My husband needs help...
BritniGarner
Posts: 61
Hello,
I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
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Replies
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Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...0
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Hello,
I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
You answered your own question. Nothing will be done until he wants to change.0 -
Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...
He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner0 -
Hello,
I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
But it's hard to just sit on the sidelines and watch him hurt himself... I would feel. being his wife, I should help
You answered your own question. Nothing will be done until he wants to change.0 -
I talked (didn't nag) to my husband about MFP for about a year, then one day he said "yes" he would join. So, you can't make him do anything about his weight until he is ready.0
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You appear too controlling. It sounds like the only thing he has control over is the food, soda and smoking. It has to be his choice and if you can't tell by my profile pic, my hubby has some weight to lose too (and health issues). Recently, my husband saw what fun I had after running a 5k and guess what? He made the decision to start walking. His choice.
p.s. I would have really hurt if my husband went around telling people he was the breadwinner when I was unemployed and somehow had more power. I will tell you what I tell my 15 year old, "It's not that you may not be right, it's your tone that turns people's listening off"0 -
I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.0
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Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...
He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner
Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.0 -
I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.
I don't know the man, but if a heart attack doesn't motivate him, what exactly do you think you're going to do that will be more significant?0 -
Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...
He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner
Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.
I am not trying to seem like I am gloating about the situation. That was not my intent in this whole thing. I am just trying to find a way to motivate him WITHOUT seeming like I am controlling.0 -
See if he'll go to a lab and get blood tests.0
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I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.0 -
I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.
????????????????????????????????0 -
You can always make him sleep on the couch until he comes around0
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Try having a conversation with him. Not one that says "I want..." but one that says "I feel..." Tell him how important he is to you and that living life without him would be more painful than anything you could ever comprehend. If you both want kids let him know that you want him to be there to see your kids grow up. To watch them play baseball, or be in a ballet recital, to see them graduate from high school, get married, have kids of their own.
Think of everythiing you want to do in life WITH him and tell him about it. And then just say, "When you are ready, I'll be here for you."0 -
Try having a conversation with him. Not one that says "I want..." but one that says "I feel..." Tell him how important he is to you and that living life without him would be more painful than anything you could ever comprehend. If you both want kids let him know that you want him to be there to see your kids grow up. To watch them play baseball, or be in a ballet recital, to see them graduate from high school, get married, have kids of their own.
Think of everythiing you want to do in life WITH him and tell him about it. And then just say, "When you are ready, I'll be here for you."
Thank You, I will try that0 -
I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.
Perfect.....0 -
Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...
He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner
Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.
I am not trying to seem like I am gloating about the situation. That was not my intent in this whole thing. I am just trying to find a way to motivate him WITHOUT seeming like I am controlling.
You can't. Simple as that. If my husband had any control of my weight loss I would have lost it long ago from his nagging. It was MY choice and the more he pushed, the less I cared. You have to let him figure it out on his own. You're more likely to push him away than help him. This coming from the spouse that was nagged.0 -
Seriously, do this: Take him for some blood work. Have a doctor explain the peril he is in. If that doesn't "scare him straight," nothing will.0
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it is not our job to be in charge of anyone but ourselves. I don't think it would bother me to be married to someone with extra weight until we could not do things together because of it and then I would have to tell him his weight is making me do things without him like bike ride, ride in amusement park rides, walk etc and so he will be spending a lot of times by himself if he doesn't lose weight. Life is too short not to have fun and I would like to have fun with him but if not it will be with others.
I would just go on with life and hopefully he will want to join you. Cant change him but maybe you can influence him to come along with you if he is alone enough. Maybe he is depressed over not finding work also. If he gets in shape he might get himself a job and keep his wife!0 -
If he complains about pains, lack of energy, etc. - then don't baby him on it. Either let it go, or remind him the situation is up to him to control. I've been there. And when my husband would complain about being lethargic, or feeling bad I'd either let it go or suggest the upset stomach was due to the entire extra large pizza he'd consumed the night before, and that being more active leads to feeling like you have more energy.
Other than that, leave it to him. Not easy, I know, but you can only work on you. If the budget is an issue - then I say that is free to discuss. I know about money being tight. If there is only $X to spend each month on soda, junk food be firm. (Financial reasoning was a motivator for my husband to stop smoking. For a year he pocketed the $ he didn't spend on cigarettes for video games, etc. After that - it went back to the household budget.)
Claiming the role of breadwinner is not a right or wrong thing-its different for every family. Personally I AM the breadwinner in our family, and its the way it works for us. Hubby does work (25-30 hours a week) but is responsible for all the yard work, most of the stuff around the house. I work 50 hours a week and go to school.0 -
You know what they say you can lead a fish to water but you can’t make it swim. Oh wait that’s not right, any way you get the picture.
The whole “I” language as opposed to the “you” language is always a good idea and is how I try and approach every situation. So yes try that by all means but it sounds like he’s been pampered too long, and it’s time for the gloves to come off.
Do you have kids? If so, make him do a video for his children for after his death so they will be able to remember him and let him know he needs to do it soon because at his rate he doesn’t have long also make him write his eulogy.
I wish you the best in this situation.0 -
Take him to an amusement park and have him sit in the mock-up seat as the attendants try to push the restraint down. If that doesn't get him scared straight, nothing will.0
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Don't tell me this is going to get to 2 pages without someone saying it.....
Just break up.0 -
I understand your struggle. My husband "wants to lose weight" (he's 6'1" and around 250) but hasn't seemed motivated to do much about it. I am trying really hard to not nag, but it isn't easy! The best things that have worked are asking him to come to the gym with me ("I really would love to have you spotting me") and to show by example how easy it is to track calories here, eating what I enjoy while still meeting my calorie and macro goals (well, calories better than macros).
I have talked to him about wanting him to be around for our children's weddings, to have the health and energy to play with his future grandchildren, etc. But there has to be a balance between concern/reminding him of his goals and overdoing, because guys really shut down when they are nagged.
It's been 3 years since I started on MFP, and he has signed up and is at least starting to log calories sometimes. He comes to the gym with me around once a week on average. It's not as much as it could be, but he's starting to make some efforts. So be patient, keep working on yourself, and make sure he sees you happy about what you're doing, not deprived or oppressed. Provide healthy meals and snacks, and accept that you can't do more than that. And above all, make sure you tell him how much you love him, not connected to anything else. He needs to know that your love for him and your relationship is in no way dependent on what his body looks like.
TL;DR - don't nag. Be the example in what you do. Don't make love dependent on weight loss.0 -
Don't tell me this is going to get to 2 pages without someone saying it.....
Just break up.
It's not that simple.........
They're married, so just get a divorce
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His problem in my opinion is his perception about dieting. He probably thinks dieting means salads and starving himself. Help him understand calorie counting and lead by example. Before I learned about my fitness pal I was working out and running but confused why I wasn't losing weight. Now that I calorie count not much has changed, except I'm making smarter choices when I consume a lot of calories.
Diet doesn't mean starving yourself or cutting out foods and drinks you love like pizza and beer. Help him understand that.0 -
He doesn't have a job, gaining weight, had a heart attack.....it sounds more like he's depressed. Perhaps, try to figure out what is bothering him first and see how you can help him. Give him lots of love and positive words which will help him. That's what I would do. 0
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He has already had a heart attack at 18!
Are you being serious about the heart attack? That should be enough to get him off his *kitten*.0 -
I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.
I don't know the man, but if a heart attack doesn't motivate him, what exactly do you think you're going to do that will be more significant?
Preach.0
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