Failing Marriage
Replies
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Get this tattoo on your back... and stomach. It will make sex so awkward that he'll leave you amicably.
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Sweetie, I have been married for nearly 27 years, and my husband has called me many names during that time, but he has never, EVER called me Fat.
Ultimately, it is your decision whether to stay in the marriage or not, but I think you have given yourself the answer. All you need to do now is follow through with that decision.0 -
OP if you need to talk/vent. Feel free to msg me.0
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Problem is now that i have been away i feel more relaxed and confident than i ever did living with him.
This should be your answer right here. The emotional abuse adds up. The physical abuse seals the deal.0 -
I think this is a question for an attorney or licensed therapist. I'm divorced, it sucks at first but in the end you can meet someone new who is nicer and appreciates you.
You don't need permission from random strangers on the internet to leave (it seems like that is what you are looking for). You have to decide for yourself!!! 0 -
Also, putting your business out here won't help. Delete this thread, go discuss your situation with a friend or trusted family member, and make a good decision for your future.0
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I wish you luck, You should go your own way, it's not easy at first but you can do it and you deserve all the best my dear ! fingers crossed and sending a lot of hugs x0
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I'm sorry to hear this and wish you nothing but the best.
^^^^^ This.0 -
You've already done the hardest part-moving out. He did you a favor this weekend and gave you a glimpse of what it would be like if you went back. Don't. Just don't.0
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I would think the answer is obvious. Sure, ending it won't be easy, but you'll be better off.
I agree 110% with this0 -
Are you still in contact with the guy from work?0
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Also, putting your business out here won't help. Delete this thread, go discuss your situation with a friend or trusted family member, and make a good decision for your future.
Spot on0 -
I think you know what the answer is already. If you sat and listened to your heart, you know. We can all dish out all the advice we see fit to. Some will congratulate you, others judge you. In the end, it's your life, your decision and no-one can make you do anything. I remember when I was pretty much done with a 20 year marriage and I asked my sister when would I know it was over....
She said "You'll know"
Good Luck!!!0 -
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170 is a bit heavy for 5'8. just saying.0
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Let's forget about your husbands bad behavior: You cheated on Him.
Let's focus on that.
No he should not ever in any way be physical or verbally abusive, however you should never in any way cheat on your spouse. You both have issues that need to be worked on. If you think working together will lead to a positive place then stay in the relationship. If you think it's best to move forward separately then get divorced.0 -
Look at it like this...
If you were just dating someone and they treated you like he is treating you, would you even try to make an argument to be with that person? Marriage is no different in that regard. All the time spent together and other stuff doesn't matter. What matters is that you are with someone who respects you and that you can respect.
So where do you go from here is really what you are asking. That is the tough part.
20 years is a big part of your life. Ending things just slaps you in the face and makes you feel like you have wasted so much time, only to fail. It robs you of optimism, ambition, and especially kills your confidence.
Some lessons take time to learn - even 20 years - but what matters is what you do once you have learned them. You know what going back is about. You know who he is and how your life will be. Your life hasn't been for not if you realize this and can move on to better things. The real waste of time and slap in the face would be staying in what you know is not right.
Just my .020 -
I am trying to be less judgmental of situations where I don't know the full story, so I don't really feel comfortable offering advice to you. All I will say is this:
If your son were a daughter, would you want her to stay in the kind of relationship you yourself have with your husband? Use whatever your answer is to be the driving force that makes your decision.0 -
That's just it, he was pushing me back in fight mode so i defended myself. plus as a martial artist my feet are very quick to defend myself. it's not like he called me fat *kitten* and i just hauled off and kicked him. It got more heated cause i told him to F off and stood up for myself which made him angry with me and more physical. That was 12 years ago so the details are blurry now. I probably should have left then but was young and terrified to be alone. I'm still terrified to be alone, I don't know how to be alone!
And then you married him the next year?
Your math skills are impressive!!
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Sounds like you guys are both totally messed up, and it sounds like you got to that point together. If you split now, you would just carry your stinky messed-uped-ness on along with you. Fix yo ****.0
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again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
That's a BMI of 25.8. Six pounds outside of "normal" range barely into the "overweight" category.
I think the important thing to note is that the term "fat", as you're using it, is needlessly inflammatory and insulting - - in that you just called the OP fat, and why, I can't tell. Other than you just wanted to call someone fat today? Round of applause for you.0 -
again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
blatant pot-stirring is blatant.0 -
Realllllllllly? So, if my spouse "warns" me and I don't "behave" it's ok for him to give me a slap? Are you just trolling or are you actually a misogynist?0
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again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
That's a BMI of 25.8. Six pounds outside of "normal" range barely into the "overweight" category.
I think the important thing to note is that the term "fat", as you're using it, is needlessly inflammatory and insulting - - in that you just called the OP fat, and why, I can't tell. Other than you just wanted to call someone fat today? Round of applause for you.
sorry, not fat. heavy.0 -
At first reading the OP, my thoughts were......what a douche she says her husband is, she cheated.....wow what was the question?!?!
Then I read the whole thread, this is just one side of the story.....but from what is said here, neither one of you should be in a relationship. You have both been physically and emotionally abusive (cheating on him, probably felt like an emotional attack to him). This shows very little respect for each other. 20 years and a kid are not a reason to be with someone you have no interest in loving, respecting and caring for.
I never advocate for divorce, but truly you both need to move on.
My husband and I have heated arguments at times, we are both hot tempered. Neither of us would hit, insult (we have said you are being a B or an A) or disrespect the other. OP not only did you physically cheat, you said you formed an emotional attachment. If you loved your husband, that would not have happened. Staying together out of familiarity is not a viable option.
Your description of both of your behaviors sounds like it is still a highschool relationship.0 -
again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
That's a BMI of 25.8. Six pounds outside of "normal" range barely into the "overweight" category.
I think the important thing to note is that the term "fat", as you're using it, is needlessly inflammatory and insulting - - in that you just called the OP fat, and why, I can't tell. Other than you just wanted to call someone fat today? Round of applause for you.
Me thinks the OP is eye-ing your nuggets for a range estimation. You better get some cover there!0 -
Two things are sticking out to me
1) you cheated with the work dude with the kiss
2) you end this post asking if any of us have ended "long relationships" and "what can I expect".
These two points make me wonder if you are fearful of being alone.
When honestly I think you should be fearful of being together right now.
With anyone. You need domestic violence counseling to see how you have lowered your expectations of yourself due to your relationship and also how you might have lowered your expectations of others before you start dating again. What you can expect from him depends a lot on what kind of mixed signals you send from now on and how much he is confused by them and how much his emotions are left dangling and twisted by your actions going forward. I think DV counseling for you will help you navigate ending that relationship for good and as safely and smoothly for both of you as possible. There is no reason this has to end with anyone hurt, or in jail, or any more messy things for the kid to hear of, witness, or become privy to in some far off future. It's already been bad enough but the ball is completely in your court to fix things because his behavior this weekend shows that he is not right now in a place to do so. It will be entirely up to you and the faster you see that the better off you all will be. You. Your son. And even your husband.
36 is still very very young considering. My aunt remarried at age 60 and is very happy.
You could conceivably be in a much healthier place emotionally and self esteem and relationshipwise by 37 and have a long life to look forward to. A long life of a lot less hassle and problems. Walking away only seems hard BEFORE you do it, once it's done it feels great and is a great relief. That's what you have to look forward to...the relief of not being around someone who is not who you thought they were.0 -
again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
That's a BMI of 25.8. Six pounds outside of "normal" range barely into the "overweight" category.
I think the important thing to note is that the term "fat", as you're using it, is needlessly inflammatory and insulting - - in that you just called the OP fat, and why, I can't tell. Other than you just wanted to call someone fat today? Round of applause for you.
sorry, not fat. heavy.
According to this BMI calculator http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/guidelines/obesity/BMI/bmicalc.htm "overweight" would be the right term.0 -
again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.
[comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]0
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