Letting Friends Disagree
Replies
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Disagreements are not necessarily negative, but how people handle it can certainly be. A mentor told me to always assume your spouse has the best of intentions. I think this would apply to friendships, as well. If you are friends with someone, I think that is a judgment that the person is a good natured person, so even in an argument you need to assume they are still that same person.
If someone crossed a line, hopefully they are good natured enough to admit it and apologize.
And unless you are willing to take a permanent side, it's best to stay neutral, because it feels like a permanent choice to the one left unchosen.
I agree with this.
I agree, in most cases.
Yeah, not in all cases. Only when it applies.
Yeah, not all cases. If there is abuse or manipulation then obviously the person is not usually good natured and steps need to be taken to protect yourself. And you have to ask yourself why you are allowing them entrance into your life in the first place. But it takes a careful judgment as to whether the person is good natured and having a bad moment or generally bad natured with the occasional good moment for show.
Yes, I agree!! Most of the time the people are the same good natured people they have always been, and trusting that and giving the benefit of the doubt is what friendship is. But, sometimes we find out someone was not who we thought they were.
And online it's not that serious. To unfriend or whatever is just casual. It doesn't mean something serious.0 -
Disagreements are not necessarily negative, but how people handle it can certainly be. A mentor told me to always assume your spouse has the best of intentions. I think this would apply to friendships, as well. If you are friends with someone, I think that is a judgment that the person is a good natured person, so even in an argument you need to assume they are still that same person.
If someone crossed a line, hopefully they are good natured enough to admit it and apologize.
And unless you are willing to take a permanent side, it's best to stay neutral, because it feels like a permanent choice to the one left unchosen.
I agree with this.
I agree, in most cases.
Yeah, not in all cases. Only when it applies.
Yeah, not all cases. If there is abuse or manipulation then obviously the person is not usually good natured and steps need to be taken to protect yourself. And you have to ask yourself why you are allowing them entrance into your life in the first place. But it takes a careful judgment as to whether the person is good natured and having a bad moment or generally bad natured with the occasional good moment for show.
Yes, I agree!! Most of the time the people are the same good natured people they have always been, and trusting that and giving the benefit of the doubt is what friendship is. But, sometimes we find out someone was not who we thought they were.
And online it's not that serious. To unfriend or whatever is just casual. It doesn't mean something serious.
True enough about online stuff. Now I do believe we are standing in the way of a jello wrestle, so I will take my leave.
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Let's go!I heard there was jello wrestling here...
You, me, and cherry jello whipped crap parfait!
I am down! Who wants to wrestle the winner?
*looks about*
*raises hand*
Me next! But only cherry jello. None of this lime crap.0 -
Also available to be put in the middle.0 -
But what if I like conflict?0
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But what if I like conflict?
Just hop right into the jello0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?
At least IRL, I think a good friend is the one that will tell us to "cool it" rather than egging us on.
That, and on here, there are very few important issues. Debates about nutrition? Sure. Vitally important issues? I'm having trouble coming up with much, at least anything that anyone on here honestly wants to actually touch when those threads do crop up.0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?
At least IRL, I think a good friend is the one that will tell us to "cool it" rather than egging us on.
That, and on here, there are very few important issues. Debates about nutrition? Sure. Vitally important issues? I'm having trouble coming up with much, at least anything that anyone on here honestly wants to actually touch when those threads do crop up.
I agree. When people egg things on, it doesn't help anything. There's a lot of value in encouraging people to step back and cool off a bit. Senseless fighting doesn't help anything.0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?
This is an interesting viewpoint. If two 'friends' are disagreeing and one friend pulls you into something are both friends actually at fault? Afterall, friend B can't stop friend A from trying to yank in outsiders, right? So in cases where one feels pressure to pick sides...would is not make sense to consider why you're being made to pick in the first place.
Interesting thoughts indeed.0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?
This is an interesting viewpoint. If two 'friends' are disagreeing and one friend pulls you into something are both friends actually at fault? Afterall, friend B can't stop friend A from trying to yank in outsiders, right? So in cases where one feels pressure to pick sides...would is not make sense to consider why you're being made to pick in the first place.
Interesting thoughts indeed.
I think if someone is pulling you in then you need think about why and whether it's truly justified. I'd argue that it rarely is justified.0 -
I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.
I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.
Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?
Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?0 -
I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.
It isn't very pleasant.
It isn't fun.
If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.
When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?
This is an interesting viewpoint. If two 'friends' are disagreeing and one friend pulls you into something are both friends actually at fault? Afterall, friend B can't stop friend A from trying to yank in outsiders, right? So in cases where one feels pressure to pick sides...would is not make sense to consider why you're being made to pick in the first place.
Interesting thoughts indeed.
I think if someone is pulling you in then you need think about why and whether it's truly justified. I'd argue that it rarely is justified.
I agree0 -
i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.
escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.
*pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE0 -
I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.
I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.
Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?
Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?
Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.0 -
I have no idea what's going on...
...but it sounds fascinating.
In totally unrelated news...
...I found junior high fascinating too.0 -
i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.
escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.
*pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE
I still say what we need is VIRTUAL JELLO and I'm a tad disappointed that I'm still the only one to have posted a gif in here. Just saying.0 -
"you happy now, _____?"
-Bunk Moreland0 -
i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.
escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.
*pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE
I still say what we need is VIRTUAL JELLO and I'm a tad disappointed that I'm still the only one to have posted a gif in here. Just saying.
Post an off-topic gif in a non-CCF&G thread?
You have some kind of forum death wish?
:huh:0 -
i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.
escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.
*pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE
When I said I like the conflict I was told to get into the jello pool. Equality being equal I demand you also get in the jello pool. We wrestle at dawn!0 -
Are there donuts in this thread?
Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.0 -
Wrestle in a big pile of marshmallows. Like fluffy little clouds.0
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I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.
I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.
Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?
Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?
Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.
If I think one of my friends is treating another of my friends in a ****ty manner, I feel a responsibility to say something about it.
My example was not intended to equate these things. The initial caveat was not "evocative" but "overstated". It just didn't really fit semantically.0 -
Are there donuts in this thread?
Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.
I would bite the ear off a donut0 -
Hmmm, not big on jello, what about creme brule? Cuz I b classy. Plus, the shards of glazed sugar could be used as shanks.0
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Are there donuts in this thread?
Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.
I would bite the ear off a donut
That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.0 -
Are there donuts in this thread?
Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.
I would bite the ear off a donut
That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.
0 -
Hmmm, not big on jello, what about creme brule? Cuz I b classy. Plus, the shards of glazed sugar could be used as shanks.
I'm pretty sure any dessert will do. The Great Creme Brulee Bruhaha of 2014? Maybe we need a Flan Fight?0 -
I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.
I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.
Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?
Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?
Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.
If I think one of my friends is treating another of my friends in a ****ty manner, I feel a responsibility to say something about it.
My example was not intended to equate these things. The initial caveat was not "evocative" but "overstated". It just didn't really fit semantically.
Sure, I think sometimes if someone is being an *kitten* it's worthwhile saying "hey, you're being an *kitten*." Then again, it's often wise to let two people realize for themselves that they're bickering over something inconsequential and let them figure it out and come to their senses. It avoids escalation. But hey, if there's jello (or, creme brulee I suppose) in the room, by all means.0 -
Are there donuts in this thread?
Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.
I would bite the ear off a donut
That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.
:laugh:0
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