just tell me how great I am and not to let things get to me. Get my point? I do thank everyone for their outlook, though. It has been eye opening for me.

Being judged by others will not by itself help you cope with negativity. You have to be in tuned with yourself and validate yourself in order for that to happen. If you do not have the tools to do this, then I highly suggest counseling.

MyChocolateDiet

OP don't take this the wrong way because I'm only trying to help you see things from their side so you may make an "educated decision" on how to handle them.

Is it possible they see the fact that you have children from different men as some kind of indicator? Have they ever mentioned or wondered aloud if their son is the father of your child with him? How certain are you of his paternity and how certain is HE? That is really the only reason I can see for them relying on their "religious" stance as judgey of you. I mean as a practical thing they might be feeling pretty leary and you simply dismissing them as religious zealouts will not help you work out the issues facing your relationship together if they are to be a dominant part of your life, your child's, or your husband's. I'm unsure the behavior of your current children is anything they would concern themselves for. I'm unsure why you hold that out as evidence of anything? Being a good mother perhaps?

cosmobella

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

MyChocolateDiet

I'm Girlanese.

nz_deevaa

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

If he's Guyanese, who are the 'indian like, religious fanatics' ?

Beautiful_Pain

I just skim through and dont know if you asked a question but i can relate to some stuff you've been through. Good luck!

MyChocolateDiet

Given that I am white and he is Guyanese, and our child is half white and half Guyanese..if they are unsure of the paternity...then they may need their eyes checked. As far as for us being sure, we've been together 24/7 for 3 years. I don't think anyone questions that. Like I said, they are unaware of my 3 having different fathers. They are also a bit upset that I am white. They have mentioned this in emails. So...yeah.

If he's Guyanese, who are the 'indian like, religious fanatics' ?

cosmobella

Some Guyanese are of Indian decent, like his family. They were raised Hindu and then converted to Christianity. He calls them Indian, so I tend to do the same.

nz_deevaa

Some Guyanese are of Indian decent, like his family. They were raised Hindu and then converted to Christianity. He calls them Indian, so I tend to do the same.

And you feel like you are being judged via email from Guyana?

smanning1982

I have been married for 14 yrs and have 4 kids with my husband. Just by knowing that people may think how great that is. Then I tell you I met my husband when I was 14 and got knocked up at 16 and got married at 16. Some might judge. Yes, I was one of the crazy out of control having sex and getting drunk and high everyday 15 yr old girls. If I told everyone that, some might automatically judge how I am now. Some may think I am a bad mom or a party girl based on how I was way back then. That's not the case. As soon as I got pregnant at 16 I straightened my life up.

People should not judge you because of your past is what I am saying. Who cares who you've been with? How many times you've been married, how many kids you have. What is important is how you are living your life NOW! You are happily married with a man that loves ALL your kids. You being a good mom. That is the only thing that matters. If someone wants to judge you, do not let it bother you. You cut them out of your life and worry about you, your kids and your husband and that's it.

In my eyes, you are doing great momma! Keep it up!

odusgolp

Some Guyanese are of Indian decent, like his family. They were raised Hindu and then converted to Christianity. He calls them Indian, so I tend to do the same.

And you feel like you are being judged via email from Guyana?

I just snorted... loudly.

So_Much_Fab

I'm not going to judge, but it seems like having baby #4 before marrying the dad is going to make your life pretty hard if you end up with the guy long term since his family obviously doesn't approve. You said you knew your current guy since middle school, so I'm going to guess you've had some kind of idea how his family is. First you had to hide your other kids from them, and you've admitted that they're still not aware of the 2 different fathers. They have very different beliefs than you do and this should have been taken into serious consideration before the babymaking happened.