Mixed emotions. My man spoke to me about my weight.

bethanimal4

[/quote]Sugar Ray Leonard boxed at that height and weight for years. His contemporary, Thomas Hearns, boxed in the same weight class while being taller. I suspect both were perfectly capable of opening pickle jars and doing "manly stuff" (whatever that means) while they were at fighting weight.

Why is the attempt to body shame thinner folks any different/better than the attempt to body shame heavier ones?
[/quote]

this.

Michellekutz1

I appreciate his honesty, and it's helped me get on track. But I feel embarrassed and angry at myself and a little at him. Trying to sort this out in my head.

I hear you go through this myself with my husband. He didn't say anything I haven't said myself, but no one can hurt you more than someone you love. Also what he said was true, that doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

doctorsookie

When in my early 30s, for over 3 years I had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight. I am 5' 3 1/2" and he thought I was enormous at 129 pounds. Desperate to hold on to him, I dieted down to 108. He still thought I was fat. He told me, "Your legs should look like mine. Your butt should look like mine." He was 5' 10" and 147 pounds and he did look perfect. I like thin men! But I felt I was too thin at 108. We went to a bookstore and I showed him books with photos of Marilyn Monroe and said, that is an ideal female figure. And he said, "She's a pig."

So what he wanted was a man that was built just like him.

BinaryPulsar

I just want to say that it is normal to have all of these mixed emotions about it. Of course you feel the way you do, it's only human. But, it also sounds like the conversation was honest, productive, and helpful. Take some time to feel your feelings and work with them, and keep up with your weight loss and fitness. In the end you will be glad that you had that talk and made the changes. And you will have a lot to enjoy during the process. Personally, I want my husband to tell me if he notices any weight gain, even just a couple pounds. I want to stay on track, not be in denial. My fitness is important to me.

bellesouth18

My ex brought me a grill for my 28th birthday -_-. Well intended but um, yea. If your boyfriend said it in a respectful nice way, then just know he loves you and wants you to be healthy. If he said it in a nasty way, well still work on losing weight, starting with him.

Totally this!

It's all in the presentation and where it's coming from through him: His love and concern for you via his heart or his ego (or wherever) via hurtful words.

The thing is, you've got to want it to happen, too, or it won't. Good luck!

BethN3101

My hubby jabs me also about my weight. I have tried everything you could think of but last August (almost a year) I had bariatric surgery. To be more specific I had the Vertical Sleeve performed. The process from start to finish was 6 months to do the appropriate tests and such to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. My Doctor recommended i loose 18 pounds before surgery (to show commitment) and with the help of this app i surpassed that goal and lost 25 ! Now from start to now I am down 110 lbs. I weigh less now than I did 15 years ago when I met my hubby. He still mentions to me about my weigh but not as much and it is more of a request not to over do it.. I just wanted to point out you have to do it for you and you alone first. Then after you make the choice you are gonna do it then you can do it for others!!!

AutumnElf80

I guess it really depends on delivery. If he said something along the lines of "babe you're getting fat and I don't find that attractive" I'd be very hurt and upset. If he said something like "babe I've noticed that you haven't been as happy and active as usual and I'm becoming concerned" then no real reason to be upset.

What if he was really thinking the first but said the second?

I get that there's no need to go out of your to hurt someone, but burying your own feelings to avoid doing so isn't necessarily the pathway to happiness, either. Some things are going to hurt your feelings.

"I guess it really depends on delivery. If he said something along the lines of "babe you're getting fat and I don't find that attractive" I'd be very hurt and upset. If he said something like "babe I've noticed that you haven't been as happy and active as usual and I'm becoming concerned" then no real reason to be upset.

If you believe that he was just trying to be helpful and not hurtful then I'd just take it as a wake up call and move forward. If he was doing it to be hurtful then I'd speak up about it. But this is me and not you so do what you think is best for you."

Hence the second part about how do you believe he meant it. Also the part about this was me and that she should do what works for her.

aedreana

I think another factor in play with that ex of mine was, I think in many cases men who idealize their mothers may tend to be drawn to women of their mother's body type. He was Korean-American; his mother was TINY TINY TINY like many Asian women are. Compared to his mother, I guess I was indeed fat. He said to me one day, "You know? ALL your friends are FAT." The lesson I learned from all this was to never change to please anyone else, and that the people in my life will have to accept me as I am, because I am going to be how I choose to be.

Dunkirk

Once while wearing my 'Birthday Suit' I asked my husband if it made me look big. He told me "Yep! And it needs an iron".

You can be glad yours doesn't need ironing :-)

fallingtrees

Once while wearing my 'Birthday Suit' I asked my husband if it made me look big. He told me "Yep! And it needs an iron".

You can be glad yours doesn't need ironing :-)

This is why I refuse to iron. If God sees fit to put wrinkles in my skin, why should I obsess about them in my clothes?

Nicolee_2014

When in my early 30s, for over 3 years I had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight. I am 5' 3 1/2" and he thought I was enormous at 129 pounds. Desperate to hold on to him, I dieted down to 108. He still thought I was fat. He told me, "Your legs should look like mine. Your butt should look like mine." He was 5' 10" and 147 pounds and he did look perfect. I like thin men! But I felt I was too thin at 108. We went to a bookstore and I showed him books with photos of Marilyn Monroe and said, that is an ideal female figure. And he said, "She's a pig."

:noway:

summer92008

I'm kind of in the same boat, except in the opposite way. My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. I am not overweight, but I would like to slim down a little to up my self-esteem. But every time I talk about what I've eaten today, or how many calories I burned while exercising, he gets upset. He says it hurts his feelings because he thinks I am beautiful the way I am and that I'm pretty much ignoring what he says by dieting. He said it also hurts his feelings because I talk about how I need to lose weight when I don't, and he knows he needs to lose weight. He says, "If you aren't happy with yourself the way you are, then how can you possibly find me attractive the way I am?" He is on the bigger side, but he has been the whole time I've been with him and I love him nonetheless. I do wish he would lose some weight just to help his health, but I don't want to mention it. I know in time he will do it on his own. As far as my weight loss goes, I try to just keep it a "secret" from him - I just don't discuss exercising or trying to eat smaller portions, etc. I do feel bad for thinking that yes, he does need to lose weight because I love him and find him attractive the way he is, but I just want him to get healthy so we can live long, happy, healthy lives together.

He sounds a tad insecure, and a little manipulative. Why you ask, bc my EX didn't want me to really WO(he had packed on about 50 lb) so I would sneak out of the house early in the a.m. and run then get back in bed as if nothing happened. Very disturbing looking back at that, but I allowed it, so I can't play the victim.

This is kind of how I feel. I try to not discuss me going on walks every morning because I'm afraid it will make him upset. But, like anyone else, I sometimes catch myself telling him a story about something funny that happened while I was walking. It's hard to keep from speaking about certain parts of your life, especially to your SO. But I definitely do think he is insecure. He says that he is afraid that I will leave him. I try to tell him that I won't and I love him, but that doesn't always make him feel 100% better.