Failing Marriage

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Replies

  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
    ok ok shes not fat. *brushes off angry PM's IM's nastygrams etc. I was just chit stirring. PLease go back to talking about domesic violence and cheating.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    ok ok shes not fat. *brushes off angry PM's IM's nastygrams etc. I was just chit stirring. PLease go back to talking about domesic violence and cheating.

    ppl are PM ing you over that? OMG.

    I get your point though, it would be nice if she sought the proper venue for that venting and focused on her fitness goals on here. That's why I recommended where she could take that mess to have it sorted out by people who get it.

    On here people know a whole lot about fitness and yeah, she's a little overweight by BMI standards but nothing a little CI/CO can't fix.
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
    Everyone is telling you to leave cause you deserve better. We have only heard one side of this story. If I was him I would have left you for having lunch and kissing another man. You was married when you did it, so your wrong isn't any better than his wrong. I don't suggest anyone get a divorce cause I'm not for it, but if you start getting into that cheating game you need to get out before you kiss or sleep with others. You let the guy at work in your heart by entertaining what he had to say. Don't matter if you wasn't getting it at home. Leave if you are unhappy. Don't play that victim role cause a guy showed you some attention. Neither you or your husband are in the right. We're just hearing your side.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    The mental and verbal abuse has been going on for years.

    it only gets worse. my ex was the same. he was abusive mostly verbally but also physically and at the end the physical was getting worse. I've read a couple pages of this and there was talk about counseling... yes, we tried that but it only works if both parties are willing and admit there is a problem - he wasn't and didn't. girl... do what you think is right - STAY OUT! and I never thought I'd advocate for divorce but after what I've been through, it's best to be safe. I'm not the perfect wife either, however, there is no excuse for emotional, mental, or physical abuse - ongoing or otherwise.

    I also have a child, I justified staying with him for that 22 yrs thinking my son needed a father. There were other reasons - I was afraid to leave (he threatened my life if I were to leave), and a lawyer told me I'd lose custody of my son if I were to leave (I worked two jobs ex didn't work) - no way on EARTH was I going to lose my son! Thankfully, I have my son and I'm still here typing this to you.

    I think you know what to do sweetie... :flowerforyou:


    and to the person who called her fat...:angry: that was totally uncalled for! UGH!
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
    again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

    [comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

    Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    Quite the wall of text.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Yes, the abuse does get worse with time.
    So does the cheating.
    I am 100% convinced that once a cheater, always a cheater.
    I have yet to be proven wrong.
    She cheated on her husband. She deserves to be alone.
  • buzybev
    buzybev Posts: 199 Member
    One sided story, but interesting to see people justifying/downplaying physical and domestic violence cus cheating.

    OP, cut your losses, make sure you and your child are safe, and move on.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    I would suggest that you contact the National Domestic Violence hotline for some guidance (link at the bottom of this post). Just because he hasn't busted up your teeth or broken any bones doesn't mean you're NOT being abused.

    Anyone who condones violence because she strayed needs a REALLY large cup of STFU. Everyone needs to keep their hands to THEMSELVES!

    As a SURVIVOR of domestic violence and growing up in chaos, that **** ****s with your head. And if you have children, keep in mind they are seeing/hearing it ALL.

    I could tell stories that would make your hair curl, about how at the age of 7, I was already a full time referee? I would step in between my parents multiple times to get my dad to STOP hitting my mom.

    Or how about the time we hid from him in a field. WHy? Because my lovely father was beating my mom, broke her nose and went to get a gun. We RAN and hid in this old man's field until my dad gave up looking for us. I was 9, my sister was 5.

    DV is NOT funny at ****ing all. Period. There's NOTHING to excuse man/woman/beast for laying hands on one another. Again, keep your flippin paws to yourselves!

    I would suggest counseling FOR ALL. Because as long as you lived this cycle, you will continue it until you recognize this as a problem.

    BREAK THE CYCLE!

    http://www.thehotline.org/
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

    Wow.....what is your problem? I'm sure she is aware that she is a bit overweight. Don't be a ****.
  • Froggymcconnell
    Froggymcconnell Posts: 92 Member
    170 is a bit heavy for 5'8. just saying.

    and your an a******e!!! just saying
  • kbeloved
    kbeloved Posts: 67 Member
    I refuse to give advice on a 20 year relationship we know very little about, and only one side of.

    That being said, make sure what you decide is best for you, your child, and your husband. Shockingly, you can figure out a way for everyone to remain cordial... maybe even happy. Or, you can figure out a way to make it ugly, abusive, and downright hateful. I recommend the former.
    This.
    I worked in on a domestic violence hotline and one thing that a lot of people seem to overlook is that there are two sides of the story ALWAYS. That being said violence to either party is NEVER acceptable and is not normal. I would recommend you google "the cycle of violence" because it sounds like you're in the midst of it. When children are involved it's always best to try and work things out in a mature manner whether that means divorce or counseling. Your child will see how you treat each other and that will be their basis for how a relationship is supposed to work, please keep that in mind.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

    [comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

    Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

    Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

    [comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

    Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

    Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).

    What body fat % will give me abs and bigger fun bags?
  • Yurippe
    Yurippe Posts: 850 Member
    Has anyone else ended a long relationship? What am i to expect?

    The OP should have said this and nothing else. She did not ask for advice on staying in the relationship, critiques on his/her actions, or anyone's thoughts on domestic violence. Maybe two people in this entire thread actually answered the question.

    So, what to expect? I'd guess you probably view yourself as part of a "we". You'll have a tough time figuring out who YOU are. Putting yourself back into a crap situation will probably seem less scary then learning to live with change. I'd discuss that with your therapist.

    All that being said, the chit-chat, fun, and games forum of a fitness website is a really weird place to discuss any of this.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

    [comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

    Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

    Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).

    What body fat % will give me abs and bigger fun bags?

    15% and some breast implants.
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
    Yes, the abuse does get worse with time.
    So does the cheating.
    I am 100% convinced that once a cheater, always a cheater.
    I have yet to be proven wrong.
    She cheated on her husband. She deserves to be alone.

    Well, I can prove you wrong. I cheated on my 2nd boyfriend with my 1st (and my current SO of 12 years), and haven't cheated since. Why? Because I made a mistake that has multiple layers behind the reasons why that I won't explain here. I've regretted, I've apologized, I've accepted, and I've moved on.

    BAM. You've just been proved wrong.

    Also, just because someone made a mistakes doesn't mean that they deserve to be alone. Face the consequences of their actions, yes. To be alone? No.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I feel like it is imperative to ask, is the dude in your profile picture your husband or new "friend"?
  • emkayelle91
    emkayelle91 Posts: 846 Member
    You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you happy and feel good! I'm currently going through marital troubles (he cheated multiple times and gets angry with me for having emotions about it -___-) and through that I am discovering that life is way too short to be unhappy! I am all for working out a marraige and trying to save it instead just walking away, but sometimes you just have to recognize when it is just not worth saving anymore.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Just do it. Your biggest regret will probably be that you waited so long. Looks like you can loose a lot of pounds simply by removing him from your life. You can do this. You deserve better.
  • camy_chick
    camy_chick Posts: 277 Member
    Not me personally....But my sister just got out of an 20+ year relationship just last year. He was mentally, physically, emotionally, monetary just OVERALL abusive. He would hit her, talk down to her, make her feel worthless. She had thought about leaving many times before. She actually called our dad multiple times asking for him to drive 4 states away to get her out of that "house". But before he could even leave our town, she called back and said she was going to stay. Then the cycle started again - I'm sorry, forgive me, and then BAM hit her, abused her again and again. Another 1-3 years later, and ANOTHER call. Eventually he started fighting with the kids. FINALLY because of our grandma dieing, she was up here, and they fought on the way. He ditched her and their 2 youngest kids here. And she NEVER went back! BEST THING EVER FOR THEM!

    Since then, she has found a great guy who loves her and her kids, treats them the way they deserve.

    ABUSE IS ABUSE - if it has happened before, more than 1-2 times, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN! It is a vicious cycle.......Save yourself while you can!
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    170 is a bit heavy for 5'8. just saying.

    I'm gonna go with irrelevant since she did pull a side piece
  • CamilleJackie350
    CamilleJackie350 Posts: 124
    Lmao, so a coworker shows you a bit of attention and all of a sudden you think it's okay to cheat on your husband? (inb4 'but it was just a kiss' arguments).

    Any other details in the OP have become irrelevant because your actions show how immature and self absorbed you really are.

    You two shouldn't be in a relationship.
  • arainiday1
    arainiday1 Posts: 1,763 Member
    i agree with the abuse is abuse and he may even have a substance abuse problem. honey you need to walk away. you don't want your kid (kids? i can't remember what you said) thinking this is an ok way for people to treat each other.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
    I would think the answer is obvious. Sure, ending it won't be easy, but you'll be better off.

    I am at the same cross roads, though for different reasons...It's hard to shut your heart off, though. In the long run, though...and these are talks I give myself, too....What example of a relationship do you want your children to have? It's what is tipping the balance for me...
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
    Nah, no need to reply to someone that has no idea what i really look like. i am in no way FAT. This is my problem with men. You all can go out on the beach looking like you are 15 months pregnant but a woman has to be stick thin and sickly looking for anyone to think she looks attractive? Ridiculous!
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
    That is my husband in the pic
  • toadg53
    toadg53 Posts: 302 Member
    I ended my marriage after 26 years. That was 7 years ago. I found out some really bad stuff about my ex and that was that. But in retrospect, I could see that I should have done it years before. I went to therapy after just to get things straight in my head and she said that so many stay in bad marriages, and just don't really see the totality of the bad. Don't look at the incidents as separate things. Look at them all over the years or even over the last 6 months. I think you'll probably realize that his actions have escalated. I hope you don't look back 10 or 15 or 20 years from now, and say to yourself .... God, if only I had left. Or heaven forbid, you stay and he continues to escalate and he really hurts you or worse. My vote (and I know it's not up for ballot) is to end it. You and your child will be just fine. You don't want to subject your child to witness that either.
  • AnotherXFitGuy
    AnotherXFitGuy Posts: 58 Member
    I am not the type to ever say "get a divorce." But in this case, get the freaking divorce.

    This!!!

    And be careful about letting your emotions get you involved in another relationship...it's the last thing you need right now. Remember, a guy who will kiss you while you are still married will kiss someone else while married to you.

    I don't envy you and wish you the best.
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    Don't look at the incidents as separate things. Look at them all over the years or even over the last 6 months. I think you'll probably realize that his actions have escalated.

    Good suggestion. It is easy to think of each bad incident as separate but it's all part of one big relationship.

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