Letting Friends Disagree

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  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.

    It isn't very pleasant.

    It isn't fun.

    If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.

    When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?

    This is an interesting viewpoint. If two 'friends' are disagreeing and one friend pulls you into something are both friends actually at fault? Afterall, friend B can't stop friend A from trying to yank in outsiders, right? So in cases where one feels pressure to pick sides...would is not make sense to consider why you're being made to pick in the first place.


    Interesting thoughts indeed.

    I think if someone is pulling you in then you need think about why and whether it's truly justified. I'd argue that it rarely is justified.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.

    I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.

    Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?

    Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    I have been there. Both putting myself between and being thrown between.

    It isn't very pleasant.

    It isn't fun.

    If I do it, it's on me. My choice to get in the fight. I don't do it often, but sometimes there's an important reason.

    When I find myself getting pulled into a disagreement, I ask myself who is pulling me into this situation, and exactly why are they doing it. Why do they feel a need to put me in this situation? What is their motivation for dragging me into this mess?

    This is an interesting viewpoint. If two 'friends' are disagreeing and one friend pulls you into something are both friends actually at fault? Afterall, friend B can't stop friend A from trying to yank in outsiders, right? So in cases where one feels pressure to pick sides...would is not make sense to consider why you're being made to pick in the first place.


    Interesting thoughts indeed.

    I think if someone is pulling you in then you need think about why and whether it's truly justified. I'd argue that it rarely is justified.

    I agree
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.

    escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.

    *pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.

    I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.

    Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?

    Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?

    Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I have no idea what's going on...

    ...but it sounds fascinating.





    In totally unrelated news...

    ...I found junior high fascinating too.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.

    escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.

    *pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE

    I still say what we need is VIRTUAL JELLO and I'm a tad disappointed that I'm still the only one to have posted a gif in here. Just saying.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    20080509_jello6_25.jpg




    "you happy now, _____?"

    -Bunk Moreland
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.

    escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.

    *pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE

    I still say what we need is VIRTUAL JELLO and I'm a tad disappointed that I'm still the only one to have posted a gif in here. Just saying.

    Post an off-topic gif in a non-CCF&G thread?

    You have some kind of forum death wish?

    :huh:
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    i totally agree about not picking sides. but i don't think you should just stay out of it. not all all.

    escalate things. instigate even greater conflict. get your "friends" riled up until they are prepared to fight to the death. then come behind them and collect their cookies and ice cream and tablets and Galaxy Notes. the forums are too crowded anyway, plus "friends" that would draw you into their petty personal conflicts can go get bit. literally. in a cage.

    *pokes thru personal belongings of friends while they are otherwise distracted by VIRTUAL FIGHTS with VIRTUAL PEOPLE

    When I said I like the conflict I was told to get into the jello pool. Equality being equal I demand you also get in the jello pool. We wrestle at dawn!
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    Are there donuts in this thread?

    Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Wrestle in a big pile of marshmallows. Like fluffy little clouds.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.

    I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.

    Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?

    Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?

    Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.

    If I think one of my friends is treating another of my friends in a ****ty manner, I feel a responsibility to say something about it.

    My example was not intended to equate these things. The initial caveat was not "evocative" but "overstated". It just didn't really fit semantically.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    Are there donuts in this thread?

    Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.

    I would bite the ear off a donut
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    Hmmm, not big on jello, what about creme brule? Cuz I b classy. Plus, the shards of glazed sugar could be used as shanks.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Are there donuts in this thread?

    Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.

    I would bite the ear off a donut

    That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Options
    Are there donuts in this thread?

    Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.

    I would bite the ear off a donut

    That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.

    :angry:
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Options
    Hmmm, not big on jello, what about creme brule? Cuz I b classy. Plus, the shards of glazed sugar could be used as shanks.

    I'm pretty sure any dessert will do. The Great Creme Brulee Bruhaha of 2014? Maybe we need a Flan Fight?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Options
    I prefer to both grind and wield my own axes, and would almost universally prefer friends stay out of my disagreements -- unless they were somehow already party.

    I feel a sense of duty to stand beside -- or in opposition -- to friends if circumstances merit.

    Beach if you could clarify; I think I understand that you are saying the circumstances here seldom warrant. However in general if by my inaction I endorse the actions of another, and in my tacit endorsement stand to lose a friend, I feel I ought act. It's an undeniably evocative comparison, but if I stand there while one friend physically attacks another friend unprovoked, am I not already forced to choose a side?

    Is it better to privately denounce despite public silence? Or not to denounce at all even when your feelings are unambiguous?

    Yes, I am saying that on here circumstances seldom warrant action. What I often see are very minor disagreements over inconsequential subjects being spun out of control by people getting involved (or asking others to get involved) and making it more than it is. I would no more compare the events on MFP to physical attacks than I would such events to bullying.

    If I think one of my friends is treating another of my friends in a ****ty manner, I feel a responsibility to say something about it.

    My example was not intended to equate these things. The initial caveat was not "evocative" but "overstated". It just didn't really fit semantically.

    Sure, I think sometimes if someone is being an *kitten* it's worthwhile saying "hey, you're being an *kitten*." Then again, it's often wise to let two people realize for themselves that they're bickering over something inconsequential and let them figure it out and come to their senses. It avoids escalation. But hey, if there's jello (or, creme brulee I suppose) in the room, by all means.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Are there donuts in this thread?

    Not yet, but they could be. I would wrestle in a pile of donuts, or perhaps challenge someone I disagree with to a race through a donut obstacle course.

    I would bite the ear off a donut

    That's just stupid. Donuts don't have ears. Besides, it's doughnut.

    :angry:

    :laugh:

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