Should I be offended?

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Replies

  • feherd
    feherd Posts: 34 Member
    3023108-8004800126-media_preview.php


    But I am laughing my *kitten* off.

    tumblr_ligk7bsNcO1qhbza4o1_r1_500.gif

    Just here to say thanks for posting James Franco's ahhhmazing smile! :)
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
    Bump
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
    I have to get something off my chest.

    I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

    I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

    Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?





    OMG!!!!! bwhahahaha :laugh: :laugh:
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    I have to get something off my chest.

    I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

    I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

    Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?

    Mikki, I am going to share a story with you I have never told anyone else. I frequented a farm a few years back that had the absolute most beautiful man working there I had ever seen. We passed each other between barns and he asked how I was liking the farm. As my eyes met his I felt as though I was diving into a pool of cotton and being whisked away by angels.
    Trumpets were sounding in the background, which seemed odd; "don't angels play harps?" I asked myself...

    It was then, dear Mikki, that I realized I had lost all control of my sphincter. There were no trumpets, just my wailing rectum. Paralyzed by the humiliation of what was occurring, I stared at him square in the face while it just. kept. going. It was the single most colossal gust of wind ever to escape my bowels and it happened in front of the most breathtaking man I had ever laid eyes on. Concern for his safety began to arise as I polluted the air around us.

    When everything was over, we just stood there for a second, trying to make sense of what had happened. I mentally cursed my *kitten* for its utter betrayal and simply soldiered on about my farm visit.

    I didn't bring him a donut atonement, but we did end up becoming friends later on.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: And I thought this couldn't get any better!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    The forums are too much for me sometimes. :laugh:
  • iceey
    iceey Posts: 354 Member
    Please read Part 2 people - it gets better!
  • TheAverageDan
    TheAverageDan Posts: 10 Member
    Ehh..... Id be careful of this approach.... he might take the action as a metaphor.... a metaphor for what? I'm not sure... but nothing you want a part of.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    Nothing conveys the message, "let's get it on" like a well timed butt burp.
  • alioopwontonsoup
    alioopwontonsoup Posts: 17 Member
    Maybe it is like being back in second grade on the playground where the boys showed they liked you by pushing you and stuff?

    This made me cry with laughter
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    This has been great.. lol I'm heading for part 2 now LOL
  • NerdyTXChick
    NerdyTXChick Posts: 155 Member
    Wow, and I thought I had worked with the weirdest people ever! Thanks for sharing!
  • MissNayMalmoe
    MissNayMalmoe Posts: 14 Member
    Sign me right the heck up, then!
  • Always_Belle
    Always_Belle Posts: 73 Member
    THIS is an incredible story that should be written into a book somewhere. I'm still laughing.
  • judyde
    judyde Posts: 401 Member
    .
  • roanokejoe49
    roanokejoe49 Posts: 820 Member
    Yeah, all I read there was, "blah blah blah....CHEST...blah blah blah."
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    lol!!! I think he's playing with your mind. He was being rude because you're a minority and then farted because he knew you wouldn't know what to do. :P jerk. buy him a pie with a hole in the middle… donut hole is too small...

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