Nagging about saving money for IVF

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  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.

    You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.

    Anyway.

    It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?

    I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.

    That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).

    I need a cute cat gif.

    :drinker: :cry:

    Cheers!

    h976ECFC7_zps1c4f90f9.jpeg
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Makes a statement, promptly refuses to defend it.

    Mmkay then, on to business as usual:

    giphy.gif

    HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS GIF BEFORE????



    Focus people, this is awesome.
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    akl66.jpg
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?

    People seriously think this way? I hope you accidentally have one so you will know the truth behind children. Tbe only pure love you will ever feel is for and from your children. Its the most anazing feeling, so amazing it can't be described with words. All 3 of my children were planned.

    Cool story bro

    "I hope you accidently destroy your life, because I like children"
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
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    TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.

    You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.

    Anyway.

    It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?

    I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.

    That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).

    I need a cute cat gif.

    It's a fair point, but there is a big difference between "she needs to take his ball out of her purse" and "he needs to grow a pair."
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.

    Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    My husband and I have separate bank accounts and a joint account. Some people think it's strange to have different accounts but I see nothing wrong with that. We split the bills 50/50 (we make roughly the same salary. We make our own decisions about our money. If he or I want to spend money on something for ourselves that's fine as long as bills are covered. We each work hard to make our money and don't feel the need to have a say in what the other does with it. When we have a big expense such as buying our house, vacations, Xmas etc. we talk about how much to save and do it. Sometimes one saves more than the other but it works for us. I have found usually that if one is doing better at saving it motivates the other to save more. So maybe you could start saving on your own and that may motivate him. We've been together over 10 years and it works well for us.

    A counselor might get to the bottom of things. You may want to consider that he could be scared or hesitant about having a baby even if he wants one and is sabotaging the saving subconsciously. Being scared or hesitant is normal and honestly I think it would be abnormal if someone wasn't a little scared of making such a big life change. It's like wanting to lose weight but still eating too much. Eating too much doesn't mean you don't want to lose weight it just means you have to make better choices if you want it. I don't think $100 a week is excessive but it could be cut down if you two chose to. You could also look at other options to cut back expenses. For example my family recently got rid of our cable TV and got Amazon Fire TV with Hulu & Netflix. It saves around $75 per month and after a week we didn't miss the cable.


    Good luck.
    Thank you for your post. I think I've cut back on as much expenses as possible now. Lol. I've lowered our internet on our phones, talked to the cable company, ect. I would love to get rid of t.v. but we have a contract with them and my husband likes to watch his sports.....:( If it was up to me, Netflix would be sufficient.

    So this ^^ tells me about all I need to know. You really really want a baby...your husband may say he really really wants a baby, but he either doesn't or he doesn't get that it will require sticking to a more stringent budget or he doesn't care and thinks you will make up for it in some magical way. He isn't willing to give up the sports channel? Did you know he can watch most of his sports through the internet, through his playstation or xbox? We don't have cable. I watch the sports in our house and most of them I can watch through a browser on our gaming system, or on our computer which I can connect to our large flat screen television. It sounds to me like he is not willing to give up some of his creature comforts and luxuries to make what you say is a joint dream come true. My recommendation would be a long conversation with him about goals, and some honest communication about how his spending makes you feel and then a few sessions with a fertility counselor / couples therapist. I know the heartache of not being able to conceive, and I feel for you. Good Luck!
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.

    Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!

    Oh I like you
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
    Options
    TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.

    Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!

    I KNEW I MISSED ONE! this is why you're my future sister wife.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Options
    Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.

    You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.

    Anyway.

    It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?

    I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.

    That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).

    I need a cute cat gif.

    It's a fair point, but there is a big difference between "she needs to take his ball out of her purse" and "he needs to grow a pair."

    I'm going to need a diagram and a copy of "Philosophical Investigations" for this one.
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    super-cool-ski-instructor-meme-generator-if-you-have-children-you-re-gonna-have-a-bad-time-0ec1bc.png
  • dtban
    dtban Posts: 111 Member
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    OP I inboxed you :)
  • dtban
    dtban Posts: 111 Member
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    So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?
  • warriorprincessdi
    warriorprincessdi Posts: 617 Member
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    So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?


    Well, as I was told by my father several times growing up; I was an accident, and I ruined his life.... I just took his word for it. Kids are bad m'kay?
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?

    I have never sat down to eat a pie made of crap either, doesn't mean I know its not for me
  • dtban
    dtban Posts: 111 Member
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    So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?


    Well, as I was told by my father several times growing up; I was an accident, and I ruined his life.... I just took his word for it. Kids are bad m'kay?

    I'm sorry he said that to you, no kid should hear that. My parents were *kitten* to me too. You weren't a bad kid, he was a bad parent
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
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    So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?

    Have you ever jumped off a 30 story building?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.

    Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!

    Oh I like you

    Don't get attached b/c I definitely don't like you.
  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,277 Member
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    Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?

    People seriously think this way? I hope you accidentally have one so you will know the truth behind children. Tbe only pure love you will ever feel is for and from your children. Its the most anazing feeling, so amazing it can't be described with words. All 3 of my children were planned.
    You can also feel the exact same love for an adopted child.

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