To all the MFP meanies/bullies

1princesswarrior

Great post!



My gif won't play, bummer

usmcmp

Now I just want pizza.

To all the bullies, meanies and jerks. I know that often we get called these things when someone doesn't like what we have to say or how we deliver the information. Not really our fault. The jumping in to attack people with snark and sarcasm without offering an explanation isn't helpful (and makes you look like an *kitten*). Enough of the mob mentality. It's helpful when trying to stop the misinformation, but not helpful when it's just attacking someone personally.

This is the part I want to respond to. And I feel qualified to do so. I'm sure many people would vote me in the mean bully camp. If you're someone who sells MLM shakes I'm happy that you don't like me. But I really do try to help others, even if I can be blunt or go too far in an attempt to make a joke.

It's the piling on that bothers me. If someone has already said it, and someone else has agreed with them, and another person, do you really need to add your comments as well? They get it. That's when a person starts to feel attacked. When there's 8 pages of "Of course that counts as water, stupid!" Plus it's just redundant and annoying to read.

But ignore me. I'm all mean and junk.

Thanks for adding on! I agree whole heartedly! :drinker:

TheLostMermaid

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

1princesswarrior

Now I just want pizza.

To all the bullies, meanies and jerks. I know that often we get called these things when someone doesn't like what we have to say or how we deliver the information. Not really our fault. The jumping in to attack people with snark and sarcasm without offering an explanation isn't helpful (and makes you look like an *kitten*). Enough of the mob mentality. It's helpful when trying to stop the misinformation, but not helpful when it's just attacking someone personally.

This is the part I want to respond to. And I feel qualified to do so. I'm sure many people would vote me in the mean bully camp. If you're someone who sells MLM shakes I'm happy that you don't like me. But I really do try to help others, even if I can be blunt or go too far in an attempt to make a joke.

It's the piling on that bothers me. If someone has already said it, and someone else has agreed with them, and another person, do you really need to add your comments as well? They get it. That's when a person starts to feel attacked. When there's 8 pages of "Of course that counts as water, stupid!" Plus it's just redundant and annoying to read.

But ignore me. I'm all mean and junk.

This is why we need a like button in the forums but that's just my mean and bully opinion

_Pseudonymous_

QueenBishOTUniverse

Now I just want pizza.

To all the bullies, meanies and jerks. I know that often we get called these things when someone doesn't like what we have to say or how we deliver the information. Not really our fault. The jumping in to attack people with snark and sarcasm without offering an explanation isn't helpful (and makes you look like an *kitten*). Enough of the mob mentality. It's helpful when trying to stop the misinformation, but not helpful when it's just attacking someone personally.

This is the part I want to respond to. And I feel qualified to do so. I'm sure many people would vote me in the mean bully camp. If you're someone who sells MLM shakes I'm happy that you don't like me. But I really do try to help others, even if I can be blunt or go too far in an attempt to make a joke.

It's the piling on that bothers me. If someone has already said it, and someone else has agreed with them, and another person, do you really need to add your comments as well? They get it. That's when a person starts to feel attacked. When there's 8 pages of "Of course that counts as water, stupid!" Plus it's just redundant and annoying to read.

But ignore me. I'm all mean and junk.

Yes, but sometimes that just happens when a whole bunch of people all respond within minutes of each-other, especially when we all see the same thread pop up on a friends news-feed. Also, certainly not scientific but in general, if I ask a question and almost everyone's response is the same, that tells me something, so while it might seem like piling on to some, to others it's just data to consider.

usmcmp

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I'd like to say it will change, but it won't. There is lots of helpful information and helpful people. It's a good idea to build a solid list of friends and stick to asking them questions then lurk in the forums.

Myhaloslipped

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

It has been particularly wild on here for the past week or so. There are times when things are a bit more toned down.

_Pseudonymous_

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

You may not like what you see but don't let the people you don't like discourage you from using an actual real and helpful tool in success. You can choose to allow the forums to help you or you can choose to allow them to hinder you. The fact is that the choice is yours. Just like your food choices is yours, your exercise choices are yours.

We can try and help you but the only one who can help you is you.

Good luck with your fitness aspirations. I wish you well! :flowerforyou:

QueenBishOTUniverse

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I thought the forums were really mean for about two to three weeks when I first joined. I don't any more. You will find many on here who will say the same thing. I think in some ways adjusting to the forums is just a form of culture shock, which is why MANY people recommend lurking reading and searching for a while before you start participating.

TheLostMermaid

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I'd like to say it will change, but it won't. There is lots of helpful information and helpful people. It's a good idea to build a solid list of friends and stick to asking them questions then lurk in the forums.

But how do you find said people? (Sorry if thats one of those stupid questions)

jim180155

Well if you stumble across a stupid question and you're not willing to give a nice helping answer then don't answer it at all. There are other people who will help the new users. Meanness can make sensitive people leave this site and go on with their bad habits regarding eating/not exercising. So if you're not in to help in a nice way, move on to the spank/kiss threads.

I agree with you. Those who think they are merely offering a reality check with their "rude" responses have a valid point too. Like they said, even a harsh but honest reply is better than no reply at all.

But once someone serves up a good helping of reality, I don't think there's any excuse for the next 20 people to pile on. I've seen it a number of times. After a while on the forum you can tell which threads (just try saying vegan) are going to bring out the "realists." And unfortunately, they seem to travel in packs, and any sense of honest feedback quickly turns to sarcasm and ridicule as the posts multiply.

Personally, I'd rather somebody give it to me straight. We all have blind spots, something that's obvious to everyone but us. Honest feedback can help us past that, even if it is a little hard to swallow sometimes. But after the first frank post or two, the rest of the crowd would usually be better off keeping their mouths shut.

kikityme

But I will say, it's annoying when you post something like..."anyone know of a low sugar alternative to milk?" And the only responses you get are "NO! Never stop eating sugar! Sugar is awesome! Natural sugar is ok!"
#rantover

usmcmp

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I'd like to say it will change, but it won't. There is lots of helpful information and helpful people. It's a good idea to build a solid list of friends and stick to asking them questions then lurk in the forums.

But how do you find said people? (Sorry if thats one of those stupid questions)

There's the section looking for friends. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/6-introduce-yourself

_Pseudonymous_

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I'd like to say it will change, but it won't. There is lots of helpful information and helpful people. It's a good idea to build a solid list of friends and stick to asking them questions then lurk in the forums.

But how do you find said people? (Sorry if thats one of those stupid questions)

Honestly? you read the forums and find people who you believe mesh personality wise with you. I have been on here for a while and I have a pretty solid FL, at least it's one that works very well for myself. Simply pick and choose what you want to respond to. I do a lot of reading and usually it's best to read and discern what is truly worthy of your reply. read and read and read and you will find people whom you like.

TheLostMermaid

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

You may not like what you see but don't let the people you don't like discourage you from using an actual real and helpful tool in success. You can choose to allow the forums to help you or you can choose to allow them to hinder you. The fact is that the choice is yours. Just like your food choices is yours, your exercise choices are yours.

We can try and help you but the only one who can help you is you.

Good luck with your fitness aspirations. I wish you well! :flowerforyou:

I was pretty disgusted with the groups on Facebook and was directed towards here. I had used the site before but not as support. I was told coming here i would find a lot of like minded people. But so far no luck.

Thanks for the tips

*Moves back into the shadows to lurk*

devil_in_a_blue_dress

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I was here for a full year before I contributed to the forums. When I started, I learned how to use them (ie the search function, TOS). I read threads, found people who seemed like they knew what they were talking about and went from there.

If you don't like the tone of the forums, you don't have to use them. Or you can find a site with a tone you do like.

If you are discouraged by people who have been here years, with significant weight losses... that's just a questionable thing to me.

usmcmp

But I will say, it's annoying when you post something like..."anyone know of a low sugar alternative to milk?" And the only responses you get are "NO! Never stop eating sugar! Sugar is awesome! Natural sugar is ok!"
#rantover

I get it. If you don't get any actual answers it's probably a good idea to just use Google. Asking a question opens up the door to all sorts of answers. It would be more helpful if they asked why the person wants to know then explains a different point of view.

skullshank

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

You may not like what you see but don't let the people you don't like discourage you from using an actual real and helpful tool in success. You can choose to allow the forums to help you or you can choose to allow them to hinder you. The fact is that the choice is yours. Just like your food choices is yours, your exercise choices are yours.

We can try and help you but the only one who can help you is you.

Good luck with your fitness aspirations. I wish you well! :flowerforyou:

I was pretty disgusted with the groups on Facebook and was directed towards here. I had used the site before but not as support. I was told coming here i would find a lot of like minded people. But so far no luck.

Thanks for the tips

*Moves back into the shadows to lurk*

using the search function can save you a lot of grief.

many times people will ask the questions without making an attempt to answer them on their own.

take, for instance, IT WORKS! body wraps...

let's say you heard from a friend that they are AWESOME, and you just werent sure.
rather than popping over to MFP and posting a new topic asking about this lovely product and the results you heard were so great, take a moment to search. you will find topic after topic, after topic that contain the answer you seek.

this is just one example of many, but the search function really can be a savior.

also, read read read. i cant even begin to tell you how much i've learned from just reading the forums.
you'll see the patterns emerge, and very quickly become one of the more knowledgeable ones.

MyChocolateDiet

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

I'd like to say it will change, but it won't. There is lots of helpful information and helpful people. It's a good idea to build a solid list of friends and stick to asking them questions then lurk in the forums.

I actually think it will change. But that's just the Pollyanna in me, I guess. Your tips are really good though for getting people through until the forums reach an equilibrium of sorts. Right now the pendulum is way on one side, I don't see it could stay that way for long.

Plus you've pointed out some things that no one has before and some people will have to take that to heart and let it marinade. They might not be aware they are doing it or that it's being noticed or that it's as detrimental and embarrassing to the site as it is. I mean some people on here care about their reputations quite a bit or so I've heard. They may ingest your new data and incorporate it in some way. Of course there will always be boneheads but they will be the few, the stubborn, and the unaware. As they are fewer the general tone could reach something more welcoming than what it is now. It might never be sunshine and rainbows but at least it won't be whatever has been going on lately that has brought on this discussion.

kmbluff

I've been lurking around here for a while, but haven't felt the need to post until now.

I live my life by Wheaton's Law: Don't be a d*ck

I'm not always nice. I teach at an alternative high school. I can't always be nice to my students, because these kids need a reality check, yo. They ended up here for a reason. Very often, they need someone to not accept their excuses, to point out the difference between reasons and excuses, and to give them reality check.

But while I may be firm and sometimes blunt, I'm not mean. My students always have worth as human beings, even if they make poor choices. Separate the person from the action, you know?

I also am not going to go and constantly, repeatedly rub a student's face in their past mistakes. If I think an action or behavior of theirs is irritating or detrimental to their future, I'm going to tell them that. If they quit doing the irritating or detrimental action and change their lives for the better, I'm not going to constantly remind them of their past f-ck ups, I'm going to commend them on the hard work they've put in to change.

When I see people making blatantly personal attacks, and piling on someone (as someone else mentioned), well, that's not productive or helpful in the least. Neither is bringing up things they've said/done in the past, unless it relates to their current behavior.

Don't be a d*ck. Separate the person from the action. Focus on the outcome, not the excuses.

Remembering these things would go a long way toward improving some of the BS that goes on here.

MyChocolateDiet

I've been lurking around here for a while, but haven't felt the need to post until now.

I live my life by Wheaton's Law: Don't be a d*ck

I'm not always nice. I teach at an alternative high school. I can't always be nice to my students, because these kids need a reality check, yo. They ended up here for a reason. Very often, they need someone to not accept their excuses, to point out the difference between reasons and excuses, and to give them reality check.

But while I may be firm and sometimes blunt, I'm not mean. My students always have worth as human beings, even if they make poor choices. Separate the person from the action, you know?

I also am not going to go and constantly, repeatedly rub a student's face in their past mistakes. If I think an action or behavior of theirs is irritating or detrimental to their future, I'm going to tell them that. If they quit doing the irritating or detrimental action and change their lives for the better, I'm not going to constantly remind them of their past f-ck ups, I'm going to commend them on the hard work they've put in to change.

When I see people making blatantly personal attacks, and piling on someone (as someone else mentioned), well, that's not productive or helpful in the least. Neither is bringing up things they've said/done in the past, unless it relates to their current behavior.

Don't be a d*ck. Separate the person from the action. Focus on the outcome, not the excuses.

Remembering these things would go a long way toward improving some of the BS that goes on here.

Strong second post. I know that's not a thing. But in this case I want it to be. Hard.

delicious_cocktail

*shrugs* if this is someone's first exposure to the internet, I think we owe them a fair representation of the place.

AglaeaC

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

You may not like what you see but don't let the people you don't like discourage you from using an actual real and helpful tool in success. You can choose to allow the forums to help you or you can choose to allow them to hinder you. The fact is that the choice is yours. Just like your food choices is yours, your exercise choices are yours.

We can try and help you but the only one who can help you is you.

Good luck with your fitness aspirations. I wish you well! :flowerforyou:

I was pretty disgusted with the groups on Facebook and was directed towards here. I had used the site before but not as support. I was told coming here i would find a lot of like minded people. But so far no luck.

Thanks for the tips

*Moves back into the shadows to lurk*

While I joined MFP last year, I was active only for a short while, then mostly connected with the friend list and a couple of groups. Finally I decided to just jump in and be myself, claim my place and either have people laughing with me or at me.

You never know how things will turn out, but if you don't do anything nobody will notice you. And this is not a place where others will grab you by the hand, drag you into things, you just have to show up and participate. Maybe some will think you're a total nutcase whereas someone else might send you a friend request.

It's like offline, you're not best friends with everyone there either, so don't expect things to magically be different here. Having a great dosis of humour helps and in particular the ability to laugh at one's own expense.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

I've been lurking around here for a while, but haven't felt the need to post until now.

I live my life by Wheaton's Law: Don't be a d*ck

I'm not always nice. I teach at an alternative high school. I can't always be nice to my students, because these kids need a reality check, yo. They ended up here for a reason. Very often, they need someone to not accept their excuses, to point out the difference between reasons and excuses, and to give them reality check.

But while I may be firm and sometimes blunt, I'm not mean. My students always have worth as human beings, even if they make poor choices. Separate the person from the action, you know?

I also am not going to go and constantly, repeatedly rub a student's face in their past mistakes. If I think an action or behavior of theirs is irritating or detrimental to their future, I'm going to tell them that. If they quit doing the irritating or detrimental action and change their lives for the better, I'm not going to constantly remind them of their past f-ck ups, I'm going to commend them on the hard work they've put in to change.

When I see people making blatantly personal attacks, and piling on someone (as someone else mentioned), well, that's not productive or helpful in the least. Neither is bringing up things they've said/done in the past, unless it relates to their current behavior.

Don't be a d*ck. Separate the person from the action. Focus on the outcome, not the excuses.

Remembering these things would go a long way toward improving some of the BS that goes on here.

Strong second post. I know that's not a thing. But in this case I want it to be. Hard.

Agreed. I tell my kids that all the time, don't be a d*ck.

QueenBishOTUniverse

As someone who is new to MFP I find what I have seen on the message boards the last couple days to be VERY discouraging. #justsaying

You may not like what you see but don't let the people you don't like discourage you from using an actual real and helpful tool in success. You can choose to allow the forums to help you or you can choose to allow them to hinder you. The fact is that the choice is yours. Just like your food choices is yours, your exercise choices are yours.

We can try and help you but the only one who can help you is you.

Good luck with your fitness aspirations. I wish you well! :flowerforyou:

I was pretty disgusted with the groups on Facebook and was directed towards here. I had used the site before but not as support. I was told coming here i would find a lot of like minded people. But so far no luck.

Thanks for the tips

*Moves back into the shadows to lurk*

Here's a thread that I think is a great example of how these things go down. Don't worry, it's short. But I think it's important to note a few things:

1. It is a post from a new person asking a question that we have all seen and responded to ad infinitum.
2. You will see several familiar posters
3. Yes their is a bit of piling on and certainly snark and sarcasm but not anything *I* would call mean.
4. Notice how everyone responds when the OP actually listens to the advice given.
5. No seriously, notice how we behave when people listen to our advice, we're like puppies who've just been given a treat.

Enjoy: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1302248-getting-out-of-vacation-mode-detox-or-not

Jenni129

Hope this cat has 9 lives lol

kmbluff

*shrugs* if this is someone's first exposure to the internet, I think we owe them a fair representation of the place.

As what, a bunch of people who come off as *kitten*? Why would anyone want to represent themselves like that?

CallMeCupcakeDammit

<snip>
I was pretty disgusted with the groups on Facebook and was directed towards here. I had used the site before but not as support. I was told coming here i would find a lot of like minded people. But so far no luck.

Thanks for the tips

*Moves back into the shadows to lurk*

Here's a thread that I think is a great example of how these things go down. Don't worry, it's short. But I think it's important to note a few things.
1. It is a post from a new person asking a question that we have all seen and responded to ad infinitum.
2. You will see several familiar posters
3. Yes their is a bit of piling on and certainly snark and sarcasm but not anything *I* would call mean.
4. Notice how everyone responds when the OP actually listens to the advice given.
5. No seriously, notice how we behave when people listen to our advice, we're like puppies who've just been given a treat.

Enjoy: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1302248-getting-out-of-vacation-mode-detox-or-not

I felt like I was on another planet. That was great!

MyChocolateDiet

Hope this cat has 9 lives lol

Maybe his parachute is activated by remote? Like some of the members on here.