Being hit on/flirted with?

TheVirgoddess

I'm a bartender so it can get OBNOXIOUS. I actually have gained weight over the years on purpose, consciously or unconsciously so I don't have to deal with it. I actually prefer being fat at work. I like being healthy and normal in the regular world but when I'm bartending, life is a lot easier when you're not constantly sexually harassed.

gotta admit you are attractive

I agree with the 5.5" penis guy.

MrTolerable

retract.

Timshel_

For the record, I've already read this story word for word before on other forums.

And the ban hammer shall fall here too.

MrTolerable

I'm a bartender so it can get OBNOXIOUS. I actually have gained weight over the years on purpose, consciously or unconsciously so I don't have to deal with it. I actually prefer being fat at work. I like being healthy and normal in the regular world but when I'm bartending, life is a lot easier when you're not constantly sexually harassed.

No joke I actually can relate a little here... I had one company that was awesome to work with, but one lady there -at least 10 years older than my mother - would be so obnoxious and over the top, pinching my butt, and dropping **** and asking me to pick it up.. I realized I wasn't shaving on any of the days I had to go out and visit them.

..now when its the hot clients, even if its an old head. I'm down, and it goes right to my head ;PPP

cmay89

I'm typically not bothered by it too much unless it is inappropriate in a particular situation such as work or the classroom. If a fellow student is doing it, whatever I'll play along just because I'm Southern and trying to be nice (this usually gets me into more trouble than it is worth, but I can't turn off the nice), but if it is a teacher, I draw the line there. This last semester, I had a professor hit on me and I cannot even begin to say how much it has bothered me. How much it made me question if I really earned the grade that I got, question if I unknowingly invited his flirtation, question if this unwanted flirting from professors will happen more because I am an older student, etc.

Anywhere else, sure, I'll flirt back, and have no issues with it, but I do have some very definite boundaries.

ken_m

uncle eddie do you by chance have john's contact information

tierra85

I am socially awkward and grew up in an extremely sheltered environment., so I misinterpret things.
If you smile at me or are polite, I'll assume you love me and I'll find it necessary to put you in my car trunk and make you my wife where we'll grow old together in a cabin off-the-grid hundreds of miles from humanity. If you're good for a few years, we might even be able to remove the chains.
Long story short, flirt or don't flirt. It doesn't matter. I'll think you are anyway. *cleans trunk*

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

JamieJam1102

I've had my fair share of inappropriate messages on MFP - but that's sort of what goes along with being a girl and being active on a social networking site. When you're behind a computer screen, it makes you brave - it's easy to send a creepy message or encourage someone to dump their boyfriend/girlfriend for a chance at "true happiness." So my perspective is - Either take it as it is, change your picture and see if that helps, or leave MFP where the same *kitten* is bound to happen.

While you have no control over the way some other person treats you, you do have control over how you choose to respond to it. If your choice is: "Well, this is so immature. I shouldn't have to change my picture, because a bunch of horny a**holes can't control themselves," and then choose not to change your photo because of that mindset... well then, dear, you also shouldn't complain about it when the same shi*t continues to happen, right? As that was your choice to not make any changes.

Just throwing in my two cents.

Carry on.

I agree with you on one level - as the lesson applies to life in general.

But in this case - sexual harassment shouldn't be tolerated and if we just change our pictures, we're......well we're not ever going to to change the mindset of "well she's showing her tits, she must want the d". Does that make sense? A woman should be able to show off her flat belly or great *kitten* without there being some Pavlovian signal (to some men) that she's open to online sexy time. I have big boobs, every time I post a photo and boobs happen to be in it, I get some degrading comments about said boobs that are totally inappropriate.I could carefully edit what pictures I share, but why should I? Instead I let the person know that comments like that aren't okay. I just think if we (general) give in, the cycle will never be broken.

Clarification - I'm not saying that anyone deserves it or it should continue to happen. As you've said, when I get ridiculous messages, I certainly put them in their place, and hope that my comments makes them think twice about sending a disgusting message to another person.

Having said that, sexual harassment is something that happens more often in the medium of these internet/social media type of sites because you can't really police it, and it provides a space of anonymity.

So, all I'm saying is that people will be people, and it's best to be realistic about the way the world currently operates; with the hope that eventually it'll be better.

MrTolerable

I've had my fair share of inappropriate messages on MFP - but that's sort of what goes along with being a girl and being active on a social networking site. When you're behind a computer screen, it makes you brave - it's easy to send a creepy message or encourage someone to dump their boyfriend/girlfriend for a chance at "true happiness." So my perspective is - Either take it as it is, change your picture and see if that helps, or leave MFP where the same *kitten* is bound to happen.

While you have no control over the way some other person treats you, you do have control over how you choose to respond to it. If your choice is: "Well, this is so immature. I shouldn't have to change my picture, because a bunch of horny a**holes can't control themselves," and then choose not to change your photo because of that mindset... well then, dear, you also shouldn't complain about it when the same shi*t continues to happen, right? As that was your choice to not make any changes.

Just throwing in my two cents.

Carry on.

I agree with you on one level - as the lesson applies to life in general.

But in this case - sexual harassment shouldn't be tolerated and if we just change our pictures, we're......well we're not ever going to to change the mindset of "well she's showing her tits, she must want the d". Does that make sense? A woman should be able to show off her flat belly or great *kitten* without there being some Pavlovian signal (to some men) that she's open to online sexy time. I have big boobs, every time I post a photo and boobs happen to be in it, I get some degrading comments about said boobs that are totally inappropriate.I could carefully edit what pictures I share, but why should I? Instead I let the person know that comments like that aren't okay. I just think if we (general) give in, the cycle will never be broken.

Clarification - I'm not saying that anyone deserves it or it should continue to happen. As you've said, when I get ridiculous messages, I certainly put them in their place, and hope that my comments makes them think twice about sending a disgusting message to another person.

Having said that, sexual harassment is something that happens more often in the medium of these internet/social media type of sites because you can't really police it, and it provides a space of anonymity.

So, all I'm saying is that people will be people, and it's best to be realistic about the way the world currently operates; with the hope that eventually it'll be better.

:drinker:

Myhaloslipped

There was one guy sending friend requests to women that said something like, " Let me start by saying that I am not into cybersex." There is no faster way to creep someone out and make them think that you are indeed into cybersex. Not a good opener for someone you have never spoken to before. Lmao.

TheVirgoddess

I've had my fair share of inappropriate messages on MFP - but that's sort of what goes along with being a girl and being active on a social networking site. When you're behind a computer screen, it makes you brave - it's easy to send a creepy message or encourage someone to dump their boyfriend/girlfriend for a chance at "true happiness." So my perspective is - Either take it as it is, change your picture and see if that helps, or leave MFP where the same *kitten* is bound to happen.

While you have no control over the way some other person treats you, you do have control over how you choose to respond to it. If your choice is: "Well, this is so immature. I shouldn't have to change my picture, because a bunch of horny a**holes can't control themselves," and then choose not to change your photo because of that mindset... well then, dear, you also shouldn't complain about it when the same shi*t continues to happen, right? As that was your choice to not make any changes.

Just throwing in my two cents.

Carry on.

I agree with you on one level - as the lesson applies to life in general.

But in this case - sexual harassment shouldn't be tolerated and if we just change our pictures, we're......well we're not ever going to to change the mindset of "well she's showing her tits, she must want the d". Does that make sense? A woman should be able to show off her flat belly or great *kitten* without there being some Pavlovian signal (to some men) that she's open to online sexy time. I have big boobs, every time I post a photo and boobs happen to be in it, I get some degrading comments about said boobs that are totally inappropriate.I could carefully edit what pictures I share, but why should I? Instead I let the person know that comments like that aren't okay. I just think if we (general) give in, the cycle will never be broken.

Clarification - I'm not saying that anyone deserves it or it should continue to happen. As you've said, when I get ridiculous messages, I certainly put them in their place, and hope that my comments makes them think twice about sending a disgusting message to another person.

Having said that, sexual harassment is something that happens more often in the medium of these internet/social media type of sites because you can't really police it, and it provides a space of anonymity.

So, all I'm saying is that people will be people, and it's best to be realistic about the way the world currently operates; with the hope that eventually it'll be better.

Gotcha, and I agree.

kdaxon

Yes and yes.

karmac0matic

Lol I'm not just talking cyber. I mean in real life too... I can't just "turn off" my real life profile pic. Hahah.

fionarama

as you mature you will find it easier to deal with.

velocityc6

I somehow don't realize it when people do it, then a few months later because I am outgoing and friendly have crazy stalkers. This has happened multiple times. My husband now told me no more talking to strangers.

Nice car!

Monkey_Business

I get hit on all the time, especially at work.

I work in an area that certain departments are more gender specific. If I am giving a presentation there, I have to remind them that my face is “up here’.

I will be in a business meeting and a senior department chief will start touching me in a more then casual way.

It is really a pain if I am with my wife out on a date night....it can destroy the whole atmosphere. Waitresses feel very empowered when helping you with that napkin on your lap.

I was at church last Sunday; my wife is a ‘Lay Person’ there. A lady scooted into the pew next to me and next thing I know hand is on my thigh. I moved real quickly.

Last month, I was at the car dealer picking up some parts, the young lady behind the counter put her home number on the receipt with a message to call her sometime.

I am afraid of flying because of some of the stuff I have to put up with from the airline staff. And DO NOT get me started about TSA. EVERY time I end having to go to the damn private room.

It is really ridiculous.











Then again I may be just trying to fool myself :-)

tristan299

If you hate it the solution is easy. Take down your pic.

I have lots of posts and lots of FL friends and I dont' get flirted with hardly.

It's not really a problem for me b/c I change avatars enough people know none of them are me.

IRL I dont get flirted with that much anymore b/c all the places I frequent are flirt free zones. On the off chance I go pick up take out or something sometimes a man will flirt but I don't feel bad about it, it's short lived and they have no way of knowing right away that I'm not available so it's not like they are being a jerk about it. It's still always flattering b/c nobody does it in a harsh way just friendly obvious checking out and chit chat so no worries. It's not like they are expecting to throw down in the Coldstone parking lot just b/c we both happen to be there.

But, yeah if you "hate it" my advice is take down your pic and put whatever motivates you or makes YOU feel happy when you see it.

Sorry going through the whole thread I missed last night. I'm not going to take down my picture just because people can't handle themselves in a respectful manner.

Good for you. Leave it up. As a side not if it makes you feel better, based on the picture you have up now I would neither flirt with or hit on you. :drinker:

You seem to be a level headed young woman if a tad highly strung. I am with the above poster. You'll get no flirting or hits from me love.

in_the_stars

I am socially awkward and grew up in an extremely sheltered environment., so I misinterpret things.
If you smile at me or are polite, I'll assume you love me and I'll find it necessary to put you in my car trunk and make you my wife where we'll grow old together in a cabin off-the-grid hundreds of miles from humanity. If you're good for a few years, we might even be able to remove the chains.
Long story short, flirt or don't flirt. It doesn't matter. I'll think you are anyway. *cleans trunk*

But I really DO love you.
Take off these chains and feed me something good... tired of cat food. Maybe some of those Oreo hamburgers? ;D

Slaintegrl

I think I might actually enjoy being flirted with (if it would ever happen, that is).

khara2012

You live in a society with a variety of thoughts and opinions. If you don't like the flirting, change your picture. Put up a cartoon or something anonymous or a picture of your favorite boots. If you don't want to change your picture because of your personal morals or belief system, then don't change it, but don't expect to change the world on mfp... Try not to be offended by the actions of others. You don't know what their life is like or where they are coming from or what makes them think the way they do. They may be offering a compliment in their own "special" way.