My husband needs help...

StaciMarie1974

If he complains about pains, lack of energy, etc. - then don't baby him on it. Either let it go, or remind him the situation is up to him to control. I've been there. And when my husband would complain about being lethargic, or feeling bad I'd either let it go or suggest the upset stomach was due to the entire extra large pizza he'd consumed the night before, and that being more active leads to feeling like you have more energy.

Other than that, leave it to him. Not easy, I know, but you can only work on you. If the budget is an issue - then I say that is free to discuss. I know about money being tight. If there is only $X to spend each month on soda, junk food be firm. (Financial reasoning was a motivator for my husband to stop smoking. For a year he pocketed the $ he didn't spend on cigarettes for video games, etc. After that - it went back to the household budget.)

Claiming the role of breadwinner is not a right or wrong thing-its different for every family. Personally I AM the breadwinner in our family, and its the way it works for us. Hubby does work (25-30 hours a week) but is responsible for all the yard work, most of the stuff around the house. I work 50 hours a week and go to school.

DWBalboa

You know what they say you can lead a fish to water but you can’t make it swim. Oh wait that’s not right, any way you get the picture.
The whole “I” language as opposed to the “you” language is always a good idea and is how I try and approach every situation. So yes try that by all means but it sounds like he’s been pampered too long, and it’s time for the gloves to come off.
Do you have kids? If so, make him do a video for his children for after his death so they will be able to remember him and let him know he needs to do it soon because at his rate he doesn’t have long also make him write his eulogy.
I wish you the best in this situation.

SonicDeathMonkey80

Take him to an amusement park and have him sit in the mock-up seat as the attendants try to push the restraint down. If that doesn't get him scared straight, nothing will.

sloth3toes

Don't tell me this is going to get to 2 pages without someone saying it.....

Just break up.

Lleldiranne

I understand your struggle. My husband "wants to lose weight" (he's 6'1" and around 250) but hasn't seemed motivated to do much about it. I am trying really hard to not nag, but it isn't easy! The best things that have worked are asking him to come to the gym with me ("I really would love to have you spotting me") and to show by example how easy it is to track calories here, eating what I enjoy while still meeting my calorie and macro goals (well, calories better than macros).

I have talked to him about wanting him to be around for our children's weddings, to have the health and energy to play with his future grandchildren, etc. But there has to be a balance between concern/reminding him of his goals and overdoing, because guys really shut down when they are nagged.

It's been 3 years since I started on MFP, and he has signed up and is at least starting to log calories sometimes. He comes to the gym with me around once a week on average. It's not as much as it could be, but he's starting to make some efforts. So be patient, keep working on yourself, and make sure he sees you happy about what you're doing, not deprived or oppressed. Provide healthy meals and snacks, and accept that you can't do more than that. And above all, make sure you tell him how much you love him, not connected to anything else. He needs to know that your love for him and your relationship is in no way dependent on what his body looks like.

TL;DR - don't nag. Be the example in what you do. Don't make love dependent on weight loss.

SonicDeathMonkey80

Don't tell me this is going to get to 2 pages without someone saying it.....

Just break up.

It's not that simple.........

They're married, so just get a divorce

martinel2099

His problem in my opinion is his perception about dieting. He probably thinks dieting means salads and starving himself. Help him understand calorie counting and lead by example. Before I learned about my fitness pal I was working out and running but confused why I wasn't losing weight. Now that I calorie count not much has changed, except I'm making smarter choices when I consume a lot of calories.

Diet doesn't mean starving yourself or cutting out foods and drinks you love like pizza and beer. Help him understand that.

cholepapi

He doesn't have a job, gaining weight, had a heart attack.....it sounds more like he's depressed. Perhaps, try to figure out what is bothering him first and see how you can help him. Give him lots of love and positive words which will help him. That's what I would do.

TheBrolympus

He has already had a heart attack at 18!

Are you being serious about the heart attack? That should be enough to get him off his *kitten*.

jofjltncb6

I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.

I don't know the man, but if a heart attack doesn't motivate him, what exactly do you think you're going to do that will be more significant?

Preach.

BritniGarner

He has already had a heart attack at 18!

Are you being serious about the heart attack? That should be enough to get him off his *kitten*.

I am very serious about it. He was 310 and drinking Monsters like it was going out of business. He literally died in the ambulance and came back in 3 minutes....

mulecanter

Here's a thought. Direct your energy on yourself--make sure you are living an active, healthy lifestyle, ensure your weight is where is should be, be a role model. Live your life. I suspect he will fear losing you and change his ways.

TheBrolympus

He has already had a heart attack at 18!

Are you being serious about the heart attack? That should be enough to get him off his *kitten*.

I am very serious about it. He was 310 and drinking Monsters like it was going out of business. He literally died in the ambulance and came back in 3 minutes....

Wow! That should be a wake up call right there. I don't know what to tell you.

Hiker_Rob

All you can do is encourage but nothing you can say or do will make him until he decides he needs to do it. I have the same with my wife, although she knows what she needs to do, she will not.

Keep on encouraging, don't nag and hopefully one day he will come around.

DeltaZero

TavistockToad

I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change.

You said it right there...

oregonzoo

If a heart attack and being unemployed aren't motivating him I sincerely don't know what would.


I don't envy your postion. I couldn't/wouldn't do it.

boredlimodriver

dis gon be goood

sassyjae21

I understand how difficult that could be. But if he doesn't care enough about himself to take back his health, there's really nothing you can do but sit back and watch him die.

I know that sounds bad. I know that feels bad. But you can't MAKE him care about himself. He's just not ready. And doesn't sound like he will be anytime soon.

I'm sorry. But there's really nothing you can do. He has already hit rock bottom by having a heart attack and literally dying. If that doesn't do it, I don't know what will.

I wish you both the best.

mommyrunning

Are you the one who usually cooks? When I started my fitness journey my husband wasn't interested and was skeptical that most healthy food would taste bad or not fill him up. You can start with small changes such as making smaller portions or cooking healthier meals. I started by changing to 2% milk and light sour cream to cut back on calories. Instead of oil fried chicken I would do breaded chicken in the oven then eventually un-breaded chicken breast. I started making salads to go with the meals as a side option including fruits like strawberries and apples in the salad to make them more appealing. If he gives feedback on the meals listen to what he is liking and not liking. I made changes slowly and often he didn't even notice the small changes I made to our meals. The best thing you can do is lead by example, invite him to go for a walk with you (which could be walking around a shopping area or park) and try not to fuss at him too much. Some people resist if they feel they are being told what to do. If he sees you starting to do better on your own and not asking him to do it he may become more interested in making changes. Also sometimes people are afraid of failing or being embarrassed if they don't get it right the first time. He may feel embarrassed about the situation. Feel free to add me if you need support or food ideas.