My Name is Julie, and I'm an Alcoholic

These_goto_11

You already know how to help yourself. But here you are, making a post for attention and garnering sympathy which you believe is the support needed to change. It won't work. You will fail like before. Nothing will change unless you change it. Things will always be as they have been because you aren't yet ready to make the changes to take you in a new direction. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop being immature. That is what you are doing. These "meetings" become addicting and pretty soon, you start to feed on how everyone reacts to you and their "needing" your returned support. It's a vicious cycle of selfishness.

Having known close family members who have been and are drug addicts/alcoholics, the root problem here is a lack of self-worth--that and a selfish imbalance stemming from a serious lack of psychological development. For whatever reason, you never learned that life isn't about you, that it's not about being praised or condemned. It just...is. You fit into it; it doesn't fit into you; you MAKE it; it doesn't make you. You can either conform and start playing by the same give-and-take rules as the rest of productive society, or you can wallow with "treatment programs" and other forms of "me, me, me" like you've been doing.

The fact is, you've chosen to play the victim. People who use terms that empower failure like "anxiety disorder" and "depression" don't know that they are simply bolstering their weaknesses to control them by giving them a name. You are the way you are. You have weaknesses, but you beat those by putting forth the mental energy to compensate, not empower them to envelop you by justifying them as if they were a permanent part of you. You can beat them when you decide you need to, when you get sick and tired enough of losing. You can, and maybe you will, but you will have to completely overhaul your thinking for that to happen.

You will always be an addict, yes, but you can decide it is time to stop the cycle and move on. You can learn to kick the *kitten* of your problems and decide to live life as an alpha when you realize just how silly you are being from throwing up the "woe is me!' sentiments. Step back and look at how everything in your life is a wreck. Why is that? Why is it that weight loss, psychological instability, AND drug-use are all washing up on your shores? It's because, for one reason or another, you never learned to function, to reason, to sacrifice, or to process feelings as you needed to. It doesn't really matter why you are the way you are (a lot of us share or have shared the same struggles). What matters is that you aren't done learning yet, which is why it is time to affect those much-needed changes.

In your mind, you are at the center of your own universe, but instead, you should view yourself like a heart or a lung, or perhaps just a blood cell--a small part of a greater whole that can be made to function better when you do your part (instead of justifying why you fail and refuse to move forward).

Skinner said that depression is just the inability to construct a future. That means, we should always be planning and moving forward, if only in some small way. Never revel in failures because when you get back up and keep moving forward perpetually, the odds of your finally winning become so stacked in your favor that you basically can't lose.

I know this has sounded harsh, but I hope you will consider these words.

love this

Me, too.

Suit Up.

DSTMT

It looks like you forgot to mention your qualifications to make sweeping statements about addiction and mental health that are in opposition with what many doctors, psychiatrists, neuroscientists and psychologists accept. I'm sure you have some though, and simply forgot that failing to bring them up to validate your comments would just make you look like an ignorant *kitten*.

Could you clarify your professional or academic qualifications and cite some reputable scientific studies to support your claims? Are you a psychiatrist? Maybe a medical anthropologist with a cross cultural background in mental disorders and treatment? As a PhD student I have access to virtually any scholarly journal so don't worry about a paywall keeping me from reading the research you've based your statements on. Don't worry about advanced neuropharmacology going over my head, as luck would have it my boyfriend is a neuroscience PhD so he can talk me through the really specialized stuff.

What, are you saying a degree in personal responsibility and hypocrisy as taught by Rush Limbaugh doesn't count? :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: funny he never came back to provide any clarification of his qualifications lol it's almost like he was just pulling it all out of his *kitten* or something. Oh wait, that's exactly what he was doing.

ilyahna2014

I, the OP, am going to my first AA meeting tomorrow. I called family and friends and enlisted my partner to hold me accountable. It all started with this thread.

Originally, this thread was never intended to solicit lectures on my wayward behavior, my poor choice of career, my devotion to my clients, or anything remotely like that.

I wanted to let others know that if they struggled with something similar (and it IS a burden to a healthy life plan, for MANY reasons) I'm reaching out to hold your hand if you will hold mine too.

Thanks for the solid support that I saw here.

And this is all in addition to my long term professional help (needed more since my father's cancer) that I have also been receiving, and am willing to discuss with anyone else needing a helping hand in such times.

darrensurrey

OPer, I'm pleased to hear you're seeking professional help.

sorry...for all the ellipses....hope that...doesn't bother...anyone....too much....

It's ok... I've seen... the whole of... series 1 of... Star Trek.

ilyahna2014

OPer, I'm pleased to hear you're seeking professional help.

sorry...for all the ellipses....hope that...doesn't bother...anyone....too much....

It's ok... I've seen... the whole of... series 1 of... Star Trek.

Kirk Gif from Family Guy or it didn't happen.

schmanciepants

OP....good job for going! I personally saw firsthand how devastating alcoholism can become if allowed to get worse (and as a progressive disease, it always does). Recovery is not easy, but will be worth it!

That said, also from my firsthand observations, depending on how much you are drinking daily, it may be a good idea to talk to a doctor, since detoxing can be dangerous without medical observation. I have seen seizures and hallucinations happen, so please be careful.

Good luck!

BinaryPulsar

OP....good job for going! I personally saw firsthand how devastating alcoholism can become if allowed to get worse (and as a progressive disease, it always does). Recovery is not easy, but will be worth it!

That said, also from my firsthand observations, depending on how much you are drinking daily, it may be a good idea to talk to a doctor, since detoxing can be dangerous without medical observation. I have seen seizures and hallucinations happen, so please be careful.

Good luck!

I agree with this! I have also seen it in my family.

I'm proud of you, Op. You have our support.