"I knew you'd lose weight and leave me."
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He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
That would really be nice if this was a perfect world. People DO change. As we grow, mature, move through life - we change. Sometimes, other factors creep in and change a person. It's not necessarily about being a cheerleader, it's about building your spouse up - rather than tearing them down. No words or actions required. Those you are closest to are the best at seeing the *****s in your armor. If there were so many wise people in this world, there would be no <50% divorce rate. Just my thoughts.
ETA: I guess ***** in armor is a no no?
^pretty much my thoughts.0 -
He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
Oh GTF over yourself.
This isn't the "Judge my happy moment" thread
WTG girl.
When you post it out there on the internet you are open to any opinions. I stated mine. You are welcome to yours. I'm glad she's happy. Being that she stated herself that he didn't change and was always like that, I feel like both of them took their marriage vows lightly. It's an opinion....and everyone has one.0 -
Uhm, it sounds like you're advocating divorce, and I don't agree with that.
Some of us aren't religious, therefore have no issue with divorce.
Some of us are "religious" and still have no issue with divorce...0 -
Uhm, why the hell is everyone jumping on their high horse and berating this girl for getting a divorce. The post was about empowering herself, not about the fact that she "rushed into marriage" or "tried to change him" etc. I didn't see her asking for advice on the status of her one-time marriage.0
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He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
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He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
That would really be nice if this was a perfect world. People DO change. As we grow, mature, move through life - we change. Sometimes, other factors creep in and change a person. It's not necessarily about being a cheerleader, it's about building your spouse up - rather than tearing them down. No words or actions required. Those you are closest to are the best at seeing the *****s in your armor. If there were so many wise people in this world, there would be no <50% divorce rate. Just my thoughts.
ETA: I guess ***** in armor is a no no? LOL it did it again. :laugh:
I don't see anywhere where it says he tore her down. Maybe I am just missing it.....I see where he didn't cheerlead for her and where he was honest about his feelings of attraction? If your partner gained a substantial amount of weight would you be AS sexually attracted to them? How often did she tell him he was handsome? How often did she thank him for things that he did? We don't know.....
"said, "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you since you've gained weight."
never told me I was beautiful.
never thanked me and took all for granted.
NEVER cheered me on during my weightloss journey. "0 -
Please read my replies to others. I'm not putting blame on a one-way street.
Haters gon hate. Pay no attention to them!
Congratulations to you in everything that you've accomplished! I'm happy for you.0 -
He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
I knew what marriage entailed. I know what "till death do us part" means.
But I was also pressured by my Christian family. We were living together and trying to start a business...
Realize that everything isn't always black and white.
Oh and he said he always wanted to run a business of his own and he got it.
Did he work? Absolutely not. I got $20k from my father's death and it was GONE in less than a year because he didn't work and I paid for everything... how did I see that one coming when I was fed BS...
OP you don't need to get into personal details to defend how you feel. You got your groove back and shared a positive vibe with MFP. Enjoy your happiness and don't feel like you need to explain your life decisions to random internet peeps.0 -
Agreement from here. Support, goes both ways swings evenly, if it doesn't, get out, don't waste you time and energy trying to keep something going for the sake of it. It take courage to go. Why use that courage to stay. I consider I had 16 hard, long, wearing, wasted years. Second time round by coincidence 16 years and it feels like a life time but also two weeks. Start dates 30 years apart............. Life is good0
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Uhm, it sounds like you're advocating divorce, and I don't agree with that.
Some of us aren't religious, therefore have no issue with divorce.
And so much of this!0 -
I don't agree with how judgmental you are. Seek help.Uhm, it sounds like you're advocating divorce, and I don't agree with that.0 -
*Shrug* I get judged regularly for choosing to get divorced. Good thing I don't give a *kitten*, cause I've never made such a good decision in all my life :drinker:0
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When I got stronger and healthier, I left him.
I left him then I bloomed into something gorgeous and vibrant.
I've never felt so beautiful, happy, sexy, free....
Now I'm with someone who becomes noticeably speechless when I try on a new dress.
I'm constantly told that I'm beautiful.
I'm constantly wanted.
Now I'm with someone who believes entirely in me.
+1 same story here, pretty much: just change 'weightloss' to 'fitness' and it works. we weren't married on paper, so i guess it's okay that i left him after 6 wasted years. :smokin:0 -
Those words came from someone who said, "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you since you've gained weight."
Those words came from someone who never told me I was beautiful.
Those words came from someone who never thanked me and took all for granted.
Those words came from someone who NEVER cheered me on during my weightloss journey.
Those words came from my, now ex, husband.
When I was at my lowest weight and begging for his attention, I left him.
I left him then I bloomed into something gorgeous and vibrant.
I've never felt so beautiful, happy, sexy, free....
Now I'm with someone who becomes noticeably speechless when I try on a new dress.
I'm constantly told that I'm beautiful.
I'm constantly wanted.
Now I'm with someone who believes entirely in me.
Get the toxins out. Sometimes it's easier said than done.
This has been my motto for relationships:
If you have the first inkling of doubt, get out.
Doubt, whatever it may be, but trust your instincts...
...and be free like I am
Soooooo...do you put out on the first date???0 -
He was the same. I was naive and thought this is as good as it gets.
Boy, I was TOTALLY wrong. Life is a dream now
I gotta say....based on this response I am torn. Good for you for getting out of it. Good for you for making the changes you wanted to make. Shame on you for rushing into marriage without thinking fully about what it entailed and who you wanted to be with. Thank goodness there were no kids involved. Some people are not cheerleaders....they are not going to tell you how great and wonderful and beautiful you are. Many try to do it through actions and some do not at all.....but it is still up to both parties involved to determine if it is a good match before getting married.
That would really be nice if this was a perfect world. People DO change. As we grow, mature, move through life - we change. Sometimes, other factors creep in and change a person. It's not necessarily about being a cheerleader, it's about building your spouse up - rather than tearing them down. No words or actions required. Those you are closest to are the best at seeing the *****s in your armor. If there were so many wise people in this world, there would be no <50% divorce rate. Just my thoughts.
ETA: I guess ***** in armor is a no no? LOL it did it again. :laugh:
I don't see anywhere where it says he tore her down. Maybe I am just missing it.....I see where he didn't cheerlead for her and where he was honest about his feelings of attraction? If your partner gained a substantial amount of weight would you be AS sexually attracted to them? How often did she tell him he was handsome? How often did she thank him for things that he did? We don't know.....
"said, "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you since you've gained weight."
never told me I was beautiful.
never thanked me and took all for granted.
NEVER cheered me on during my weightloss journey. "
How to tear down a woman's self esteem:
a) Tell her (although you married her and said you loved her ) that you are no longer attracted to her.
b) Never tell her she looks nice (forget beautiful). Don't tell her in words or in how you look at her.
c) Never tell her she is appreciated.
d) Never support things she want for her life.
e) All of the above and then some.
My last thought - When you marry someone, it's because you love them. The part of them that is who they really are. The attraction piece of marriage is very important. But it is only ONE piece.0 -
Uhm, it sounds like you're advocating divorce, and I don't agree with that.
Meh. Too bad the world doesn't conform to your arbitrary rules.
Mine are simple - try to be happy. Try to not injure anyone or be a an azzhat. When you make mistakes, recognize them and correct them.
A faulty relationship is a mistake. Hence you try to correct it. Can't make a partnership (business, life, sports, etc.) work? Maybe time to change it.
No one can be happy for yourself. Good for you, OP.0 -
Ya know what? This is a bad thread to derail.
OP, I am very happy for you that you got rid of a negative influence in your life and have moved on to someone more loving. 0 -
I'm not criticizing your decision to get divorce. To each his own, as they say. My concern was the line - "be free, like me!"
The issue is that lasting relationships are difficult at times, and that's true whether the relationship is romantic or familial or a friendship. This wonderful man you now have will seem less wonderful at some point once you get over the honeymoon period. He will disappoint you and you will disappoint him, because you are both human. What happens, say, if you have his child, and get postpartum depression? You wouldn't be able to meet your own emotional needs, let alone meet his. What then?
I think if more people understood that life has its ups and downs, and sometimes you will act like a b and he will act like a d sometimes, but overall you are decent people, and life has seasons - some hot and steamy, some frigid and cold, and they cycle around again - there would be less divorce, less broken homes.
I wish you the very best in your new relationship.0 -
Ya know what? This is a bad thread to derail.
OP, I am very happy for you that you got rid of a negative influence in your life and have moved on to someone more loving.
I agree. Congratulations on all your success. :flowerforyou:0
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