Eating out is ruined for me now..
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I think it's really a shame that most of the responses to her topic have been condescending, some downright rude, and overall NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.
She originally posted the topic just as a way to vent about not enjoying going out to eat as much as she previously had. Aren't we all at that point?
No, we are not.
You need to have a healthy relationship with food. Restricting yourself to the point where you're just miserable and can never enjoy real life again? Not healthy. Not sustainable. Doomed.
Learning to manage your social lifestyle and your weight without feelings of misery and guilt? Healthy.
A healthy relationship with food doesn't mean the same things for everyone. And some people may never be able to achieve the relationship with food that you describe. Knowing your triggers, knowing what you personally need to do to stay on track, knowing yourself and your relationship with food is important.
I can understand the OP's trepidation. She's lost a lot of weight, but the battle may not be over. Maintenance is the part most people fail at. Just because what works for you and other responders does not sound right to her, does not mean she has an unhealthy relationship with food, or that she is argumentative . It may simply mean she hasn't read what she feels is a viable answer for her.
It's not as if one can't live a healthy, happy life without eating in restaurants. Why is feeling that you have to eat out or overeat on occasion sound less like an unhealthy relationship with food than thinking you can't or don't want to?
I responded to the OP in a well-meaning and nice way.
Then the person I quote above basically said everyone was a big meanie and we are all struggling with the same thing.
a) I am not a big meanie
b) I'm not struggling with the same thing.
This was all in reply to the OMG You're all so mean post, not the OP.
But my point still stands: perhaps trying to get into the right relationship would bear fruit? Perhaps the attempt would be a learning experience? I don't know. I can't say. People often say things "can't be done.", "It's not possible.", "Maybe, YOU can do it...", etc. But often, they've not really tried. Or are afraid to try.
I did not mean to imply or agree that you are a meanie. I apologize if my post suggested that. But what you describe is not an irrational fear, given the failure rate for maintaining weight.
And OP, I do not mean to imply that you (or anyone else in particular) will fail.
The reason most people fail to maintain is probably (just pulling this out of my *kitten* - I have no experience or anything else to back it up) that they cut out a bunch of stuff to lose the weight.
Then they eventually start eating it all again, but without the self-control they would have learned if they had continued to eat it all the way along. This is probably a recipe for disaster.
Of course, this is all idle speculation and is probably (almost definitely) bollocks. But it could be true...0 -
um.. you're forgetting to allow yourself a life while "dieting".
A day of excess will not harm you. It's daily excess that does us bad. 1 day? You can recover from that in a day or two just by going back to eating how you were eating..
Just go out to eat. - just not everyday.
ps.,.. applebees sucks.
Amen0 -
I've always loved eating out and trying out new restaurants... but now it's just a real drag. I just spent 2 hours looking for a restaurant to go with my mom tomorrow, and ended up deciding on Applebee's just because it's about the only place I can get the calories for (and she doesn't like Italian restaurants).
My husband had 3 suggestions, and everything looked delicious... but I'm just tired of having to guess calories. I just looked at a menu for kicks and tried to guess the calories for each meal by its description... something that looked pretty healthy turned out to be 1700 calories! (some grilled steak at Macaroni Grill). All those nice local restaurants have random sauces and whatnot, and you just can't know the calories for the food.
Now I dread eating out... the last two times I ended up having to have some salad with dressing on the side, everything else was fried or had sauces, or came with fries (they didn't even offer veggies on the side), it wasn't that great and not even filling. I'm just so over it..
We're going in vacations in 2 weeks and we'll be eating out a lot and I'm already dreading it frankly. Ugh.
On their menu it mentions certain things are under 500 calories, you just have to look for it. Don't beat yourself up for it, but I don't blame you for being stressed. Being overweight and losing so much weight, there's always a fear of going back to the state you were at. I used to be 145 and now I'm 218-220, I just recently got back on track and trying to become healthy again. Weight gain is scary. If you need a support system, I'd be happy to help. Feel free to add me, I love looking up healthy stuff for restaurants and wouldn't mind at all helping you out.
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I've always loved eating out and trying out new restaurants... but now it's just a real drag. I just spent 2 hours looking for a restaurant to go with my mom tomorrow, and ended up deciding on Applebee's just because it's about the only place I can get the calories for (and she doesn't like Italian restaurants).
My husband had 3 suggestions, and everything looked delicious... but I'm just tired of having to guess calories. I just looked at a menu for kicks and tried to guess the calories for each meal by its description... something that looked pretty healthy turned out to be 1700 calories! (some grilled steak at Macaroni Grill). All those nice local restaurants have random sauces and whatnot, and you just can't know the calories for the food.
Now I dread eating out... the last two times I ended up having to have some salad with dressing on the side, everything else was fried or had sauces, or came with fries (they didn't even offer veggies on the side), it wasn't that great and not even filling. I'm just so over it..
We're going in vacations in 2 weeks and we'll be eating out a lot and I'm already dreading it frankly. Ugh.
Solution: Move into a cave and eat mushrooms.
Oh no! Vacation eating! GOD, MY FAT IS GOING TO COME BACK!0 -
All I know is that if I was going on vacation, worrying about food would not even be on my mind. Vacations are to enjoy. I don't get a break from my dumb boring real life very often.
Let it go and enjoy a vacation. As long as your vacation doesn't turn into a year, then you're fine.0 -
SHSometimes if I want a 3000 calories meal, I'll just run a marathon. You'll be able to eat 4,000+ cals that day even with a deficit
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Well that's unfortunate. No woman should dread it.
badumtush
Seriously though, just breath and let it go. You've lost 80 pounds. You aren't going to undo that in one night or in the span of one vacation. Literally nothing is going to happen that you an't come back to MFP and fix in a week or two, assuming anything happens at all.
THIS^^^^ you are in good shape, a night out and not worrying about it shouldn't be an issue, if you gain a couple of pounds on vacation you can lose it on return, you know how you've done it before. enjoy the vacation, eat reasonably, I don't think I'd even log or weigh myself. just assess it when you return0 -
I think it's really a shame that most of the responses to her topic have been condescending, some downright rude, and overall NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.
She originally posted the topic just as a way to vent about not enjoying going out to eat as much as she previously had. Aren't we all at that point?
No, we are not.
You need to have a healthy relationship with food. Restricting yourself to the point where you're just miserable and can never enjoy real life again? Not healthy. Not sustainable. Doomed.
Learning to manage your social lifestyle and your weight without feelings of misery and guilt? Healthy.
A healthy relationship with food doesn't mean the same things for everyone. And some people may never be able to achieve the relationship with food that you describe. Knowing your triggers, knowing what you personally need to do to stay on track, knowing yourself and your relationship with food is important.
I can understand the OP's trepidation. She's lost a lot of weight, but the battle may not be over. Maintenance is the part most people fail at. Just because what works for you and other responders does not sound right to her, does not mean she has an unhealthy relationship with food, or that she is argumentative . It may simply mean she hasn't read what she feels is a viable answer for her.
It's not as if one can't live a healthy, happy life without eating in restaurants. Why is feeling that you have to eat out or overeat on occasion sound less like an unhealthy relationship with food than thinking you can't or don't want to?
I responded to the OP in a well-meaning and nice way.
Then the person I quote above basically said everyone was a big meanie and we are all struggling with the same thing.
a) I am not a big meanie
b) I'm not struggling with the same thing.
This was all in reply to the OMG You're all so mean post, not the OP.
But my point still stands: perhaps trying to get into the right relationship would bear fruit? Perhaps the attempt would be a learning experience? I don't know. I can't say. People often say things "can't be done.", "It's not possible.", "Maybe, YOU can do it...", etc. But often, they've not really tried. Or are afraid to try.
I did not mean to imply or agree that you are a meanie. I apologize if my post suggested that. But what you describe is not an irrational fear, given the failure rate for maintaining weight.
And OP, I do not mean to imply that you (or anyone else in particular) will fail.
The reason most people fail to maintain is probably (just pulling this out of my *kitten* - I have no experience or anything else to back it up) that they cut out a bunch of stuff to lose the weight.
Then they eventually start eating it all again, but without the self-control they would have learned if they had continued to eat it all the way along. This is probably a recipe for disaster.
Of course, this is all idle speculation and is probably (almost definitely) bollocks. But it could be true...
Agreed, it could be, and likely is for some.
But it's not possible to lose weight without cutting things out. Whether it's large portions, carbs, restaurants, fat, or even just time to add exercise. Something must be cut if one wants to lose weight. Once the thrill of seeing the scale and your waist (legs, hips, etc.) go down is gone, it's not always easy to continue to deprive yourself of whatever you cut.
Losing weight is usually the easy part.0 -
I am going on vacation at the end of this month, 3 weeks in Taiwan, no way I can figure out the calories and no, I don't care. It's a VACATION! of course I will be more careful and make smart choice, but some food that I miss so much, I will just eat it! It has been 8 years since I went back and I don't see myself going for another 10 years. I am totally prepared to gain all my weight back but I have the confidence that I will be able to lose them when I am back to my "normal" life.
I say just enjoy your vacation, you can make smart choice ( like fish over steak, eat only 1/4 of the fries rather then the whole thing) Have fun!0 -
The reason most people fail to maintain is probably (just pulling this out of my *kitten* - I have no experience or anything else to back it up) that they cut out a bunch of stuff to lose the weight.
Then they eventually start eating it all again, but without the self-control they would have learned if they had continued to eat it all the way along. This is probably a recipe for disaster.
Of course, this is all idle speculation and is probably (almost definitely) bollocks. But it could be true...
That's true for some perhaps but I'm going to go with bollocks for many. Lots of people purposefully restrict certain foods on a cut - I'm not going to eat a big piece of cheesecake when I only have 2000 calories for the day. Now, on 3500 calories? Sure, I might fit cheesecake in on occasion, although probably still not very often. In both cases though I'm exercising self control.
Now, if someone is the type of person that feels helpless around particular foods, I think it could be great advice to tell that person to find a way to learn some self control when it comes to that particular food. Different strokes for different folks though. 0 -
How about OUTBACKI've always loved eating out and trying out new restaurants... but now it's just a real drag. I just spent 2 hours looking for a restaurant to go with my mom tomorrow, and ended up deciding on Applebee's just because it's about the only place I can get the calories for (and she doesn't like Italian restaurants).
My husband had 3 suggestions, and everything looked delicious... but I'm just tired of having to guess calories. I just looked at a menu for kicks and tried to guess the calories for each meal by its description... something that looked pretty healthy turned out to be 1700 calories! (some grilled steak at Macaroni Grill). All those nice local restaurants have random sauces and whatnot, and you just can't know the calories for the food.
Now I dread eating out... the last two times I ended up having to have some salad with dressing on the side, everything else was fried or had sauces, or came with fries (they didn't even offer veggies on the side), it wasn't that great and not even filling. I'm just so over it..
We're going in vacations in 2 weeks and we'll be eating out a lot and I'm already dreading it frankly. Ugh.0 -
I think it's really a shame that most of the responses to her topic have been condescending, some downright rude, and overall NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.
She originally posted the topic just as a way to vent about not enjoying going out to eat as much as she previously had. Aren't we all at that point?
Considering that I lose weight while eating out + a ridiculous amount of pizza, I really don't worry about gaining due to eating out or eating a ridiculous amount of pizza.
What I worry about is 1) not caring about my fitness (like if somebody gets very sick, I won't have the mental energy to figure out how to get in a 30 minute run on top of every thing else) and 2) not being able to exercise due to illness or injury, as this has been my Achilles heel the last couple of times I've gained weight.
Even then, I know that this will be a bump in the road, that I'll eventually get my life back no matter what happens and I'll be able to move on from where ever I end up, so there's really no use worrying about it or berating myself when one of these two things happen.0 -
I get what you are saying but it doesn't have to be that way. Always ask for extra veggies, usually restaurants will step up to make what you want. Also, you don't have to eat the whole meal. I guess at calories/fat etc if I don't know. As you have lost 80 #s you must have some idea of how many calories in foods. You are way overthinking this. Enjoy your vacation. It's not all about food.0
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The reason most people fail to maintain is probably (just pulling this out of my *kitten* - I have no experience or anything else to back it up) that they cut out a bunch of stuff to lose the weight.
Then they eventually start eating it all again, but without the self-control they would have learned if they had continued to eat it all the way along. This is probably a recipe for disaster.
Of course, this is all idle speculation and is probably (almost definitely) bollocks. But it could be true...
That's true for some perhaps but I'm going to go with bollocks for many. Lots of people purposefully restrict certain foods on a cut - I'm not going to eat a big piece of cheesecake when I only have 2000 calories for the day. Now, on 3500 calories? Sure, I might fit cheesecake in on occasion, although probably still not very often. In both cases though I'm exercising self control.
Now, if someone is the type of person that feels helpless around particular foods, I think it could be great advice to tell that person to find a way to learn some self control when it comes to that particular food. Different strokes for different folks though.
No. You eat a little piece of cheesecake and you drink tea instead of coffee on the morning when you plan to eat cheesecake.
You don't just stop eating it and then chow down on a huge piece without thinking about it when you feel like you can afford it.
You make mindful choices.
And THAT's what carries over into maintaining and bulking.0 -
If I know I'm going out for dinner, or ordering in fish and chips that day, I'll just eat light for the rest of the day. It's really not that bad.
Anyway, for you to undo 80lbs of fatloss, you're gonna need a surplus of 280,000 calories in a week. I mean, sometimes I eat a lot, but there's no way I can get 40k calories down in a day.0 -
I've found an umbelievable number of restaurants in the MFP database.I don't have too much trouble with eating out because I'm a picky eater, so I badger the waiter into making my food the way I want it. Most restaurants will oblige these days because everyone is on some weird diet. For example, it used to be really har to get a bagel scooped out, but most bagel places will do that now without blinking an eye.0
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The reason most people fail to maintain is probably (just pulling this out of my *kitten* - I have no experience or anything else to back it up) that they cut out a bunch of stuff to lose the weight.
Then they eventually start eating it all again, but without the self-control they would have learned if they had continued to eat it all the way along. This is probably a recipe for disaster.
Of course, this is all idle speculation and is probably (almost definitely) bollocks. But it could be true...
That's true for some perhaps but I'm going to go with bollocks for many. Lots of people purposefully restrict certain foods on a cut - I'm not going to eat a big piece of cheesecake when I only have 2000 calories for the day. Now, on 3500 calories? Sure, I might fit cheesecake in on occasion, although probably still not very often. In both cases though I'm exercising self control.
Now, if someone is the type of person that feels helpless around particular foods, I think it could be great advice to tell that person to find a way to learn some self control when it comes to that particular food. Different strokes for different folks though.
No. You eat a little piece of cheesecake and you drink tea instead of coffee on the morning when you plan to eat cheesecake.
You don't just stop eating it and then chow down on a huge piece without thinking about it when you feel like you can afford it.
You make mindful choices.
And THAT's what carries over into maintaining and bulking.
"No." I love how you think there's only one proper way to lose weight. Why should I force myself to make room for rich foods on a cut just because I might eat them in the future? That's some faulty logic. I'd much rather make the most of my limited calories on a cut and fill them with nutrient-rich, satiating foods and save the desserts for either a very rare treat or for a time when I have extra calories to play with.
I'll always concede though if you're the type of person that feels miserable without a certain food, find a way to eat that food. I personally don't care about specific foods (although I do really like IPAs) - I like satiation and I have a huge appetite. Great for bulking, but if I tried cutting with pizza, cheesecake, pop tarts and other rich foods in my diet, I'd be 100% miserable all the time. Find what works for you and get it out of your head that there's only one proper way to cut weight.0 -
I used to feel the same way. Now I order whatever I want and really force myself to savor every bite reminding myself it's a treat - often I'll find myself full before even finishing the meal and I won't eat all the calories anyway. But if I eat a sub-par salad to save on calories, I'll go nuts trying to make up for feeling slighted on my 'treat meal" when I get home and snack away all the calories I tried to save. So order something delicious, eat each bite slowly and mindfully and enjoy! YOu might find you're only eating a few fries instead of a basketfull, or 1/3 plate of Alfredo instead of cleaning it and you'll go home satisfied and truly finished.0
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am I the only one offended that she keep saying BUT I LOVE FOOD...
seriously?
we ALL love food.
Some of us loved it so much we got super over weight- some of us managed our weight perfectly fine through our lives loving food AND eating out.
But it really kind of annoys me that people assume because I was never obese that I do not LOVE food. I effing LOVE food- it makes me crazy when people are like "i can barely eat 1000 calories a day how do I eat more" or do I really need to eat more. Really? I can eat that by 10 AM. FOOD IS DELICIOUS AND AMAZING.
Ordering sauce on the side is seriously not a crisis what do you mean you get tired of it? it takes less time to say- sauce on the side- no butter on my veggies than it does to make the rant you made.
If you really wanted to rant you should have said
RANT WARNING-
anyone else get bored/annoyed with ordering things special??
the answers probably would have been "no not really" but it would have been more thoughtful/useful thread than this 10 pages of rubbish whining and batting down every helpful thought.
Upside- new people wanting to know about dinning out can read some really helpful advice!!!0
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